MeganA

Here are my latest photos

It’s been an amazing journey of many highs and some pretty low lows. I wouldn’t trade a second of it for anything. I am a new person because of my band. Looking back, it really was the decision that I was worthwhile enough to take care of my health and sanity that changed my life. I was researching the bypass when I remembered seeing something on the news a year or so ago about this “band”. It didn’t take me long to discover the alternative to dissecting my stomach and forever changing the landscape of my digestive system. I was in the right place at the right time and all it took was one phone call and I was considered for the FDA trials for a new type of band in the US- the Swedish Lap Band. From the time I called the surgeon’s office to the date of surgery was only two weeks. My surgery was free. My follow up is free. I understand how huge this is, now that I have read other’s stories of sacrifice. I know that I was simply lucky. There is no other explanation. I steeled myself by researching everything I could about it and the other types of bands. I learned quickly the pros and cons and I decided that the positives far outweighed the negatives- with bypass or staying fat. I was still terrified of what would happen. I still am sometimes. I don't know what it's like to shop in a regular store or get a bunch of attention for my appearance. I am a slow loser- but having never been thin in all my life, I think this is the way it was supposed to happen to me. I have time to adjust to this new body. I have time to adjust to the way that people treat me; the way I treat myself. Everything has changed. I am no longer the same person. Yes, I still have the same morals and values; I still have the same heart that beats in my body and in my soul. But I have changed. I have stopped beating myself up for simply being me. I have stopped those tapes that told me over and over again that I was a failure and I’d never amount to anything. I have changed those tapes to say things like "so, you didn't make the best decision, you'll do better next time". I have become more compassionate and considerate of others and their struggles. I think I was always so tightly wound up in my own pain that it left little room to truly feel the pain that others feel. I also have become much more compassionate with myself. I have discovered that confidence really does make your eyes twinkle and your skin radiant. Good skin care products don’t hurt- but before I wouldn’t have spent the money on them because I didn’t think I deserved them. "Ha", is what I say now. I deserve the best. My relationship with food is drastically different. When I have good restriction, food is a bothersome necessity. I’m too busy to eat. When I don’t have good restriction, the demon is back and from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed I obsess over what I will eat next. I’ve asked Penni to help me post some pictures. I still haven’t figured out how. That’s another thing I’ve changed- I can ask for help now. I know that I can’t do everything myself. I know that I am not perfect and no longer expect that from myself. Dating is a whole new struggle now. Many of you have read my stories on here of love and loss…and I still have so much to learn. I fall easily and fast…and I am working on why and how to slow down. I have learned that “this guy” isn’t the last guy in the world that is going to show me attention- there are plenty more out there. When I was heaviest I would put up with horrendous treatment just so I wouldn’t feel alone. I would compromise my feelings and needs (and safety) so I wouldn’t be left. What I now realize is that I am a whole person without a guy in my life. And I am a much better partner and friend because I am whole. I also am a lot more fun, that’s for sure! I just can’t say enough about the changes in my life. If you are a newbie to all of this- know that *you* are worth the journey. If you are just recently banded- know that it will get easier. If you’re a year or so out- know that there will come a day when you are too busy thinking about your life that you forget you have a band and you take a HUGE bite and you are quickly reminded. Habits form, and they make up a whole new life. I’ll stop pontificating now. If you are still reading, thank you. I have found that telling my story is freeing. It also is a way that I can use the pain that I used to feel everyday about myself to help others. I also can see how far I have come and Celebrate where I will be in another year. Thanks to all of you for your support the last two years. I couldn’t have done it without you. Megan

Now you get it! I'm happy for you. And remember, restriction can change as you lose weight. Try to remember what this feeling feels like so when you start to notice it changing you go in and get a fill ASAP! Megan

Kim- Thanks for the congrats on two years. I'll post a thread about it, and hopefully include some new photos in the next few days. My fill is perfect! I don't have that constant feeling that I need to eat, and I can eat about a 1/4 to 1/2 a cup and I'm satisfied. Getting a fill was the right thing to do. I've already dropped a few pounds so I'm thrilled. Fills Rule Megan

I remember this feeling well. I couldn't feel that anything had changed, yet it also felt like *everything* had. I decided I needed a physical representation of what had gone on inside my body so I bought a charm bracelet to wear every day. Ever time I lost ten pounds I would by a new charm for my bracelet- a charm that represented how I felt about those ten pounds. Once it was an airplane- for it felt like a journey, another time it was a bottle of wine charm- for when I felt like I needed to take time to get used to things. The first time I got something stuck I all of a sudden had another feeling inside me and I didn't feel like I needed the charm bracelet anymore. I still have it, with five charms on it. Megan

I'm here, I'm here. I got a fill. .75 cc's. I can already feel that I'm way more restricted. Here's hoping it works! Megan

To fill or not to fill... I need some advice from some fellow turtles. I'm scheduled for another fill tomorrow but am really re-thinking it. I'm fairly restricted now- that means I can eat but have to follow the rules and I'm fine. If I drink with meals I can eat much more, so in the last week I have really tried to kick that habit and the scale moved a couple of pounds. It seems like I am losing the same 4-5 over and over. I'm supposed to get a fill tomorrow but am worried that I'm so close to the sweet spot that it wouldn't be hard to go over...but I'm also tired of not losing any more. ARGGG. I don't want to waste my or my doctor's time. I should add that my doctor is very, very busy so if I don't get a fill tomorrow it may be two months before I can see him again. But then again, maybe just not drinking with meals will help? Ideas? Megan

I'll try to explain, but know that everyone is different. Full: I'm disinterested in the rest of my food. I feel warm in my belly. I'm satisfied but not sick. This feeling sticks around for a while. Gas: Gas feels like a lot of pressure pressing against my stomach. I usually feel a little sick to my stomach but it goes away after a little bit. Restriction: If you're refering to something being stuck or the pouch being too full- I feel that in my throat. It feels like there is a ball of food stuck there. It doesn't hurt until my esophogus decides that it needs to contract to try to move it down but can't because my stoma is little. Once it moves through the stoma, I'm usually hungry again. Being stuck is not the same as being full. That's why those hard Proteins are crucial to staying full longer. Right now, follow your doctors rules and just take note of the new sensations. You'll figure it out as you go. Great question, and I'm sure others will describe things they feel as well. Megan

I love the flip, I love the color, and I love your outfit. You look terrific and healthy and glowing. I'm jealous that you're so damn tall. Oh, and that you have a hot husband. You look fantastic. Megan

About a year ago I got a fill and got the flu right after. My doctor recommended Prilosec OTC to help calm my stomach down. What you may be feeling is the result of acid and then inflamation. Get some Prilosec and do cream Soups that will flow through the stoma easier. This is the only thing that helps me when I get the flu or really overeat and make my band crazy. Sorry to hear you feel icky. I'm glad to hear that today you're a little better. Keep us posted and don't let anyone take out that band!!! Megan

Welcome everyone! It's so fun to see some fellow Minnesotan's here. Thanks for the kind words, SuperDaddy (when I first read your name I thought it said "SugarDaddy" and I got so excited!) I am going in for another fill tomorrow afternoon...this will be my eighth so far. The lapband takes patience and perseverence. Sometimes I have an overabundance of both, sometimes I am sorely lacking in both. But, it's forgiving and always there. Once again, welcome! Megan

Sounds to me like the flu. My band hurts sometimes when food scrapes through it. I was just curious to see if that was what you were talking to. Megan

When you say sore- what do you mean? Where is it sore? Is it only sore when you eat? Tell me more. Megan

Babs- Great idea about locking the thread. I think an even better idea is that everyone stops responding to Nykee. Obviously there is some serious mental illness going on here and until she's willing to get help, there is nothing we can do. It seems to me that it is a very sad situation. At this point it doesn't appear that Nykee can be rational. The only bright light in this situation is that if she really is losing weight at this rate, the band will loosen on it's own as she loses fat around her stomach. Thanks to everyone who tried to help. It's a testament to how caring and supportive this board can be. Megan

I named my band Donali after our very own Donali. When she lost her band due to erosion I decided that I would name it after her so I would remember her story and never take my band for granted.

Great list :-) My no-no's... * Drinking water with meals. I know this is why the scale has stopped moving * No exercise. * Not getting a fill when I know I need one and needlessly going months without any weightloss * Expecting my band to do all the work for me * Not buying clothes that fit me- how can anyone tell I've lost weight if I'm still wearing clothes from 30 pounds ago? * Obsessing about my caloric intake * Eating everying *but* protein first I hope people use this list for good instead of evil :-) Megan

What Kathy (she's so wise!) said...and I have to add- stop drinking soda. NOW. Make it a goal today not to drink any. Make the same goal tomorrow and the next day and the next day and pretty soon you won't even think about it. Once you get to a level of good restriction you can seriously hurt yourself. I drank a diet pepsi once and was miserable for three hours with gas pains. NOT WORTH IT! For a treat about once a month I open a diet rootbeer and let it go flat in the fridge. That is my one soda splurge. Rootbeer still tastes creamy and yummy without the carbonation. To me, you look like a big success so far! Now you just fine tune things and you're on your way. Megan

I couldn't find the other recent dating threads, and I'm still in recovery from a late night so I just decided to start another one. It was easier before I lost weight. Easier, not more enjoyable or fun or exciting. Easier. I didn't have to put myself out there- face rejection, have to reject someone else, or make an effort. I was too fat even for most of the guys who like the bigger girls. I knew this, and it was safe. Last night I went out with a couple of girl friends to our favorite bar. This bar is seriously magic for me. I never dance alone here. I saw this man from across the bar and felt....something. So my friends and I mingled our way over in his general direction. I stood right behind him with the guise of watching the band. He looked down at me (he must have been 6'6") and I smiled, and he smiled...and I felt it. I don't know what it was but WOW. Then I looked down and saw the shimmering glint of a wedding ring. Ahhh shit. Another married guy. Anyway, because we were standing so close, we started to talking to him and his friends. He put his hand on the small of my back (watch out!! There's fat there!!! AHHHHH) and moved me so I could stand in front of him so I could see the band better. We spent the rest of the night with him and his friends. We danced and talked and I had a blast. I knew he was married so I didn't have to impress him or hope that he liked me. That part is freeing and I have to remember this when I meet a single guy. But this guy had eyes I wanted to look into forever. He was kind and sweet and when he kissed me on the cheek goodbye, he squeezed my hand and told me I was lovely. The way he looked at me told me I wasn't alone in what I felt. Anyway...I can't get this guy out of my head. I can't get the fact that the last few times I've gone out I've been hit on HARD by married guys. I was never put in this position before. I never had to choose between right and wrong and good karma or bad. This is hard. I crave the attention but know I must do the right thing. I know I must wake up tomorrow alone, again. Before surgery my loneliness level was pretty steady. I didn't have a lot of suiters...oh, I had some nibblers but nobody I would want to date seriously. Now my level of lonliness has high peaks and low valleys. I know how great it feels to have someone pay all of this attention to you and then be left with out it. I don't know if I'm making any sense. I wouldn't trade the attention for anything. Like I said, it was *easier* before I lost weight and found a new sense of self...not more fun. Now I have to take a shower and wash the smell of booze off my skin...maybe the Water will also wash away the way I felt for someone else's husband. Megan

I need a truckload of these "pheromones". Where can I buy them, where can I buy them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been dating disgruntled lately. Seems I'm good at attracting guys that I am not attracted to, and excellent at repelling those I am. Megan

isn't it so fun? I got some chicks for my birthday in April and they started laying about a month ago. Only problem is, I don't know what to do with all the darn eggs! I only named the roosters so far. The nice one is Buck Buck and the mean one is Mean Rooster. I just call all the hens Henrietta. I think I'm going to get a couple of ducks next spring. I've even thought of getting an incubator so I can hatch babies. But I'm a single girl and I have to be careful not to cross the line of 'crazy chicken lady'. Megan

Nykee- I'm sorry but I don't think you can do it. I think you paid $12,000 and it won't work for you. You aren't a success. You can't learn to eat differently. You won't do what it takes. You are right about yourself. THIS IS BULLSHIT. I'm done talking to you because all you say is "can't", "won't", etc. You don't want to hear tips/etc. You want to bitch. That is just fine. I misunderstood that you wanted help. Even though YOU don't think you can do it, I still do. I am unwavering in my support of your ability. Megan

OH VINES! I'm so glad that you are here... I have to agree with your therapist. The more I count calories and obess about my band, the worse I feel and the more I eat. I've given up the idea that I'm going to be down a hundred pounds in a year like other people. You know why, cause there are others out there who are down 20 in a year. It's all relative. When I've given up the fight is actually when I gain the most emotionally. I sometimes think that all that calorie counting and mumbo jumbo about food is actually me trying to avoid some emotional growth. I can control what I put in my mouth, but can't what I feel in my heart. Give yourself a band vacation. Eat whatever the hell you want for a few weeks. Stop when you feel full. Make pretty decent choices. My guess is that you won't gain a single pound- but you will feel healthier mentally. You should be very proud of yourself. Megan

Nykee- Expectation is the greatest source of suffering. - Buddha. What you want doesn't exist. Your band will never be uniformly restricting. Get used to the idea. You can stomp your feet and say you can't all you want but this fact is not going to change. If you haven't moved on to normal food than you are not using your band as intended. I understand you are scared, but you have to try real food. Uniform restriction isn't going to change anything for you if you don't. M

Nykee.. Give me an example of what/when you eat throught the day. Maybe this will help me understand better. Megan

After two years, I feel all sorts of things now. I can feel food falling through the band. I can feel Water pool and then drain. I feel the band tighten when I get a fill. I can feel if I'm overfilled almost immediately...then I see it on the flouro and I'm always right. Apparently we have all sorts of nerves in our stomach that go unused or maybe they just get more sensitive with all the new activity in their region? Megan