Guys I have some kind of strange thinking going on. I wanted to see if anyone else felt this way. I am on full liquids/mushies hybrid thing now after a long bout of clears. My doctor wanted me to ease into mushies from full liquids because I spent too long on clears (long story, not my fault). My diet is still mostly liquids because of a few reasons. Unless it is really mushed, like baby food, it causes the dreaded esophagus or stomach cramps. I am not sure which. It does not matter how much I chew either. It has to be pureed or pain will soon follow.

So the strange thinking? I am afraid to eat sometimes, like seriously afraid. I forget to eat which I know is common after surgery but sometimes I get major anxiety about eating, even drinking my shakes. I look at the calories and think ?I could just skip this and lose more weight?. My husband is worried enough he had a talk with me last night about just how many calories I am actually getting. I woke up yet again yesterday with the shakes and he took my blood sugar (he is diabetic not me) and it was 51:001_unsure:. I think this is what triggered the ?talk?. My calories each day? About 350 ? 400. I don?t think that is bad. My doctor just said stay under 800. I don?t feel tired but I am foggy sometimes. I forget stuff all the time now though.

I guess my point in this ramble is: Is anyone afraid of eating now? Like the inner skinny person is admonishing you for eating anything? I always would get angry at myself when I would eat before surgery because I made such bad choices. Sometimes I would tell myself how fat and ugly I was. Now I can go without eating and I feel like I should to make up for all the bad eating. I am scared if I eat too many more calories (like 600 to 800) I might stop losing. I have been on this full liquids/mushies hybrid thing for 1 week and only lost 2 lbs so I am scared to get on the scale again. I feel like for the first time in my life I am in control of my eating and I don?t want to give in to any eating or I might lose that control again. I wanted the tight reign on my stomach and I got it but now my husband (and coworkers) are hassling me that I am not eating enough. I am still 57 lbs overweight. How could I not be eating enough? I wish people would get out of my business and stop obsessing about what I am putting in my mouth. I leave a shake box on my desk now so they think I am drinking my shakes. Ugh.

What do you all think? Am I just a mess or? Be brutally honest.

Honestly, I have to say I agree, at this far out, you are not getting enough calories. You need to trust yourself, and trust your sleeve. You have a teeny, tiny tummy now, it is not going to allow you to over stuff it. I think if you allow yourself to eat, once you realize the small amounts you are able to eat, you are going to realize you don't want to fill yourself up with junk. Your body will actually crave the healthy foods and that is what you will want to put into it. Sure, you can have treats, I am sure we all do. I enjoy treats, but I have also changed my relationship with food to where I am now satisifed with a few bites knowing that I can have it again, just not right now.

Does your doctor have a nutritionist? Perhaps you can make an appointment with him/her to go over these feelings you are experiencing. He/she could maybe help you by working out a sensible meal plan for you to follow, and then maybe you would feel a little better knowing you have a structured plan to follow. That way your body would be getting the fuel it needs, and you would be more comfortable knowing you are getting what you need and still losing weight. Perhaps also speaking with a therapist might help as well. They can also provide a lot of insight and help when it comes to issues like these.

Thanks Susan.

The nutritionist did give me a meal plan. It has menus for up to 6 months out. It is just wayyyy too much food. I obviously could eat less and I am, and pureeing. I have a 32F but I can only eat 1.5 to 2 oz in an hour. I am then full for 4-5 hours. Even drinking sometimes is hard but sometimes it is fine after an hour. I just can't take in as much as the menu says for today:

Breakfast: 1/2 cup low fat or fat free cottage cheese with blended peaches (forget the peaches, I can sqeeze down 4 oz of blended cottage cheese

Snack: 8 oz skim or fat free milk (are you kidding me? I can't drink 8 oz of anything but Water in an hour, if I take too long it is lunch time!)

Lunch: 4 oz tuna with 2 tbl avacado (drop the avacado, doubt I could eat all that tuna after so much milk)

Snack: (More Snacks?:thumbdown:) Protein suppliment shake made with 8 oz skim or fat free milk. (There goes dinner)

Dinner: 4 oz Grilled talapia with mashed califlower (forget the califlower, I could eat maybe 2 oz if I actually finished the Protein Shake earlier)

Vitamin time: My liquid nasty multi vitamin is 2 oz. There goes 2 oz of stomach space. Sometime in the morning I take my 2 oz of liquid Calcium. There goes 2 more ounces of stomach space. Somewhere in there I am supposed to be getting what 38 oz or so of water?

What I am really doing today (most likely):

Starbucks Vivano with an extra scoop of protein (This will hold me the whole day I think. It is the first time since surgery I have had one) It has taken me 3 hours to drink almost all of it, I have been alternating with water though and I am full)

I have some leftover blended ham and swiss cheese from dinner last night, about 2 - 2.5 ounces. I will eat that about 1 and drink water after.

I will drink a shake at about 3-4. I doubt I will finish it maybe 3/4 if I am good in 1.5 hours.

Try dinner at 7 and nasty, horse hay tasting vitamins:thumbdown:. Maybe some blended chicken and cheddar, about 3 oz over an hour.

You can see I am trying to get more calories. We will see how it goes.

I have a therapy appointment on Monday because I do reconginize this is not "healthy" or "normal" thinking. I think I am begining the 3 week stall at 5 weeks because the scale has not moved in days also. That is adding to my anxiety and food issues.

Some people take longer for the swelling to go down. I could only do 1/2 to 1 oz. at at time at 7 weeks out and only 1-2 oz. at 3 months out.

But I did supplement my "meals" with Protein shakes and other liquids so that I was getting the calories and protein I needed to have adequate healing and energy.

Wow Mac. You actually made me feel better. I thought I was way behind the curve when looking at the "meal" plan.

Did you fill up easily on shakes too? Shakes sit in my stomach just like food. No slider calories there. I mean Protein shakes, not milkshakes. I have no idea what a milkshake would do nor do I have the desire to find out. Sweets look sickening to me.

This eating all the time is hard too because I was never a grazer or a sweeter. Give me a giant pot of Pasta and I was happy.

I found shakes would fill me up early on. They still do but not as much. Sometimes this has to do with how fast you drink them. They are supposed to be drunk as fast as a glass of milk and I just can't do that. It usually takes me an hour to finish on! I do make them super thick though, like a smoothie.

I was just like you described. The thought of food made me feel sick. The more I tried to eat or drink the worse I felt. I was vomitting blood. I was admitted to hospital with dehydration. I had an appointment with a physc because I thought I was going mental. Before I was discharged from hospital I had a stern talking to myself. I was just getting sicker and sicker because I wasn't eating what I should. My father hired me a nurse to have at home and she forced me to have shakes and go for walks, she saved me! I am doing well now and can eat most things but for the first few months I was wondering if I had done the right thing. It was so tough, but thankfully now things are going really well. I hope that you are feeling good soon.

Guys I have some kind of strange thinking going on. I wanted to see if anyone else felt this way. I am on full liquids/mushies hybrid thing now after a long bout of clears. My doctor wanted me to ease into mushies from full liquids because I spent too long on clears (long story, not my fault). My diet is still mostly liquids because of a few reasons. Unless it is really mushed, like baby food, it causes the dreaded esophagus or stomach cramps. I am not sure which. It does not matter how much I chew either. It has to be pureed or pain will soon follow.

So the strange thinking? I am afraid to eat sometimes, like seriously afraid. I forget to eat which I know is common after surgery but sometimes I get major anxiety about eating, even drinking my shakes. I look at the calories and think ?I could just skip this and lose more weight?. My husband is worried enough he had a talk with me last night about just how many calories I am actually getting. I woke up yet again yesterday with the shakes and he took my blood sugar (he is diabetic not me) and it was 51:001_unsure:. I think this is what triggered the ?talk?. My calories each day? About 350 ? 400. I don?t think that is bad. My doctor just said stay under 800. I don?t feel tired but I am foggy sometimes. I forget stuff all the time now though.

I guess my point in this ramble is: Is anyone afraid of eating now? Like the inner skinny person is admonishing you for eating anything? I always would get angry at myself when I would eat before surgery because I made such bad choices. Sometimes I would tell myself how fat and ugly I was. Now I can go without eating and I feel like I should to make up for all the bad eating. I am scared if I eat too many more calories (like 600 to 800) I might stop losing. I have been on this full liquids/mushies hybrid thing for 1 week and only lost 2 lbs so I am scared to get on the scale again. I feel like for the first time in my life I am in control of my eating and I don?t want to give in to any eating or I might lose that control again. I wanted the tight reign on my stomach and I got it but now my husband (and coworkers) are hassling me that I am not eating enough. I am still 57 lbs overweight. How could I not be eating enough? I wish people would get out of my business and stop obsessing about what I am putting in my mouth. I leave a shake box on my desk now so they think I am drinking my shakes. Ugh.

What do you all think? Am I just a mess or? Be brutally honest.

I'm gonna be brutally honest since you asked for it. You are not eating enough, and unless you get your calories up to 700-800 a day, your body is going to go into starvation mode and hold on to every calorie you give it and every bit of fat you want to lose.

You have to eat to lose weight. If you don't you risk starvation mode and even worse, that your body starts burning muscle mass. It goes after that before the fat, because it's more efficient.

You need to do whatever it takes to get those calories up. Do you want control or do you want success? You have to use the first 6 months of your journey to teach yourself how to eat. Your tiny tummy is a muscle, and that muscle has to be used so it can get stronger. You can't mess this amazing chance up because you were scared.

Get it together, start eating your 800 calories a day, or at least push yourself to do it, and start taking a walk every night with hubby. I know it's hard, but just like when you start working out and your muscles hurt, your tummy will too. It has to be trained. You just have to do it if you want to be a success, be strong, and be healthy.

You can do it. This is YOUR time. Be selfish and do this right so you can be strong and never have to fear the scale again.

:thumbup:

I have very similar issues, and I rarely hit 500 calories a day. I am totally "Thanksgiving" full on 2-3oz of dense Protein like chicken or beef. I'm miserable for most of the day. My surgeon and nutrtionist gave me a meal plan to follow and there is absolutely NO Way on God's green earth could I consume that much food. I don't do shakes at all, I can't tolerate the taste, nor the texture. I know that I have to up my calories, but at the same time, I've not hit a true stall in 4 months. I've consistently lost at least 3lbs per week. I realize my loss had been drastic and coupled with my complications, my surgeon said he wasn't surprised, but I should be stalling out here soon. I imagine life stressors have effected my loss as well. Hopefully, once the husband gets home, and we get into a routine, I'll be able to eat a little more.

I'm supposed to eat 4-6 meals a day with each meal consisting of 15grams of protein. I'm lucky if I get in 2-3 meals a days with 9-12grams of protein per meal.

This is all so stressful for me. I went shopping today and found a protein drink called "Naked" in the supermarket "healthfood" refrigerated section, it is really good, no whey taste just a delicious blend of natural fruits w/pineapple etc. But it's thick, so I poured some water diluted apple juice in another glass to sip side by side. Now I am thinking that I shouldn't be doing that since I will not be able to sip on anything when I eat food puree and progress. I'm stressed because my belly (still healing feels so heavy and when I eat it even feels heavier. I also wonder when I will feel like a normal person who simply eats less. At this point I am not too excited about the weight I am losing (and I am), because I am so concerned about my nutritional issues and ability to ever be able to reach the healthy way of eating that this sleeve is supposed to enable. I bought some Greek unflavored yogurt, 1% lowfat small curd cottage cheese, jarred baby food in plain chicken, ham, chicken & rice, banana, applesauce, banana and yogurt, ...also a box of baby food oatmeal, can of split pea soup (17g protein per serving), tomato soup ...I'm actually afraid of bumping up a level and trying one or any of these. Is there any unpleasant events I might have? I have never been so concerned about what I eat as I am now. I am full of anxiety and trying hard to breath deep and calm my mind. Any advise would really help. I hope your not all sick of hearing me. I am really having a scary time, wish I were a emotionally stronger person.

This is all so stressful for me. I went shopping today and found a Protein Drink called "Naked" in the supermarket "healthfood" refrigerated section, it is really good, no whey taste just a delicious blend of natural fruits w/pineapple etc. But it's thick, so I poured some Water diluted apple juice in another glass to sip side by side. Now I am thinking that I shouldn't be doing that since I will not be able to sip on anything when I eat food puree and progress. I'm stressed because my belly (still healing feels so heavy and when I eat it even feels heavier. I also wonder when I will feel like a normal person who simply eats less. At this point I am not too excited about the weight I am losing (and I am), because I am so concerned about my nutritional issues and ability to ever be able to reach the healthy way of eating that this sleeve is supposed to enable. I bought some Greek unflavored yogurt, 1% lowfat small curd cottage cheese, jarred baby food in plain chicken, ham, chicken & rice, banana, applesauce, banana and yogurt, ...also a box of baby food oatmeal, can of split pea Soup (17g Protein per serving), tomato soup ...I'm actually afraid of bumping up a level and trying one or any of these. Is there any unpleasant events I might have? I have never been so concerned about what I eat as I am now. I am full of anxiety and trying hard to breath deep and calm my mind. Any advise would really help. I hope your not all sick of hearing me. I am really having a scary time, wish I were a emotionally stronger person.

My best advice is take it very slowly. Try one new thing, and a tiny amount of that one thing per day. I am 4 months out, and literally just feeling like a normal person who eats less for about the last month.

You have to remember your healing. Your entire body has been through a traumatic event, and your stomach took the brunt of the trauma. Your entire body is adapting to your new anatomy. My surgeon didn't push getting my protein in until I got to mushies. My main focus was staying hydrated, and walking.

As for the food you bought, watch out for bananas, they have lots of carbs. Which for me made me very "sleepy" feeling. If I have too many carbs, I feel horrible. I limit my carb intake to no more than 30grams of carbs per day.

As for the greek yogurt, I have to add a packet of Splenda to it. It's pretty "bitter" tasting for me. I never experimented with baby foods of any sorts. I was able to blend up deli meat, and used a little bit of mustard to add flavor.

When I very first started on mushies, and then soft solids, I had gas. Gas X strips helped tremendously. I did have a bout of constipation when I incorporated cheese into the diet, Miralax solved that problem. I haven't had cheese since that one episode.

Stress will inhibit healing. So, remember to breathe, clear your mind of negativity, focus on staying hydrated, and don't rush it. Your body needs peace, rest and be free of any stress. Have peace that you made a decision to become healthier, and losing weight is going to help you achieve that goal. BUT, you have got to let your body heal.

I think that Josephine has some very important points to consider. If you want to avoid starvation mode, in which you totally stop losing weight due to not eating enough, you will have to increase your caloric intake a bit.

Stop taking any fluids with meals. Take only dense proteins at mealtime. Avoid soups. Protein shakes are ok if they contain about 25 gms of protein per shake...mix them in the smallest volume possible. Drink your fluids between meals, never wash food down with liquids because they expand the food in your sleeve and make you feel fuller. Start inching up your protein-caloric intake, and gradually you will be able to eat more, and lose more weight.

...I did have a bout of constipation when I incorporated cheese into the diet, Miralax solved that problem. I haven't had cheese since that one episode.

Stress will inhibit healing. So, remember to breathe, clear your mind of negativity, focus on staying hydrated, and don't rush it. Your body needs peace, rest and be free of any stress. Have peace that you made a decision to become healthier, and losing weight is going to help you achieve that goal. BUT, you have got to let your body heal.

Very helpful Tiff, I am going to take things very slow just not healed enough to gamble here. The cheese you refer to that had caused you constipation, would that include soft lowfat cheeses like cottage cheese or ricotta? I like the idea of eating cottage cheese especially because the Protein content is quite high per serving. I did not have supplies for gas and/or for constipation so that is on my checklist for tomorrow. Since the yogurt is unsweetened I can use some powdered stevia OR try a little bit of pear or apple babyfood which is in the puree consistency ya think? I was thinking of trying it with either the yogurt or the cottage cheese tomorrow...either way a little hesitant. I also want to get a prescription for anti anxiety. I have tried a couple of xanax and it helped me tremendously BUT I would prefer something that I do not need to be "weaned" off of. This surgery was not only traumatic to my physical body but to my mind as well. I don't know I think when I was younger I had much more courage. The joy of losing weight won't become a reality to me until the day I am certain that I am not at risk for any leak and when I can comfortably eat and drink the correct way. As I am sure we all can understand this, my goal is to be a healthy vibrant lean person. Many thanks to you and everyone else here. Without this venue I would feel so isolated. i was thinking that maybe sometime in the future we could figure out how to do a conference call or something. It would be great to really connect...MAYBE we could all go on a cruise ship or sail around the world together!!! Oh I get so sentimental.

Count me in on a CRUISE! Bearded too! LOL

You'll be fine - just quit worrying so much - stick with the diet I sent you and you'll do fine -- don't worry about your Protein right now - just stay hydrated - when you get to mushies, you'll get in more protein. There are still some days when I am not able to get in all my protein and I don't stress about it anymore - I just try to do better the next day. It will ALL BE OKAY -- believe it - own it and don't put any more negative thoughts out there to foul you up -- POSITIVE OUT - POSTIVE BACK!

Count me in on a CRUISE! Bearded too! LOL

... It will ALL BE OKAY -- believe it - own it and don't put any more negative thoughts out there to foul you up -- POSITIVE OUT - POSTIVE BACK!

I know I know I know I know I'm trying I really am. Thanks VegasAngel.

I'd be up for a cruise as well. I've never been on a cruise and think it would be fabulous ! ! !

I don't eat cottage cheese (it's a consistency/texture thing), and I was eating cheddar, and colby jack cheese with deli meat that caused my constipation.

You'll do great. Like Vegas said, just stay positive, and you'll get there. Just take it day by day, sip by sip, bite by bite.