ImaStar

I'm so scared, confused, concerned. I know I weigh 100 pounds too much. I have seen my doctor three times, had the EKG, the blood work, the consultation. He will be sending all the results to the surgeon for Dec. 27, 2007 appointment along with his recommendation that I be banded. I haven't had any psych test or evaluation yet. I have yo-yo dieted for 25 years. My family has a bad history of diabetes. I have high blood pressure. I am worried about a sudden urge to run to the bathroom with diarrhea while I'm waiting on customers at the counter. I already had that problem with Xenical. I have only told my husband I want to be banded. None of my family knows or would go along with my news. My job doesn't know, I plan on just taking a few weeks off for "minor surgery" and not disclose why. I am afraid of never pigging out again on pizza, or going out to have dinner with my relatives to an "Olive Garden" or "Texas Roadhouse" or "Red Lobster" again. How would I explain a protein shake instead of a steak for dinner? And yet, I want to lose weight more than anything. I'm so tired of working out so hard and seeing minimal results. Of all the diets and diet pills and problems with phenfen, xenical and redux. All prescribed by my doctor who has seen me fail at each one. Not to mention all the health problems from Phenfen. I'm a singer. I want to look great again on stage. I haven't looked great for 25 years. I sleep on my right side, can the port be placed on my left side, same side as the stomach? Will being banded effect my singing? Will I be able to still harness my stomach muscles for strength? Am I JUST CRAZY for worrying like this? Does everyone go through such self doubt? I will be 50 in March 2008. Is this just midlife crisis? Any thoughts?