LessofApril

Umm, fudge! It had been a crazy busy week. Away from home for 10 days, facilitating two training courses and speaking at an Obesity Summit, I was tired and ready to go home. Though I have a pretty good routine when I travel and stay focused on my good Success Habits, I was tempted


Umm, fudge! It had been a crazy busy week. Away from home for 10 days, facilitating two training courses and speaking at an Obesity Summit, I was tired and ready to go home. Though I have a pretty good routine when I travel and stay focused on my good Success Habits, I was tempted beyond my ability to resist, to buy a piece of fudge. Umm, I love fudge and of course the walnuts added the all important “protein.” I had kept up with my exercise and make good food choices all week, so I felt justified in splurging a bit.
As it always does, the first bite was heavenly! Smooth and creamy. So good. I relished that first bite, waited a bit and then another, and yet another. Enough! I thought. I’m good. Now I am going to mindfully throw the rest away. A difficult thing to do knowing how much I paid for it and due to all of the starving people in the world. But I knew it had to go. With Michael Jordan flair, I strutted by the trash can and slam dunked it. There! Good for me. I would have high-fived the guy next to me, but he gave me a funny look so I decided I would just celebrate privately.
Boarding for my flight began and victoriously, I marched onto the plane. Safe from “too much” fudge. An hour passed by still on the tarmac, waiting for a mechanical repair. Finally, the captain announced that we would need to deplane and board another flight. By that time I had missed my connecting flight in Denver so I knew enough to get off the plane and get quickly in line for re-booking.
As I waited patiently in line, I don’t know why, but the thought of my left over fudge so close by started to haunt me. Though I am embarrassed to admit it, here is the conversation in my head. “This situation is beyond stressful and surely another piece of fudge would calm my nerves.” Honestly, you are not thinking of getting the fudge out of that trash bin over there are you?” Well, it is still good, it was wrapped up and in the bag.” Really?” What will people think of you digging in the trash?” “It will be right on top. Easy and there are not too many people over there, I can be quick!” Come on, seriously, you are better than this. You don’t eat food from the trash! Well I guess you are right! Thank goodness.”
Whew! That was close. It shouldn’t have even crossed my mind but it did. Why, I wonder? What is this problem I have with food? I was pleased that my good voice over ruled my temptress voice but I would have preferred not to have had that conversation at all! Perhaps you can relate?
Sometimes I find myself focusing on how unfair it is that I struggle with such unhealthy food relationships. But then, I am both relieved and proud that I have been able to win many of these battles. And every time I do – the “you can do it, you are better than that” voice gets stronger and stronger. For those of you who have heard my other crazy food stories, you’ll know how important it is when I say, I don’t eat M & M’s off the floor, whipped cream with my fingers, OR fudge from the trash! Yeah!

A couple of weeks ago I was driving to an appointment and I saw a really large man walking down the street. Because of his size and the near 100 degree temperature, I knew he had to be extremely uncomfortable. As I pulled into my parking place I glanced in my rear view mirror and watched this man trip with a force that propelled him like a rocket to the concrete. I bolted from my car and ran to him...his arm was already bloody.


"Let me help you up". He had salt and pepper hair and perhaps the kindest sky blue eyes I have ever seen.
With a perfect Texas drawl he said "Little lady you're gonna have to pack a little more lead in the rear to help me up!" My heart was breaking for him. I grabbed him by his good arm and we rocked....1, 2, 3, and I pulled with everything I had. No matter how much I wanted to help this man, I couldn't get him off the ground. He explained he was walking to work and I at first got the impression he was trying to get some exercise. I asked him to stay put and I'd get some help and as I ran into the building, there were just a few tiny women and elderly people that could be of no help. By the time I got back out, a man had stopped to help him up. He was hurt....I told him there was a doctor inside, would he please come in? I know he was both surprised and ashamed that I would help him. He chuckled and said he was alright (he wasn't). As he walked out of my sight he said "It's time to go on that diet".
Of course I knew he'd been on hundreds of diets, just like I had. It was the perfect time to have shared my story but yet it wasn't. I wish I had at least gotten his contact information so that maybe my signature on my email would perhaps spark a conversation.
Maybe he didn't have a car and had to go into work anyway for fear of losing his job because of his size. Maybe he couldn't afford to call for an ambulance. So many "maybes". Every day since then I have considered waiting at that parking space to see if I could locate him again. He felt so much embarrassment and I wanted to tell him that I knew there was a perfectly loving man inside trying to get out. I wanted to tell him so many things but most of all that I didn't see him as just a morbidly obese man....that he was just as valid and worthy as anybody and the shell he lived in did not make him "less than".
I fell a few weeks before that and was in extreme pain so I could only imagine what he was dealing with. Tears ran down my face for the rest of the day. Call me silly for wanting to do this but I'm going back to try to find him. I want him to know why I didn't judge him that day.
And why I cried.
p.s. I just added this because I do want everyone to know that I would NEVER give anyone unsolicited advice because I have seen it happen and someone got the response "I've already had WLS". Much like asking a woman if she's pregnant....not until I see the crowning of the baby's head would I ever ask when someone's baby is due. I just wanted to make sure everyone understood that.
*Note- I wrote this in 2011 and reread it the other day. I decided to share it here because the comments left on this blog post were so memorable and heartfelt. If you'd like to read them you can see them here.
I've been back to that same parking spot every month basically at the same time of the day ever since that day. I have unfortunately never found him again. If I ever do, I hope he'll let me take a picture with him so you can see his beautiful blue eyes and the kindest face you could ever imagine.