willowcat

The last two times I've been to the doctors he's asked me if I've ever thought of bariatric surgery. I said that yes, I had, and that there was no way in H-E-double hockey sticks that I would ever have any of those proceedures done! Yesterday he asked me again if I'd ever thought of it, and he started telling me about the hospital's extensive support program and the surgeons who perform the proceedures. I began to cry. It seems like some kind of insanity to me--a modern day labotomy! And yet I've been dieting since I was 14 (not always healthy diets, but always highly restictive), and after deciding that I've had "enough" I just gave up. I decided that if I was going to be fat anyway that I might as well accept it. This is who I am. I have come to accept myself, and probably for the first time since I was a child, I would say that my self-esteem is not wrapped up in my body size. Unfortunately, my body is starting to hurt--my knees and feet hurt most of the time; I have to squeeze into chairs with arms (don't get me started on coach seating on planes!); my car's seatbelt is becoming constricting; I'm having sleep problems. The lapband seems like the lesser of two evils, but still an awful way to live the rest of one's life. That I can even consider the lapband is a big step, but everything inside me is still yelling "NO!" I've been on plenty of diets--the hope, the early stage euphoria, the platues, the defeat, the failure. How is this really different? I'm not trying to be a downer. I'm trying to see if I can wrap my head around this. I'm 45. Can I really stand to eliminate good-tasting food for the rest of my life?! Also, how long does the band really last? Will lapbanders still have their lapbands 40 years from now? Thanks for being understanding.