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AliciaBoyles

Pre Op
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Everything posted by AliciaBoyles

  1. AliciaBoyles

    Unsupportive Boyfriend

    *Caution, Kind of a long read* Hi everyone, I had a my surgery in December 2019 and even before surgery my boyfriend of almost 5 years was very against me having surgery. His question is always "what am I going to gain from you having this surgery?" and he doesn't seem to care at all that losing weight is what is best for me. At my highest weight I was about 10 pounds shy of reaching 300 pounds and he always was very against me getting over 300 pounds and he constantly told me that if I worked out and ate right I could easily lose the weight I wanted to lose on my own (though it is very hard to lose almost 100 pounds on your own with support, i couldn't imagine doing it with the little to no support he was offering). He has horrible eating habits himself, soda, fast food 3-5 times weekly, and no exercise but lucky for him he has always been skinny and has a fairly good metabolism and never has to worry about his weight. I went back and forth for years over having surgery and my mom had gastric bypass in 2016 and lost about 200 pounds and is doing amazing and he swears up and down that I did this surgery just because she kept telling me to (which is entirely untrue) and that if I didn't listen to everything my mom said then I would have been able to lose the weight on my own and now he just thinks I took the easy way out. Which, a bit of back story, I was very very sick after my surgery and in a lot of pain and I could not get fluids or food down well for the first 2 months post op and I was so weak I could hardly get out of bed and if I did I would feel faint and practically pass out in the shower, on the toilet, etc. He saw me go through all of this until they found out I had a stricture and they had to go in and dilate it and now I feel amazing, but still after watching me go through all of this he still thinks that I was weak and took the easy way out. Now he thinks that at 3 months post op and 65 pounds down from my highest weight and still another 60 pounds away from my goal that I am getting far too skinny and that I need to stop right now at the weight that I am at or else he will no longer find me attractive. I don't think he seems to understand that I can not simply just stop losing weight and that I had this surgery in the first place to lose a significant amount of weight because I was morbidly obese. I have been overweight almost my whole life and all I have ever wanted was just to be a normal goal, have boys like me, make friends, have confidence, and be able to shop in a normal store and not have to desperately search for cute clothes which rarely existed in the plus sized section. Now I have a boy that I love and would hate to lose but he is making it seem like I made this super selfish decision to change MY BODY without his consent and that now I should feel guilty for potentially flushing out 4 year long relationship down the drain and wasting his time. I just don't know what to do now, he said not to call him until I can explain to him how me losing weight and getting "skinny" is going to benefit him in any way. I'm just saying, I did this surgery for me, I deserve to be happy and feel good about myself too. I don't give a single damn about being skinny, I just want to be happy and healthy and at almost 300 pounds I was so far from that that it's not even funny. I just need his support and I don't think i'll ever get it.
  2. AliciaBoyles

    Unsupportive Partner

    *Caution, Kind of a long read* Hi everyone, I had a my surgery in December 2019 and even before surgery my boyfriend of almost 5 years was very against me having surgery. His question is always "what am I going to gain from you having this surgery?" and he doesn't seem to care at all that losing weight is what is best for me. At my highest weight I was about 10 pounds shy of reaching 300 pounds and he always was very against me getting over 300 pounds and he constantly told me that if I worked out and ate right I could easily lose the weight I wanted to lose on my own (though it is very hard to lose almost 100 pounds on your own with support, i couldn't imagine doing it with the little to no support he was offering). He has horrible eating habits himself, soda, fast food 3-5 times weekly, and no exercise but lucky for him he has always been skinny and has a fairly good metabolism and never has to worry about his weight. I went back and forth for years over having surgery and my mom had gastric bypass in 2016 and lost about 200 pounds and is doing amazing and he swears up and down that I did this surgery just because she kept telling me to (which is entirely untrue) and that if I didn't listen to everything my mom said then I would have been able to lose the weight on my own and now he just thinks I took the easy way out. Which, a bit of back story, I was very very sick after my surgery and in a lot of pain and I could not get fluids or food down well for the first 2 months post op and I was so weak I could hardly get out of bed and if I did I would feel faint and practically pass out in the shower, on the toilet, etc. He saw me go through all of this until they found out I had a stricture and they had to go in and dilate it and now I feel amazing, but still after watching me go through all of this he still thinks that I was weak and took the easy way out. Now he thinks that at 3 months post op and 65 pounds down from my highest weight and still another 60 pounds away from my goal that I am getting far too skinny and that I need to stop right now at the weight that I am at or else he will no longer find me attractive. I don't think he seems to understand that I can not simply just stop losing weight and that I had this surgery in the first place to lose a significant amount of weight because I was morbidly obese. I have been overweight almost my whole life and all I have ever wanted was just to be a normal goal, have boys like me, make friends, have confidence, and be able to shop in a normal store and not have to desperately search for cute clothes which rarely existed in the plus sized section. Now I have a boy that I love and would hate to lose but he is making it seem like I made this super selfish decision to change MY BODY without his consent and that now I should feel guilty for potentially flushing out 4 year long relationship down the drain and wasting his time. I just don't know what to do now, he said not to call him until I can explain to him how me losing weight and getting "skinny" is going to benefit him in any way. I'm just saying, I did this surgery for me, I deserve to be happy and feel good about myself too. I don't give a single damn about being skinny, I just want to be happy and healthy and at almost 300 pounds I was so far from that that it's not even funny. I just need his support and I don't think i'll ever get it.
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