ifyourstomachoffendsyou

You all are going to laugh but it took me awhile to figure out that IYSOY is me. Cheri

I've been eating solid food but I still drink a protein drink for breakfast cause my bands so tight in the morning. Lunch I eat only a little cause my bands so tight. Supper I eat a little more but I just chew everything to death and make sure I'm swallowing only a little at a time. I stop everytime I feel it sticking in my throat or if a burp brings up a little bit. I'm really liking this constant reminder that I can't just keep mindlessly eating.

spud mama I know its difficult between fills when the restriction is less. I don't necessarily try to lose, but I at least try not to gain. I follow my food protocol but I do allow myself little treats here and there, just not everyday. We have this all or nothing thinking that can really sabotage us. Since our bands will at times let us eat it all we go ahead and eat it all. When our bands are working we're grateful to eat nothing. This head hunger, the emotional eating, and the cravings that just come from being food addicts, still has to be dealt with. That's why I write in my blog as well as post on this and other threads everyday. It keeps me honest and helps me deal with the other issues. Check out my blog at IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

Meredith, Happy Belated Birthday. You are an amazing young woman. Have a safe trip. Linda, I was a red hatter, too. It just got too expensive for me but I loved playing dress up. Cool funeral. I'm glad you got to see your friend 1 last time. To those who lost parents, I know there's always mixed feelings. For those who had beautiful endings I'm so glad. For those who took care of themselves by staying away, that's perfectly understandable. Family is always complicated. I live the closest to my parents but I'm ill equipped to deal with them as they start deteriorating. My mom's dithering and victim mentality drive me nuts--she complains continually about my dad. I don't like my dad, though most people do. His religiousity and need to control--especially his daughters and his wife trigger my temper and I don't like getting mad. I only see them at family events. But they're getting to the point where they may need more help. I have one younger sister who lives nearby but she is very busy with a younger family. She handles both parents well, probably because by the time she was 10 she was the only child left at home. My parents were much different with her than with the rest of us. My parents have stayed very heavily involved with her and her kids and still babysit for her frequently. But I know they can drive her nuts too sometimes. Work situations and relationships often mimic family relationships. Janet, I perfectly understand your wierd husband/wife relationship with your boss. I forget which one of you seems to be living with a divorce between you and your boss but you have to live in the same house. Yuck. I went last night to a Tastefully Simple party where I did go ahead and "taste" the various offerings. I even had a Margharita. I didn't eat nearly as much as I once would have. I only bought spices and salsa and a jalapeno jam because I'll never make all the dips and cheese balls. I do love to cook meat and vegetables with their garlic/garlic. It was a planned break from my food protocol. A lot of former teacher's from my school were there as well as two I still work with. They're all younger than me and most have small children or are pregnant. There've been a lot of issues with the school, particularly the former principal so I had to cautiously walk that minefield. There's a kind of "we survived RCS" mentality and part of the reason I went was to convey the message that the school has issues but is working on resolving them and that there's hope for the future. We have a beautiful, cool day here in Chicagoland so I think I'm going to get outside and enjoy it. My DH and I might go thrift-shopping together. But that's indoors. I wish he were more of an outdoors person. Oh well. CBL Cheri

PS Julie, I also had referred pain going back and forth between my neck and right shoulder so a year after the neck surgery I had rotator cuff repair and a big spur removed from my right shoulder. Injections and therapy didn't work on my shoulder either. I'm a big believer in traditional Western medicine because that's what keeps me on my feet and moving, albeit cautiously. My knee replacements are fantastic and I suspect I'll need a hip replacement in the next decade. When I go in for a little R&R its not rest and recreation, its repairs and replacements. LOL

Julie, it took an MRI 10 years ago to show the two herniated discs in my neck and all the spurs and stenosis that were creating pressure on the nerves. I went to a neurosurgeon who very carefully cut out a lot of bone that allowed my vertabrae to spring open a little more and the discs were able to retract and sharp pressure was taken off the nerves and spinal column. I was not fused. A few years ago I reherniated the neck after a fall, but this time they were able to do an epidural that immediately relieved the pain and retracted the discs. Prior to having the surgery they could not do that. When they tried they couldn't get through all the spurs and bone compression. I still am very cautious with my neck. I hang upside down (almost) on my inversion table for just a minute or two to relieve pressure on my discs. I won't even let a massage therapist touch my neck because one wrong move can put me in major pain. Hope you find a way to prevent yourself from injuring your neck. Some neck excercises help me and some hurt. overdoing anything can make it worse. Lifting my arms while working on a computer on a table is really bad for my neck. At home I sit in a comfy armchair with a laptap and my arms are down and resting between my sides and the arms and partially on my tummy. My wrists actually rest on the base of the laptop. I sort of slouch in the chair with my head tilted forward (my chin is down) to see the screen but the back of my head and neck is totally supported against the back of the chair. Looks wierd but my shoulders are also supported and relieved of the weight of my arms. I have a pillow supporting me behind my lower back and can put my legs up on my hassock. I also never do housework anymore, except a little dusting if company,s coming over. My husband does it all because any reaching or scrubbing puts pressure on the discs in my neck. My assistant does any cleaning in my classroom and she's the one that bends over most of the paperwork. I've set up my room at school to accommodate my neck problems as well as my lower back problems. I do not stand to teach most of the time. Like I said, I'm very careful. Otherwise I'll end up on disability. Well, I probably should have e-mailed you all this. Just want you to know I've really been there with my neck. X-rays don't always show herniated discs. The MRI made it abundantly clear that surgery was my only option. Be careful.

Keam, when you swallow too big a sip or too big a bite and the bite has not been well chewed, you will feel a tightness and a need to burp but you can't kind of feeling. You might even experience pain. If you overfill the pouch you will feel very uncomfortable under your rib cage like there's no room. You will wish you could throw up and you may burp it up. I find I have to take a tiny swallow, force a burp, take a tiny swallow, force a burp etc in order to get things down comfortably. That's what it feels like when the restriction is new. Over time the band will loosen and this won't happen as much, and it won't happen at all if you eat slider food and drink for a half hour before or after the meal. Stick to high density protein and very small amounts of carbs and don't drink for half an hour before or after meals and you will maintain your sense of restriction much longer.

We've got restriction. I'm so happy I got this 2nd fill before school started and its working. Hope it lasts. Cheri

Thursday, August 27, 2009 Its All Relative Tonight I had my first solid food since getting my fill last Tues. I chewed my chicken to death and did moisten it with gravy. I could feel tightness when I swallowed unless I chewed tiny bites into mush and swallowed only a little at a time. A couple of times I could feel a pb trying to start (productive cough, or as I call it puke back). I wiped the extra saliva out of my mouth and waited it out before cautiously resuming eating. In case you forgot, food can plug the stoma the band creates and stuff comes back up--especially saliva. The band feels much tighter in the morning so I'll probably do liquids tomorrow but try to eat real food again for supper. My weight loss has started again. We also realized our blood pressure machine was wrong. We got a new one and its in line with the Dr.s now, and my blood pressure is in normal range with a lot less drugs. My husband found out his blood sugar was higher than mine. Still in the borderline range but barely. So he's cutting way back on carbs and will probably lose more weight. It is absolutely not fair that men can lose weight so easily. My husband and I are about the same height, I may have half an inch on him, but he has a very slight build. When he gains weight its all in his tummy. The rest of him stays skinny. He also has some of the worst eating habits, barely eating during the day and then eating supper for an hour and dessert or snacks all evenings. (He has modified this because I couldn't take being around so much food all night long.) His blood pressure and cholesterol are great. The blood sugar is the first sign that his eating habits are starting to cause him trouble. So he threw out all the carbs he had hidden in the house to eat when I'm not around. When I met him he was a heavy smoker and barely ate except for his snacks. He was so skinny his ribs would poke me when we hugged. I was at a relatively skinny point in my life and was in top shape, walking, swimming, and working the machines at the gym. I went dancing at least once a week. I was still 20 lbs. heavier than he. He gave up the smoking for me and turned to food and now he's giving up the food. Go Ken! He's also been dismantling the basement, demolishing all the paneling and ceiling tiles, so that we can get a draintile moat put under the floor to eliminate our water and mold problems. Ken would be the first to admit he's not handy. So far he's stepped on three nails. Fortunately, you only need one tetanus shot. He's doing this for me, too, since I refuse to pay money to have it done. We need the money to pay for the drain tile and possibly a new roof since my current one is leaking again after two days of rain. That'll pretty much wipe us out and we'll have to slowly redo the basement as savings permit. As long as I have a job, that is. But I can't project too far into the future. We help pay for a child in Kenya to attend school, have a mattress and a lantern to study by, school supplies, a uniform, and one meal a day. I've walked on Mount Trashmore in the Phillipines and watched the children combing through the trash in unbelievable heat, stench, and humidity for things that could be sold to support their family. These are not people who have to worry about getting a lapband to keep them from eating too much. Its pretty hard to complain after that. Even when we think we're living in want, we're living in plenty. Its all relative. I am content, no matter what my circumstance.

Thursday, August 27, 2009 Its All Relative Tonight I had my first solid food since getting my fill last Tues. I chewed my chicken to death and did moisten it with gravy. I could feel tightness when I swallowed unless I chewed tiny bites into mush and swallowed only a little at a time. A couple of times I could feel a pb trying to start (productive cough, or as I call it puke back). I wiped the extra saliva out of my mouth and waited it out before cautiously resuming eating. In case you forgot, food can plug the stoma the band creates and stuff comes back up--especially saliva. The band feels much tighter in the morning so I'll probably do liquids tomorrow but try to eat real food again for supper. My weight loss has started again. We also realized our blood pressure machine was wrong. We got a new one and its in line with the Dr.s now, and my blood pressure is in normal range with a lot less drugs. My husband found out his blood sugar was higher than mine. Still in the borderline range but barely. So he's cutting way back on carbs and will probably lose more weight. It is absolutely not fair that men can lose weight so easily. My husband and I are about the same height, I may have half an inch on him, but he has a very slight build. When he gains weight its all in his tummy. The rest of him stays skinny. He also has some of the worst eating habits, barely eating during the day and then eating supper for an hour and dessert or snacks all evenings. (He has modified this because I couldn't take being around so much food all night long.) His blood pressure and cholesterol are great. The blood sugar is the first sign that his eating habits are starting to cause him trouble. So he threw out all the carbs he had hidden in the house to eat when I'm not around. When I met him he was a heavy smoker and barely ate except for his snacks. He was so skinny his ribs would poke me when we hugged. I was at a relatively skinny point in my life and was in top shape, walking, swimming, and working the machines at the gym. I went dancing at least once a week. I was still 20 lbs. heavier than he. He gave up the smoking for me and turned to food and now he's giving up the food. Go Ken! He's also been dismantling the basement, demolishing all the paneling and ceiling tiles, so that we can get a draintile moat put under the floor to eliminate our water and mold problems. Ken would be the first to admit he's not handy. So far he's stepped on three nails. Fortunately, you only need one tetanus shot. He's doing this for me, too, since I refuse to pay money to have it done. We need the money to pay for the drain tile and possibly a new roof since my current one is leaking again after two days of rain. That'll pretty much wipe us out and we'll have to slowly redo the basement as savings permit. As long as I have a job, that is. But I can't project too far into the future. We help pay for a child in Kenya to attend school, have a mattress and a lantern to study by, school supplies, a uniform, and one meal a day. I've walked on Mount Trashmore in the Phillipines and watched the children combing through the trash in unbelievable heat, stench, and humidity for things that could be sold to support their family. These are not people who have to worry about getting a lapband to keep them from eating too much. Its pretty hard to complain after that. Even when we think we're living in want, we're living in plenty. Its all relative. I am content, no matter what my circumstance.

We bandsters need to make a pact never to denigrate ourselves or minimize our accomplishments. Every pill we're taken off of, every size we shrink, every extra step we can now take is a victory. Every time we walk away from a binge and get back on track is a victory. Everytime we log in and receive encouragement, share our successes and our failures, and encourage someone else, is a victory. Keep coming back. Cheri Check out my blog at IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

Hi all, Just a hit and run. I can't keep up with you guys. Worked all day and then some on scheduling my 65 students. Its a huge project and I never have the info I need till school starts. My assistant set up the room and all the files we need to keep on each student. Now I have to contact each parent to make sure I have all permission slips. I always have a few parents who won't admit their child would benefit from some extra tutoring. Their loss. But I get paid by the contact so I try to contact reluctant parents and persuade them. Fill is still holding. Drank fluids until supper then added some gravy to some leftover chicken and chewed it to death. Had to eat very, very slowly so as not to pb. Probably do the same thing tomorrow. Band is really tight in the morning. Got a ticket for the accident I got in a month ago and have to go to court tomorrow morning. My DH offerred to go with me. I'm glad. Roof is leaking from the two days of rain. Couldn't go out and walk tonight. Thanks for being my friends. Cheri

Fill is holding up. Switched from liquids today to solids for supper but added some liquid to my chicken and chewed very slowly and swallowed teeny bits of well-chewed mush. School went well today. No kids for me yet, I'm still working on the schedule which I'll start Monday. I have to pull kids from their specials--mostly Spanish, library, computers, and study halls. I have to see how many of my kids returned, check their test scores to see what they need help in and create my groups accordingly. Some classes have so many kids needing help I can't take them all at once and need to find seperate places in the schedule. This year I only have around 65 kids whereas in the past I had 80-110, but they changed the way they scheduled things and its much harder to fit the kids in. My neck starts to hurt from bending over all the various information and then creating my chart on the computer. Got home late. Raining out. Don't know if I can walk. Gonna try anyway. Roof leaking. Typical. Might have to bite the bullet and get roof fixed, which will delay us getting our basement back together once we get the perma-seal draintile moat put in. But, have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, shoes on my feet and food to eat. God is good.

Someone from this or another thread said my address for my blog is inaccurate so here it is again, hopfully right this time. IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

Someone here or on another thread said my address for my blog was wrong, so I copied it and am reposting. IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

Can't keep up with y'all. Three pp of posts since last night. I'm definitely having great restriction. Yesterday could feel that anything more than a tiny sip would make me pb (which I think of as puke back.) Today, I'm still on liquids but its going down easier. Tomorrow--mushies. I'm not going to push it. Work today went well. I was able to concentrate on creating my schedule. I can never see kids for several days because the info I need to create the schedule is never available till the first day of school. I'm going to call a lot of parents tonight because they have to OK having their child in my program. But first, it looks like it stopped raining and I can go out and get in my walk. I get along pretty well with my family. I'm the oldest of 5. We have a reunion at least once a year. There's always some mild contretemps involving my mother's need for attention or my father's need to try to control our lives (especially religiously) and to express his opinions. We deal with it, roll our eyes, and move on. I don't have close friends anymore. My husband is a loner which makes it difficult to have couple's friendships and working full time has made it difficult to make friends outside of work. I'm fairly close with my daughter but try to be careful not to get on her nerves. I have 7 grandchildren I try to see fairly regularly. My social life has always revolved around church, but people change churches frequently and move. Used to hang out with more people, but I find as I get less and less codependent, I'm not as interested in being around those who are really needy. And so many of those who aren't needy are surrounded by those who are and have no time for real friendships. I've never been one to talk much on the phone or e-mail constantly and it seems now-a-days like you have to do that to maintain relationships. I do like posting and reading everybody's posts on this thread. Everybody here has a common interest and everyone is doing what it takes to improve their lives. It's given me a chance to form friendships again. Good for us.

I wanted an aggressive 2nd fill and I got it. I was tired of hanging on by my fingernails. I'm definitely back on a liquid diet and have to sip very slowly. That should jumpstart some continued weight loss. I plan on trying mushies tomorrow since I have no desire to pb. (I also call that "puke back". I'm back to drink a little, burp a little, drink a little. I'm hoping this fill lasts for some time since I started teaching again today and don't want to take the time to go on the busiest expressway in Chicago (by the circle interchange). Yesterday one of the girls before me fainted when she got her fill. The needle did it. This Dr. has patients stand up in front of the floroscope. The last Dr. had us lay down.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009 New Hope--Second Lapband Fill Had my 2nd fill today. Dr. definitely made sure I'd feel some restriction. I think I'll be on liquids for a few days, until the fat pad around my stomach shrinks enough to loosen the band and let a little food through. Absolutely stopped the cravings I was having. I'm back to sipping tiny little sips. No danger of me eating too much. Protein shakes and water are about all I can get down. Have to drink them very slowly. I also actually got some work done in my classroom today. I finally got all the class lists, and was relieved to see the number of my students who are returning. I'll be working on the schedule and some testing the next few days. I'll also be contacting parents of kids who were marginal whether they needed to see me or not. It helps my bottom line if I do have at least 2 contacts with them a week, since my program gets paid per contact. But these are parents who don't want their children missing a single thing in order to come to me. Other parents are in denial that their child needs help. I want to keep an assistant 3 days a week and not have to drop to one or two. There's so much organization and paperwork required and that's not the stuff I'm good at. The more student contacts I have, the more $ come in, the more I can do with and for the students. I have some special computer programs that have been shown to improve kids reading scores by an average of one to two years in just 6-12 weeks. The high number of student contacts I maintain is what has paid for the yearly licenses for those programs and my assistant works with those kids on the computer while I teach the rest of the kids. I also get parent involvement money and money for group counseling provided for the kids based on the number of students I see. Its all intertwined. The loss of students at RCS impacts my funding and limits what I can do with the kids. I know its all in God's hands. I just pray that the NCLB funding will come in and pay for me this year (its not in yet), and that next year the new vendor will hire me. I've made my classroom such an ADHD/ADD friendly place for myself. A good part of that is my assistant who is really more like my partner. I rely heavily on her advice on how to set things up, and I totally rely on her to keep up with all the forms and files. Meanwhile thanks to the lapband fill, I'm not eating. I had to fight to get the second fill only two weeks after the first fill. I wanted to start the school year with restriction. I didn't want to have to take off work to get the fill. This fill should last quite a while. It may even be the last one I need. It depends on how loose it gets after I lose the next 35 lbs. I had a student who didn't recognize me at first today. I had my hair up in it's Pebbles Flintstone do. She's used to me with short hair and a much fatter body. LOL. I'm also working on my DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) pile of clothes. I'm amazed at how fat women's clothes are designed to accommodate a huge weight range. Most of my pants definitely don't fit me, but the tops don't look too bad. Instead of being stretched around my fat, they now drape around me gracefully. I might invest in a decorative, loose belt to upgrade their style a little. Eventually I'll have to cave and get more clothes but for now I'll make do with these clothes and with my thrift store buys. Last night I felt somewhat hopeless. The return of my cravings threw me for a loop. In the past they could have been the start of regaining, with interest, all the weight I've lost. Thank God for the lapband. Life's vicissitudes can't throw me back into the food nearly as easily as they did. My optimism about the school year has returned now that I'm not worrying about the food on top of everything else. I can do all things, through him who strengthens me, Yes, I can do all things, through him who strengthens me.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009 New Hope--Second Lapband Fill Had my 2nd fill today. Dr. definitely made sure I'd feel some restriction. I think I'll be on liquids for a few days, until the fat pad around my stomach shrinks enough to loosen the band and let a little food through. Absolutely stopped the cravings I was having. I'm back to sipping tiny little sips. No danger of me eating too much. Protein shakes and water are about all I can get down. Have to drink them very slowly. I also actually got some work done in my classroom today. I finally got all the class lists, and was relieved to see the number of my students who are returning. I'll be working on the schedule and some testing the next few days. I'll also be contacting parents of kids who were marginal whether they needed to see me or not. It helps my bottom line if I do have at least 2 contacts with them a week, since my program gets paid per contact. But these are parents who don't want their children missing a single thing in order to come to me. Other parents are in denial that their child needs help. I want to keep an assistant 3 days a week and not have to drop to one or two. There's so much organization and paperwork required and that's not the stuff I'm good at. The more student contacts I have, the more $ come in, the more I can do with and for the students. I have some special computer programs that have been shown to improve kids reading scores by an average of one to two years in just 6-12 weeks. The high number of student contacts I maintain is what has paid for the yearly licenses for those programs and my assistant works with those kids on the computer while I teach the rest of the kids. I also get parent involvement money and money for group counseling provided for the kids based on the number of students I see. Its all intertwined. The loss of students at RCS impacts my funding and limits what I can do with the kids. I know its all in God's hands. I just pray that the NCLB funding will come in and pay for me this year (its not in yet), and that next year the new vendor will hire me. I've made my classroom such an ADHD/ADD friendly place for myself. A good part of that is my assistant who is really more like my partner. I rely heavily on her advice on how to set things up, and I totally rely on her to keep up with all the forms and files. Meanwhile thanks to the lapband fill, I'm not eating. I had to fight to get the second fill only two weeks after the first fill. I wanted to start the school year with restriction. I didn't want to have to take off work to get the fill. This fill should last quite a while. It may even be the last one I need. It depends on how loose it gets after I lose the next 35 lbs. I had a student who didn't recognize me at first today. I had my hair up in it's Pebbles Flintstone do. She's used to me with short hair and a much fatter body. LOL. I'm also working on my DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) pile of clothes. I'm amazed at how fat women's clothes are designed to accommodate a huge weight range. Most of my pants definitely don't fit me, but the tops don't look too bad. Instead of being stretched around my fat, they now drape around me gracefully. I might invest in a decorative, loose belt to upgrade their style a little. Eventually I'll have to cave and get more clothes but for now I'll make do with these clothes and with my thrift store buys. Last night I felt somewhat hopeless. The return of my cravings threw me for a loop. In the past they could have been the start of regaining, with interest, all the weight I've lost. Thank God for the lapband. Life's vicissitudes can't throw me back into the food nearly as easily as they did. My optimism about the school year has returned now that I'm not worrying about the food on top of everything else. I can do all things, through him who strengthens me, Yes, I can do all things, through him who strengthens me.

Monday, August 24, 2009 Discouragement I'm having a hard time with food tonight. I am absolutely craving chocolate and have eaten two Kashi bars just for the taste of the sprinkling of chocolate chips sprinkled inside them. Before that I had trouble stopping myself from eating chicken. I've been craving chocolate for days. I can't wait for my fill tomorrow. It won't take away the craving but it will help limit the damage. Sometimes I actually overeat good-for-me-stuff in order to avoid pigging out on what I crave. I've been doing so good. So now I've got to figure out why the cravings are so strong. Well, it seems obvious to me. School starts on Wednesday. I have always used food to help me focus and get on task. I miss my drug. It may be that now that my blood pressure is down and I'm on fewer and fewer meds, I may have to see about going on ADHD meds. They have some new ones out that aren't stimulants. One of the best adult tests for adult ADHD assesses the following five clusters. These remain in adults as hyperactivity and impulsivity characteristic in childhood ADHD diminish. •Organizing and activating to work. •Sustaining attention and concentration. •Sustaining energy and effort. •Managing affective interference. •Using working memory and accessing recall. When I read this yesterday in Psychiatric Times, it was almost more than I could take. I have all five of those symptoms and they are all currently overactive. Chocolate and coffee are particularly effective in self-medicating those symptoms. I drink decaf and I've had very little chocolate since having my lapband surgery. So I'm trying to handle my ADHD without my most effective medicine. When I was a teenager I lived on chocolate. I never ate breakfast, had a light lunch but ate candy bars whenever available, and ate a hearty supper with chocolate ice cream for dessert. I was very active. When I added coffee in college and as a young mother, chocolate and coffee were my mainstays. I could live my life on chocolate and coffee. Recently I talked with another bandster who, now that she's lost the weight, lives on chocolate and coffee. She remains very thin. That's an enormous temptation for me. Sometimes I've wondered if I'd mostly eaten that and ate just a little other food, that I might not have gained all the weight. The problem was all the "healthy" food I ate on top of it because I figured I needed the nutrients. And, like today, when I deny myself what I crave, I overeat "healthy" foods. It's going to be an interesting year. I don't know if there's going to be enough NCLB funding available to keep me and my assistant working. We are paid according to the number of children I see each week. So far, I have no idea how many RCS students are returning. Last year we had 240 total students, this year we are at 140 with school starting in two days. I need my assistant. She does all the paperwork for NCLB, does all the record-keeping and keeps everything organized so I'm free to teach. Last year I cut down to having her two days instead of three, and another assistant two days. This year I won't have the second assistant. Next year a new vendor will be in charge and is not obligated to hire me. Everytime I walk in my classroom I'm having trouble sitting down and focusing and getting stuff done. I've already talked about how bad my memory's been this summer (and its definitely my working memory, not my longterm that's affected and its affecting my ability to recall information. Well, I can't organize and activate to work, I can't sustain attention and concentration or energy and effort, and I'm not managing affective (emotional) interference. It will take the pressure of school actually starting to get me to concentrate. That's not unusual for me, to a certain extent it happens every year, but it feels worse this year. So I'm considering medication. Often, for ADHD people, drugs that specifically work on ADHD are necessary to help a person lose weight and maintain weight loss so that they don't use food to self-medicate the ADHD symptoms. We'll see. I've been on meds before and done very well. But then my blood pressure started going up a little and I panicked. Well, my blood pressure really went up without the ADHD meds as I gained and gained weight. I just hate more Dr.'s visits. This is my 9th year of teaching at RCS and each year has brought major challenges and I'm constantly adapting to fit the circumstances. The challenge has always helped me to focus. I'm just not sure the challenges I'm facing this year are the kind that will help me focus. I feel like my program is going backwards. I'm going to see how it goes. I'm scared. All the old feelings of inadequacy about being able to hold down a job are back. So much of my life has been spent hiding my ADHD under a veneer of competency that I couldn't sustain. This job I've done so well because I designed it around my ADHD and haven't tried to disguise it. Now circumstances are changing and its bringing back old fears. I want to eat. Lord, I need your help. I'm powerless over food and over my ADHD. I ask you to take over my mind and my stomach. Get me through this time of uncertainty, hold my hand, take care of me. Amen

Monday, August 24, 2009 Discouragement I'm having a hard time with food tonight. I am absolutely craving chocolate and have eaten two Kashi bars just for the taste of the sprinkling of chocolate chips sprinkled inside them. Before that I had trouble stopping myself from eating chicken. I've been craving chocolate for days. I can't wait for my fill tomorrow. It won't take away the craving but it will help limit the damage. Sometimes I actually overeat good-for-me-stuff in order to avoid pigging out on what I crave. I've been doing so good. So now I've got to figure out why the cravings are so strong. Well, it seems obvious to me. School starts on Wednesday. I have always used food to help me focus and get on task. I miss my drug. It may be that now that my blood pressure is down and I'm on fewer and fewer meds, I may have to see about going on ADHD meds. They have some new ones out that aren't stimulants. One of the best adult tests for adult ADHD assesses the following five clusters. These remain in adults as hyperactivity and impulsivity characteristic in childhood ADHD diminish. •Organizing and activating to work. •Sustaining attention and concentration. •Sustaining energy and effort. •Managing affective interference. •Using working memory and accessing recall. When I read this yesterday in Psychiatric Times, it was almost more than I could take. I have all five of those symptoms and they are all currently overactive. Chocolate and coffee are particularly effective in self-medicating those symptoms. I drink decaf and I've had very little chocolate since having my lapband surgery. So I'm trying to handle my ADHD without my most effective medicine. When I was a teenager I lived on chocolate. I never ate breakfast, had a light lunch but ate candy bars whenever available, and ate a hearty supper with chocolate ice cream for dessert. I was very active. When I added coffee in college and as a young mother, chocolate and coffee were my mainstays. I could live my life on chocolate and coffee. Recently I talked with another bandster who, now that she's lost the weight, lives on chocolate and coffee. She remains very thin. That's an enormous temptation for me. Sometimes I've wondered if I'd mostly eaten that and ate just a little other food, that I might not have gained all the weight. The problem was all the "healthy" food I ate on top of it because I figured I needed the nutrients. And, like today, when I deny myself what I crave, I overeat "healthy" foods. It's going to be an interesting year. I don't know if there's going to be enough NCLB funding available to keep me and my assistant working. We are paid according to the number of children I see each week. So far, I have no idea how many RCS students are returning. Last year we had 240 total students, this year we are at 140 with school starting in two days. I need my assistant. She does all the paperwork for NCLB, does all the record-keeping and keeps everything organized so I'm free to teach. Last year I cut down to having her two days instead of three, and another assistant two days. This year I won't have the second assistant. Next year a new vendor will be in charge and is not obligated to hire me. Everytime I walk in my classroom I'm having trouble sitting down and focusing and getting stuff done. I've already talked about how bad my memory's been this summer (and its definitely my working memory, not my longterm that's affected and its affecting my ability to recall information. Well, I can't organize and activate to work, I can't sustain attention and concentration or energy and effort, and I'm not managing affective (emotional) interference. It will take the pressure of school actually starting to get me to concentrate. That's not unusual for me, to a certain extent it happens every year, but it feels worse this year. So I'm considering medication. Often, for ADHD people, drugs that specifically work on ADHD are necessary to help a person lose weight and maintain weight loss so that they don't use food to self-medicate the ADHD symptoms. We'll see. I've been on meds before and done very well. But then my blood pressure started going up a little and I panicked. Well, my blood pressure really went up without the ADHD meds as I gained and gained weight. I just hate more Dr.'s visits. This is my 9th year of teaching at RCS and each year has brought major challenges and I'm constantly adapting to fit the circumstances. The challenge has always helped me to focus. I'm just not sure the challenges I'm facing this year are the kind that will help me focus. I feel like my program is going backwards. I'm going to see how it goes. I'm scared. All the old feelings of inadequacy about being able to hold down a job are back. So much of my life has been spent hiding my ADHD under a veneer of competency that I couldn't sustain. This job I've done so well because I designed it around my ADHD and haven't tried to disguise it. Now circumstances are changing and its bringing back old fears. I want to eat. Lord, I need your help. I'm powerless over food and over my ADHD. I ask you to take over my mind and my stomach. Get me through this time of uncertainty, hold my hand, take care of me. Amen

Welcome newbies and returnees. Wish my husband had a job. Meanwhile he's destroying our finished basement in order to create an interior moat (Perma-seal's drain tiles) to solve our water and mold problems. Still smells down there. It'll take us a few years to put the basement back together. Some of you may be interested in reading my blog on getting the lapband. I deal with a lot of food related issues like codependency, depression, ADHD, and the addiction aspect as well as the actual process of getting the band. It's located at IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

I agree with Janet. Get your metabolism checked out and your thyroid. Also, do you feel restriction from your band? Are you eating "slider" food? Or are you sticking to mostly drier protein, some veggies, and very little starches and sugars? Cheri Also, for some of you newbies, I documented a lot of my struggles in my blog http://ifyourstomachoffendsyoutieitoff.blogger.com Last night's post was about discouragement and how my add/adhd is out of control since I'm not medicating it with food. It's been making it very difficult for me to get ready to go back to work tomorrow (I'm a teacher).

Phyl, get better soon. You're going to love your new mobility. Janet, you've had a terrible horrible no good very bad day. Take a bath with a diet hot chocolate and a little something in it. (Course you're in the desert and might want a cooler dessert) Got my s's right. LOL I can't believe how many people want to go to Florida. We may need a hotel. Maybe everyone should make a favorite dish while we're there. This is my recipe to take with for groups. I eat without taco chips but bring those along for others. Amts are approximate since I measure nothing. Layer these items in a nice container. Glass is nice to see the layers. Layer of refried Beans (love the ones with green chiles) Layer of LF sour cr. Layer of real guacamole Layer of turkey hamburger fried with taco seasoning Sprinkle or layer top with LF mexican cheese. Add sliced olives--green or black-- and sprinkle on top This is so easy even I can do it. This is all "legal" food but it does slide well so I try to have half to three/quarter cup if I use it as a meal.