CowgirlJane

We are shaped by our parents, but we can get past that...that is my dream. My dad was a f*ing nightmare, but I genuinely believe he tried very hard to be better than HIS parents. i strive to be better than mine... or at least make different mistakes. I recognize that much of the "angst" in my life was passed on from my dear and very beloved mama. I hope i didn't share the same affliction with my sons. as young adults, I have tried to tell them that sometimes when I am overly intense, it is a manifestation of my anxiety... and I am sorry... I can't always manage it perfectly. I feel like if I can name it, it takes some power away and helps them roll with it a bit more. My oldest moved back home and we are going through a period of adjustment... I will write more about this later.., This is so selfish, but they are both planning to move to Portland..yeah for them.. this is the time of life to do that. I have one regret in life and that is that I didn't use my 20s to live life a bit, and I want them to do this!... but sad for me. OMG... what am i going to do when I am truly alone?

ya know, I was thrilled, estatic and felt HAWT at 158, but now that I have been at 140, i feel fat at 145. The brain is stupid sometimes. Florinda i have seen your pix, you are cute and sexy just how you are! Love thyself and embrace your self right now. If I could write a letter to myself at your age, that is exactly what i would say. {{hugs}}

No problem with hydration. It is harder the first say 2 months, but after that most of us have no problems at all. I am very active. I lost over 160#. Excercise tone muscles which makes you look better and TIME helps skin shrink some, so the two really help... but let's not be dellusional, exercise does not shrink skin. If someone can find me scientific research that shows exercise shrinks skin... I would love to see it... When I was much younger I lost like 65# and had zero excess skin. Losing 160# in my late 40s was a bit of a different story, after decades of obesity. so, post sleeve, my excess skin wasn't that bad until about the last 30-40# weight loss... so one solution is to stay a little higher weight. But trust me, if you go from 308 to 140, there is skin for two people and it is noticable. It is a good problem to have though compared to obesity!!!

i have a Kindle Fire HDX I think is the right code. WL says same problem with a different device... it is maddening. I also can't seem to edit my posts anymore via a kindle, but maybe I was just hung up, not sure.

For those of us who had a lot of extra skin, one reason for a lower body lift is to eliminate the dog ear risk. but, sounds like they are fixable!

Thanks Alex, what is going on with the invisible typing from the kindle? It didn't used to be like that.

I will be 3 years out in December. I have been maintaining for awhile. I still think "Protein first" but i have shifted my focus to ensuring veggies every meal. Example, i make an egg beaters omelette many mornings.. I start with sauteed veggies. I often have a salad for lunch, with lots of different veggies, not just lettuce - topped with tuna or chicken or something. Snacks are often protein because i find them more satiating than a celery stick.... I can have a piece of nitrate free turkey sandwich meat with a bit of tomato and feel "satisfied" for quite awhile. dinner, well, it is mostly protein and a green veggie type thing like a salad or green Beans, or brussel sprouts, or cauliflower or something. Anyway, I do think we need a lot of veggies and I seldom suffer from constipation or anything like that. My protein is based around fish, other seafood, Protein drinks, sandwich meat (not the best due to sodium, but handy) and some chicken and beef. I tolerate all foods, it is more of a convenience and preference thing.

I know you didn't ask... but I wouldn't date yet. I know that sounds kinda weird, but losing massive weight creates all sorts of changes. I had a lot to loss - 160# plus - and I need to focus on it to get there. My friends and i joke - dating is fattening! I regained 5# last summer when i did start dating. (I have since lost it and a bit more, so no worries, but just a word of caution) I am almost 3 years out and I really dont like to go on big dinner dates even now. I do not choose to tell casual dates about my WLS but i do tell them that i need to eat light to maintain my weight and health. The guys I prefer totally get that and it has generally not been a problem since they tend to be fit/lean types. I often eat a fancy small dinner salad with perhaps a shrimp skewer... I like to order ala carte or off the appetizer menu. If it is with a close friend, we share meals, but a date I wouldn't do that. I love small quantities of wonderful food. I did see someone this last spring for a few weeks who was a food pusher and I kinda realized that was one of many reasons to not keep seeing him. He made me feel uncomfortable if i didn't eat a big meal with him.

I have the app on my phone and the version I have works okay except you can't see signatures and profiles and I really feel like I miss out. It is also slower for me to type on my phone. I post from the browser on my kindle - so I can see siggies and profiles etc. but it is becoming a nightmare. If I start a post, I can't see what I am typing. i have to post something and then reply to it, so then I can see what I am typing. I can't seem to edit a post when I do the post preview thing. I don't remember it behaving this way before, but very frustrating. I also have an old laptop, which works fine.... but isn't always handy for me. I really wish that the site was more compatible with my "mobile" devices.

Oh, I dress to please myself. I love looking polished, it makes me feel good. I don't actually care what others think but I am just being a realist about what image I might be projecting...

I am curious, why doesn't the surgeon do the followup? Why would a sleeve patient do barium swallow? I love my primary care doc, but she is an ARNP not a an MD so not sure everyone would be comfy with that. She is in the Bothell/Mill Creek area.

I am nearly 3 years post op, and am maintaining an approx 160# loss. I guess you don't get to be the size of two full grown men without there being some "issues" involved, right? Last summer, I was hooked on caffeine big time and was exercising alot. I made goal in Feb 2013 so you can imagine I was feeling like maintaining was a newborn baby that required alot of attention. I didn't exercise to an unhealthy amount, but my motivation was to burn off the anxiety I was feeling.. that is the unhealthy part. I think that when we contemplate our own behaviors, it is the emotions that drive it, and the impact on our lives that determine if it is healthy or not. I used to shop alot at discount stores etc but I didn't spend much and I could afford it. I wasn't addicted, it was more like I marveled that clothes actually looked good on me!!! IT was a novelty. Now, I am like "eh" not so interesting. I don't consider my little blip of being a regular visitor at Ross, TJ Maxx etc as an addiction, but rather a passing phase for me. I have dialed back on both caffeine and exercise considerably... the word addiction means different things to different people so I hesitate to use it, but what I seek is balance and a fullfilling life. I am a work in process, but one of the things I "watch" is what to do with my excess energy. Lately, I have been going to just being active, and less interested in doing boot camps, hard core spinning workouts and stuff. Like, I go dancing which is a bit of exercise AND social. IT makes me feel good, but it doesn't feel like I NEED to do it. When i come home from a night out listening to live music and dancing - which is probably 2-4 times a month (and having zero to 2 drinks depending on the situation and length of evening etc - I never drive buzzed so alot of factors) I feel GREAT. And I feel great the next day, it is like something is being fullfilled. since getting to goal, i feel myself moving up the masloves needs triangle. Now that my basic needs of decent health and fitness is addressed, I seek more from life. I realize that cannot be filled from the outside, but rather from within and I see it as a current and future "area of work" for me. I bet it is for many formerly obese people (and others too!). Like i said, I am a work in process, but the truth of the matter is that once overeating and that protective layer of fat leaves you... you may find yourself trying to figure out what the "new you" is like. For me shedding fat exposed so much energy that it has been a bit much... but i am getting calmer, steadier and more at peace all the time. I realize that this is the number one reason I regained weight when I was younger and got down to a slim weight. I would get very wound up... and just didn't know what to do with it. Being fat made me more sluggish and I guess "content" although that is a strange thought. Anyway, it is good to be armed with information. Some people freak out in the first few months post weight loss - you hear them on this forum wailing over not being able to stuff themselves with food. It didn't really happen for me like that - I think I was oddly more emotionally wrapped up with the fat suit than I was with the food since my "issues" bubbled up more after I got to goal. I guess by the time I had WLS I was so "over" food as a friend, if you know what I mean.

Kim I am sure it's water weight. I had a pretty good weekend over all. 146.2 so down a smidge. I am wondering if I can cautiously try 5:2. Yesterday I had a short hint of those bad feelings and I think I know what triggered it.... I am fine now but really feel cautious...

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Part 2 of the lesson is that I go out well groomed most of the time. I have a professional career and have always believed that obese people need to dress just a bit sharper because clothes look better on skinny people. I had no make up on, I had fluffed my helmet hair a bit, my jeans were a little baggy and dirty and I was wearing a button up shirt over a tank, and cowboy boots. I was not cleaned up in the least. I wonder sometimes if I look a bit "too much" at times combined with a certain aloofness toward men (self protection idea that I thin bikerchick mentioned on a another thread) that makes strangers say stuff like "your hot" but never ask me out. Reality is I am a horse back riding, hiking, boating, traveling kinda woman who is active and all that...I am rethinking how I dress even when I go out dancing etc....to just be more casual. A lady I know from the meetup (where I go dancing and happy hours etc with) and I had a long top about looks and perceptions. Example, one lady in our group is hugely tatooed and some guys decide she is an easy woman (what a stupid dated notion) and she is actually holding out for a long term. Feedback she gave me is that I often dress "hard edged" when going out but reality is that I am friendly, sweet and social...and have never even dated one of the guys from the meet up. Her advice was to switch to flowing feminine clothes as a social experiment as I stand out in the crowd now. Compared to the average woman in the group I have a hotter bod (no middle age gut and thanks to fitness and plastics a more youthful looking body than many even younger than me) and by wearing harder edge clothing combined with my rock and roll hair (that is my natural hair) just paints an image. ...one of the guys told me at the 80s themed dance that I was hot in any decade....and yet, no one that is nice and age appropriate has asked me out asked me out. Well, that isn't entirely true. I was asked out by someone who admitted he isn't quite 30... haha... and a very nice man closer to my age who has been teaching me some couples dance stuff but we have pretty big religious differences and I am just not interested in him. Anyway, I am just saying this is all food for thought... some people have a certain "look" for whatever reason... and the way you clothe and accessorize that look can change people's impressions.

Just a clarifying point - whole wheat breads, pastas and many grains, fruit are considered healthy carbs and many people have them as part of a good diet. I have learned that I am carb sensitive and so if my daily diet includes a regular dose of these foods...I get hungrier and hungrier...and I crave more and more high carb food. I didn't really learn this about myself until about 7-8 ,months post op so just sharing my experiences since y your remarks hinted that the carbs increased your food cravings. I have lost over 160 and maintaining. The good (or bad) news is that in order to maintain weight loss you have to more or less do what you did to lose weight...so even nearly 3 years post op, I watch all carbs closely...especially when the scale starts inching up.

I was not required to prove I could fail on another diet (oh wait they expect success) ....so I am sorry that you are stuck in this situation. I know others will disagree,but I find that many "starches" trigger cravings and over eating even 3 years post op. It works best for me to eliminate or severely restrict many of them. So I do eat veggies, Protein, berries,greek yogurt etc. On a daily basis I avoid rice, Pasta, bread and potatoes and I eat very little fruit (sugar!)..even 3 years out and below goal.... I never eat fast food,junky food like chips and Cookies. My advice, go back to stage 1. Bread is my nemesis and now my kids have moved back home it surrounds me again. It is a delicious demon which i work very hard to minimize. Do not get me wrong we need some carbs for good health but we need way less than our typical diet includes. Some of us are more insulin resistant and prone to the carb crazy train too.

It is a serious risk, addiction transference is a real risk post WLS. I personally know someone who DIED in her 40s after losing weight post bypass due to alcoholism. She was type 1 diabetic, got uber skinny, went off the rails so to speak (left her hubby and kids) and died an unemployed alcoholic. However, most people don't do this. Let's say it happens to 5 percent (I made that up do not know the stats) it is all part of the calculated risk. I had 100 percent chance of early disability and premature death without surgery with a BMI over 50.. If you think you are at risk, freaking don't drink at all. I choose to socially drink but have rules/boundaries around it just like I do with food.

Sorry... I can't see what I type on new threads started on my kindle...So have to reply to my own post to actually share anything! I am an outgoing person...will talk to anyone anywhere kinda woman . I dont mean to brag, but I have received very positive feedback about my looks since losing weight from both men and other women. So.... I keep wondering why nobody asks me out..Haha. seriously I have been thinking about this and one major factor is that I suck at flirting and tend to not even recognize when a man is flirting with me. I can come up with several examples of a complete stranger talking to me about my horse, my truck or my car or something...and 3 days later, I think to myself..."hey, I wonder if he was interested in ME?" many missed opportunities to perhaps get a date or at least an ego boost I am sure this is a self defense mechanism from a lifetime of obesity. So today...drumroll please...I didn't suck! I went on a long ride with friends and two of us met for a late lunch/early dinner afterwards. We park our truck and trailer with horses inside while we eat. As I returned to my rig, I walked by a guy with a boat hitched to his truck and he said "is that your horse?" The cowboy boots might have been a clue. I nodded and he went on to say, I hope you dont mind I peeked in on her...beautful palomino (a horse color term). I thanked him for the compliment and was walking away when he talked about his ex girlfriend being into horses and that he wasn't into them but respected the hobby. He then started telling me about his passions, talked about my truck etc....and the wheels started turning...maybe he wants to talk to me. So, I engaged in a great conversation about many subjects. I can turn on the charm... He then told me his friend helped him pull the boat out of moorage for the summer and was inside buying bandages for a slight injury....friend shows up and he's a real firecracker.... He got into the truck to bandage his wounds and made the occasional funny remark like.. "Did K mention he owns an airplane?" A minute later he says... "and he has a barn...but sadly no horses in it" . Oh and later he says "k is actually single too". He was being funny but it definitely helped the clueless (me) get a hint. So a few minutes later it was feeling like our conversation was wrapping up...normally I would have wished him a good evening and drove off....but instead I said "I'd like to talk to you more". So he asked for my number! Now the important part is not whether he calls or not..important thing is that I read the signs and gave him an opening! I usually put up a polite wall and it is no wonder nobody asks for my number or asks me out. This is major skill development for me. I have been practicing that sort of social e engagement with other women and have made some new friends but this is the first time I have successfully expressed interest in a complete stranger. Woohoo!

I had a very exciting thing happen today.

My sleep apnea doc referred me to a surgeon associated with the same "group" at a local hospital. I started the process of band to RNY revision as that surgeon was not a sleeve advocate and barely mentioned it as an option. for reasons I can't really articulate, I just couldn't do it. I was very emotional, distressed, cried alot and just felt like such a failure with the band. I felt I would fail again and that surgeon's program did nothing to make me feel any better. I saw an ad for non surgical weight loss - a 2 year committment. Out of desparation I called them and luckily the director of the program answered my call. After a brief consult, she told me I was not suited for the non surgical program and based on my history, she strongly recommented WLS. I told her no thanks.. but she convinced me to meet with surgeons at Puget Sound Surgical who are big sleeve advocates and have a very comprehensive program. I was still scared and full of fear of failure, but somehow their program just clicked with me. I still believe that for some of us, the total package - the nutritionalists, nurses and other support structure is one of the keys to success beyond the surgeons. I also found alot of compassion and understanding AND education on obesity there - from the surgeons and the whole team. The pieces came together, although I still did some kicking and fighting. They insisted my slipped band HAD TO GO. so I did that. Then I was so incredibly hungry with the band gone. I was already over 300# and realized I was going to just start gaining. Then my insurance was switching as of Jan 1 - to specifically exclude the sleeve.... so more than a year after my sleep doctor sent me out seeking weight loss surgery ... i was finally sleeved Dec 11, 2011. My only regret is not doing it sooner... I have had unbelievable success and am now at a normal BMI, single digit clothing size etc.

I had lapband caused reflux... and knew this risk going into this the sleeve. Reflux is a major risk factor for the sleeve, so i would absolutely talk to him about it. I am 3 years out... and no reflux (after my first few weeks which was controlled well by PPI), for me getting rid of the lapband was the cure. It is very much an individual situation, but he should know! Also, I think best practice is to take a good PPI in the early weeks/months post surgery to give the tummy a chance to "quiet down". I am astounded by the number of people who are suffering from reflux in those early reflux due to poor education by their surgeons.

My advice - don't worry about plastics yet. When you get there, go out to realself.com and read actual customer reviews and their photos. Surgeons tend to "cherry pick" their before and afters...it is good to get the real deal from patients. Consult with at least 3 surgeons.. I was truly shocked at how much their recommendations varied.. it was very educational.

Well I have kind of big news. I am seeing Steven again.... what's changed? Well, we are starting over. He is considerably older and didn't want to hold me back from finding someone....Well, I have hated dating men in my age range and don't like meeting people online - and told him I was gonna go cougar next. I have decided too many men my age have emotional and physical issues that prevent them from being what I seek in a boyfriend. He has a group of pals in the 50-60 age range and told me only one of them (besides Steven) is still interested in sex. That fits my personal experience granted a small sample size. My counselor told me that I need a latin lover...this isn't just about sex, it is about passion and emotion. Well, a man from Ecuador got me started swing dancing and asked me out (met him through the meetup) and wouldn't you know...he is Mormon...and of course younger than me. I meet younger men in real life because I act younger...online, only the 55plus crowd is interested. To each his own, but I don't want a morman boyfriend. I am going through a "going out" phase right now after decades of being a homebody so that would not be a good fit. Do you ever feel like the universe is sending you a message? I was actually reaching the point of just giving up on anything resembling a relationship. So I told Steven that he better mean it because this time real feelings are involved but so far I am happy. He can be very flakey and we spent weeks discussing sort of the chain of events that leads to that. I hope that the time we spent really talking about our emotional triggers etc pays off. Also, we discussed the reality that passionate relationships come with some negative passion too...and we both decided we are on board for the whole package....since it beats the alternative of being with an emotionally detached person. I am probably crazy for doing this but I feel so alive, beautiful and like a sexy woman with him. I also enjoy our talks and stuff. This could all blow up too, but at least I am enjoying it in the meantime. He is not the least bit jealous so is great with me continuing stuff with my meetup friends and actually wants to join a few events. On another note, I am working on a Halloween costume. I never went to Halloween parties dressed up..always felt too fat. Now I am so excited to go! My costume isn't working out quite right yet but I need accessories! I am doing the warrior princess thing (think Xena etc) but the twist is...fresh from battle with a few flesh wounds and fresh blood of my slain enemy...creepy!

I believe in telling too. It leads to the weight loss discussion. I prefer to not discuss the sleeve surgery because that was 3 years ago and considerably less relevant but knowing that I lost alot of weight a few years ago actually seems to be something admired. The last man I dated told me it was a positive thing about me, that I had accomplished so much and maintaining. I tend to bring it up early on in dating.. well before intimacy. I had an arm lift so I start there. So far nobody has been freaked out about the scars...out of my small sample. Didn't turn into physical relationship for other reasons.