extremlyfrustrated

I was chosen to have the lap band surgery paid for under a piolt program for work. Recently widowed and ready for a new outlook and having been obese most of my life, I signed up for the band. Immediately after my outpatient suregery I was given a sprite zero on ice and with a straw. My friends and I both questioned the nurse and was assured this was the custom. My beginning weight was 260, about a week before surgery. After the liquid diet for a few days, because I had to have the suregery within a certain time frame to be covered, I was 254 the day of surgery. I lost close to 30 pounds by April. I was having some problems swallowing. I even went on the occassional liquid only for days at a time to combat the vomiting. I chewed slowly and carefully yet was still having problem getting foods and often liquids down. I had given up my diet drinks for over a month until even Water was making me vomit. Out of deperation, I reverted back to my diet drinks which did stay down better. There never seemed to be a rhym or reason to the vomiting, often daily even after only a couple of small bites. Out of despreation I reverted to icecream and chocolate which never made me sick. Yogurt even made me vomit. The doctor adjusted my fills several times but to no avail. I did the swallow test and was told placwement was fine. Finally he just said I was doing it wrong! I had my fill taken out and left. I went without a fill for many months...still choking and vomiting at times. I finally got insurance to agree to send me for a second opinion. After more expensive testing, I was told the placement was fine and was given a fill. As I have grown accustomed, I have days were nothing including water stays. Other days I eat endless and can never get full. On the days where I am sick, I still try to eat and drink because I am so hungry cause sometimes for days at a time, very little stays down. Trying to solve this has cost me a fortune...money that I didn't have. The original doctor said there is no medical necessity for it to be out therefore the insurance denies. I am extremely frustrated and depressed. I know people who have done the procedure since me who look wonderful. I feel like such a failure. I have taken diet pills on and off since the surgery just to try loose some weight. It is so embarrassing to have this surgery and I am currecntly at 240 lbs. My daughter graduates in May and I would love to have pictures taken with her and as for now as I have for many years...I avoid the camera. I would love a new start since I just survived the 3rd anniversary of my husband's death. The second year anniversary of my surgery is fast approaching. I cannot afford to continue doctor's visits to be told I am doing it wrong when my rarely makes it past my throat before I vomit. Even when I don't vomit, I spit up medium size jelly fish looking flim. Someone please help! I am getting to the point that I don't believe there is hope for me. I take Synthroid and have had the right side of my thyroid removed. I try to excersie...especially walking... when I have the energy to move. I had a wreck about a little over a year ago and I still have lots of neck and back pain. Miracle needed... believe me I am praying!!!