Globetrotter

TwinsMama, thank you, you are so supportive, it is meaningful to me, thank you! In the ongoing saga of Ye Olde Head Case, I am battling a paradox at the moment: I am at least 60 lbs over goal weight, at least 20 lbs heavier than the last time I felt good about myself, and am more out of shape then I have been since surgery - I have not exercised faithfully/regularly in 3 months. So here's the issue: I need to get to the gym more than I've ever needed to since surgery, yet I am afraid/embarrassed/humiliated/ashamed to go *until* I lose the *extra* weight. So I need to go to the gym in order to lose the weight, but won't go to the gym until I've already lost the weight, wtf... It makes zero sense, I know, but that's how I feel. When I was at my best - my lowest weight, my most kick-ass strength, I really felt like I was accomplishing something at the gym because I could feel it in my body. I want so badly to feel that way again but feel like I can't get there without a weight loss jump start, a shock to the system that smacks my metabolism upside the head and goes, "giddyeyup! we're losing weight here!!" anyway, ramble ramble ramble ...

I am 3 years out, I have recently been doing the 5:2 method to reestablish weight loss, I've had some regain in the past year due to trauma and stress. Has anyone out there been on "regular" calories (<1200 a day) and then decided to go back to severe low cal, or even go back to liquids/mushies? I don't mean a 5 day pouch test reset, but an actual return to post-op eating as a means to rejuvenate their weight loss? As I have examined my weight loss history I have discovered that, even though my exercise was diligent and my food tracking was faithful and my carbs remained low - as my calories increased, my weight loss slowed down to a crawl and then stopped altogether. The only time I lost reasonably well was when I was 800 or less cals a day, 40 or less grams of carbs a day, and 70g's Protein. Now, it could just be a coincidence that I was eating that way when I was losing the best, it could easily have been just a result of still being in my honeymoon phase ... thoughts, ideas, opinions?

I too agree, my body enjoys ADR - or I thought it did! I mean, I feel good, it makes me enjoy my eating days and look forward to fast days as days I don't have to think about food. But after 19 days and no loss, I'm pretty bummed.

I have enjoyed doing ADR, so I was unhappy to read that ADR and women don't seem to have positive results. Last night I was thinking about my weight loss bell curve; it took 6 months to lose the 20 pounds between 184-164. It took 4 months to lose the 20 pounds between 204-184. It took 2 months to lose the 20 pounds between 220-200. Even though I was still 30 pounds overweight, I bottomed out at 164. Judging by the amount of loss vs time to lose it, I lost best and most swiftly when I was doing 600 cals. Is that because of the timeline, because I was still in honeymoon and it actually didn't matter how many cals I took in? Or is it that my body only responds to severe calorie restriction? argh!

Thank you all for your kind words, the word stress is so puny it really doesn't describe the feelings one has after such a shock. The difac is back today, who knew I would ever be grateful for the heat lamp food they make but compared to MREs its great! As for things I need, I'm desperate for Clorox wipes or something similar, just-add-water or boil-in-a-bag type foods that aren't loaded with sodium, and Kleenex. I'm making today a feed day, in honor of actual food being available for the first time in a week, but I will not consume any overt carbs, no bread pasta rice etc.

I refuse, REFUSE, to believe that my body is happy being obese, which I still am. At 5'3", there is no WAY 190 pounds is acceptable, and I feel terrible, awkward and ungainly and FAT. The Paleo for Women article was thoroughly depressing, it basically told me that any sort of calorie restriction spells doom for my female brain and body. what the EFF. Has anyone considered whether or not the only people here who are successful at 5:2 are women who are post-menopausal?

OD - I sent you a PM Swizz - The concussion was strange, I felt sort of spacey, and couldn't recall things right away, and was very tired. I rested for 2 days and feel pretty much okay now. I have cookie dough, apple pie, vanilla almond crunch, and banana nut muffin flavors of Quest bars, all delish but also very sweet and rich and I can only have one or two per week before they become overpowering. I've been doing ADR, haven't lost a pound, and if you averaged out my cals, I'm getting about 900 cals a day. so how the EFF am I not losing weight?????? I think I will switch over to 5:2 instead, see what happens.

FOB stands for Forward Operating Base, any sort of US military installation outside the US is considered "forward". Yes, there were casualties, many. I received a concussion. PRT stands for Provincial Reconstruction Team. Re-reading the first post, I realize now how it could have been confusing, talking about the attack and then hernia without differentiating. It's a good thing that Fiddleman and wife sent me some protein powder awhile back and that I mailed several gross of Quest bars to myself, unfortunately they are Quest bars, ie delicious and high in carbs As for my eating right now, we get one meal a day at the moment so I'm averaging about 900 cals a day and my exercise consists of wearing my body armor for a good portion of the day (35 lbs).

I thought the TDEE or BMR or whatever, was the amount of calories you expend just being alive and laying in bed? The only time I have lost consistently since surgery was when I was on strict 600 cals, that's just not a possibility anymore.

M2G - Nope, didn't lose during that time

Gak, so confused! those 1660 cals I eat on feast days, should I be eating more than that? And, the only time I've ever shown steady weight loss was when I was a strict 600 cals a day, during my first 6 months, after that it's been a pound here, a pound there and lots of frustration. I've been doing ADR for 17 days now and haven't lost a single pound. On feast days I eat about 1600, on fasts about 600. My exercise has been nil but I've heard that as far as weight loss is concerned, though muscle building is important, diet is moreso. So, what the eff!!

I have tried NYDJ, and I love them, but even they do not hide my bulging pouchiness

17 days into my ADF reboot and haven't lost a pound.

Wow, gotta say ladies, more than a little hurt that nobody commented or showed any interest/concern, even though you keep saying hope everyone's okay! I posted that my FOB was attacked, and that it was pretty scary, and that's why I hadn't been up on the boards, yet the very next post after that just coasted on by, like I hadn't said anything ... Like I said in the post, google "attack on Ghazni". It was terrifying. As for my food and 5:2, every day has been a fast day since the attack, I'm rationing out my horded cans of sardines and Protein Shakes.

Massive attack yesterday, been in hiding. Just Google "Ghazni PRT attack". Don't know if it is hiatal or umbilical. All I know is that everything I eat gives me excruxiating diarrhea.

Feed - no, I had mine done by Dr Jossart in San Francisco CA. I was going to work out every day, until I discovered I have a hernia, that and two pulled groin muscles are keeping me out of the gym atm.

I rebooted my 5:2 efforts on August 18th; I do ADF, 1700 on, 600 off. Today is 10 days in, and I have not lost any weight. I wasn't going to weigh myself for 30 days but caved. I am 60 lbs above personal goal weight, fighting 25 lbs of regain from the last year.

Popcorn goes down easy, so I guess it's a slider, but it also sticks and stays and makes me feel very full for a very long time so ...

You are very lucky, TwinsMama, you have a flat lower pelvic region, that makes all the difference... My goal-weight-reward outfit is going to be custom made skinnies in a very dark wash stiff denim, a close fitting cashmere turtleneck (black), a perfectly tailored tweed jacket, and some very expensive leather riding boots! I think the key for my shape is going to be having a much higher waist then is currently available in off-the-rack jeans, one that come in at my actual waist/belly button. I have a very awkward shape: hourglass, technically a long torso but in reality a long waist-to-crotch and short wide ribcage. Very broad shoulders (a lifetime of competitive swimmning), wide hips, flat butt, short curvy legs, T-Rex arms, small head. I would have to be nearly skeletal to have my head look proportionate.

FYE, really about the carb Water? I did not know that! Interesting ... Coops - my favorite WLS blogger, Eggface, has the neatest wls-friendly high Protein Desserts. She has one for protein pudding, I bet you could tinker with it and make your own version of the ice slice! btw, I was thinking it was a popsicle of frozen citrus slices M2G - This set of Christmas books was a stocking-gift when I was very little, maybe 4. It's called "My Little Library of Christmas Classics", the books are only about 3 inches by 2 inches, one is a collection of carols, one is the Nutcracker, one is The Christmas Tree, and the other is The Night Before Christmas. They get taken out along with the Christmas decorations and put away, every year. I open them and I smell Christmas, I smell the joy and excitement, the Douglas fir and orange peel and nutmeg. I feel my Father's voice and hear my Mother's laugh, also the anxiety and tension and need for everything to be exactly perfect, to keep everyone happy. Keeping everyone in good spirits meant I was safe. It was a careful dance upon the head of a grenade pin. So, in those books is 30 years of family experience. My Father died this year, right after Christmas, and it was a painful wrenching non-Christmas, filled with every ugliness a small family could muster. I do not know how or if I will ever be able to Celebrate Christmas again and in a way I'm grateful I will still be deployed come this years. Wow, that got WAY off track, I apologize everyone!! I went down that dark rabbit hole FAST As for the severity of the Christmas Tree story M2G, you are totally right! I think we used to be a little less squeamish about telling stark or grim tales to children, have you ever seen some of the old illustrations to fairytales? And Hans Christen Andersen's stuff (before Disney got ahold of them) was DARK. I guess the thinking used to be, "well, life is harsh, better prepare the kids". Okay, on to actual 5:2 business - yesterday I clocked in at about 1600 cals but my carbs were just stratospheric!! They are really reducing at the difac so the only way to get my protein is with the shakes but then I can't get in the calories for feed days ... suggestions?? Today is a fast day which is no problem since I .... ...... have a hernia v_v. Went to the clinic yesterday and they confirmed it, also said that may be responsible for the pain in my guts and the bouts of diarrhea. So, not keen on putting much in my stomach beyond warm tea and mylanta. Starting to think I must've been a real bastard in my last life ... v_v.

Oh Coops, thank you, that means a lot to me! Considering that I have never even begun to get close to goal and you have, I think it should be the other way around! Thor lol, just call me Freyja ;P What is an ice slice? Sounds cool and refreshing. Just came back from lunch, I could have had ultra-creamy mac and cheese, ultra fried grilled cheese sandwiches, cookies, deep fried pollock. But I didn't. I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on whole wheat bread with a few bites of salad, a sip of root beer, and came back to the office and am having a double protein shake, and it's a feed day, 500 cals 41g protein in total, I bet that mac and cheese alone would have been 400 cals. I'm teaching a yoga class on Saturday so I really hope my two pulled groin muscles are healed by then!

I'm three years out and last night I had boiled shrimp for dinner. HUGE mistake, those little suckers sat in my chest and stomach for hours, I felt like I was going to burst, I had the slimes, and even this morning I still feel a little blechh.

My pudendal region is so pronounced that regardless of the looseness of the pants I must always wear tunic-length shirts. It's humiliating to be wearing a lovely graceful outfit and STILL have people staring at my crotch v_v.

As a child I had a set of tiny books that were Christmas themed and they were brought out every year for the holidays. One of the stories was about a Christmas tree, how he grew up in the forest and all he ever wanted was to be a Christmas tree until one day, he was chopped down and yes turned into a Christmas tree. The day after Christmas he thought, "they will dress me up again!" but they threw him in the corner of an attic and forgot about him and eventually burned him in a garbage fire and it was only then that he realized he had spent his whole life wanting something else, instead of appreciating the life he had every day. I've always been afraid of being like the Christmas tree, why is it so difficult to appreciate what we have, while we have it? Yesterday was a fast day, I had boiled shrimp for dinner and it was a terrible mistake! I had to focus hard on not vomiting for about 3 hours afterward, and my mouth kept watering pre-vomit style, it was a bad time! Plus I think my giardia is back I caved on the scale, btw v_v, weighed myself this morning. 9 days after recommitting to 5:2 and I have lost zero pounds v_v. sigh.

M2G, I am printing this response out and hanging it above my workspace <3. If I could have a talk with 15 yr old me, first of all I would give her a glimpse of the horrors to come if she doesn't make her health a priority. Then I would tell her the secret of the universe - nobody is going to beat the snot out of you for trying. Be brave because only good things come from it. ask that boy out, wear that bikini, tell that bully b!tch to STFU, stand up to your parents, tell them their abuses and self absorption will not stand, oh yeah and take French instead of Spanish