simon66

Thank you! It all sounds wonderful

Of course, as much as I can.
I had been researching weight loss surgery for about 5 years before talking to my doctor. He didn't have much information and was not fond of the idea, mainly because I don't think he knew of any patients or very limited few who had had it done. Anyway, reluctantly - he referred me to a local bariatric center and I signed up for the monthly informational seminar. I soon began the process of the 6 month requirements set by my insurance.
So... I KNEW I would lose weight, I KNEW that I would get off at least some of my meds and I KNEW this could greatly extend my life. Honestly, had I not had this and with the weight and yearly gain... I don't think I'd be around another 10 years. I KNEW that it was a permanent restriction.
It's all the things along the way once you've had the surgery that hit me unexpectedly, not in a bad way. I didn't realize how determined I could and would be. I didn't realize the growing confidence and how that would make me feel. When I say confidence, I don't mean ego... it's, for me... at first anyway, a feeling of deeper worth. The feeling of..."YES, I am doing this and I CAN DO THIS." It was a subtlety that others might not have even noticed but I did... and it was a fiercely powerful feeling, even if it wasn't roaring. If that makes any sense. It's all the moment that made and make up the journey. Starting at walking around the block and being winded to walking 26 miles eventually... not because I had to but because I could. It's hiking... actually with friends and not only keeping up but sometimes leading the way. Before, I stopped going with others because I felt as though I held them back and that made me feel very self conscious and guilty. It's seeing and feeling my body change. Each time I would have to get new clothes... I still automaticall walk to the big/tall mens and then I find my way to my regular sizes. When I get clothes now... I still think, "Damn, these look like kids clothes."... it's the wonderment of going through a second adolescents in may way. And ego does creep in a bit... which isn't always bad. I hadn't felt sexy ... maybe ever. I actually feel sexy at times... and it breaks my brain. LOL There are so many things tiny and large but all profound along the way... and those are the things that have really hit home. Its hard to explain but hope that makes a bit more sense.

Thank you Yazoo71! I hear you. I've spent the better part of the last 5 years doing just that, and actually putting up photos on the dating apps, and actually asking people to meet in real life on the very rare occasion that anyone actually messages me back. I haven't yet taken the very scary risk of asking someone out in person who I wasn't sure liked me or not, but I'm hoping to do that soon. It has just become too much. 44 years of saying 'someday' is too much when it appears like there are so many people out there who are able to be in relationships or even just date. It seems my world is filled with men who I can talk to but never touch. I think it will have to be the health concerns that drive my decision, as you say. I'm on a lot of meds now to, and this is way to early in life for diabetes and high blood pressure etc... to be such an issue. I'm curious what you meant by:
I wonder if you could expound on that?

Hello all! So glad to find these boards, and particularly a group of gays talking about this. I'm a 44 year old gay male and I've been heavy all my life. I've had the 3 or 4 times in my life where I lost 40, 60, or once 80 pounds, and eventually put it all back on.
I haven't even been to see a Bariatric surgeon yet, but I have some questions that I believe could be best answered by other gay men who have gone through what I am considering. So, if you have the time, I'd appreciate any replies. I'll try to be as succinct as I can.
I really could write a book here, but the crux of the issue is this. Assuming that the men that I'm attracted to are not generally attracted to me (I've literally only been on 3 first dates and had 1 sexual experience in my life), and that my assumption is that those same people aren't likely to be attracted to the extra skin that comes as a result of losing so much weight, also that I'm 44 and youthful in appearance, largely because I have a full face, and losing weight would impact my appearance in that regard, and the fact that by the time I lose the weight and maybe have the resultant surgery to deal with the extra skin, I'll be closing in on 50 years of age, is it worth it, or should I just do my best to continue to try and accept myself and keep praying that eventually someone will like me?
There are for sure other health related concerns that would impact my decision, but I'm kind of terrified that I'll go through all of this and end up no different on the other side. I just want to be able to date!