heaterville

Thank you thank you thank you all!!! Some of these words made me cry, just knowing you understand and feel what I'm feeling. I have no one to talk to - my sister, boyfriend, everyone has always been thin. My mom has always been thin, but recenlty gained a LOT of weight so anything body image/weight related is a very touchy subject for her, & I know me being smaller than her for the first time since I was 10 is hard on her. Knowing others have felt this way I don't feel quite so alone. You all have given me a lot of empowering motivation. I know its an insane struggle, just sitting here trying to say in my mind 'I am beautiful' gives me an incredible amount of anxiety & really makes me realize I need help on this. I think because I've never really heard it before my boyfriend makes it very hard to see it might be somewhat true. I'm going to start slow by just doing some reading I think, trying to get myself to say something positive each morning, and maybe someday I will feel ok saying I am beautiful out loud. I feel foolish going to a professional on this for some reason, it seems very trivial in the big picture of mental health. But if this doesn't work I think I may need to. We'll see how tonight goes with my boyfriend. I'm hoping my 'freak out' the past few nights hasn't pushed him away! Thank you again!