DIVA-LISCIOUS2011

David Letterman isn’t the only one who composes top 10 lists. Here’s my top 10 list of the things you need to know about gastric band surgery, served with a generous helping of GJTL™ - Genuine Jean Tuff Luv™.


TIME FOR SOME TOUGH LOVE?
Genuine Jean Tuff Luv™? What’s that? It’s my version of the kind of love that hurts so good, because it gets you going in the direction you want to go.
Stern but caring parents, teachers and coaches who maintain strict rules and demanding training regimens are said to practice tough love. Those rules and regimens may not be fun, but they can turn around kids, students or athletes who’ve gotten off track or are underachieving.
Tough love may seem too severe, too tough. It works best when the parent, teacher or coach believes in, proclaims, and respects the inherent value and purpose of the person they’re trying to help. Sometimes all we need is a wakeup call to shake us out of our stupor and pull us out of a rut. The drills and discipline of tough love can help (even as they hurt) when our bandwagons have gotten lost or stalled somewhere along the way to success.
A bandster once said of me, “Jean tells people the things they don’t want to hear.” I chose to take that as a compliment. Many times in my life, I’ve benefited from a slap upside the head by a concerned friend. When I do the slapping, I try to do it with just enough emphasis to get a friend’s attention long enough to deliver an important message, followed by a gentle and loving kick in the butt. So here’s my top 10 list of things you need to know about adjustable gastric band surgery. Consider yourself kicked!
THE GJTL TOP TEN LIST
1. You will not wake up in the recovery room at your goal weight. Average weight loss with the band is 1-2 pounds per week, and virtually no one loses weight at a nice steady pace of (say) 1.75 pounds per week. Some weeks you’ll lose, some weeks you’ll stall and some weeks you’ll gain, but as long as the overall trend is downward, you’re doing great!
2. Slower weight loss with the band does not prevent sagging or excess skin. How your skin reacts to massive weight loss depends mostly on your genetics and your age. As we age, our skin loses elasticity. If the possibility of sagging or excess skin worries you, start tossing your change into a plastic surgery piggy bank.
3. Weight loss surgery (of any type) does NOT cure obesity. Obesity is a chronic and incurable disease characterized by relapse and recurrence. Although bariatric surgery is currently the most effective way of treating obesity, obesity is something you’re going to have to manage for the rest of your life, with or without surgery. For most of us, a tool like the adjustable gastric band makes that a lot easier, but it’s not effortless, either.
4. Most eating problems after band surgery are due to user error, and can be prevented by using good band eating skills. Read an article about those skills by clicking here: How to Eat Like a Bandster.
5. In order to decrease your weight and increase your health, you must decrease your food intake and increase the quality of your food choices and the time you spend exercising. While you may be able to lose weight for a while by just eating much smaller portions of Chicken McNuggets, potato chips, and candy bars, eventually that approach will stop working, and at the same time it will start biting your health in the butt. And though it may be difficult for you to exercise at first, each pound you lose will make it easier, and each additional hour you spend exercising will not only burn calories but improve your physical and mental health.
6. No weight loss surgery procedure will cure eating disorders, eating demons, emotional eating, boredom eating, stress eating, celebratory eating or food addiction. Changing those behaviors is your job. If it’s too hard to tackle yourself, consider getting some counseling with a therapist experienced with eating disorder and WLS patients, and/or joining a 12-step group like Overeater’s Anonymous.
7. The band rarely works without fills. Even if you initially lose weight with one or no fills, sooner or later, you’re going to have to face the fill needle. And if you’re too needle-phobic to tolerate a fill needle, why did you choose band surgery in the first place?
8. The restriction “sweet spot” is a myth. There is no such thing as “perfect” restriction, or if there is, you can’t count on it to last more than one hour, one day or one week. This is because the band is an inert silicone object implanted in a living, breathing human body that changes constantly in reaction to the time of day, time of month, time of year, hydration, illness, medication, stress, you name it. Restriction variability is part of the gastric band package.
9. There is nothing magic in the band that makes you lose weight. Changing your eating and exercise behavior is what makes you lose weight. All the band does is make that work easier for you by reducing your physical hunger and increasing your satiety.
10. YOU are responsible for your weight loss. Not your band, not your surgeon, and not the server at McDonald’s who invariably asks you, “Want to supersize that?”