JCM

I was banded in early August of 2010. The fight has been a roller coaster ride at best. I started off with some great highs, finding energy and losing 20 lbs in the first few months! I started to fall, started to fail and my busy life just always seems to get in the way. I made it through the Thanksgiving holiday without gaining (or losing) a single pound. I just had another fill on the fourth, up to 8 cc's and I am able to have a few small bites of food and am done. I can't eat chicken anymore, even the most moist of chicken, for it just won't pass and I end up throwing it up. I have become way to used to throwing up lately and I know that this is not healthy either. I moved in with my boyfriend at the beginning of November and to be honest, this is the hardest part of it all. He was going to have the Roux but because of a lost job has been unable to join me on this journey. I am a girl with no self control and having someone who was supportive in the beginning not understand that I can't eat the things I used to is very hard. I bought a membership to a local rec center several months ago with plans of getting back to one of my childhood passions... swimming. The first time I went to utilize my new pass, the pool was closed to ready for the winter season. Last night I went to check the schedule for the pool for the winter, and they have closed the pool down for construction until next summer! It just seems like my best efforts, although not that great, are being defeated at every turn. I am lazy. I have not gone for a walk in months and I know I need to do that. I am worried that with my complete lack of will power that I made the wrong choice of surgery. I realize that this is a slower process, but I am surrounded by people at work who have had either the band or the sleeve and roux and are all doing amazing. It is hard knowing that I am a failure at this just as I have been with everything else in my life. I have not been able to share these feelings with anyone else. Not sure why I am choosing such a public forum to do so, but I figured I have something close to anonymity here and will not be judged. more to come later I am sure. Just trying to get out some of the main frustrations that I have now. Banded August 2010, 260lbs to start, only down to 231. 80 more to go...........