circa

Yeah - its the person at the surgeon's office. When I call to talk to anyone else there, they tell me I have to speak to her, as she is my contact. When I stop by there, they tell me she's busy and I"ll have to wait or call later. I'm just at my wits end and if it goes on much longer, I'm going to be into next year before I can get this done and then I'm going to have a huge problem because the cost will go up for my out of pocket by 2 grand. I can't afford that. Not even on a payment plan.

I'm leaning toward not having the surgery done. Not because I don't want it, but because I don't have any support. I can't even get my patient advocate to return my calls or emails and my insurance company won't talk to me. I'm not sure where to go or what to do next. I guess I'll just move on with my life - or what I have of it.

I think its their way of ensuring that you're really determined to do it. If you'll sit there through all that, then you're ready for the next challenge that the surgery will bring you.

Thanks - I mean, I forgave her a long time ago, I still haven't forgotten though. It was imperative for me to forgive her in order for me to get over the issues I had with it. But I don't hide it. Its what happened and its part of what made me who I am, both good and bad. Sometimes I think that if I could just get my medication switched (I'm working on it now), I'll be able to just get the energy to get rid of the weight...but as they said at the clinic, its going to be twice as hard for me to muster the energy because not only am I carrying all the extra weight, but because of the illness and having to be so sedentary, I don't have much for muscle anymore - which is a valid point. But if I can get the medication switched and do this myself, I'd love to. But if not, then I will although begrudgingly haha ask for help

My fatness started when I was a kid. When my father rescued me from the clutches of my abusive mother. I wasn't allowed to eat at my mothers - save rice and popcorn - and sometimes a small amount of instant mashed potatoes. I ate lunch at school, but only the reduced menu, which wasn't very much. It wasn't that we were poor and didn't have food - my mother took my sister out to dinner nearly every night. I moved in with my dad when he found out about this and oh my god - there was food everywhere! I ate everything in sight every chance I got - not aware that there would be food again there the next day. Even when I did realize that there would always be food, subconciously, it didn't register and I continued. I got very fat - to the point that it was difficult for me to play sports any longer. I slimmed down my senior year of high school and after...then I got married when I was 20 - I got extremely depressed in my failed marriage and gained every pound back and then some. After the divorce, the instant loss of 200 lbs with a signature (haha) and a great feeling about my own potential, I decided I would never let anyone dictate how I feel again. I lost a good 120 lbs+ -I have to estimate because my scale only went to 300 and it took a little while to budge. I was at a great weight for me of 180 lbs. I still wanted to lose another 20 or so, but I wasn't too worried about it. My goal was to be in a single digit clothing size and those size 10's were starting to get baggy....Then my health failed. In the last year and a half, I've put on 70 lbs due to the medications I'm on, the inability to exercise and just general overall fatigue. I feel like I'm failing myself. I put up with this unknown illness for my whole life. I powered through it. I ignored it. I just thought I was feeling lazy and I overcame it. Little did I know, I have a genetic disorder that finally took over. Its treatable and manageable - even to the point that I won't even know I have it - other than taking a couple pills a day and going in for bloodwork every 6 months or so. Right now we're working on getting me to that point - and I'm almost there. But now - what do I do with the extra 70 lbs I wasn't planning on? And the extra 35 on top of that that's away from my ideal weight? I don't know if I can do this all over again. I want my life back. I don't want it just given to me - I know I have to work at it - and I WANT to work at it. I just need a little help this time. And if you knew me, you'd know that I've never in my life asked anyone to help me with anything. I've always done everything on my own. I sit back and look at myself and I'm astonished that I'm even contemplating the band. I feel defeated.

I'm not telling anyone. I'm not even telling my husband. Its not that he'll look badly on me for it, its that I personally look badly on myself for it. I never needed help before. After this illness, I can't seem to do anything I used to and I'm ashamed of that - not of the band, not of needing to lose weight, but of myself and my inability to do something I used to be able to do without a second thought. I have been a HUGE advocate for WLS - my mother in law, my own mother and lots of friends...But its my ego getting in the way. Sure, I have an illness that is now on the mend and being treated that has caused this gain that I can't get rid of - but its like admitting that it beat me if I tell other people - and I don't think my super ego can take that. At least not right now.

Wow - that gives me a little hope with Aetna - I think I have a year or two where I don't have doctor's notes regarding my weight. I'm trying to find even Walk-in clinic records that might have my weight on them. Its frustrating! I mean, I'm fat now, I was fat over the past 2 years...I was fat 10 years ago according to my medical records...what the hell is the difference if I don't know my exact weight in 2003???

I'm waiting to hear - my patient advocate was going to recheck on the issue - hopefully it was just something overlooked. If not, I'll appeal.

Apparently, even though I've had 6 months of diet/exercise/weight loss drugs from my PCP, my insurance company wants yet another 4! Uhm - that's not what their qualifications say! AND its going to put me into next year, which means I have to meet my deductable again. I am really so not happy about this. Especially since with all the pre requisite stuff that I already met, the surgery center and I were both looking at a mid-october date for surgery :waytogo:

Scales make a big difference - every scale is calibrated differently. (I'm a scale addict - trust me on this one lol!) Also, your weight can fluctuate anywhere from -15 to +15 lbs a day just from water retention alone! I've often wondered why I put all of my energy listening to something that's run by a 99 cent battery from walmart....but I do.