Lost in Hell
· joiful · 07/10/2009 02:59
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joiful
LAP-BAND Patients
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I was banded July 4th 2008 and my band was too lose and then too tight, had the saline and then the thicker stuff. Had that taken out and then back to saline. Well, in the last year I have had about 20 fills and unfills. Most of that time I went months being too tight with out having an unfill cause I was sick of paying 250 every time I went. I am self pay and I financed my band with $3,000 down. I am heading back to where I was eating ice cream all the time, gaining weight and wishing I did something else like a sleeve. I am in the deep hot hell and my band is too lose and can't go to a different doctor until their first available appt. in the middle of Nov. I have lost to the eating disorder that has plagued me since I was an early teen. I'm lazy, don't excersise cause reaching for the never ending ice cream gives me the quick feeling of self relieving, the instant it touches my mouth I seemed to be smoothed over by a calmness that is quick and easy. Life is not enjoyable but a living damnation when I just want that quick relief that it gives me but the pounds is my punishment. As I lay in bed after the 3 bowls of Hy-Vee chocolate chip ice cream my stomach is growing from the over indulgence and the regretting of the act. You would think after trying to get over the need to feed for 30 years I would have at least beaten this half of the time but it looks like another 30 years or until my death. It has beaten and consumed me!!!!!!!!!