I've battled since I was a kid with my weight. It seems like my entire life has been a diet roller coaster and I just want to be healthy and live a long life for myself and my family.
I have finally decided to move forward with having the gastric sleeve surgery-not a light decision to be made to say the least. I've thought about it for about a 1 and a half now and made myself wait and try to diet and exercise just ONE more time about 5 months ago before reaching the decision to have the surgery.
There have been a few times in my life where I was driven or made to be physically fit and those times were successful for me. I look back on them and realize that I didn't let food rule me and I was quite active as well. I want that ME back so badly that I feel like I need to do something extreme and permanent to make it happen.
What I didn't realize when I was a young kid, teenager and after having my first child is that I wasn't obese or even fat like I'd been led to believe, even though I saw myself as overweight. As a kid I was really just a normal kid with a mother who constantly badgered about weight which in turn gave me a huge complex that at 34 years of age I'm still experiencing.
Only now, the overweightness is a fact. As a teenager I was active-never a skinny minny , but I enjoyed sports and was thrilled when I became a cheerleader for my junior year just by wanting to do it and trying hard. After highschool my diet wasn't the best, but I managed to join the military right before entering into a weight bracket that wouldn't be accepted. I did it to motivate and better myself. When I say a weight bracket that wouldn't be accepted for my height and build I mean I was literally one pound away from the "un-accepted" category, so still not extreme at this point in my life either....150 was my weight. But....mentally felt like I was 30 pounds overweight. Now that I look back on this moment in my life I realize I needed to pick back up on exercise and I'd have been just fine.
Well, bootcamp did that for me without an issue:) I was lean, sexy and super fit for the first time in my life and I loved my body. I got married soon after bootcamp-and got pregnant during the honeymoon! Yay....on came the weight. I gained 91 pounds with my first son. Lost down to 185 after I had him and felt like the biggest cow ever-stretch marks included. Again, I look back and think-what the heck was your problem girlfriend? You looked great and just needed to exercise and eat right to be fit and lose about 30 pounds. At this point in my life my mother was back in the picture and had harped my entire pregnancy on my weight gain (several times a week during my pregnancy I hear her thoughts on my progress) and thereafter too. Not good for moral-and it didn't help that we lived with my parents for the last trimester and a few weeks after the birth of my son as I transitioned out of the military.
I kept the weight (dieting a few times and losing about 15 or 20 pds) for about 3 1/2 years before deciding to have my second child. The first delivery was hard because of the weight gain and inactiviity and I knew that I wanted to do better for myself and my body and went on a very healthy weight watchers diet and exercise regime to lose the weight before getting pregant again.
I was successful! Lost the weight, got pregnant, gained a decent 50 pounds and considering I exercised until the last month I was quite proud of my success. After having him it took me about a year to get "fine" again. And wouldn't you know it-I can't think of one single word of encouragement from my mom during my "fine" times....just sayin.
It wasn't until he was 3 years old that I started gaining weight back again. I let a few pounds come on during the holidays around 8 or so and still thought I looked great.....then a few more....then a few more....before I knew it I was at 187 and looking in the mirror still thinking it's ok you can get it together....then a few more....a few more.... a few more....I just lost the will to keep on the diet lifestyle and 4 years later I'm at 242.2. I'm starting to feel it take a toll on my health too. T
ype 2 diabetes, high cholesterol a double chin that I hate and just generally longing for so much more than this. Of course my mother's been at me strong for the last two years-she took a break when I got the nerve to tell her to be be quite about it already a few years ago. I've tried 3 or 4 times in the past year, (starting to lose count) to diet and exercise and will lose 15 or 20 pounds and then I quit the changes gradually and get back where I started.
I want permanent changes and I can't think of what else to do other than the gastric sleeve. I'm at the end of my rope so to speak and have firmly decided to go through with this.
