SATSleeve

So I am officially 5 weeks post-op today. This past weekend my wife and I moved into a larger place where our kids could all have their own bedrooms. I was somewhat frustrated by the fact that I couldn’t really help moving a lot of things and had to rely on the movers, family, and friends to do much more than I could. By the second day of moving I had reached my end. The 600 calories I’m taking in with the post-op soft foods diet just gave me no energy to do much of anything.
That night I had a bit of a break down. Like most of us I’ve had varying success of losing the same 20, 40, or 80 pounds over and over again. With every successful diet attempt I’ve tried in the past I’ve allowed myself “cheat days” where I could enjoy bingeing on what I had deprived myself of all week. While this journey has been somewhat easier in the sense that the weight comes off more easily, and the hunger pains are relatively non-exitant...in some ways its so much harder, because there are no days off.
I mentioned to my wife, that I feel at a bit of a loss. Before my surgery I would turn to food, or alcohol, or an occasional smoke to relieve the stress. But now, I don’t have any of those things available to me. I know it’s for the betterment of my health, and that my decision to have the surgery was in large part because I knew that I had to make drastic changes to the way I consume everything in my life. More than that...as strange as it seems, I loved food. It was a great friend to me that always made me feel better. And ever since the surgery, it’s weird to say, but I kind of hate eating. I hate how it makes me feel, I hate the process of chewing so much, but even worse...I hate that I hate it. Because now it’s like this friend that I had as a physical and emotional crutch is just, gone.
To end this on a positive note, I only weigh myself once a week on Monday mornings. This morning I saw that I lost 9 pounds over the last week. (Moving was certainly the most excercise I’ve done since surgery!) I’m down 62 pounds since I first walked into the Bariatric center eight months ago, and over 40 pounds since my surgery. I know this is going to get better, and I’m happy with the choice I made. But I know that not everyday is easy. I read that a lot of people seem to hit this same buyers remorse feeling about a month out, so it helps knowing that I’m not alone.
Here’s to the better days. Hang in there...it will be worth it.