ThickTaurusLady

My story is a long, but not uncommon one. Firstly, I have been fat my entire life, or as long as I can remember. I always felt different being my older sister was a gorgeous cheerleader, my younger sister was the smiley youngster and I was the supe r smart, nerdy one in the middle. I was always big. I was always teased for being big. I was no ones crush and I didn't ever have boyfriends. I can say that I blossomed at the end of high school, even though I was still bigger than most of my classmates. I did lose quite a bit of weight from being on the flag team in the marching band and it left me VERY shapely! I dated one of the popular basketball stars after that, but I was still a 190 pound high school senior. That is the smallest weight I can recall being because after high school and into college, my weight skyrocketed. It seemed that no amount of dieting or exercise could stop it. Before long I was out of college, working and looking at the scale go around and around again. I just gave up and accepted the fact that I would always be fat. One day I stepped on the scale and it went over 300 pounds. I was ashamed and embarrassed and I started to research weight loss surgery.
I finally decided to get the lapband surgery. I was afraid to get a permanent surgery because I have a couple of family members who have struggled with gastric bypass. I wanted something that I could get out of if it happened to go south. Once I got the surgery, I was over the moon. Life changed. I can remember being so proud of what I was doing. The weight was coming off and my self esteem was going up. I can remember the happiest day of my weight loss. I stepped on the scale and it read 249. I cried that day, I can't describe the feeling, but it finally felt like I wasn't drowning anymore. In fact, it felt like I was sunning on the beach. That feeling was very short lived though because the very next day, the scale started to increase and hasn't stopped since.
The day I went in to have my lapband placed, I weighed 322 pounds. Today, I weigh 339. The lapband just stopped working. The pounds came back and I went back to feeling hopeless again. I'm having my lap band removed and I'm currently researching my other options. I don't want to live the rest of my life overweight, working out relentlessly, still trying to lose weight. I just want to LIVE!