LisaMc

Don't even think of apologizing! In my opinion, you take the good with the bad. There is something in the good for everyone, and there is something for everyone in the bad. When you posted the original "pissed" thread, it was the first time that I had really sad down and tried to analyze what I felt. I knew that I was ready to punch a hole in the wall! I was frustrated beyond belief, losing hope quickly, succumbing to belief that I had failed yet again. I have NOT had a good experience in this whole thing. My best friend made an excellent point. She said, "Maybe all of this happened for a reason. You weren't emotionally ready to give up your addiction. The surgery was the first step. You got an extra 2 months to come to terms with the loss of your crutch." Maybe this all did happen for a reason. Maybe she is right. I'm starting to see some clarity in this whole nightmare. As for "Bandster Hell", the person who named it called it right! The more I read about it, the more I realize that I have been right in the middle of it for the last 2 months. It would have been good to know it was coming, but I didn't.
You are going to be okay, and so am I. It may take some more time, but it will be okay. Someone posted that this time is like childbirth. We have the unique ability to forget the awful stuff and put it in perspective. Anytime you need to vent, talk, rant, etc, this is a good place to do it. I doubt there is much you will go through that someone on this board hasn't already experienced.