Miss Mac

Have you not been to a primary care physician at all in five years? My insurance wanted a two year history, so I just had my PCP print out my medical records for the last two years, and I went through it line by line and highlighted every notation of my weight at each visit, and each comment about his recommendation that patient do this or that diet or lose weight or has gained weight.......I submitted that with my packet and it was not a problem. Boy oh boy though, five years is asking a lot.

Shoes are too big now, plus I don't see that shoulder pad of fat hump thing so much anymore.

Every time I fall into the dark place of mourning all the foods that got me into this mess, I get reminded of the Bible story about the leeks and cucumbers. The Israelites are wondering around all over the desert and are frankly getting sick to death of 101 Ways to Fix Manna. Manna provided for their nutritional needs but was a bland as gravel. The passage goes like this: Now the mixed multitude who were among them craved more desirable foods, and so the Israelites wept again and said, “If only we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we used to eat freely in Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic. But now we are dried up, and there is nothing at all before us except this manna!” (Now the manna was like coriander seed, and its color like the color of bdellium. And the people went about and gathered it, and ground it with mills or pounded it in mortars; they baked it in pans and made cakes of it. It tasted like fresh olive oil. And when the dew came down on the camp in the night, the manna fell. I laugh when I think about it, because that is exactly what I am doing. I miss Chinese take-out and pizza and potato chips and diet soda and blah de blah da da. The bits of food I eat now are nourishing me - just barely, but I miss the taste of food, and chewing, and crunch....I guess the mechanics of eating. But that's O K, when I get to goal, I will look back and realize that it was worth the sacrifice, then I can eat some of those things in tiny amounts.

It sounds like your hubby not only says "I love you", he DOES "I love you". If you are the one he comes home to at night, don't worry so much about the hen house at work. Chances are he's tired of hearing the chatter all day long and just wants your deliciousness to hug and hold. He is supportive and wants to help, so roll with it. Like Defying Gravity said, men like to fix things - including the things that make us sad and emotionally weary. Even if he has to put you back together with duck tape and wood glue while you are going through this process, let him do it. You may be unhealthy right now, but you are not disgusting. My darling gentleman of seven years (who is a tall, lanky thin Mediterranean fellow from the island of Malta - whose ancient goddess is easily a 400 pounder) has never known me thin and will be unfamiliar with the 1/2 of me that is left after my journey. I was so concerned that once I lost my ancient goddess figure in exchange for a more proportionate figure to my shortness, I had to ask him if he felt like he would be missing anything if I lose this weight. He said he just wants me to be healthy. I think that is what your man wants, too. He wants you to be healthy and happy and around to share his life for a long time. He clearly does not see color and size through the same eyes as you do. A lot of us (including myself) have taken advantage of counseling and medication to help reduce / control anxiety and depression. I call it "better living through chemistry". Wires, there is no disgrace in asking for help.

Here's hoping you have a lovely textbook recovery.

Can't compete with that, but here is my awfulness from the past: Mine is fast food related, too. Before I retired in 2011, my issue was the triple fast food dinner on the way home from work. There was a Burger King just two blocks from the parking garage, so I got the double fish sandwich, large fries, large diet soda. The drive was 27 city miles, 1 1/2 hours most days going home (30 minutes going in, during which I would stop at Burger King for a croissant and cheesy tots and orange juice,, and then drive through Dunkin Donuts for a couple of eclairs)). About 10 miles toward home was a McDonalds, so I would drive through for an frozen yogurt cone and more fries. Another ten miles in was another McDonalds ,so I would get a burger, MORE fries, and another drink. A few blocks from home I would pick up a McDonalds Southwest chicken salad with 3 packets of Paul Newman's Southwest Dressing for a "healthy" dinner. That's a lot of $$$ I am not spending (every working day) now. Then during the night my kitchen raid would always include a couple of bananas and maybe a Peanut Butter sandwich and a glass of milk. The pre-op diet was a nuisance, but it really helped me with portion control and accountability. With my new tummy I would explode if I tried to eat so much.

Can't wait for my first crab Rangoon.

I am so glad you made it through the fire, MacMan.

Alsip....Southside White sox fan.....don't go north of the river, much! Sleeved on 12/23/2013 at Loyola by Dr. Bipan Chand, who has an awesome bariatric team. I had no shoulder gas and am enjoying a textbook recovery. Lost total of 38 pounds so far between pre-op and post-op. On full liquids / purees 1 1/2 weeks, soft foods 2 weeks, allowed regular food at 3 1/2 weeks. Incisions healing well. I am just glad that I am retired and can take time healing and hide in my cocoon until Spring. I can't imagine having to work or care for children during this process. My heart goes out to those who do. It is still major - major surgery and recovery requires dedication.

For Hopeful2beslim......I suggest that you go back to the start of this thread and look for helps and hints that may assist you in coping with a difficult partnership that needs re-examined. There are many kind words and hotline numbers to reach out for the support you are lacking at home. Good luck, dear. Aside from better health, it seems that this surgery also gives a boost in courage!

Group hug.....There is a very sad common experience among us that goes much deeper than going back for seconds at dinnertime. 1. Child abuse is much more common than we want to believe, even among "good" families who are pillars of the church (whole 'nother story-don't want to go there). 2. Body dismorphia, no thanks to TV, magazines, rude and painful comments from people around us. 3. Bullying and name-calling. I was anorexic in school, but my oldest sister was called "Dinah Dinosaur", my next younger sister was called "Marshmallow McFluff-fluff". 4. Abusive relationships, rape, violent crime, lousy example from parents' bad marriage / divorce. 5. Broken home 6. Disfunctional family 7. Foster care (my parents took in foster children as my siblings got older and moved out. One girl was a 14 year-old prostitute run-a-way who had been raped by male relatives 8. Poverty and poor nutrition Including the Clean Your Plate edict 9. Bad genes and family medical history 10. etc. It seems like we all have been hurt in ways that have caused a curious disconnect between us and our food. Thank goodness for this amazing surgery that is putting us back in contact with the human machine we were meant to inhabit during our journey on earth. Allegra, you will make it. You may have to make a few more laps around the track that some of us, but the race is yours to win, because each of us only competes against themselves to beat out old habits and painful memories. Keep going, girl. There have been many who have succeeded before you, and many more who need your example. Hugs.

O K Miss Liz in Texas, I think we are going to have to put our collective forum heads together and come up with some more specific suggestions to help you resolve your dilemma. Texas is a community property state. I think the first thing you need to do is see if Texas has free lawyers for people with low or no income. Twice I have left stinkers with only my car, my computer, a weeks worth of clothes, and my dignity. Sometimes, peace of mind is more important than half the house. Having a car with your name on the title is your ticket to freedom. He can't make you sign it over, even with a gun to your head...his only alternative is to go ahead and shoot, and then spend the rest of his life in jail. I know you don't think he would physically harm you, but now is the time to journal what is happening to you and hide it somewhere and let someone you trust know where it is. I used my journal to write a book about my escape, but I stalled out at presenting it to a publisher. But I look at it every now and then to remind myself what a gift it is to be alive, and not chopped up in the swamp behind the farmhouse. What is the nearest big city to where you are at? If he really means....there's the door....then ask him to help you to pack half the house. When I left my first ex-husband (o.k...his midlife crisis, lots of affairs) I got a job as a property manager of a 600 site mobile home park, with a trailer and utilities provided as part of the compensation. Maybe you could find a live-in position...housekeeper, nanny, college housemother, property or motel manager, caregiver....there has to be something. What is your skill set? I am sure someone here can help you with a resume. The way I put mine down on paper was to review every job I had since high school, and every little thing I had to do from filing to mopping floors. That will give you a broad idea of what your resume bait is. Do you have any money at all? I went without lunch for months and save my lunch funds in my desk at work. I had about $400 saved up, and my daughters wired me $600 to a truck stop 30 miles from home. It was enough to help me get situated. You may have to get sneaky, girlfriend.....but that's ok. Looks like this is going to take a village.

The Carafate liquid Suspension works for me, but many others use a PPI (Proton Pump Inhibitor) to control GERD. I have Omeprazole capsules on hand from a pre-op gastro situation, but don't normally have to use it in addition to the Carafate. I think I have only used it three times since coming home from the hospital on Christmas day.

Congratulations....you look mahvelous, Dahling!

Liver ultrasound Endoscopy of my stomach (took a nap - when I woke up they were done - no big deal) Blood work Ekg Chest x-ray

Response to Selena Hay.....maiden name is McCullough, Irish derivative of McCulloch, during the plantation period in the 1600's. My McCullochs resided in Cardoness Castle and Barholm Castle in the Bay of Fleet. The McCullochs were allied with border clans MacDonald, Ross, and Monroe. Once forcibly removed to Ireland, they hung around Randalstown, County Antrim, Ulster. I tell people I come from horse thieves (Cutlar McCulloch at Cardoness) and Presbyterians (John McCulloch of Barholm is buried in Greyfriars Kirkyard in Edinburgh for Harboring John Knox and being part of the Pentland Uprising). A recent DNA test of my brother takes our McCullochs back to the ancient Stone Builders of Great Britain, and credits us with a Nordic and Viking contribution. That is no doubt where the recessive gene for my red hair comes from. Everyone else in the family has black hair. When I was a teenager, I thought I was a love child, but my birth certificate says otherwise! I can't wait to be able to travel: I already have a passport.

Is anyone else here taking Carafate Suspension for this???? I have to take it four times a day for three months. Doc said that even though it is intended as an ulcer medication, it is helpful in preventing raw sores along the staple line, and helps the tummy to heal.

I do what niassy151 does. If I don't like it, I just start adding other stuff it until I do. My favorite combinations:

At my 3 week check-up, my NUT told me to cut the shakes/bars back to one day now that I am post-op, or they could slow down weight loss. So, I typically have that after my strength training or 1 mile in house video walk. When I travel for appointments, I keep a Protein bar and a bottle of Water in the car - just in case we are out too long and I need a pick-me-up.

Back in 1984, when I lost some weight and got down to 135, I wore a size 10. That was back when a Gitano size 7 was also labeled "Large". And now, I see ladies on this forum saying they are wearing 16's over 200 lbs, and 12's when they are in the 160's......I don't get it. I have had one closet flush of 22-24's, and will soon ditch the 18-20's in another 10 pounds probably. While everybody had so much on sale on line for Christmas at 75% off,I bought a few things in Large and 14-16, and a few things in 10-12 and Medium, but only about four outfits each size and some skimpies. There is so much empty space in my closet right now. But I gotta tell you...this is a problem I am glad to have.

Walk without a cane. Travel to Scotland and Ireland to tour my ancient homeland (and meet Indigo from this forum ).

At my 3 week check-up I was cleared for light weights (five pounds)and strength training. Prior to that I have been using my Walk Your Belly Flat video by Leslie Sanson. It has 3 miles of in the house speed walking. I can do one mile right now....it's exhausting until I recover more from surgery.

For anyone who needs to talk to someone about possible or threatening domestic violence, this is the message from The National Domestic Violence Hotline website: http://www.thehotline.org/help/ There is no disgrace in asking for help. Our advocates are available 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) in over 170 languages. All calls are confidential and anonymous.

Look up The Cycle of Abuse. I am a survivor of domestic violence and escaped from a psyco-sociopath in the middle of the night with the help of workmates and the angels from the local womens' shelter (who had been advising me to not leave when he was home.) Verbal and emotional abuse never go away. They ALWAYS escalate into physical violence. So even if he hasn't hit you (yet) abuse is abuse is abuse. One thing I learned in counseling at the shelter is that we get so used to abuse, that we begin to abuse ourselves.....not taking care of ourselves, perpetuating his isolation by isolating ourselves from family and friends...he follows you to work, or insists on driving you and picking you up even though you can drive yourself. The thing that makes me hurt for you the most is that humiliating you at home has become humiliating you in public. My mean old rotten 2nd ex husband, told me one time in a crowded Subway restaurant, "I am sick and tired of looking at your ugly face." When I cried, he said I embarrassed him in public. Another example is that one time after I had lost 50 pounds, he told me, "Every time you lose weight, you get jowls." He insisted that he pick out my clothes, even shoes and socks, from the mens' department because they were cheaper. Any time he did buy me something, I would not use it, because in a few days he would take it back so that he could buy cigarettes. He told me I would be more fun if I drank more. Nothing EVER was his fault. He said I always made him mad, when in reality he chose to be mad at everything. He thrived on conflict. So, if he has never hit you, think about this.....has he thrown things at you or near you....an ashtray, a telephone, a camping lantern (cracked my ankle). Has he tried to prevent you from getting medical help or minimized your symptoms, feelings, or opinions???? One day one of his 27 cats got up on a high kitchen cabinet and I climbed up on a ladder to get her down. He started yelling at me and I asked him calmly to please not raise his voice at me. He said, "I wish I could beat the Goddam s>>t out of you." This was coming from a man who kept five loaded guns in the house. One time he even shot at a car who passed him on the highway late at night (when he was driving me home from work). Oh, it gets worse...the last straw....we were in the car and I was talking to his daughter on the cell phone. He did not like something in the conversation and smacked me hard in the harm with his elbow. I asked him to stop the car and let me get out. So he started driving more aggressively and would not let me out of the car. The bruise on my upper arm was a big as a 7 ounce steak, Fast forward to the restraint hearing. The county paid for the divorce because it was domestic violence. The judge put him in his place and told him that if he did not shut up he would be charged with domestic battery, terroristic threats of a specific nature, kidnapping, and unlawful restraint. There clearly is much more than I can share here, but I am saying all that to say this: If any of this sounds familiar, you need to decide how to leave. And I am guessing that if you tell him you want a divorce, he will be all sorry, and make you prove to him that you still love him. If nothing else, get some input from the angels at the women's shelter who deal with this all the time. If I had fallen for that tactic and gone back, all the advantage would have been to him. He would have had his cook and laundry wench and second income, and I would have had my beautiful prison ten miles out in the country 1/2 mile down a gravel road, in-between the corn and Beans. The situation as you described is not healthy for you in any way. NO ONE deserves to be abused. You have come a long way, so keep on going and don't look back.

Ditto for what Lipsticklady said. I, too, am a recovering carb addict. I could eat 8-10 bananas a day in addition to my other food. If anything in the fridge had potatoes or noodles in it, I would reach for that first. A piece of toast with Breakfast???? How about 6? Thank goodness for the 3 month pre-op diet. What I liked was that the NUT wanted access to my myfitnesspal data, so that I had to be accountable. I lost 23 pounds on it as a head start for my sleeve. Now that I have had my new petite tummy for a month, I know the importance of maximizing the nutrition that I put in that 1/3 cup and 2 tablespoons that I am allowed. Definitely, 4 hours of extreme discomfort is a good penalty for indiscretions. I had one banana last week and I had to cut it in thirds to last three days. Oh well.