Lost in Hell

I was banded July 4th 2008 and my band was too lose and then too tight, had the saline and then the thicker stuff. Had that taken out and then back to saline. Well, in the last year I have had about 20 fills and unfills. Most of that time I went months being too tight with out having an unfill cause I was sick of paying 250 every time I went. I am self pay and I financed my band with $3,000 down. I am heading back to where I was eating ice cream all the time, gaining weight and wishing I did something else like a sleeve. I am in the deep hot hell and my band is too lose and can't go to a different doctor until their first available appt. in the middle of Nov. I have lost to the eating disorder that has plagued me since I was an early teen. I'm lazy, don't excersise cause reaching for the never ending ice cream gives me the quick feeling of self relieving, the instant it touches my mouth I seemed to be smoothed over by a calmness that is quick and easy. Life is not enjoyable but a living damnation when I just want that quick relief that it gives me but the pounds is my punishment. As I lay in bed after the 3 bowls of Hy-Vee chocolate chip ice cream my stomach is growing from the over indulgence and the regretting of the act. You would think after trying to get over the need to feed for 30 years I would have at least beaten this half of the time but it looks like another 30 years or until my death. It has beaten and consumed me!!!!!!!!!

Don't give up I know sometime this fight is overwhelming but giving in to the food addition is giving up on life. We all have experienced frustration and feelings of defeat however it is not healthy for us to feel that way.

I hope you continue to post and use the great network of people here on this site to help you with this difficult time. We are all in it together! Good luck.

I dont know who you are but God does. He knows your struggle and pain and he loves you and wants a better life for you. You owe it to youself and your family and friends to be healthier you. It is hard, I know everyone that blogs on this thing knows. DONT GIVE UP. Just committ to one day at a time. get up in the morning and say "today, there will be no ice cream" and make a healthier choice, one day at a time. just like an alcoholic, all of us reach for food for our comfort, for pleasure, it has been like losing a true friend. I chose to make a change now before it is too late. obesity kills more people every year and its getting worse and worse. you dont have to be 125 pounds just tell yourself "one day at a time" Good luck and God bless.

Thank you. I don't know how to give up on the ice cream. It soothes my anxiety. The anxiety could be something simple and I don't know how to stop feeling the yucky feeling. So I eat ice cream to get rid of the feeling. I am trying to expand my business have tried 3 loans and then a lease. I got turned down by every one. Banks are still not lending money. Every loan made me worry if I was going to get it or not. The anxiety lead to the ice cream. I am trying a 5th route and I hopefully find out tomorrow. I know I am suppose to go for a walk, take a bath, read a book but it doesn't help when you do these activities and the mind keeps going over and over about the ice cream.

Reading a goog book The End of Overeating. It is by David Kessler. Excellant shedding some light on my problem and ways to help. One night of no eating besides dinner and no ice cream down!