GreenChrysalis

Hi Abeaher, you're quite welcome. I'm glad to see some posts here, because I was starting to wonder...surely I'm not the only ACoA on the board. Congratulations on taking that step to become sober and I wish you the best in your recovery. I also am so glad that you're worried about your children's viewpoint. My mother attended her first AA meeting when I was 12 or so, so she was not in recovery when I was growing up. My parents were very young when I was born and were pretty big partiers. Unfortunately they also did not make too much of an attempt to shield me from any of it or control it simply because they had children in the house. So at a young age, probably the age of 5 or 6, I knew what alcohol was what, what it meant to be drunk, what pot looked and smelled like, what roach clips were, etc. I have a lot of memories of my parents fighting after my mother drank too much. My father also drank and used drugs but did not have the same reaction, apparently that my mother did. My mother is a mean drunk -- once she gets drunk enough, she starts accusing everyone around her of hating her and doing outrageous things. She would threaten to leave my father and put my brother and me in the car to drive us to my grandparents' house. I remember at least one occasion in which my father threw the car keys in the backyard so she couldn't drive, but I also know that she drove us around drunk more than once. We did stay with my grandparents often on occasion but we were never given an explanation for why. In addition to being an alcoholic, my mother is also bi-polar. Mixing alcohol with mood stabilizers and antidepressants only exacerbated it. So I also got to witness times when she couldn't get out of bed as well as times when she didn't sleep for days and disappeared with her friends to drink, smoke pot and have a good time. She had episodes where she was in psychiatric hospitals for a few weeks at a time (probably until insurance ran out). I had to help take care of my brothers. In those times it often seemed like I was the adult. As the eldest child, I fell into that role of trying to be the responsible high achiever. I say that my mother is recovering only because to my knowledge she hasn't taken a drink in several years, but she is not attending AA right now. She is in therapy. The last big episode of drinking that I know of was with me. She started saying really upsetting things then accused me of hating her and tried to leave. I had to hide her car keys and call a friend of hers to come pick her up. When she came back the next day to pick up her car I didn't speak to her and it took awhile before I could again. I believe she went to AA after that for awhile but stopped. Currently I have reason to believe that she might be abusing pain medication originally prescribed for a chronic back condition, but I don't know that for sure. I think one of the most important things for you to know is that children see, hear and understand a lot more than you think they do. It's as though my parents thought I was deaf, blind or just stupid. I could usually tell when they were lying to cover something up. I saw a lot of things that upset me but I could not understand them entirely. Some of them I grew to understand later and some of them I still don't get. For example, my father would tell me that my mother was "not herself" or "sick". As a child, I had no idea what that meant and it frightened me. Not herself? Then who was she? Sick how? She wasn't throwing up. She didn't have a cold. See what I mean? Questions were not encouraged. Talking about my feelings was not encouraged. In the absence of a reasonable explanation for what was going on, I blamed myself. The unhealthy coping mechanisms that I learned as a child are still affecting me today. As for not wanting your child to worry...he is already doing that. I think that there is a way to talk to your son without being too detailed, because he already knows that something is going on. Alcoholism is a disease so I think it's OK to explain it as being sick, as long as you explain that it's a special kind of sickness and just getting medicine from a doctor can't cure it. And I think it's very important to reassure him that you love him very much and he is not responsible for you. He didn't do anything bad to make you act the way that you do. I hope that this helps and I'm happy to answer any more questions that you have. I wish that my mother or both of my parents had acknowledged this when I was a child. They barely acknowledge it now.

Tied ~ I do recall that the last time I tried Atkins, the carb cravings went away after a few days. But until then all I could think about was bread and french fries. Yeesh. I am glad that I don't have to do a liquid diet or something more restrictive pre-op, but this discipline will help after the surgery too. FW ~ Feel free to PM me. My pre-op appt is on 2/13 so the possibility of seeing each other is definitely there! In other news, I learned which brand of Protein shakes not to buy ever again: Zoic. I'd never seen them before and there's good reason. A little more protein per serving than the Atkins shakes but so foul-tasting. I am not willing to just ditch them (hey, the pack was $6.99) but mixing in some Carnation Instant Breakfast allows me to choke them down. Bleh. I plan to get to GNC this weekend to check out some other stuff.

It's definitely a matter of personal preference, as well as your specific Curves -- I've heard mixed messages about them. I liked the women-only atmosphere and the upbeat music at mine, but the instructors there (I don't remember what they are called) weren't very knowledgeable at all about the machines or the right way to use them. I didn't feel comfortable because I was a beginner and worried about straining or hurting myself. But I know a lot of women that love it, so to each her own. I prefer walking and doing DVDs at home; after I'm banded I may look into a gym or some other type of organized exercise. But if Curves is working for you, then go for it!

I have three cats.

Oh L.A., you answered my question seriously . I wasn't expecting that in this silly thread! :redface: This recipe sounds delicious. Maybe I can convince my husband to try it, although he's not a fan of fish unless it's fried...

Hey fatwidow, thanks for asking Dr. K about the lower profile port. That makes sense to me. I have the 10-day Atkins too. I've already started trying to avoid bread, sugar and potatoes but I forgot how hard that is to do (I've done Atkins before). Are you having your surgery in Parker or Aurora? Mine is in Parker and I'm staying at the Holiday Inn Select. We are renting a car at the airport. I don't think there are a lot of taxis around. I could be wrong, but I seem to recall my friends who live in CO (admittedly, not in either Parker or Aurora) saying as much. Now that I'm under three weeks out, I'm positively giddy!

Anybody have a good fish recipe?

I do not currently have any documented co-morbidities and I have a BMI of 40. But I know that they're on their way. Diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea -- these are all in my family and therefore I'm pretty sure they're all in my future if I stay morbidly obese. But I've experienced the effects of being overweight/obese since I was a small child. There is a lot of emotional pain. I can't go places and do things that I want to do anymore. I can't fit into some restaurant booths or ride amusement park rides. I am starting to experience some physical issues in the forms of rashes between skin folds, shortness of breath going up stairs, knee pain, etc. I don't see a reason to wait until those issues get bad enough to require medical intervention or until I develop more problems. These things don't get better, and if I stay on this path I will continue to gain weight. Yes, there is a risk of death. There is a risk of death with any surgery and any time that you go under anesthesia. Because I am still relatively healthy and young, I think that my risk is small. To me, the benefits outweigh the risks. I keep reading on here that so many bandsters wish that they had done it sooner. I do too -- if I had done it sooner maybe it wouldn't have gotten to this point. And it's true that I don't know exactly what the future is going to hold when on the other side. Maybe there are some foods I can't eat anymore. But I can't imagine that being worse than feeling this way. I just can't. That's just me, though. You have to decide what is right for you. It is completely normal to be nervous -- I am sure that anybody here will tell you that. But you are just reading one book. I'm not saying that the book doesn't have good information, but don't let that be your sole source when deciding on whether to have the surgery.

Lapdancer, I agree, you look fantastic! Thank you for your reply bookholder, I was really curious about this.

Hi Gillebean, There is a thread here:200 Lbs+ As well as this thread: BMI over 50 Best of luck!

Well, like I said, I don't know if that's true or not. Hey, fatwidow, maybe you can ask Dr. K when you talk to him. :frown:

No apology necessary -- we're all entitled to our own opinions and I'm all for agreeing to disagree on the subject of WW -- but I do appreciate it. Bandster hell, eh? Can't say I'm looking forward to that part of it, but I am looking forward to being on the other side. Hang in there! At least there are plenty of others here going through the same thing. :smile:

That's exactly what I think. But no, I'm not ever going to tell my friend that. If she asked me what I thought of WW as a weight loss program, I'd tell her...but unless that happens I'll just keep my rants here.

Naturally -- I don't expect them or anybody else to choose WLS just because that's what I decided to do. Who am I to say what's right for other people? But I just needed to vent because I get tired of hearing about WW so much. Thanks for the well wishes and best of luck to you too! :smile:

I haven't said anything to either of them about WW -- that's why I came to R&R to vent about it instead of giving them my opinion. I don't believe in WW, but that's just my opinion -- as you say, to each their own. I have had no discussions about the band with the friend who does know about it. She has made it clear that she is not interested in discussing it with me and that's fine. I will not tell the other one for various reasons. I support their attempts to lose weight, but that doesn't mean that I agree with how they go about it, just as I know many people disagree with getting banded.

Hi all, I wanted to start a support thread for Adult Children of Alcoholics. My mother is a recovering alcoholic. My maternal uncle is an alcoholic and drug addict (currently in jail awaiting sentencing for possession of drug paraphernalia), while my maternal aunt is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. My paternal grandmother, paternal grandfather and paternal step-grandfather were all alcoholics, as were my two deceased paternal uncles (both died from complications resulting from their alcoholism). And that's just the relatives that I know about. I attended Ala-Teen in high school and have attended ACoA off and on. I thought it would be nice to talk to others like me.

Congratulations Sue -- that is quite an accomplishment and definitely an inspiration! :smile:

Check out this thread: http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f73/abbreviations-what-they-mean-7959/ You can also use the search function to look up terms that you don't understand. Good luck!

Mine took about 40 minutes -- after Dr. K walked me through the PDF I asked a lot of questions (I got many good ideas for questions to ask from this forum).

Oh, it was WaSa! You'd think that I would've remembered it was her considering she is very prolific here. Yeesh. Well, I'll either wait until someone mentions something or I'll call up Dr. K's office and ask. Seems strange as I've never heard of that before. Even in talking with Don Mills at Inamed about the different types of bands they sell, he didn't mention different types of ports. Then again, I didn't ask. :Dancing_biggrin:

Definitely I think you should seek counseling on your own. Getting that third party perspective can help you figure out what is best for you and for your daughter. I can't imagine any situation where it is acceptable to accuse you of having affairs in front of your child. And I do have to agree that his refusal to see a counselor (even one that he picks himself) says a lot about how much he's willing to work on your marriage. They certainly do take work. I have been married for 12 years and we started counseling at the end of last year to work on some issues.

this is the most hilarious thread ever i mean rilly you guys are so funy and make me LOLOLOLOL at work. but seriously what is pbing what is slimming will i still be able to eat a hole bag of twizlers after my banning??????? i have to do adkins b4 my ban surgury but i thot i will loose weight by not eating............... also................why does everyone hate fish?!?!?!?!?!? and do you have to tickle your glittery nympho shitzu with 1/4 cup of fryed pickles dipped in mayo mixd with catsup to join this forum?

I didn't even talk about that part, since I was actually trying to focus on these two people who claim that WW is the be-all and end-all but keep losing and regaining weight on it. I had to get in my digs at WW itself, naturally. But I think you're right. Shame is a good motivator for some people. Personally, the idea of weighing in front of others and the fear of being the only person who didn't have a loss would probably motivate me to eat an entire chocolate cake. :wink2:

Oh sure. WW is relatively cheap compared to Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem where you have to buy their food.

I feel rude saying this stuff but I want to get it out too. Bear with me, it's going to be long! I did Weight Watchers (henceforth abbreviated to WW) three separate times, all online. The most I lost was probably 25 pounds. I freaking hated it. I became obsessed with points. I couldn't eat anything without worrying about how many points were in it and accurately figuring out the portion size. It did force me to learn proper portion sizes (not that I stuck with them, but at least I now know that I'm eating 2.5 portions of rice instead of thinking I'm only eating one). But overall I really disliked the program, especially the platitudes and common sense advice dispensed as if it were some kind of special revelation. I know someone who has done WW off and on for 15 years now or more. She has all of the books and point counters and whatever else from every incarnation of the program. I believe that she has lost a lot of weight on it in the past. She falls off the wagon, gains the weight back and eventually goes back to it. When I visited her recently she was on the wagon. We ate out a lot. I watched how she grossly underestimated portions (saying "that looks like about half a cup" when it was more than a cup). Instead of doing the work to figure out how many points something actually was, she just guessed. That's part of what I hated about WW. There are lots of sites with points listings from restaurants, but inevitably I'd eat somewhere that wasn't listed. So I'd have to try to get the nutrition facts and/or ingredient list from the place to get an accurate points count. I'm sure I was terribly off most of the time. But I don't think my friend bothered with that stuff. She'd just say, "Oh, I think it's probably about 14 points." Really, it was probably more like 25 points, but then that wouldn't leave you many for the rest of the day and that's just not something that anyone even wants to consider. Maybe she also knew deep down that it was probably more than 14 points but told herself that it wasn't. I have gently mentioned to her that maybe WW isn't the way to go for her. But she insists that it DOES work. OK, maybe so. But maybe it doesn't work for her. It's like she can't consider trying anything else. What I want to say is that if it really did work, then she wouldn't have gained the weight back. I am not allowed to say anything potentially negative about WW. So there's that. And it kind of pains me, because I know that she has health problems and I know that she probably needs to do something more drastic than just count points. Yes, she knows I am getting banded (one of the few people who do) and no, I have not tried to convince her that she should do it also. I have another acquaintance that I stopped talking to her about two years ago for the most part. At the time, she had lost a decent amount of weight and was pretty proud, rightfully so, of her loss (another WW disciple). But then she was badmouthing an acquaintance of hers for "letting herself go" after getting married -- essentially getting fat and not trying to continue looking good for her husband. OK, so you lost weight and suddenly you get to judge people for being overweight? I wasn't aware that was how it happened. You'd think that you would have sympathy since you'd been there. It annoyed me so much that I didn't want to talk to her anymore. Here's the part where I feel schadenfreude. I recently stumbled upon her blog in which she talked about how much weight she'd gained and she now has a BMI of almost 40. Wow, she really let herself go, didn't she? Yes, I know that's cruel, but honestly...I can't help it. She looked down her nose at other fat people when she'd lost some weight and now she's fat again. And she's back on the WW wagon of course! OK, I should say now that I suppose WW must work for somebody. And it does have some redeeming qualities. But the statistics about dieting and keeping weight off long term aren't good. So I'd wager that WW is making its money off the same group of people who keep coming back, hoping that it'll work this time. Maybe THIS time. How many times have all of us said that, come to think of it? It's a tool that I know doesn't work for me. I hope the band will. But I also hope that people who'd rather count points forever will understand why some of us would rather get banded or do something different. It's a personal choice and it's all about what you can live with. People can eat around their band and regain their weight. If you want to sabotage anything, you can. I realize this. But since most of my experience has been with WW, that's what I chose to rant about.