Kirby

I was 415 on the date of my surgery. I’m a year out and I’ve lost 130lbs!

Hello ladies!!!! My highest weight was 437 before I decided to change my life. I started seeing my dietician and worked my butt off to drop to 376 before DS surgery. I've lost 27 pounds in the first month post op and finally am starting to feel better. I have hit a stall the last few days, just hanging out... not losing, not gaining. It's so frustrating! I have to remind myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Congratulations on everyone's success!!

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@BigViffer Care to chime in about how us bypass folks can't work out? LOL

Show proof.. what do you want photos of us in the gym lifting weights? You state you can bench 400, well, using your own logic, prove it. I'm in the gym pretty much daily. Cardio, Weight lifting, I had the band installed in 2011, had it removed and was converted to the Bypass this past March. Zero issues working out and building / toning muscle. Just because you refuse to accept it, doesn't mean it's not possible.

No on here is giving you anything other than the truth, that you just refuse to accept. Everything you are writing is just highlighting how this issue, is 100% with you and not your wife or her surgery.

In all seriousness and honesty, you need to get to a therapist, your mindset is grossly unhealthy.

You said you weren’t happy that your wife went forward with this from the beginning. Is it possible that you are unconsciously looking for physical changes in your wife to support that feeling? Maybe even a “I-told-you-so” feeling because you’re not happy with her appearance now or maybe because she proceeded with her surgery despite your feelings?
I’ve come to accept what she has done… I don’t think you’ve accepted it at all. Why were you opposed to her decision to have this done in the first place? Is there something deep inside of you that resents her for having this surgery even though you were opposed to it? (I don’t know you, but some men have a problem with women making their own decisions, including decisions about their own bodies.)
She used to be… she is now… she is starting to look… She also looks like…. These sound like mourning words. You’re in mourning for the body your wife used to have.
I’m starting to worry… Starting? No, you're in full-blown worry mode, except it’s not really worry. I still think it’s mourning for what was.
I’m afraid I’ve lost my wife… Afraid? No, in your mind you’ve lost her. But have you lost her? Really? Your wife is happy. And the doctor’s office doesn’t seem worried.
His office pretty much ignores my concerns… Are you sure that they’re just disagreeing with you and not ignoring you?
This surgery killed my aunt…. WLS is not a murderer with a sawed-off shotgun. Your aunt had a rare and unfortunate complication. I hope you didn’t bring up your aunt's complication as one of the reasons for not wanting your wife to have her surgery. Or did you?
If I come across as terse, it’s only because men tend to understand things better when those things are presented bluntly or in black and white.
Lastly, it’s only been 10 months. Your wife's body is still trying to find a happy balance.
Has your sex life changed? Is that something you’re also unhappy about? (My husband has always enjoyed my big, soft body.)
Please do not interpret anything I’ve said above as lecturing or patronizing because that is not my intent. This is just my take on things from a woman's point of view. Not every woman's point of view. Just mine. We're not all the same, you know.
You sound like a loving and caring husband. No one here wants you to be unhappy, including me. Your wife, I’m sure, doesn’t want you to be unhappy. But guess what? It’s okay to be unhappy sometimes, except you need to figure out if your unhappiness and fears about your wife’s new body are rational or irrational. If they are irrational fears, and you still can’t come to terms with it all, maybe a therapist might help. Maybe joint therapy. And there is, of course, absolutely no shame in that. None.

@apositivelife4me
You ask for help in your first post. You ignore @Orchids&Dragons suggestion to donate them, and now you are defending your choice. You posted asking about buying dates, and then despite most advice, you bought them anyway. And then there were your Irish coffees, and that's just what you have posted about.
Some people can have success despite not following a traditional plan. But since you also posted you have lost 23 lbs in 3 months and you regret your surgery, it doesn't sound like you're one of them.
Instead of posting your poor choices and then defending them, why not use the resources of this board to get on track and actually have a successful WLS outcome?

I know I posted earlier but it was more a HAHA comment. Not trying to be an ass or the food police but it sure as **** sounds like a lot of EXCUSES to justify eating this garbage. These things have been a favorite of mine since I was a kid but why go through everything we have and will go through just to give in and possibly put us on a path to lose? You justify this then what's next? I'm tired of making BS excuses for my choices or why if I only have a little it will kill my craving and get me past this moment. 379lbs later and a hell of a lot of bodily pain and thankfully my eyes were opened. I won't say I will not cheat or give into temptation but I will try my hardest not to.
Just my opinion and I really hope to not piss anyone off or offend anyone. Good luck everyone, I really hope we all succeed on our journeys!!!!!

First, don't beat yourself up. Instead, be your own best friend. What would you want your best friend to tell you about buying all those? Whatever that is, tell yourself that. Say it out loud to yourself if need be.
Next, I urge you to reconsider your relationship with food. You know this item is your food trigger. Instead of thinking of the pleasure it brings you, focus on the pain it brings you. Think about how it makes you feel.
One you reach the point that you understand that food item is hurting you more than helping you, "break up" your relationship with that food. It's a toxic relationship so let it go.
Good luck. You are not alone.