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MWilliams42

Gastric Sleeve Patients

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Blog Entries posted by MWilliams42

  1. I saw THIS today...

    · MWilliams42 · 09/27/2013 16:15

    I put on the dress that I have on in my before picture...I asked my 7 yr old to take a picture of me today! Just 2 months out! He said, "mom, you don't like taking pictures!" So I told him to just take it! I was so surprised when I did the side by side photo, what did we ever do without these!!! Holy crap...I SAW the difference!
     
    Is it possible to look at yourself everyday and NOT see the changes? In my case YES!!! I'm still working on my mind seeing me as a lighter version of myself...and sometimes I just don't see it...but today I did! And for the first time in a long time I like what I am seeing!
     
    Happy Friday, and thanks for listening to my rant!!!!

  2. Make this day stop...

    · MWilliams42 · 09/23/2013 20:40

    UGH...why is it that today, Monday, of all days has to be like this. I mean really, one thing after another and then over again. My family doesn't realize, even though I have told them, that I am losing weight, yes, but I am still working on the mental part of it all. When I get angry, upset, sad, frustrated, feel hurt, etc...I still want to reach for that food...even though I'm not the least bit hungry.
     
    I've been telling myself all dang day(don't know if you can swear on here) that you are not hungry, you don't want those chips, and that donut you've been thinking about...it's evil and won't taste good anyway.
     
    It all started this morning and spiraled(is that how you spell it?) downward all day. ugh, I just want to cry...and that's another thing, HORMONES suck. YES they suck a$$(technically not swearing if it's with dollar signs!). I have wanted to cry all day, and then just get mad and yell, which nowadays makes me cry even more. OH MAN, I feel like I'm out of control on this roller coaster of emotions and I want to get off this ride.
     
    This week my main focus is exercise and feeling better and getting below 200, that's where the scale is at the moment...and I will make this happen this week. I have to focus all those emotions, and such on getting below that 200 mark, and I know I can do this. If I focus on that I can get my thoughts in order and realize that I really don't want everything I have talked myself out of.
     
    It's a vicious cycle, and I will break this, I will change my thoughts once and for all and realize that I am greater than this addiction I have been feeding for most of my adult life, and no amount of stress or frustration is going to make me fall off the wagon...it just can't, because I won't let it.
     
    Stay true to your journey and thank you to everyone willing to share on this site, it means more than you could every know.

  3. Thoughts

    · MWilliams42 · 09/17/2013 16:12

    Well, I haven't been here in a while! I have missed reading everyone's progress and frustrations, and just everything! I feel like I let myself down last week, I was in major pain with my back, didn't exercise, didn't take my vitamins like I should have, didn't eat as much as I should have, UGH...I just didn't!
     
    I had to break down and see the chiropractor, by OMG, did it feel WONDERFUL!!! My lower back has been in so much pain. I've been walking like a little old lady once I get up from a sitting position! Not very attractive. My chiro did tell me something that I just didn't think of that I thought would be great to share...She said, "you've just lost 25 pounds...that's a significant amount and you are losing inches, your body now has to readjust and will continue to do so as long as you are losing weight. She said it works the same if you are gaining weight." She let me know that the body has to adjust so that it helps you carry the new weight properly. DUH!!! I never even thought of that! She also let me know that while I am losing my body will continue to shift and I may need adjustments throughout this new journey I am taking!
     
    Not feeling well really stinks...it just makes you not want to do anything...it's like My get up and GO, just got up and WENT!!! No warning, nothing, just gone! I know we all have off days or weeks, but please, I'm 2 pounds away from being under 200(FINALLY) and I will exercise this week, I will get back into my routine, and I will get under 200 by the end of next week(helps me to speak positive things to me!!!) I have to push myself, and it has been hard with this back of mine. So onward and upward here I gooooooooooooooo!!!!!
     
    I just think that this is the best journey of my life...and I'm so very blessed to be able to be on it! Thankful the scale is going down and not up anymore, thankful that I'm just not looking at food the same, thankful that my diabetes is slowly but surely subsiding! All these things I'm thankful for! I'm also thankful for everyone on here, reading your ups and downs, highs and lows, successes and failures, trials and errors, and just the everyday thoughts of this walk we are on...helps me make it through this very day!
     
    So...Trust in yourself...believe in who you are...YOU are a wonderful person. AND Don't "allow" anyone else to convince you differently! - My Hubs told me that! Gotta love that man!!!

  4. They FIT!

    · MWilliams42 · 09/10/2013 17:24

    OMG...they FIT, they FIT, they FIT!!!!
     
    The JEANS, that I have had in my closet forever...FIT!!! Skinny, yet curvy(curvy is GOOD people!!)
     
    SO...I was in the closet, I decided today was the day I was going to try them on AGAIN...thinking to myself, "oh these didn't fit 3 weeks ago, they will fit in about a month from now". WELL...I put them on, because I always love denim, and I buttoned them, smile began to surface...zipped them, BIG cheesy grin by this time, AND...I AM STILL BREATHING!!! So you better believe I did NOT take these suckers off!!!!
     
    I've been doing a little jig, with a little song that just makes the big cheesy grin, not so cheesy...they fit, uh-huh, they fit...oh yea!!!!
     
    It's the little successes that are HUGE!!! Just made my day!!!
     
    Have a blessed day!!! Keep up the good work everyone and remember to be FABULOUS today!!!

  5. It MOVED!

    · MWilliams42 · 09/09/2013 14:53

    Well...GOOD morning!!!! I took the advice I was given and ran with it! I am trying...trying...trying to up my calorie intake, that is very difficult, but I am managing!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOO...as the title states, IT MOVED!!! The scale, it moved, it moved, it moved!!! And I got so excited, I told my hubs...he likes to joke around and he said, "well the scale does move when you get on!!" I just said, "HONEY!!" He laughed and I said my stall is gone for now, now that makes me HAPPY!!! It was stuck, on 208 forever! NOW...it reads 203.8!!! Yippee!!! I have to say, we are all on this journey and I am super thankful, daily, that I have the support that I have, and I will help be a support to anyone who needs it! This is for the rest of our lives and that is the really exciting part!!! We get to have energy, function without losing our breath, exercise and not still be jiggling even when we are done, live longer, have a healthy relationship with food, give our families the BEST of us...the list goes on and on! I'm just so excited to see and hear about everyone's progress, it just makes me smile!!!
  6. I thought it would never happen...EVER...NOT chocolate! Before surgery life would be over without my daily bit o chocolate! NOW...it's weird, I like chocolate protein shakes, sometimes. But I tried chocolate sugar free pudding, I loved it before...now, YUCK, doesn't even taste the same! Today, my son had Hershey's...who doesn't like a square of a Hershey bar once in a while??? Well, NOT me anymore, I had to spit it out, it tasted so gross. I thought is this the same mouth that would just let the chocolate melt on my tongue and thoroughly enjoy every last bite??? It can't be, because if it was I would have swallowed that chocolate...then I stopped to think of what else is tasting different...
     
    cottage cheese - tasted like styrofoam to me - loved it before!
    grapes - could take them or leave them before - NOW...little nuggets of sweetness!
    turkey burgers - had one last night, LOVED my turkey burgers before, but I don't know if I am ready for that yet...I hope my love for this comes back!
    tomatoes - not always my favorite - but NOW...I have a new LOVE!!! My hubs is sorta jealous of this love affair!!! LOL
    ice cream - KILLED my stomach! so NO MORE!
     
    I guess what I am trying to say is that NOW...I eat to live, and I am not living to eat! And the choices I am making are way better than what I have ever made, and my taste buds are dancing as I am now putting in my mouth what is GOOD for me!!! It's a great feeling!

  7. Progress

    · MWilliams42 · 09/03/2013 15:05

    Good morning world!! I am waking up feeling like a new person! I have not been on the scale since Friday, but continued my walking and exercise all weekend. I feel great! I promised myself that I wouldn't continuously take pics, but for someone who LOVES being the one TAKING the pics, this has really helped me put things in perspective. I have always been asked if I'm pregnant, I carry the majority of my weight in the dreaded gut. I attached a pic and it has helped me see that while the scale isn't moving, I am STILL making progress! The bottom right pic is me the day before my surgery, the middle one was 2 weeks ago, and the top left is me last week. It has helped me to actually SEE what is going on, and that helps to wrap my mind around what changes are taking place. I guess I just wanted to post this because I am as frustrated as the rest of those I see on this site with the stall that I am facing, head on, but I have to say...take some pics, compare them to the day you went in for surgery and I think you will be pleasantly surprised! So...in about an hour or so I will be getting on the scale, have a Dr.'s appointment...hope it is positive! Have a great DAY!!!

  8. New Goals ahead of ME!

    · MWilliams42 · 08/23/2013 17:04

    It's a good day today, I didn't get on the scale, I am done with the PMS, and my hormones seem to be balancing out, at least for today!!! I have some new goals in store for me, goals to help me, to challenge me and to just make me feel better in general. I have decided that this time around I'm going to take that bull by the horns and face everything, one thing at a time, head on. I've been frustrated with the scale not moving, so I saw someone on here posted this shake to get through the "stall" and this quote that was confirmation to me, because I said it yesterday...You didn't have your patience removed during surgery so why are you in such a hurry to lose what took you years to gain? - UH...DUH...I thought that yesterday, read it today and thought OMG...get with it, you are making good choices, you have been given this tool to help on the journey, so chill out and keep truckin' ahead! I already belong to a gym with the Hubs, but I decided to challenge my mind and body with CrossFit. I have a lot of friends, at all different weight and fitness levels that go, and I really feel this will get my body in gear to keep making those right choices. I am excited for the challenge and excited to see the results. I am signing a 3 month contract and then more if I still like it at 3 months. I told the Hubs that I NEED to do this for me and I need his support to know that I have to do this. I don't know what it is but I just feel the need to finally challenge ME. I'm cleaning out my closet next, while the scale isn't moving, I have noticed that things that were tight before surgery are just way too big, not even somewhat cute to get me through til I lose more weight, so they are OUTTA there!!!! Not EVER going back to that size again! I'm finding that instead of using my hands to eat, I'm organizing more(which I am pretty damn organized already), getting my surroundings in order...the new me is coming out to play and I think I really like this woman!!! I've continued taking pics...sent one to mom yesterday...I said LOOK...my sides aren't touching the side of my office chair!!! What a great feeling!!! I'm super excited at what lies ahead for ALL of us...and I have to say I'm thankful for all on here, this is a great place to come for a "pick me up"!!! Be Blessed, and know that you have GREAT days ahead of you.

  9. Self Talk

    · MWilliams42 · 08/21/2013 16:57

    "Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you greater than any obstacle." - Christian D. Larson...I have to constantly surround myself with positive thoughts and quotes, etc. I have been doing this for a long time, it has helped renew my mind, focusing on what is going to help and not hinder me. Sometimes my mind can be a frightening place, and it has been that for years of emotional eating, out of control habits where food is concerned and all to the detriment of my health. I developed Diabetes, and was on oral meds and 5 shots a day and my numbers were still not where they were supposed to be. So I realized, a while ago, I had to change my mindset first, and the rest will follow. It's so easy to listen to and believe the negative things you tell yourself. I honestly remember telling myself how much I hated me and what I had become, I could not look at myself in the mirror without disgust at what I saw. My kids would judge how much weight mom lost according to if they could connect their hands around me when they hugged me. So after a bad marriage, and a bad 5 year relationship, I decided to work on ME. In doing so, I found the person I lost, and surprisingly she was waiting to make an entrance. She sat in the background being emotionally battered for long enough and food was her only friend. I tried denying the Diabetes and it got worse, they had to change insulin doses all the time just to see what might work, and it caused me to feel sick more often than not. But I had to press through, and had to realize that I AM worth fighting for, I AM worth my time, and I don't want my kids to know life without me at this point, I'm still young. That's where the positive talk came in to play and I can honestly say that with all things this helps me the most. I feel better because I am working on me from the inside out. This surgery was just icing on the "virtual" cake!!! Now I am self motivating me for the start of the rest of my life, and it feels great!!! I try not to let the negative things get me down, because I've been down that depression/anxiety road before and I don't like that path in life at all. Some things I say over and over that really help are as follows: "There is nothing to great of accomplishment for one who knows the power of one's word and follows one's intuitive leads." - "The perfect plan includes health, wealth, love and perfect self-expression. this is the square of life, which brings perfect happiness." - "When you feel the world pushing against you...drop your head, lower your shoulder and dig in deep and push back." - and the best one so far, by Joel Osteen: "You need to associate with people that inspire you, people tat challenge you to rise higher, people that make you better. Don't waste your valuable time with people that are not adding to your growth. Your destiny is too important." Believe that...YOU are important, YOU are so worth the effort you put in to yourself and YOU will be the BEST YOU that you can possibly be. As the song says...."YOU are AMAZING, JUST the way YOU ARE!!!"

  10. Today I feel DOWN

    · MWilliams42 · 08/16/2013 15:00

    Well...I started this journey with much optimism. I am wrapping my head around the changes I am seeing, I have been learning to do other things with my hands instead of eating...and so far I've been doing great. Today, however, I just don't feel so great. Of course we as women get that "wonderful" visitor EVERY month, and I know some of how I am feeling is due to that. But I have been stuck at the same number on the scale all week now. How is that possible when my eating is little to none, but I am still getting all my protein in AND I'm exercising! This is what has frustrated me all the time in my weight journey. The scale goes up and down, I exercise and feel great, the scale doesn't move...then I would get mad and EAT...NOW I can't do that because I'm not hungry, THANK GOD FOR THAT! I have been eating healthier than ever, exercising and now mother nature decides she wants to throw a wrench in my progress by making an unwanted visit????? I really don't like that woman. My mood today...I just want to sit and cry, then I will be better... ...at least that is what my head tells me. Then I get angry... knowing that I'm doing what's right and the scale isn't moving. Its not going up, but it is not going down. Don't get me wrong in just a couple days I will be a month out of surgery and I am down 21 pounds, I am so very thankful for that, but what can I do to make that dreaded scale MOVE???????????? I'm not into pity parties and yet as I sit here writing this it seems as if that is what I am having...I've been seeing changes...I need to just remember its one day at a time, and I'm going to be better because of this. I'm already down to almost no insulin, just one shot a day, from 5 shots a day! My numbers are great, my energy is up and ...OH MAN, I forgot my vitamins this morning...see what one bad thought contributes to???????????? ugh! I have got to just pick myself up, shake this off and get over the feelings of being down. I do not want to go down that road ever again. I want to be an inspiration, not a burden because of my moods. This is the first day I have admitted to having a down day, but as you see, it's in a blog, I HAVE to be strong and keep my "game face" on for my family. I can't let them see me down. I am blessed and I know this, I am loved, and I can get through this~ I hope everyone remembers this quote: "Believe in yourself and all hat you are. Know that there is something inside you greater than any obstacle" - Christian D. Larson...Today is just a hurdle I need to get over. Be blessed!

  11. Thoughts for Today

    · MWilliams42 · 09/24/2013 16:30

    So I woke up this morning, SUPER glad that yesterday is DONE! I was looking at the calendar and I saw the date, I then began to think. As of this past Sunday I am 2 months out, 8 weeks people, from my surgery date and I have lost almost 30 pounds! Amazing, right? Well...yes it is, but then I thought, "Woman, you need to zip your lips the next time you think of complaining the scale isn't moving!". RIGHT?!!!
     
    In those very thoughts I thought of how amazing it is to even be able to vocalize that I have LOST, not gained, almost 30 pounds!!! It seems like a lifetime ago that I was able to say I even lost 5 pounds, or even 10! Now look at that number!!! I then thought that I have no right to gripe when the scale doesn't move as fast as I think it should, or say what I have been waiting for it to say. Our minds, well my mind anyway, can be a dangerous place and that is why I HAVE to talk positively to myself every minute of the day! Who thought I would ever be able to say in 8 weeks I have LOST almost 30 pounds!!!
     
    I guess it's in the moments of reflection that you begin to realize that at times we can become so complacent, so ungrateful for even the smallest victories. I cannot speak for everyone, just for me, and I am a very thankful person, and when I realized that I was getting to the point of not being satisfied with my victories, that is a sad day for me. I read someone else's blog this morning on almost the same exact topic and it just made me think.
     
    I'm working on my mind, daily, and this is such a touchy subject with me. But I have to wake up everyday and KNOW that I am not yet where I want to be but I am so much better than the day before.
     
    In the person's blog that I read she recounted the obstacles she has overcome, and how she, too, is frustrated with that stupid scale as she is so close to her goal and it is just taunting her. When will we, I, be completely satisfied??? When did I overlook where I came from and open my eyes to now see the real reflection of ME? I'm almost completely off my insulin and I am completely off my oral meds for diabetes, that is a HUGE Victory and if nothing else changes, I am so thankful for that.
     
    I've worked hard in my life to really like who I see in my reflection, and at times I haven't even wanted to look. My husband tells me how good I look, I shake my head no, he tells me I'm beautiful and I struggle to say thank you...but I'm getting better. I can like who I see in the mirror, why? Because she has a beautiful heart, she is a strong woman and because she has come through so much in her life, and to get to this wonderful place, I just couldn't be more thankful. I don't want to take one since solitary moment for granted, and seem like I'm ungrateful. I'm blessed beyond measure to be able to have come this far.
     
    Have a GREAT day!!!
  12. The scale...is NOT my friend. I'm about to throw it in the lake and watch it sink to the bottom. I am thankful I have LOST and not gained 21 pounds, but the scale has stayed the same for the last week or so...I'm eating such little amounts, I'm actually feeling great AND exercising. I just don't get it. I am anxious for Mother Nature to pay her visit, maybe that will make the numbers change! But what I can say is this...during PMS, post surgery, that was my time for chocolate, and salty kettle chips. My brain is still telling me how much I want them, but logic kicks in and reminds me that I will probably not like what I put in my mouth if I do that. I've had 2 episodes with trying something new and not being able to take the pain in my chest. So, I'm not willing to go down that PMS road again and give in to what I know got me in this mess in the first place. Not worth it. I can't take anything for my cramps, so my mood, OH my poor hubby!!! This has got to get better! My mood is directly linked to the monthly, which then gets pissed off when I get on the scale. It's like the scale is there taunting me every morning...just get on, maybe you lost some more, maybe I'll have a different number for you today...just maybe you should take a flying leap into the lake!!! I can make that happen!!! I NEVER used to weigh myself before, and now what the heck am I doing!!! I always went by how I feel in my clothes...never knew my weight until I started going to the Dr. regularly. Now that I have had this surgery, it seems all I want to do is weigh myself. How in the world do I break that cycle? Anyone else feeling like that? It's like I know I'm feeling better, I know I'm looking better, and I know you can be losing inches and not weight, but I haven't seen that damn scale below 200 pounds in so long, I have 7 more pounds to go and BAM...it will be under...will that make me feel better or will I be itching to get it lower??? I guess it helps that they told me that the more weight you have to lose the quicker you lose in the beginning, so I rely on that advice...working, right??? I've begun to find other things to do with my hands instead of eat, now I have to get my mind there, One period at a time!!! My family is trying so hard to be supportive, my hubs...well every time we are getting ready to have dinner I get that damn question, "are you allowed to have this", "what CAN you eat"???? He is a smart man but it's pissing me off, he can do the research and please don't ask me again if I can have that! My mom, she is my best friend, but her approach is that of a drill sergeant ...do this, don't do that, don't eat that, are you seriously thinking of eating that, that's what got you in this mess!!! She has the BEST intentions, she loves me and doesn't want to see my diabetes get worse, she wants that to go away. She knows that diabetes runs on her side of the family and I was the one that got it, and got it really bad. She doesn't want my life cut short, but being strong and constantly having my game face on in front of her is something that I'm trying to do...it just gets hard sometimes. So...I will be strong, I can get through this "funk" and I will come out on top. I have a great support system and I really am thankful that there is this site as well as all the wonderful people on here that offer their words of wisdom.
  13. AwAwAw aass Aw AwskskslddsdfafAwssddddd dddddssdsssdfjldfkjaaw man...what a day! First I have to get stern with my employees, already not feeling so great, I'm sure that it all came out of my mouth in the wrong tone! Spilled water ALL over my desk, good thing it wasn't the decaf I was drinking! The little bit of coffee I think I was having didn't need to end up all over my desk!!! UGH...THEN I tried to eat a half of a veggie "burger" for lunch, well that was a huge mistake, I still feel like it is stuck in my chest, and I chewed that sucker until I couldn't chew anymore! What used to happen when icky days would happen, I would march right out of the office and grab the biggest hunk of chocolate I could find and YES...it would make me feel better! What did I do today? Had a tiny little pea sized nugget of chocolate, and YES it helped!!! LOL...I have to say, one bad day in less that a month of surgery, or at least one bad day that I'm willing to admit to myself, is better than a month full of them! I'll take the one, because I know great days are ahead of me! I am so lucky to have been given the opportunity to go through this, to once again teach myself, that I am stronger than I ever thought, that I am a fighter, and that when the day is over...my diabetes is finally getting under control and I have to be super thankful for that! I've been reading successes and struggles on here, and I just wish I could reach out to everyone struggling and tell them it will get better, and for those successes, HIGH FIVES to you all, so proud that you made this wonderful choice to change your lives for the better! All in all if you look at it with the successes and struggles we all chose to take this journey to a better US!!! Another quote that I have hanging in my office (these things keep the spirit lifted, I'm tellin' ya!!!) is this: "Go CONFIDENTLY in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." - Henry David Thoreau

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