nextstopwonderland

I'm new around here but this seems like the thread for me. I underwent surgery in 10/06 and promptly began living in total denial. I think got two or maybe 3 fills afterward and just ate ice cream, Cookies, soft mushy sweet things etc to my heart's content. Still, I lost about 60 pounds, and then allowed my overbusy work schedule to be my excuse for not going back to the surgeon's office. With ever-decreasing restriction, over the last 6 months or so, I began to gain weight back. I didn't own a scale but I could no longer wear the smallest size clothes I'd been purchasing (14) and instead needed a 16 or 18. Deep down, I felt sort like I was returning to my real self, the fat self, the self I am always doomed to be or something. I just gave myself a stern talking-to and went back for a fill about 3 weeks ago. I think I had only 1.6 cc in my band! He filled it to 3.5cc (its a 5 cc band) and for a day I couldn't swallow my own saliva! I took out about 0.8 or so and I've still been quite restricted; I only just started in with tuna fish and eggs and stuff. I've never gotten any support, read anything, talked to anyone about living with the band. I am busy, so this really isn't just an excuse, but I also just haven't been emotionally prepared for all this. I think I was/am scared to be thin. So I sabotage myself. Anyway, glad to find this board and be losing weight again, trying to actually learn how to do it right 2 years post-operatively. Better late than never.