ifyourstomachoffendsyou

Hi Julie, I don't know if you remember but I thought when I first heard about your issues that it was coming from your neck. At that time it seemed like everytime the chiropracter worked on your neck you had these pain episodes. It sounded so much like what I went through. I had a bad shoulder too, and I had referred pain going back and forth between my shoulder and neck. Horrible. Totally debilitating. At least I knew where my pain was coming from. Document your full history, including chiropratic, and keep going after your insurance co. You need that MRI.

Count me in for Florida. I'll have to try to book a flight. Have never done it. My daughter is really good at finding deals so I may have her help me. Haven't flown in years. I understand its a real hassle. Welcome newbies. I do the eyeballing thing. After all these years I know what a healthy portion is. I just couldn't ever stick with it. I can never remember what I've eaten at the end of a day and I never could remember to write it down throughout the day because of my ADHD. The band helps me with portions and with stopping because it lets me know. That's why keeping up with fills is so important. When I get to maintenance I want a good tight fill and not have to rely on willpower because I have none. ADHD people are usually the least successful on any diet because things like Daily Plate or keeping a notebook are not something we can keep up with. I had a free Franklin-Covey planner and had training in using it. I read Steven Covey's Seven Habits of Efffective People at least twice and went through training on it. I couldn't remember to put things in the planner much less check it to know what was in it. And even if I did check it I could still forget. Then I lost the planner. I think. I find checking in each day with LBT on this thread helps me be accountable, though. I admit when I've had a bad day or days with my food and talk about my food issues which helps me get back on track, and I let people know how my weight loss is going. I also started a blog because although I can't keep track of little facts, I am a writer and I use the blog to work through life and all the things that can impact my food. My blog is on LBT and on blogspot: IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF I started my journey with the pre-op diet on June 10, had surgery on June 18 and am at a 61 lb weight loss. Nine lbs from goal. Sometimes it helps you to deal with your own food issues if you read about other's struggles. My early posts really get into the initial stages of this journey. Right now I'm looking at body image and approaching maintenance as well as all the complications of dealing with my life. Cheri

Gonna work on Christmas decorating today since we were gone last weekend. But first I've got to dust all surfaces. Wet wipe them really, because my husband finally sprayed the basement walls and rafters for mold, but first he took the leaf blower and blew the rafters and walls to get all the spider webs and previous dust from when he took a wire brush to the walls to get off all loose plastering. I told him to suck it up instead because of the mold he'd be spreading but he didn't believe me. Even more chunks of plaster came off the foundation (because of water damage from years of seepage) and mortar from the bricks on top of the foundation. They must have used too much sand in the mix, or seepage leeched out a lot of the ingredients and only the sand is left. So he didn't just blow normal dust off everything, he blew mold saturated plaster and mortar dust that despite plastic sheeting went all over the house. He cleaned all the floors yesterday and cleaned all the bedding at my insistance, but left the dusting for me. He is retired because he couldn't get a decent job so took social security at 62. That's why he's the one doing these chores. The basement has been a disaster since the two floods a year ago finished off what years of seepage had started. We had to do a complete teardown of the formerly finished basement and have Permaseal come in and put in draintile. DH is a very nice man and very thoughtful but knows nothing about buildings and projects. He has two left hands when it comes to implementing projects so constantly hurts himself or wrecks something, but I can't afford to hire anyone for this teardown stage and for treating the basement for mold. I need the money for a new roof and for putting the basement back together. So I think I've been breathing mold and plaster dust the past couple of days and it helped me come down with a mild cold that normally I'd have fought off. I've made sure to get extra sleep the past few nights, cut out the major exercise (my joints hurt), and I think I've prevented this cold from turning into something major. I use the saline solution to control the sinuses during the day (and remove any mold) and zicam, which seems to help lessen the symptoms. Generic nyquil (without the pseudophedrine which keeps me awake) at night last night gave me a very good night's sleep. I'm just a little draggy today. DH went to a gun show today to get a holster. He's going for security guard training all next week. There's a guy who's already offered to hire him, and he'll make between $12-15/hr., which sure beats most of the other jobs for men his age that are available. I've been pressuring him to find something because I don't know what my job situation will be next year. Our windows are running with moisture from the basement. It's very cold outside. I think I saw our dehumidifier on its side in the former bathroom downstairs and I'll try to set that up. DH wasn't thinking yesterday. I'd told him we needed to switch the dryer vent to outdoors (we had it putting moisture and heat into the house for the winter.) Instead he cleaned all the rags and towels he was using to clean up and ran the dryer all day, making our window water problems even worse and preventing the basement from drying out after being sprayed. I told him the mold was going to come back unless he vented the dryer outside and set up fans in the basement. I forgot we had a dehumidifier. My first husband was an a$$ but he never would have made the mistakes DH makes and I would not have had to be the one thinking of these things and directing him to do them since I'm not available because of work and arthritis to do them myself. So I'm venting a little here so you'll all know I don't lead a trouble-free life. He doesn't read lapband talk but he does read my blog so I can't talk about this situation much on there. I think part of the reason he's finally doing something about getting at least decent part-time work to supplement his social security is because he'd rather hire someone to do these projects than have me handing them to him and telling him how to do them. If I left it up to him he'd just let the house fall down around our ears. Nobody is able to picture him as a security guard. He's built very slightly. Only his tummy sticks out. He's kind of a loner who's never exercised and is not at all intimidating. My son made the comment to me that DH is going to look and act like Barney Fife in his security guard uniform, and if his ears stuck out more he really would. Now I can't get that image out of my head, but it does make me smile. I've got someone lined up to refinish the basement next summer but now at least I can go down there and not smell the mold. I'll be able to go on my treadmill to exercise this winter and maybe even have people over since the mold is gone. My grandkids can play on the concrete floors with things like trucks and tops and small bikes. I've done no entertaining since the floods. Well, enough of that. I'm going to slowly start tackling the remaining dust and get the Christmas decorations up. We have my work Christmas party tonight. I don't want to overdo. Cheri

I could use my remaining personal day on Friday. I could fly up on THurs nite or during the day Fri. (I'd have to check out flights and dollars. It might be cheaper to fly out Thurs. nite.) I could fly back Monday aft. or eve. since I am off work. I'd definitely want to share with as many people as possible to keep costs down, especially with that many nights. What's Feb. weather usually like in Orlando area? My kids are there with their kids right now and I'm hearing lot's of rain. Cheri

Don't know at this point if I can go. Used up one of my personal days going to my sister's for Thanksgiving. Hope to go back to school next semester. $ are also an issue.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009 As A Woman Thinks, So She Is I got a shock when my husband took my picture today. I wanted a new picture for Facebook and for Lapbandtalk. I thought I'd look pretty good because I'm 10 lbs from goal and I'm exercising like a demon. I forgot the power of age and the fact that photos add 10 lbs as does camera angle and lighting. I looked top heavy. With all my excercise my waist still does not curve in significantly and my upper tummy still is rounded. I can hide the sagging but flatter lower tummy but not the upper tummy. My hips seemed narrow, my thighs skinny, but my boobs, on the other hand, seemed huge. When I was younger I always wanted big boobs. Well, be careful what you wish for. I have been this weight before, but I have never been this shape. I used to be pear shaped. Now I think I'm what they used to call pigeon-breasted. So now I have to adjust my attitude. I was, I admit, somewhat dismayed. Vanity, vanity, all is vanity. I really do look a lot better and I feel fantastic compared to before. I'll never be young and svelte again. And that's OK. Every time I lost weight in the past it was never good enough and I never felt perfect. Bad body image can sabotage weight loss and maintenance so quickly. You'd think that by the ripe old age of 58 (the 30th of this month) I'd be past the whole body image and beauty thing. My husband certainly doesn't seem to notice or care. Part of the confidence with which women carry themselves is based on their sense of body image and the way men look at them and treat them. Even more important, I think sometimes, is the way other women look at them. Most heterosexual males don't really care about the details as long as the main parts are present and available. Look at Prince Charles and Camilla vs. Diana. Look at today's headlines about Tiger Woods and check out the skanky looking mistress he had. We think if we're physically perfect our mates will remain attracted to us and will adore us. Doesn't happen. And we learn not to rely on the opinions of our mates. We look to other women and their comments on how we dress and ornament ourselves and to compliment us as we lose weight. Sometimes we get more of our confidence or lack thereof from the other women in our lives. Why can't I get my confidence from being a great teacher, a loving grandparent, a caring person, a beloved child of God? In fact, why do I focus on myself so much or even at all? The fact is, I'm always going to see the world from my own perspective and experience. That's also how I'll express it to others. I am important to myself. I don't think I'll ever not care about how I look or think that my opinions aren't valuable. So, I'll have to keep working on attitude and on changing my thinking. I'm a positive thinker most of the time. I have to look at the reality of my age and of what fat has done to my body and accept and love my body the way it is. I'll never knock Hugh Jackson off his feet but I do sense men looking my way. The trick is to love myself yet in humility to consider others better than myself and to keep a servant's heart. I had a little lesson in humility when I saw my pictures today. I'm finding that to keep the focus off myself it helps to keep myself open to all the incredible beauty around me. I'm still basking in the beauty of the Tennessee mountains. Last night my husband was flipping channels between Celtic Women-Songs from the Heart and So You Think You Can Dance. Some of the voices and some of the dances were so overwhelmingly lovely, they gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes. I stay away from people who are ranters. I never listen to the political pundits for example. I listen to candidates, but never those whose ranting, hating voices fill the air waves as they pour out vitriol and hazardous waste. I don't care what side they're on. They create ugliness as they twist facts to suit their purposes and try to prove themselves superior through insults and smears. I don't need that kind of ugliness in my life or the anger it raises in me. I notice, but do not dwell on the horrors that occur in our world. Yes, four police officers were shot. Yes, 30,000 more troops are being sent to Afghanistan. Yes, there was a massacre at Fort Hood by a crazy man. And yes, children and young people are slaughtering each other on the streets of Chicago. But I thank God for the beauty in this world; for laughter and children's smiles and beautiful voices and haunting performances and incredible scenery and a Father's perfect love. Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009 As A Woman Thinks, So She Is I got a shock when my husband took my picture today. I wanted a new picture for Facebook and for Lapbandtalk. I thought I'd look pretty good because I'm 10 lbs from goal and I'm exercising like a demon. I forgot the power of age and the fact that photos add 10 lbs as does camera angle and lighting. I looked top heavy. With all my excercise my waist still does not curve in significantly and my upper tummy still is rounded. I can hide the sagging but flatter lower tummy but not the upper tummy. My hips seemed narrow, my thighs skinny, but my boobs, on the other hand, seemed huge. When I was younger I always wanted big boobs. Well, be careful what you wish for. I have been this weight before, but I have never been this shape. I used to be pear shaped. Now I think I'm what they used to call pigeon-breasted. So now I have to adjust my attitude. I was, I admit, somewhat dismayed. Vanity, vanity, all is vanity. I really do look a lot better and I feel fantastic compared to before. I'll never be young and svelte again. And that's OK. Every time I lost weight in the past it was never good enough and I never felt perfect. Bad body image can sabotage weight loss and maintenance so quickly. You'd think that by the ripe old age of 58 (the 30th of this month) I'd be past the whole body image and beauty thing. My husband certainly doesn't seem to notice or care. Part of the confidence with which women carry themselves is based on their sense of body image and the way men look at them and treat them. Even more important, I think sometimes, is the way other women look at them. Most heterosexual males don't really care about the details as long as the main parts are present and available. Look at Prince Charles and Camilla vs. Diana. Look at today's headlines about Tiger Woods and check out the skanky looking mistress he had. We think if we're physically perfect our mates will remain attracted to us and will adore us. Doesn't happen. And we learn not to rely on the opinions of our mates. We look to other women and their comments on how we dress and ornament ourselves and to compliment us as we lose weight. Sometimes we get more of our confidence or lack thereof from the other women in our lives. Why can't I get my confidence from being a great teacher, a loving grandparent, a caring person, a beloved child of God? In fact, why do I focus on myself so much or even at all? The fact is, I'm always going to see the world from my own perspective and experience. That's also how I'll express it to others. I am important to myself. I don't think I'll ever not care about how I look or think that my opinions aren't valuable. So, I'll have to keep working on attitude and on changing my thinking. I'm a positive thinker most of the time. I have to look at the reality of my age and of what fat has done to my body and accept and love my body the way it is. I'll never knock Hugh Jackson off his feet but I do sense men looking my way. The trick is to love myself yet in humility to consider others better than myself and to keep a servant's heart. I had a little lesson in humility when I saw my pictures today. I'm finding that to keep the focus off myself it helps to keep myself open to all the incredible beauty around me. I'm still basking in the beauty of the Tennessee mountains. Last night my husband was flipping channels between Celtic Women-Songs from the Heart and So You Think You Can Dance. Some of the voices and some of the dances were so overwhelmingly lovely, they gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes. I stay away from people who are ranters. I never listen to the political pundits for example. I listen to candidates, but never those whose ranting, hating voices fill the air waves as they pour out vitriol and hazardous waste. I don't care what side they're on. They create ugliness as they twist facts to suit their purposes and try to prove themselves superior through insults and smears. I don't need that kind of ugliness in my life or the anger it raises in me. I notice, but do not dwell on the horrors that occur in our world. Yes, four police officers were shot. Yes, 30,000 more troops are being sent to Afghanistan. Yes, there was a massacre at Fort Hood by a crazy man. And yes, children and young people are slaughtering each other on the streets of Chicago. But I thank God for the beauty in this world; for laughter and children's smiles and beautiful voices and haunting performances and incredible scenery and a Father's perfect love. Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Wow, it's taken a while to catch up with all of you. Sorry you're sick Laura. Good thing you're not with your dad. I'm watching Celtic Women-Songs from the Heart for the second night in a row. Absolute beauty in any form of art knocks me out. Chills and tears and thanks to God who filled us with his own creative spirit. You may or may not know that the pronoun used to refer to the Holy Spirit in the original language is feminine. One of the gifts of ADHD is frequently high creativity and an appreciation for and participation in the arts. I see the inspiration of the Holy Spirit (Ghost) in these things that so move me. Bagpipers playing Amazing Grace right now followed by and joining with some of the most beautiful female harmonies I've ever heard. Ethereal voices. French horns,violins timpani and back to bagpipers. And words of such incredible meaning. Continuing now with Pie Jesu. A voice so pure and high and ethereal joined by tight high harmony. Dear God such beauty. Watch it if you can. I'm seeing it from the recording my husgand made from public TV but its on youtube. Got to go now to choir. Won't be the same but I'll still love singing. They're singing Danny Boy now. A Cappela harmonies so tight and in tune I can hardly stand it. Gotta go. Gotta sing. Oh no, now they're singing You Raise Me Up. Can't go. Gotta go.

We love you! I have a tight band in the morning and I'm often very loose at night. I like protein shakes in the morning. I've never liked cereal and I've no time to make an egg. Protein shakes are perfect for me with the tight band. My sister who's always been thin eats only a handful of nuts and seeds and dried cherries and raisins in the morning. Her daughter started calling it Pocohontas mix. She may snack on that during the day and eats her big meal at night. So its actually a very normal pattern for thin people to eat only a little in the morning and throughout the day then eat a nice meal at night. I actually used to eat like that in the days when I was relatively and really thin. Eating a big breakfast always made me ravenously hungry all day long. It's like it stretched out my stomach and started my cravings, so I'm quite able to live with a tight band in the morning. I wish it were tighter at night. It is if I eat the denser proteins and stay away from slider food. You'll figure out how to live with it.

cherifl@comcast.net. Once you write me I'll have your e-mail address. I'm terrible at copying and pasting so please write me. Got new glasses today. Think I like them. I need to post a new picture soon. I've been going to school early the past two days and climbing up and down the stairs and walking around the gym to simulate the hills of Tennessee. I still walk when I get home and I do 100 crunches on the ab cruncher my husband picked up at a garage sale. Hopefully, I'll start seeing the scale move soon. DH has been flashing between So You Think You Can Dance and Celtic Women. So much incredible beauty in this world. Tears.

I bought mostly fun stuff like harmonicas, painted recorders (flutes) and old-fashioned tops (remember the ones you wound up by pushing the top up and down and then they hummed while they spun all over the kitchen floor?). I got winter hats for each grandchild and Christmas socks. I got a birdhouse as a thank you gift for my sis and her husband. He is quite confined but watches the birds on the feeders and birdhouses he can see out their windows on their beautiful balconies. He can also go out on the balcony in decent weather. Their balconies look down over the tree tops to the TVA lake inlet way below which you can barely see in the summer. You can look out over the bigger part of the lake and see the sunrise and the mists rising off the lake in the morning. Gorgeous. In the summer if you're adventurous you can climb down the trail to their dock and go swimming or take out the kayaks. Even in Nov. its beautiful there. I may go online to Mast because I didn't even have time to look at all the clothes. Cheri

Monday, November 30, 2009 Thanksgiving, Tennessee, Teaching Thanksgiving was wonderful. Went ahead and ate some extra but walked the hills of Tennessee and came out even. I love Tennessee. Even in November. Saw snow up close on the mountaintops, came down to pleasant weather. Walking was a workout but what a way to go. Gorgeous stars at night, mist on the lake in the morning, sunset glow behind Bay's Mountain. That's what I'm talkin' about. Saw my sister and her husband. He's very ill and I wanted to spend time with him. Got to talk to my sister. I'm not a phone person so that was great. We also went to Ashville and got to see a lot of arts and crafts, but did most of my shopping at Mast General Store where they have everything. Got almost all my Christmas shopping done there. This was a major holiday, normally an absolute stuffed to the gills holiday. I did eat stuffing (my favorite) but I was not stuffed. I enjoyed my food and all the leftovers over the weekend. The band definitely helped me walk away. I had to watch the quantities of slider food. But taking lots of walks and not just sitting around my sister's house helped a lot. I really became aware once more of how much I need to move and be busy. With the weather going to be getting worse around here I know I won't be able to walk outside as frequently and some weeks (months?) not at all. Plus the walking doesn't work the same muscles as climbing all those hills in Tennessee and that definitely upped my workout. So I'm going to get to school early most mornings and do the stairs there for half an hour. Did that this morning. Didn't even break a sweat. Sixty lbs ago I'd have been covered in sweat after one or two rounds. I'm also doing a hundred ab crunches on our ab cruncher my husband picked up at a garage sale. Don't really feel that either. My cardiovascular system has to be vastly improved. I am having such a good year at work. My groups are all manageable, and remarkably well-behaved. They're making great strides in learning that I can almost touch. I have fewer kids whom I see more often in many cases allowing me to really tackle remediating their weak areas while strengthening their strengths. I'm better at using Love & Logic to manage classroom behavior. I'm getting better and better at teaching, period. I love teaching. I feel so good when I'm teaching. I can't wait to get to my job in the morning. Seeing these kids faces when the light of comprehension dawns, watching them decide to take learning seriously, the enthusiasm for the novels they read and the new math techniques they learn just inspire me. The kids can't wait to get to my classroom. Even the 6th-8th graders are buckling down in ways that are amazing me. I think there's been a sea change at the school. We lost many students when we cracked down on those not paying tuition, but the kids we're left with are coming from families determined to make the most of the dollars they're spending. I think its making a difference. Now we need to attract more of those families and students. With the Lord's help, I think we will.

Monday, November 30, 2009 Thanksgiving, Tennessee, Teaching Thanksgiving was wonderful. Went ahead and ate some extra but walked the hills of Tennessee and came out even. I love Tennessee. Even in November. Saw snow up close on the mountaintops, came down to pleasant weather. Walking was a workout but what a way to go. Gorgeous stars at night, mist on the lake in the morning, sunset glow behind Bay's Mountain. That's what I'm talkin' about. Saw my sister and her husband. He's very ill and I wanted to spend time with him. Got to talk to my sister. I'm not a phone person so that was great. We also went to Ashville and got to see a lot of arts and crafts, but did most of my shopping at Mast General Store where they have everything. Got almost all my Christmas shopping done there. This was a major holiday, normally an absolute stuffed to the gills holiday. I did eat stuffing (my favorite) but I was not stuffed. I enjoyed my food and all the leftovers over the weekend. The band definitely helped me walk away. I had to watch the quantities of slider food. But taking lots of walks and not just sitting around my sister's house helped a lot. I really became aware once more of how much I need to move and be busy. With the weather going to be getting worse around here I know I won't be able to walk outside as frequently and some weeks (months?) not at all. Plus the walking doesn't work the same muscles as climbing all those hills in Tennessee and that definitely upped my workout. So I'm going to get to school early most mornings and do the stairs there for half an hour. Did that this morning. Didn't even break a sweat. Sixty lbs ago I'd have been covered in sweat after one or two rounds. I'm also doing a hundred ab crunches on our ab cruncher my husband picked up at a garage sale. Don't really feel that either. My cardiovascular system has to be vastly improved. I am having such a good year at work. My groups are all manageable, and remarkably well-behaved. They're making great strides in learning that I can almost touch. I have fewer kids whom I see more often in many cases allowing me to really tackle remediating their weak areas while strengthening their strengths. I'm better at using Love & Logic to manage classroom behavior. I'm getting better and better at teaching, period. I love teaching. I feel so good when I'm teaching. I can't wait to get to my job in the morning. Seeing these kids faces when the light of comprehension dawns, watching them decide to take learning seriously, the enthusiasm for the novels they read and the new math techniques they learn just inspire me. The kids can't wait to get to my classroom. Even the 6th-8th graders are buckling down in ways that are amazing me. I think there's been a sea change at the school. We lost many students when we cracked down on those not paying tuition, but the kids we're left with are coming from families determined to make the most of the dollars they're spending. I think its making a difference. Now we need to attract more of those families and students. With the Lord's help, I think we will.

Ate extra over Thanksgiving but walked like crazy and came out even. Back to work today. Love working.

Laura, Nels looks like he fits right in with the family. You looked gorgeous. Great and Apples--great pics, sorry the food sucked. Apples, good looking dog. I did notice. I had a great time in Tennesse. Beautiful weather. Walked all over the hills by my sister's. I was in such great shape I couldn't believe how I handled those very steep slopes. I didn't gain at all. Walked it all off. Shopped in Ashville NC. Lots of neat stuff but I loved Mast General Store where I bought almost everything I needed to give for Christmas. Loved seeing my sister and her husband. Cheri

Lot of new and returning people to this thread. I love the support I get on this and other threads, but I also have found blogging to be very effective in taking a good look at myself and why I eat, and how to deal with the disease. I started my blog pre-surgery. If you're interested you can check it out at IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF I recommend starting with the early posts. I was banded on June 18 and have lost 68lbs. I am 12 lbs from goal. If you're not a writer, reading about someone else's journey can be an inspiration and make you look more deeply into yourself and your own journey. Cheri

Tuesday, November 24, 2009 I Am Not Lazy I think about my motivation to work. ADHD makes a lot of things difficult for me. Organization and focusing issues, procrastination, needing the pressure of urgency, a deadline, a self-imposed goal and time-line to get things done. I've been accused of being lazy. Maybe I am. But its more a matter of there being a great need for something to be done to keep me focused and on task. One of the reasons I'm afraid of reaching my weight goal is that the urgency that keeps me on task with my food will be gone. Whenever, I have trouble getting at things that overwhelm me (like cleaning and organizing closets and getting rid of old clothes), I remind myself that I am not lazy. I am ADHD. I work very hard at Roseland Christian School, going well beyond what I'm paid or expected to do. I love my job. I love teaching. I love the school I teach at. I put in very full hours teaching. On Tuesdays, I have no breaks. My assistant is there and that helps, but its a long day. I have kids in my room before and after school. They love to be in my room. They love to learn. They're safe at our school and they are loved and they know it. Three blocks from our school a young man was beaten to death with a 2 by 4. Footage made it to TV sets around the world. I always feel a sense of urgency to reach these kids and give them the tools to not be seduced by the street culture that destroys so many of these young lives. Pray that Roseland Christian School will make it. Finances are precarious. Most people with money just don't see the importance of our work. I'd love to see us expand and keep tuition cheap enough that more children could come here. Places like this are the hope for these urban areas. We make a difference where it counts, one child at a time. Thank God for what you've got. In some ways this is like a war zone. A third world country. Inside the USA. Pray that I'll be able to keep working here. I've built relationships with these kids over the years I've had them. The relationships are a huge part of why I'm so effective. For them, I will work my a$$ off. Not just for myself, not just for my grandchildren, but for this job and this school, I want to keep the weight off. I have so much more energy for the children. I think I actually have more patience because I'm not so wiped out. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009 I Am Not Lazy I think about my motivation to work. ADHD makes a lot of things difficult for me. Organization and focusing issues, procrastination, needing the pressure of urgency, a deadline, a self-imposed goal and time-line to get things done. I've been accused of being lazy. Maybe I am. But its more a matter of there being a great need for something to be done to keep me focused and on task. One of the reasons I'm afraid of reaching my weight goal is that the urgency that keeps me on task with my food will be gone. Whenever, I have trouble getting at things that overwhelm me (like cleaning and organizing closets and getting rid of old clothes), I remind myself that I am not lazy. I am ADHD. I work very hard at Roseland Christian School, going well beyond what I'm paid or expected to do. I love my job. I love teaching. I love the school I teach at. I put in very full hours teaching. On Tuesdays, I have no breaks. My assistant is there and that helps, but its a long day. I have kids in my room before and after school. They love to be in my room. They love to learn. They're safe at our school and they are loved and they know it. Three blocks from our school a young man was beaten to death with a 2 by 4. Footage made it to TV sets around the world. I always feel a sense of urgency to reach these kids and give them the tools to not be seduced by the street culture that destroys so many of these young lives. Pray that Roseland Christian School will make it. Finances are precarious. Most people with money just don't see the importance of our work. I'd love to see us expand and keep tuition cheap enough that more children could come here. Places like this are the hope for these urban areas. We make a difference where it counts, one child at a time. Thank God for what you've got. In some ways this is like a war zone. A third world country. Inside the USA. Pray that I'll be able to keep working here. I've built relationships with these kids over the years I've had them. The relationships are a huge part of why I'm so effective. For them, I will work my a$$ off. Not just for myself, not just for my grandchildren, but for this job and this school, I want to keep the weight off. I have so much more energy for the children. I think I actually have more patience because I'm not so wiped out. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Apples you never cease to amaze me. I wanna be you when I grow up. I don't think I could ever work as hard as you, I'm too lazy. However, I do love my job. I love teaching. I love the school I teach at. I put in very full hours teaching. On Tuesdays, I have no breaks. My assistant is there and that helps, but its a long day. I have kids in my room before and after school. They love to be in my room. They love to learn. They're safe at our school and they are loved and they know it. Three blocks from our school a young man was beaten to death with a 2 by 4. Footage made it on TV sets around the world. I always feel a sense of urgency to reach these kids and give them the tools to not be seduced by the street culture that destroys so many of these young lives. Pray that Roseland Christian School will make it. Finances are precarious. Most people with money just don't see the importance of our work. I'd love to see us expand and keep tuition cheap enough that more children could come here. Places like this are the hope for these urban areas. We make a difference where it counts, one child at a time. Thank God for what you've got. In some ways this is like a war zone. A third world country. Inside the USA. Pray that I'll be able to keep working here. I've built relationships with these kids over the years I've had them. The relationships are a huge part of why I'm so effective. For them, I will work my a$$ off. Cheri

Happy Birthdays Phyll & Apples. Had a long day. I had to run all my turkey paraphanalia over to my daughters after school and babysat there for a couple of hours. Last night I wrote out all instructions for cooking the turkey to her. This is her first turkey--she's subbing in my absence. I don't think she even likes turkey that much. I gave my sister the directions to my turkey a couple of years ago so will probably still be helping make it in Tennessee and eat it. Julie you're sounding better. Love Thanksgiving. Made sure I saw all my grandchildren the past couple weeks since I won't see them at Thanksgiving. One more day of teaching. I love my job but I need the break. CBL Cheri

Don't have time for much of a post. I have to write up my directions for my daughter to follow to make the turkey in my absence. She stepped up to the plate to provide the turkey and have everyone over. Everyone loves my turkey so she's putting herself under pressure to make it as close to mine as possible. I've never written down all the little things I do to make it so good, so this is going to take awhile. I am so grateful for beautiful weather today. I took my long exercise walk this morning and then I took another long walk this afternoon with my DH and my 1 yr. old granddaughter. Love you guys!

Julie, so glad you brought us up to date. Sounds like your regular Dr. has your best interests at heart and a sense of humor. You've hung in there thus far--you can make it to 12/7. Also, you will not be triggering it again with PT and you're usually improving after a few days. But if the pain goes away, don't let that stop you from pursuing the pain management. If gentle manipulation of your shoulder can cause such severe pain, you will be dealing with this again, PT or not. Spent time with my granddaughter Skylar today. What a precious imp. 3 yrs. Very articulate. Getting a kick out of my daughter. She's offered to have Thanksgiving in my absence. So now I have to give her all my special instructions so she can do it just like me. One of the things my family does agree on is that I make the best Turkey and stuffing. I have to deliver my Turkey roaster pan and steam cooker to her after school tomorrow. I'm leaving Weds for Tennessee and returning on Sunday. Will probably not be posting during those times. Lost another lb or 2. I may actually reach goal when I want to. By the way, posted a few times on my blog. If you newbies check it out, you can go back to the beginning of the blog to see what it was like for me at the beginning of my journey. I deal with a lot of the food and emotional issues that go with food addiction. IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

Saturday, November 21, 2009 Food, Fat, Focus, Falls, Finances, and Floods Lost 2 more lbs. I'm at 178 lbs, 11 lbs from goal. I just bought a few tops that are size large. I'm aftraid by the time I reach goal they may be too loose. I bought a pair of jeans that are low cut in a size 12. They fit my butt and thighs really nice but now they're a little loose. I'm hoping they all shrink in the wash. I'm going to end up having to buy more clothes if they don't shrink. I'm going to pick up some pants my sister-in-law sent me that are size 14's. She lost weight and most pants that fit me now are 14's. The size 12 jeans only fit because they're so low cut and all the walking has really trimmed my butt and thighs Its somewhat disconcerting to see my change in shape. I don't mean the weight loss. I mean that since the last time I was thin, my shape has changed. The combination of having had a hysterectomy and age makes you thicken at the waist and more weight goes on the upper abdomen. Makes getting pants that fit and flatter difficult. I've started doing crunches on an abcruncher my husband picked up at a garage sale. We'll see if that helps reshape me a little. I did a hundred crunchesthis morning. I'm still scared about maintenance. It's getting closer everyday. I've lost so many times in the past but could never maintain. It's the loss of focus once I reach goal that's part of the problem. This is a disease that will never leave me. It will never leave me alone. I'm really praying that the band will make the difference between this time and all the other times I've lost weight. I feel so good and have so much energy. I'm really afraid of injury, especially injury from falling. In the past, injury has really sabotaged my maintenance. Herniated discs have been a major contributor. Severe unrelenting pain, the inability to move freely, bad neck, bad back, bad knees, bad shoulders, all these things have sabotaged me in the past. As I get back in shape I have to be very careful not to injure myself. But if I do, I now have a band to tide me over through physical recovery and keep me from comforting myself and medicating my pain with food. My basement is not smelling nearly as much and that is a mood lifter for me. Repairing the damage after all the flooding has been almost beyond my ability to comprehend. Now that the drain tiles are in, I think the walls may be drying out for the first time in a long time. My husband is preparing the basement so he can spray it to kill the remaining mold on all surfaces. Then I'm going to get an electrician in to take all the extra BX that was put in and organize it into straight bundles that run along the main beam and then branch out to the light fixtures. Once all the electric and waterpipes are secure and neat we can spray paint the rafters of the basement and all the pipes will be painted and will be less visible. After that we'll tackle the floor. It will need some scraping and perhaps some fresh concrete in certain areas. Then we'll spray paint that. Hopefully, by next summer we can put up insulation behind the wooden framework we left up and drywall over that. We need a new toilet and shower and sink and cabinets (not to mention walls) in the bathroom, and then we'll be in business. I also hope to put in a new roof and fix its leak in the spring. My husband is going for training as a security guard and already has an offer of employment at a factory. If I still have a job next fall that is, then the extra money will help us get this place where I'll either be a lot happier living here, or I'll sell it and downsize. Those are my plans and I can at least see an end to my house problems. There are also car problems as both our cars are aging and neither one of us is good with cars. We are very easily ripped off by mechanics. Just had a $300 repair on a car and I really needed new glasses. My insurance for glasses is very poor and I absolutely need progressives so with the eye exam, that was another $500. It never ends. Thank God my husband has stepped up to the plate. The past 5 years his employment has been spotty and low-paying until he finally went on social security at 62. Don't let anyone tell you there's no age discrimination in this country. Security jobs are available to older men and pay $12-18/hr. He can supplement his social security or go full time for benefits if by next fall I have no job. I am so aware that unforseen events can completely sabotage all these plans and that God may have a different idea in mind, but it helps me psychologically to have a plan and to see an end to this particular set of troubles. Looking that far ahead is difficult, but keeping in mind that, with God's help, we can get through these financial difficulties, is what sustains me. Meanwhile I keep working on remaining content, knowing that I can do (or get through) all things through him that strengthens me--food, falls, finances, and floods.

Saturday, November 21, 2009 Food, Fat, Focus, Falls, Finances, and Floods Lost 2 more lbs. I'm at 178 lbs, 11 lbs from goal. I just bought a few tops that are size large. I'm aftraid by the time I reach goal they may be too loose. I bought a pair of jeans that are low cut in a size 12. They fit my butt and thighs really nice but now they're a little loose. I'm hoping they all shrink in the wash. I'm going to end up having to buy more clothes if they don't shrink. I'm going to pick up some pants my sister-in-law sent me that are size 14's. She lost weight and most pants that fit me now are 14's. The size 12 jeans only fit because they're so low cut and all the walking has really trimmed my butt and thighs Its somewhat disconcerting to see my change in shape. I don't mean the weight loss. I mean that since the last time I was thin, my shape has changed. The combination of having had a hysterectomy and age makes you thicken at the waist and more weight goes on the upper abdomen. Makes getting pants that fit and flatter difficult. I've started doing crunches on an abcruncher my husband picked up at a garage sale. We'll see if that helps reshape me a little. I did a hundred crunchesthis morning. I'm still scared about maintenance. It's getting closer everyday. I've lost so many times in the past but could never maintain. It's the loss of focus once I reach goal that's part of the problem. This is a disease that will never leave me. It will never leave me alone. I'm really praying that the band will make the difference between this time and all the other times I've lost weight. I feel so good and have so much energy. I'm really afraid of injury, especially injury from falling. In the past, injury has really sabotaged my maintenance. Herniated discs have been a major contributor. Severe unrelenting pain, the inability to move freely, bad neck, bad back, bad knees, bad shoulders, all these things have sabotaged me in the past. As I get back in shape I have to be very careful not to injure myself. But if I do, I now have a band to tide me over through physical recovery and keep me from comforting myself and medicating my pain with food. My basement is not smelling nearly as much and that is a mood lifter for me. Repairing the damage after all the flooding has been almost beyond my ability to comprehend. Now that the drain tiles are in, I think the walls may be drying out for the first time in a long time. My husband is preparing the basement so he can spray it to kill the remaining mold on all surfaces. Then I'm going to get an electrician in to take all the extra BX that was put in and organize it into straight bundles that run along the main beam and then branch out to the light fixtures. Once all the electric and waterpipes are secure and neat we can spray paint the rafters of the basement and all the pipes will be painted and will be less visible. After that we'll tackle the floor. It will need some scraping and perhaps some fresh concrete in certain areas. Then we'll spray paint that. Hopefully, by next summer we can put up insulation behind the wooden framework we left up and drywall over that. We need a new toilet and shower and sink and cabinets (not to mention walls) in the bathroom, and then we'll be in business. I also hope to put in a new roof and fix its leak in the spring. My husband is going for training as a security guard and already has an offer of employment at a factory. If I still have a job next fall that is, then the extra money will help us get this place where I'll either be a lot happier living here, or I'll sell it and downsize. Those are my plans and I can at least see an end to my house problems. There are also car problems as both our cars are aging and neither one of us is good with cars. We are very easily ripped off by mechanics. Just had a $300 repair on a car and I really needed new glasses. My insurance for glasses is very poor and I absolutely need progressives so with the eye exam, that was another $500. It never ends. Thank God my husband has stepped up to the plate. The past 5 years his employment has been spotty and low-paying until he finally went on social security at 62. Don't let anyone tell you there's no age discrimination in this country. Security jobs are available to older men and pay $12-18/hr. He can supplement his social security or go full time for benefits if by next fall I have no job. I am so aware that unforseen events can completely sabotage all these plans and that God may have a different idea in mind, but it helps me psychologically to have a plan and to see an end to this particular set of troubles. Looking that far ahead is difficult, but keeping in mind that, with God's help, we can get through these financial difficulties, is what sustains me. Meanwhile I keep working on remaining content, knowing that I can do (or get through) all things through him that strengthens me--food, falls, finances, and floods.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009 Focus and Food I'm sick of Facebook, Mafia Wars, Farmtown, e-mail, etc. They were great for a long time because they kept me busy instead of eating. But they've lost their ability to hold my attention. All my creative energy and attention are going into my teaching. I come home and I want to do something fun, but there's nothing fun to do. TV shows can start out interesting but eventually I lose interest. The characters start behaving so foolishly and sabotaging themselves so badly I can't deep watching. I lose interest. The plots become thinner. They follow the same basic pattern each time. It would be interesting to see House figure out what's wrong with someone right away, but then I guess there'd be no suspense. The undermining power of ADHD when it comes to sustaining attention to something I'm really interested in or devoted to or need to stick with is unbelievable. I'm struggling to keep posting because I can't focus on it anymore. But I also want to stay focused not just on continuing to lose, but on maintenance, and it scares me that, once again, as in my past, I'll lose my focus and I won't be able to maintain. I am down to 180. My 16 pants and XL shirts are getting pretty loose on me. I actually purchased a size 12 pair of jeans that fit me. I've got 13 lbs to goal. The weight is dropping slower. Sometimes I can feel my band limiting me and sometimes I can't.On the other hand I'm walking for an hour almost every day and I figure I'm covering at least 3 miles, closer to 4. Tonight I had some Long John Silver's fish and chicken. Removed most of the breading. Didn't taste too good without it and I pb'd a little. Wasn't much meat left under the breading. I was quickly hungry later. I hate it when the food I eat doesn't satisfy me physically or tastefully. I hate to waste the little I eat on unsatisfying food. I've been posting on FB almost every day the things I'm thankful for. I think its helping with my food. Its the idea of a gratitude list. Where your focus is, there your mind and body will follow. I'm also learning choir music and listening to that to and from work. I'm singing every other Sunday and so have wonderful songs going through my head day and night. (I wake up with music going through my head and it keeps playing through my head throughout the day. I'm going to my sister's for Thanksgiving. She lives in Tennessee. Even in November it's beautiful around her house. All the hills and vistas. Her home is also beautiful and very peaceful. I'm actually not going to be with any family other than hers. I think I've only ever been to her house once without my kids or my parents or even more extended family. I'm trying to start to fill my life with things that make me feel good. I actually am taking a personal day to travel to Tennessee. I've joined a new community group at church that I'm finding quite stimulating. I'm working extra time at work because I really do love teaching kids. There are so many things I'm not good at. But I am good at teaching kids. I go into a different zone when I'm teaching. I'm focused, hyperfocused really, on getting into that child's brain and getting them to understand and remember what I'm trying to teach them. When I'm teaching I don't think about food. That tells me whenever I'm focused on a task I love, when I'm doing things that take care of me and make me happy, my cravings go way down. Walking as soon as I get home from work makes me feel good. And the endorphins it releases tend to help me get through the night without overeating or craving. If I go back to school next semester that will also give me brain stimulation. I've always loved listening to really good professors. I like the give and take of the classroom. I hate reading textbooks. I'm not sure I have the eyes or the focus for that anymore. I don't mind writing papers but I hate research, bibliographies and footnotes, though I've been told you can find programs on the internet that will put them together for you. I'm great at original thinking but I hate cobbling together other people's research to support what I'm saying. I read about studies, I don't read studies. If you've ever struggled through a research study you'll know what I'm talking about. Most boring reading in the world. As usual, procrastination is keeping me from exploring and enrolling for next semester. I have all kinds of trouble actually believing I might not be teaching at Roseland next year. I'm so good at what I do. My room is set up so perfectly. I work so well with my assistant. She does everything I hate doing and am not good at. I'm left free to do what I do so well. Teach. I've built a relationship over time with so many of my students. It's part of what makes me so effective with them. Everytime a child "gets" it, I feel so good. That usually only happens over time. And I've had years of time with most of these kids. I really love my job. The thought of losing it makes me even more aware of how much I love it. Yes it can be stressful, but its good stress. There are always challenges that trigger my creativity and when I'm creative, I focus and I'm happy. And that helps me not eat. Lord, Roseland needs you, I need you, I need my students, they need me. Please work it out. But if there's another plan you have for me, make me ready. Give me a clue. Use my gifts, and my weaknesses to do your will.