Ky89

I'll be in Tijuana on the 17th with Dr. Mario Camelo Ramos

Thank you everyone!! I do want to start working on myself now and figuring out how to love myself.

So a few things happened last night that had me thinking that I should change the way I perceive myself. So last night my friend had a sayonara party, she's leaving Japan. At some point everyone decided to tell about the first time we met our friend or some funny story. Well I'm a very very shy person so when it got around to me, my face was hot and I had tears in my eyes because I really don't like so much attention on me!! I told a really lame and short story and we left it at at, but I felt so bad that I messed that up. After the goodbye party some people decided to go to a club for dancing. I'm sure you guys could figure out how I feel about bars and clubs. So we get to the club and while everyone else is dancing and having fun I'm sitting at the table watching. I have rhythm but I'm just awkward and I don't know what to do with my hands. I finally go on the dance floor and while I'm moving from side to side feeling embarrassed because I think people are thinking "oh God, a fat girl. I hope she doesn't step on my toes," I'm looking at this Japanese girl trying to dance and then I think, 'well she looks like she's having fun,' and it hit me that I really shouldn't be so worried about not being the best dancer, it's about having fun! So around 3am I decided to leave this group and see my other friend at his bar since it was his one year bar anniversary. I go to tell my guy friend that I had a crush on that I'm leaving and it seemed like he just brushed me off and went back to dancing. Now that hurt me a little but I'm going to assume he was drunk and thought I was just going to the bathroom or something. What you'll find out about me is, it's the little things that hurt me the most and the little things that make me happy. So I'm at my friend's bar and I notice the gorgeous Brazilian DJ keeps looking at me. And I'm thinking 'oh no he's probably disgusted that some overweight ugly girl is in his presence.' (I know I shouldn't think like that because we are all beautiful). But my friend translated for me and she told me that he thought I was beautiful and he was glad to meet me and he wanted to dance with me!!! Now I was a little shocked about that because guys don't tell me I'm beautiful and they want to dance with me very often especially beautiful guys. I told him thank you but I was too shy to dance and I think he was disappointed, as was I because I would really LOVE to dance with him, but as usual my fear of everyone watching and judging me made me withdraw into myself. I missed a very lovely and fun opportunity to put myself out there and I hate that I always do that!! I know that when I have my surgery I won't magically have all the confidence in the world but I think I can start feeling more comfortable around other people. One more thing happened that made me feel happy. At the end of all this, like around 730am ????, I'm saying goodbye to everyone and one of my friends says that I am her favorite person when she comes to her boyfriend's bar and she thinks I'm beautiful and she likes my smile and then everyone else was like yeah she's pretty and she has a nice smile and a cheerful presence. And now I'm crying like a baby while I'm writing this because these beautiful and sexy and lovely people don't care that I'm overweight, they like me for me and that's all I could ask for in friends. And I hope one day I can see myself the way they see me... Sorry for this long post guys.

Wow!!! That seems scary, but good to know things like that can happen but everyone is still completely safe...Maybe I should find some documentaries too, I think that would help. I already go over the statistics before I fly, so I bet watching a doc would help me even more!! Haha You have a good point, I should be concentrating on saving my money for clothes!!! Thank you!!!

So, I'm having gastric sleeve surgery on December 17 in Tijuana. I'm excited and nervous of course. My plan is to not tell anyone I'm having the surgery, I'm talking about zero people. I have a month off from work so I don't have to worry about that, and I live in Japan so I also don't have to worry about my parents or any other family members getting concerned about rapid weight loss. But what I am most worried about is dying. Yes I know, many people have that fear, but I'm more afraid of a plane crash flying over than the actual surgery. And I do know planes are safer than cars, and I did make it safely on a 16 hour flight to Japan,back to America for visiting and then to Japan again, but that doesn`t mean my fear will go away anytime soon. I have this warped feeling that I am bad luck. Ever since I was a child people were dying on my birthday or after I've seen them recently and I do know the statistics of how many people die every second, hour, and day, but back then it was a little scary and that feeling has followed me into adulthood. I do know its silly and when its your time to go its just your time to go, but I've always had the notion that I'm not supposed to be happy in life. Like whenever something good happens something bad inevitably follows. `Oh, Kyesia, you like this guy and he seems to like you too, NOPE, the army is going to station him in Alaska.` or `Congratulations on passing that difficult exam...oh wait sorry that was a computer glitch, you failed` or `Good for you, having the confidence to go out of your comfort zone and do something different...we cant have that so we`re going to have the most horrendous thing happen to you in front of thousands of people.` Things like that. I know those examples aren't really bad, but for me they are/were. But my fear is just I'm going to do something that can possibly make me feel happy and good about myself, but to not even make it there to see. And if nothing happens with flying over, then some type of complication during surgery. (knock on wood) I wish I didn't have these fears, but its so hard to believe that if everything goes perfectly I would have the opportunity to be happy like normal people. Its what I want most in life. To be happy. And I would really like to think everyone has a purpose in this world, including me. So if there's anyone who has continued reading my long ridiculous post, I would like to ask a favor... If no one hears from me during the week of December 15 or the week after, could someone notify my parents?? Ahh I really hate to think like this, but its just in case some complications come up. I am on Facebook, Kyesia Green. My mom is on there also. Sorry for being a debby downer guys

I do have a month off from work, my main concern is money though. Im putting everything on my card, which I would rather not do, but I do have the option to stay longer. I think after the surgery I would be very ready to go home, but I am pretty worried about flying home so soon after surgery.

December 17th also

I would love to have someone there for support but trying to find the right person is definitely hard. There's no one in Japan that I would even think about bringing this topic up to, but there's maybe one friend stateside I think would be supportive, but I'm still debating in that. Wow congrats on your post op success!!

I haven't had surgery yet but I haven't told a single person!! Not my parents, friends or anyone at work( there's only 3 of us total). I'm pretty sure my parents would not support me on the surgery since I'm only 25 and complain about not having money a lot ????. They would say I'm taking the easy way out and that I should keep trying, etc. I have friends but no one really close enough for me to talk to this about, at least in Japan. In the states there's maybe one guy I think would be supportive. So I'm doing this all by myself. I'll get support from this site when I need it because at least people here can help and everyone has already gone through this or they're in the process.

It's November( at least in Japan) lol so all we have to do is get though these four weeks!!!! December is right around the corner guys!! It's starting to get really real now!!!

Guys it's November( at least in Japan) lol so we all have to just get through these four weeks and we will be on the other side of health and happiness!!!

Thanks. I'll definitely keep everyone posted!!

I'm having surgery in Mexico!! I did check Japan but it's just as expensive as the US I know South Korea does a lot of elective surgeries but by the time I thought about researching it I had already made up my mind about Mexico. I actually have a fear of flying so I think I'm more worried about getting the Mexico than the actual surgery. Pretty funny considering I had to take a 16 hour flight to Japan :/

Yes, I`m definitely excited to see how things are like next year!!

For me after I have the surgery I'll stay in the hotel inside the hospital for 2 days and then I'm renting a car when I get back stateside in California to get to LAX and then just rest for a few days and then I'm on a flight back to Japan. Since I don't have my car here I can only walk and ride my bike. But I think each doctor is different with the times to do everything.

Oh I can imagine how uncomfortable that was. My mom is an MRI technologist and she scanned me a couple of times just to check the machine and it's definitely a tight fit!! Not to mention having to lay on my back on the hard surface. It was so hard to stay still. I think all the pre-op peeps are anxious to start a new life, myself included. December can't get here fast enough!!

Ahh I'm glad I'm not the only one!!

Trevor I definitely love Japan but I miss my independence. And Parisshel I've heard France is a little obsessed with weight.

Has anyone not told a single person about having surgery? I mean not a soul!! No parents, friends, or coworkers. I'm single so no husband or boyfriend to tell. I am a little worried about negative remarks but that's not the reason I'm not telling anyone. There are only 2 people that work with me here and one is a guy and the other is my skinny Japanese boss, so I don't really have the urge to tell them. I do love my boss like a mom but I think she wouldn't really understand my situation. And of course there's the option to tell my actual parents, but my dad absolutely would not understand nor approve of me getting surgery and my mom, I think, wouldn't understand either. At least right now. She would say I'm taking the easy way out and I should be saving my money, etc. I do plan on telling my mom first maybe after a year and then she can decide if she wants to tell my dad. Although I do have friends no one is really close enough for me to tell except one or two people. But I'm not even sure if I want to say anything. I just want to see if I'm alone in not telling anyone.

Thank you Terry

Oh yes, I am not looking forward to the preop diet!!! Thank you Jonathan!! I`ll definitely check out your blog! I will need all the helpful information I can find!!

Thank you both for putting up with my ranting I will try to keep my head up. I know it's only for a short amount of time and things will start to change hopefully for the better and good luck Ruth1966. Waiting is definitely a pain ????

So I live in Japan, and it's a beautiful country but every time I step outside of my apartment All I see are beautiful and skinny Japanese girls. It does get depressing at times. But, on to my story. I had to go to the lady clinic today, and after an hour and a half of waiting for a 5 second chat with the doctor for my refills, she says the nurse will need to check my blood pressure. Not so bad right?? Well that is actually the depressing part of my visits. My blood pressure is fine, but they always have to get the next size up on the arm thing to check my BP. And now that I write this I feel stupid for getting so upset over that but it's a little embarrassing to have this tiny size 0 Japanese girl attempt to take my bp only to try to shove my fat arm into the wrap and then have to go get a bigger size because it's too small. I'm having my gastric sleeve surgery in December and I'm just ready to start my life over and not get so emotional when something small happens. Sorry about the rant.

That was one of my other choices as well. It really does seem like the best route for recovery and less scars. Good luck on your decision!!

I'm having my surgery done by Dr. Mario Camelo at Florence Hospital. What about you?