Merle

Jess,
Hi, lets me just start by telling you that you are not alone. You're in the right place for support. I had my surgery a year and half ago. Your letter sounds like my letter that I posted in January. I had the impression that the band was going to do this for me. I've suffered from 2 bloodclots in the past 5 years, so i'm on coumedin for the rest of my life. I'm 44, 5'4 and as of this week im at 199. But right after surgery, one of my incisions wasn't properly closed, and it opened during the night so when I woke up I was covered in blood. It looked like someone shot me lol. Thankfully it was a very small bleeder. So my scars will always be red and noticable. Having carried all this weight since I was in my 20's, having a child in my 30's and middle age, my stomach looks like a balloon thats been inflated and deflated a million times. My upper arms hang like a flying squirrel, and my upper thighs well we wont even talk about them. And yes, I can feel my port all the time. I have to take Ambien because of my sleep aptnea. At night after I took it, I would fight the ambien effects and go into the kitchen and eat so no one would see me. I'd finish a half gallon of ice cream, have a dozen oreos and milk, you name it and wouldn't even feel guilty about it until I woke up and remembered and sometimes not remember, and felt soooooooo guilty but it wouldn't change the next night. and talk about anger, sadness, happy, mad I would do the exact same thing, I'd go for food for comfort. So you're not alone, we're all here with the same issues. By this past January I had enough, I too had the band too tight that I couldn't even drink a protein shake without vomiting then it was too lose and I was eating like it was a pass. I went thru the anxiety that I thought I wouldn't never eat again too. But in Jan., I went back to basics and joined weight watchers. Sounds like its defeat. But I realize now it wasn't defeat, it was the best thing I've done for myself in a long tiime. I took control and I stopped letting my band take control. I just went shopping and bought a size 12. I havent been a size 12 since maybe 7th grade. So even with the scars, hanging skiin, stretch marks I don't regret having surgery. So what that its not as fast as other people or as fast as we thought it would take. But it could have been worse, I could still be shopping at plus size stores, I could be sweating all the tiime, I could be self conscious of what people thought of me when I eat. But I don't feel that anymore. I feel normal. Thin feels better than junk food tastes. And I keep remembering that. So don't give up, and dont be so hard on yourself. We all do this one day at a time. And we all have good days and bad days. But think of your life when you do reach that amazing goal. You're so young, and you WILL have an amazing life. THIN

Jess,
Hi, lets me just start by telling you that you are not alone. You're in the right place for support. I had my surgery a year and half ago. Your letter sounds like my letter that I posted in January. I had the impression that the band was going to do this for me. I've suffered from 2 bloodclots in the past 5 years, so i'm on coumedin for the rest of my life. I'm 44, 5'4 and as of this week im at 199. But right after surgery, one of my incisions wasn't properly closed, and it opened during the night so when I woke up I was covered in blood. It looked like someone shot me lol. Thankfully it was a very small bleeder. So my scars will always be red and noticable. Having carried all this weight since I was in my 20's, having a child in my 30's and middle age, my stomach looks like a balloon thats been inflated and deflated a million times. My upper arms hang like a flying squirrel, and my upper thighs well we wont even talk about them. And yes, I can feel my port all the time. I have to take Ambien because of my sleep aptnea. At night after I took it, I would fight the ambien effects and go into the kitchen and eat so no one would see me. I'd finish a half gallon of ice cream, have a dozen oreos and milk, you name it and wouldn't even feel guilty about it until I woke up and remembered and sometimes not remember, and felt soooooooo guilty but it wouldn't change the next night. and talk about anger, sadness, happy, mad I would do the exact same thing, I'd go for food for comfort. So you're not alone, we're all here with the same issues. By this past January I had enough, I too had the band too tight that I couldn't even drink a protein shake without vomiting then it was too lose and I was eating like it was a pass. I went thru the anxiety that I thought I wouldn't never eat again too. But in Jan., I went back to basics and joined weight watchers. Sounds like its defeat. But I realize now it wasn't defeat, it was the best thing I've done for myself in a long tiime. I took control and I stopped letting my band take control. I just went shopping and bought a size 12. I havent been a size 12 since maybe 7th grade. So even with the scars, hanging skiin, stretch marks I don't regret having surgery. So what that its not as fast as other people or as fast as we thought it would take. But it could have been worse, I could still be shopping at plus size stores, I could be sweating all the tiime, I could be self conscious of what people thought of me when I eat. But I don't feel that anymore. I feel normal. Thin feels better than junk food tastes. And I keep remembering that. So don't give up, and dont be so hard on yourself. We all do this one day at a time. And we all have good days and bad days. But think of your life when you do reach that amazing goal. You're so young, and you WILL have an amazing life. THIN

Hi all! Ive seen people posting about non-scale victories, and just wanted to have a post where people can shout out about their NSV's!
My Top 5 NSV's so far are............drumroll please
5. Being able to bend over to tie my shoe to walk. (Me and walking USED to be an oxymoron!)
4. Being motivated to walk at the mall.
3. Having more energy in general.
2. Not having my wedding ring cut off my circulation, it actually spins around on my finger now!
and my number 1 NSV so far to date......
1. Sitting down to go potty and realizing I just pulled my scrub pants down AND THEY WERE TIED!!!!!!!!

First, I am sorry you had such a rough year. But on the good side, congrats on your engagement. You did not have cancer, a thyroid pill a day is not a huge deal, I've been doing that since I was 24. You'll need to monitor your thyroid levels about once a year, I am guessing. You survived a horrific fall.
We bandsters cannot eat like others. It's a fact. But vomiting often is not a good thing. I believe you should see your band surgeon as soon as possible. You say you don't want an unfill, and I can understand that. But that might be what you need to allow you to eat a better selection of foods and keep them down. You REALLY need to get things checked to be sure of what is happening.
I don't know about you, but I know very few people in real life who are banded, I get my support here on-line.
I hope you feel better soon!

Sounds like there is more than food as an issue here. Does your doctor's practice offer counseling?