Dknal2

Thank you so much... I'm pushing until I can't anymore.

I agree.. there is nothing better in this world than a peace of mind and I will be so happy when I have one and not worried about what he is doing any more.

You are so right... and I truly do thank you for your kindness.

You are so right on so many things in this post. I know I need counseling and am soon to seek it so that I will have tools to deal with everything that's happened to me in my youth n my marriage. I just feel so empty all the time and I don't want that in my life. I am blessed in so many aspects I know but I just hurt for so many reasons. I just told my husband today I don't wanna do this anymore and he looked at me like whatever and I know I have said it before but I am truly done. I don't wanna do this anymore and I am going to file for divorce. I feel guilt about it because I feel my kids will be mad at me because they don't know what I have gone through all these years or maybe they do know some of it. But I can bear no more. My spirit is tired. I am so happy I have this forum as an outlet and for support. I really have no one else due to he has driven all my friends away . I thank you so much for your advice.

I receive your hugs???

Aww that was sweet and thank you. I'm sure you will achieve success and exceed what I've done. You will do great. Stay focused and work at it. I have quite a few distractions right now going on in my life and I saw myself yesterday just out of feeling sad wanting to eat sweets. I did eat a mini cupcake, but then I told myself no, that is personal sabotage and I have worked to hard at this. I'm gonna continue to work on me and pray for inner strength to do what I know is necessary in this marriage. I'm just over it now.

Thank you. I'm still pushing forward.

OMG, you hit the nail on the head with so many valid points. I truly do thank you for your honesty. I am working on getting my head straight and feeling good about me. I feel sometimes ashamed of this new body because of comments made but I quickly snap out of it. I was beautiful at 242 and still beautiful at 168. It's hurtful to go through some of the stuff that I have been through and feel alone in a marriage. That's not how it should be. I am praying for strength for things to come because it's gonna get ugly. I just wanna live a happy life with a mate who is totally in love with me and treats me well. I deserve that much I think. Thanks for your comments. I truly appreciate it. Very encouraging and motivating to read.

Thank you so much... that was very sincere and I appreciate the advice. ?

Thank you.. I'm trying.

Thank you for the support. I hope things can get better but I'm trying to focus on me n prepping myself for the worse if it happens. I deserve happiness and that's what I'm seeking. Either you with me or if you aren't then please go away

We always give 100% of ourselves to our husbands and kids and life in general. Many times neglecting ourselves and our health. I feel good and I too am very happy with my results. My husband is insecure I feel but there are other issues at hand as well . But I will be okay, I'm confident of that.

Thank you. Right now I am in a loose 10 so I'm probably a size 8 ( but I'm tired of buying clothes that end up too big so I'm not buying anything else for a while ). I haven't been this small in years, well over 16-17 years.im still 20 lbs out from goal and surgery was 4months ago. My husband is insecure about my new look I feel. He refuses to say anything about my weight except asking me if I regret it... no I don't regret having surgery one bit. I'm not as curvaceous as I once was but I'm ok with that. I feel really good and I look good in my clothes. I'm still working on my body because all together ( pre op and post op) I have lost 72 lbs. I can see a lil loose skin on my inner thighs but not too bad so I'm still a work in progress.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much... things are okay for me. Staying strong and trying to focus on my weight loss and exercising.

I'm doing well... thanks for checking on me. Just figuring out my map and taking everything as it comes. But I'm ok ?

God forbid another man would find me attractive, lol ?. I know a big part of this is insecurity but a bigger part is control. I'm tiered of both so I'm gonna continue to get smaller and reach my goal. Regardless of how unattractive or how much of my butt may go. It feels so good to be able to wear a size 10 and have the waist to be loose. I have come to far , physically and mentally, to turn back now. Thank you so much for the support.

I do accept some responsibility in this because a lot of stuff I accepted , I shouldn't have and that's y its gotten to this point as of now. I never try to play victim at all just share my experiences. But I do know I don't deserve to be treated how he is treating me . As I said before I'm broken but not shattered. I will be ok. Thanks Lorna ?

Thank you and I respect your comments. You were not out of line , I appreciate you commenting.

I agree... thank you so much for encouragement.

There are many issues in our relationship, you are correct. I never ever try to play victim and accept all responsibility for my part in how our marriage has gone down. I was broken when he met me due to my family situation and I was so desperate to be loved so I accepted a lot of crap that I shouldn't have and that hurt and despair from my mom just transferred later to being from my husband and I never sought help to deal with the first bad situation. So maybe it is my fault. But I am strong enough to acknowledge my weakness and brave enough to know when my season has passed. I feel that is has passed with him and the weight coming off was just a way of me shedding some of the past and when that happened, I started to feel empowered and wanted what I have longed for for such a long time. I know what I deserve and that's love and happiness and peace. My husband has issues of abandonment with his mother and father because he was partially raised by his grandmother for a big portion of his childhood while his mom n dad traveled country in military and he holds resentment towards his parents for that. So, in a strange way , he was broken as well. He didn't get that motherly love and I think that affected him majorly as well with how to love a woman. I just know we probably could have both used counseling. But we were young. It just got out of hand and became a very bad situation for myself. I am broken, but I'm not shattered.

Thank you so much ...I appreciate it.

That's not my case .... I was 145 when I met my husband and I remained small for about 4-5 years and after the 3 kids came the weight. So I wasn't a low self esteem big girl that he preyed upon. I admit I was vulnerable for live because I came from a bad family situation but we were very young, I was 17 and he was 19.

Hi yardsleever... so good to hear from you. You are absolutely right and I have given so much of myself over the last 22 years that I almost didn't know who I was anymore. But I know there is more of me that is dying to come out n be happy n loved n just live. I'm etching towards her more and more each day.

Hi 10stackzz.. miss you.. thank you for the compliment and advice. You are right about seasons. It's just hard sometimes to accept the inevitable but it's like in so many ways God has been revealing to me how this relationship is all wrong for me. I'm ready to shine and not so much physically but inside there is this vibrant , lively person who wants to enjoy a fulfilling, happy peaceful life. I'm getting closer to that version of me more and more everyday. Thanks so much girl and keep in touch.