MeTooToo

I haven't told anyone other than medical professionals that I had surgery. Nobody in my family and nobody at work knows, and I don't plan to tell them, but I don't know if that's feasible forever, especially at family gatherings where it might become obvious that I can't eat certain things. For example, we have a family tradition once a year that involves a meal consisting entirely of fried foods, so that's not going to work for me.
People at work have started noticing and commenting on my weight loss, which I personally think is kind of rude. I know they mean it as a compliment, but I still think it's inappropriate to discuss coworkers' bodies at work. A lot of people have asked me what I'm doing, and I feel bad about lying because most of the people who ask want to know because they want to lose weight, too. I'm not a good liar, but I feel ok in telling them that I've lost weight by intermittent fasting, low-carb, tracking my food, and exercise, because it's all true. And I lost 70 pounds before surgery, so it's not ALL from the surgery. I also think they are being rude by asking for personal medical information, and I don't have an obligation to share it with them. Just like if a random coworker came up to you and asked what kind of birth control you're using or how often you poop, these are inappropriate things to ask and you don't need to answer.
On the other hand, I totally agree that you shouldn't be ashamed to have weight loss surgery. It has been proven to be not only the most effective treatment for weight loss, but the only treatment with more than a 5% long-term success rate. Why shouldn't you get the most effective treatment available? Despite what some ignorant people think, it's not easy and it still takes a lot of work to lose the weight and keep it off. I will also say that keeping a secret that affects my life so greatly is a huge burden, so keep that in mind as you decide whether or not to tell people.
I can't advise about what hospital to use because it depends on many things. I am not in the medical field, so I don't know anybody who works at the hospital where I had surgery. I live in a rural area and went to the biggest hospital in the city about an hour away from my home, and I didn't run into anybody I know, and even if I had, they wouldn't have known why I was there.

I've kept my wls private, only telling my husband and (adult) children. I'm a private person anyway and don't really feel it's anybody else's business. Plus there's a LOT of judgment over wls here in the UK - the surgery is a lot less common here than in the US I think - and basically you're labelled as a "fat slob who can't be bothered to limit what you eat" and who takes the easy route of having most of your stomach removed! Nobody cares about the research showing that some people are genetically pre-disposed to weight gain and excessive hunger and that the wls actually works on a hormonal level. But my decision to keep it private has been helped by Covid as we basically haven't seen anyone socially or otherwise for months....

This must be a female thing? I did not tell anyone and now after getting to where i want to be if people ask i just say I was done with being FAT- I focused on my diet and health and using other tools with exercise I managed to do it.
FYI your tool is going to give you portion control so the first time you eat with others going to be pretty obvious something is goofy. When they woof down a sub and you eat a 4 oz meal and shake.
This is your decision and your life what others think or view who the hell cares. I would rather be thin and healthy with some opinions thrown at me, then fat and unhealthy w/no views or opinions from others

I all but shouted it from the rooftop! The only kind of negative I dealt with before surgery was from my father. His negative was out of concern for me and the risks involved. Just this weekend he told me how great I was doing and that he was proud I stood my ground in making this decision.

In talking about my decision pre-op with a coworker he had always been curious, but afraid it was too expensive and not covered under insurance. Guess who I picked up from the hospital on Saturday?? My buddy! For him it was seeing/hearing someone else in a similar circumstance that gave him the motivation to look into it.

For ME, telling people did three things: No stress about lies,it holds me accountable, and motivates me to be successful. Everyone is different, and you have to do what’s best for YOU in this situation.

As others have said, this isn’t the easy way out, it changes your body forever, but without this tool; it would be nearly impossible for me to have any sort of success.

I never told anyone about my surgery, even now 2 years later. But I'm not ashamed of it. It's a TOOL. It doesn't mean we were losers who couldn't do it on our own. Obesity is a MEDICAL PROBLEM. I can understand your not wanting people to know. It's a tough choice. A personal decision. Good luck with your choice.

There are certain people I am not telling for a few reasons (mental health issues that I am not willing to deal with the repercussions), and on the whole I am keeping it kinda on the down low. I am telling some, but also saying it isn't public knowledge, so they do not share (hopefully). Anyone who asks, whom I don't feel comfortable sharing with, will get "I am working with a dietician on a medically supervised diet" -- which is not a lie.

I work at the hospital I had mine done at. I still have coworkers who don’t know I’ve had it done but I do let them know if I think they should (covering breaks for small meals or snacks). All of my coworkers who do know have never once said a negative thing to me.

Just let them know if they do find out that their opinion of what you do with your body has no bearing on what you and your medical team feels is best for you.

Who and how much to tell is definitely a personal decision. I don't go around announcing it, but if someone really wants to know how I lost so much weight, I'll tell them I had bariatric surgery. Only you can say what your comfort level is and you have every right to keep it private (it's medical care, after all). One thing I will say though - I don't think you should have any shame about having had weight loss surgery. You can't stop other people from being ignorant, but please don't internalize that at all. Personally, I cut off judgmental comments quickly. And as you said, anyone who tries to project any kind of "stigma" on me gets banished to the edges of my life (if they are allowed to remain at all). Losing weight is hard work, even with the help of surgery. It's a long journey and when you get to your goal, you will have every right to be proud of yourself (actually you can be proud already because you're getting started). You can disclose the surgery or not as you choose, but never feel ashamed. ?

I think the only thing that my insurance was interested in is that you don't gain before the surgery. That being said I was and still am so overweight that I was never concerned about getting insurance approval. And yes I think starting out some of the changes ahead of time made for less of a shock afterwards.

I lost 57 lbs in the six weeks before surgery, but since I'd lost 50-60 lbs a gazillion times before and just ended up putting it all back on, I knew there was pretty much no way I'd be able to keep that off without the benefit of WLS.

My surgeon wanted me to lose 20 pounds before surgery. I hadn't really dieted in years, because my previous experiences with dieting were that I would lose a small amount of weight and then gain it all back and more. I eventually quit dieting because I figured I was better off staying at the weight I was than losing, regaining, and gaining more again. I was reluctant to diet before surgery because of my past failures (which was also why I was resorting to surgery in the first place), but I had to lose 20 pounds just to get the surgery, so I had to try something.
I decided to try intermittent fasting because I know people who swear by it and it was something I hadn't tried before. Initially, I just fasted for 16 hours per day and ate as much as I wanted the other 8 hours, and it didn't work very well. One of my surgeon's pre-op requirements was to track my food for a week, either on paper or with MyFitnessPal, and I hate doing anything on paper, so I went with the app. I've counted calories before and also used point systems where I had to track my food, but this was in the days before iPhones and I had to track everything manually, look up the numbers either on the labels or in some kind of book, and it was such a hassle that I never stuck with it for long. I was surprised by how easy it was with the app, and I kept using it. It gave me a limit of 2190 calories per day, and at first, it was hard to stay under that, but I gradually decreased my intake until I was averaging 1500-1600 before surgery.
I set out to lose 20 pounds before surgery, and I ended up losing 70 in 5 months! I actually started to wonder if I should have the surgery because the combination of intermittent fasting and MyFitnessPal was working so well. I've never lost that much weight before. But I started out with an extremely high BMI (over 60), so even after losing 70 pounds, my BMI was almost 50, and I realized that it was highly unlikely I would be able to lose enough weight without surgery, and also that there was a pretty good chance that I would gain it all back without surgery, so I went ahead with it.
I'm glad I put all that effort into losing weight before surgery because it sort of gave me a head start. I've only lost 60 pounds in the 4 months since surgery, but add the 70 pounds before surgery and I'm down 130 pounds total. Plus, it helped me develop some better habits that I think have made the post-surgery lifestyle easier, like cutting out snacks and tracking everything I eat.

Buffbills:
Exactly. I can relate to this sentiment, and I’m having that feeling. Maybe it’s denial. I can see myself going for it in an unusually fervent way, inspired by the thoughts of surgery, only to gain it all back at month 8. Then, I look back and wish I would have just had it done. ?