Are you a fat personality or not?

Not all fat people have fat personalities. I'm sorry I disrupted a mental health thread with this yesterday, I didnt realise and it was inappropriate. But I've got to get this off my chest.

I'm done with the whiny pathetic excuse making marshmallows populating this board. Get some backbone, and wake up to reality. This thing takes WORK.

We all fall off the wagon, we all make mistakes, what is it that makes some of us dust ourselves off and keep going and some of us refuse to admit the mistake, blaming everything and everyone but ourselves?

I've never really understood pre band psychological counselling, but now I do. Some people here should never ever have been banded. Not until they did some serious work on themselves first. Its very sad. But the tool is there when they're ready to use it. If they could EVER admit that they need to change things up a bit.

The band is so wonderful. You can lose weight slowly. You can even do it without exercise. You can get to a low BMI or not, you can stop where you please. You can feel in control of your food for the first time in your life. You can be super strict and lose weight at the speed of light and have cosmetic surgery and be the hottest thing on 2 legs. You can do low carb or not.

For some, sadly its just not the right tool. I have respect for people who decide that and go for something else or who choose another surgery int he first place. But for many, its so versatile. Sadly there's some people who still dont lose. They have medical and physical issues that need attention. They may have gotten so big that they really struggle to move around let alone exercise. They are in real trouble and need help and compassion.

But there's also a whole lot who are just, well, pathetic. They wanted to lose weight but they wanted someone else to do it for them, afterall its not their fault their fat right? So they get this band and WHAT? It doesnt do it all?

This thread is not compassionate. I dont hate fat people, heck, I *AM* a fat person. I dont believe I will be anything other than a fat person in remission. I feel compassion for the plight people find themselves in, I feel that for every single person. But when they refuse to help themselves, it evaporates.

Now, I'm the first person to admit I dont understand much about mental health issues like depression. I know its wrong, but I do sometimes fall into the "just snap out of it" camp. I realise there's stuff like that involved. But nine times out of ten, struggling with a band just comes down to being unwilling to pull your finger out and face your issues.

So when people post threads seeking help and then oh so politely come up with an excuse to every single helpful suggestion, look out, I just might BITE!

And nobody had better DARE so "if I could do that, I wouldnt have needed a lapband". That is quite honestly the stupidest thing that I have ever heard on this forum and unfortunately its been said many many times. If you seriously believe that, you are in more trouble than a lapband can get you out of!

Edited June 21, 200818 yr by Jachut

And you know what? I am so tired of this RnR disclaimer that seems to be an easy way of saying "I can be the biggest bitch ever, and it's ok because we are in RnR". There is still an amount of class and maturity that should be involved in ANY PART of this site.

I told my son the other day that if he really didn't like what was going on in one part of the playground at school, to find somewhere else to play.

I am not being a bitch here, but there really is a simple solution to the problem.

So? What do we do then? Close R&R's because a couple of people get offended at the drop of a hat?

And don't talk to me about being called names honey. I have had seven shades of shit thrown at me for little more than being at goal weight. Know what I did? Laughed at the childish bullshit and went on with my day. It really is that simple.

Oh please, who's playing the victim, now. No I wouldn't dream of closing this part, then what ever would you do with yourself? I see how simple it is. And I bet this is the first time you have ever mentioned it:rolleyes:.

I agree with you Jasmine, it just happened to be one that I was involved in so I take credit for my part of the problem and apologize for offending any one who was an innocent bystander.

I don't think I'll ever choose to be a part of one of this types of situations again, kind of why I closed those two threads and change my name and pic so that I could come back and participate the way I want to in a "civil" way. Unfortunately people kept bringing it up and up and up I kept reading people who were defending me all the time and then they were being attacked for defending me and I felt like I had to jump in again because I felt responsible.

I guess I really shouldn't say I'd never protect someone I felt needed a bit of protection but I wouldn't intentionally try to set someone off. I do a good enough job of that unintentionally:blush: brandyII-n

Oh please, who's playing the victim, now. No I wouldn't dream of closing this part, then what ever would you do with yourself? I see how simple it is. And I bet this is the first time you have ever mentioned it:rolleyes:.

Yes. I am playing the victim. That is exactly what I am doing by pointing out that people are assholes all over the board, and not just here in R&R's.

I am not a bitch. I live in the real world where adults, if they don't want to continue something, remove themselves from the situation.

I don't see brandy/whatever her name is now doing that.

What I saw was her have her close her threads, then change her name and continue the crap.

So, if you think I am a bitch, fine. When I close down my computer, it really won't change a damm thing in my life. But if people such as yourself are so botherd by what goes on online, there really is a big problem in your life, and being fat, or a reformed fattie is the least of your problems.

Yes. I am playing the victim. That is exactly what I am doing by pointing out that people are assholes all over the board, and not just here in R&R's.

I am not a bitch. I live in the real world where adults, if they don't want to continue something, remove themselves from the situation.

I don't see brandy/whatever her name is now doing that.

What I saw was her have her close her threads, then change her name and continue the crap.

So, if you think I am a bitch, fine. When I close down my computer, it really won't change a damm thing in my life. But if people such as yourself are so botherd by what goes on online, there really is a big problem in your life, and being fat, or a reformed fattie is the least of your problems.

Oh, don't you worry, I will not think of you once after I close down my computer. You will not change a damn thing in my life, either. If you are not bothered by what I say, why keep on responding. Obviously it DOES bother you.

How cute! You really are a ray of sunshine, aren't you? I never said anything to provoke you in any real way, so where is this coming from? I just pointed out that if you ladies realy did want to take the high road, you could have.

And no, it doesn't bother me. I am responding because I am shopping online (end of year sales ROCK) and every time you reply, I get an email.

Nothnig more, nothing less my dear.

Chickie, et al,

You're upset and you've brought this up a few times as well as other people who are at goal. Are you pm's these comments about you being at goal or have people posted nasty comments to you since you've been at goal or because you're at goal. I'm actually trying to figure this out and not start shite. brandyII-N

Well, I'm "itching" with excitement for you next post, but I do have to call it a night. Gots to go live my life, you know. Good night.

You know this is exactly the kind of stuff that made me jump in and get all upset about the way one person was being treated. It is one thing for one person to "let someone have it" but here at R&Rs, it doesn't ever seem to be a one-on-one debate. Everyone has to choose sides and then well, rant and rave and get mean. That wouldn't be so bad but it gets entirely out of hand when one person is taking all the hits. Everyone seems to go too far when it goes on for so long.

Like for instance, laurend and I have always seemed to be able to get along nicely even when we disagreed. However these couple of threads brought out the beast in both of us and now even friends can't seem to get past it.

I would never threaten to leave because it would just make too many people happy. Well seriously, I wouldn't threaten to leave because it doesn't hurt anyone else and just makes people wonder why you can't take the heat if you're wanting to be in the kitchen.

Jasmine I think you're a very cool person and I hope you and chickie will see your way clear to take a break and start over again someplace else.

We need to stick a fork in this thread! Jachut made an attemp, I made an attempt and Wasa made an attempt.

Why don't we just get back to relating our good experiences and forget about giving each other a hard time? LBT should never be a place where people who are losing quickly give those who aren't a hard time for not being succssful. And it certainly shouldn't be a place where the opposite is true. And I don't care if it is at Rants & Raves, Homosexual atheists or Right Wing fanatics threads. Giving each other hell for our weight issues is just utterly ridiculous.

I think the people that hang out in R and R are very passionate people and we probably put on a good show for others, lol. We really should be paid if you think about it!

Chickie, et al,

You're upset and you've brought this up a few times as well as other people who are at goal. Are you pm's these comments about you being at goal or have people posted nasty comments to you since you've been at goal or because you're at goal. I'm actually trying to figure this out and not start shite. brandyII-N

Babe, trust me, I am not upset by what goes on on these boards.

I was PM'd by accounts that had no posts (so by people who had never posted) telling me I am a skinny, anorexic, a show off, that I should go away, that I am a liar and I am not at goal weight, I got told on the board that I am anorexic looking, skinny, ugly, unattractive. And that's just the stuff that I can think of off the top of my head.

What I did get upset about was when the article I was featured in last year came out, the amount of harassing phone calls I got. I did actually call the police when I was threatened. That is when I get upset. This? I close up my Mac and go about my day.

Jasmine, I have no idea who you are, or what your problem is. Honest. So itch away.

Edited June 28, 200818 yr by Chickie
Fix a word

chickie: I went to your photos and read your press clippings. Wow! What an amazing story. You look fabulous!! And you're running marathons. What a great accomplishment. You've got to be proud as can be with how well you handled the surgeries and now your healthy maintenance phase. And you're so young, so this is going to mean so much to you for the rest of your life.

I honestly can't imagine who would have or could have said anything negative to you through all this. It is completely beyond me. I'm shocked and sad to know that you had to deal with that. I'm sure you've become a very strong person throughout the whole ordeal and I certainly commend you for that.

You know they say that the things that don't kill us make us stronger. I'm sure that you don't mean to say unkind things to anyone who is having issues trying to lose weight because if anyone knows how bad it feels to be criticized, you certainly do.Thanks so much for sharing your story.

Babe, trust me, I am not upset by what goes on on these boards.

I was PM'd by accounts that had no posts (so by people who had never posted) telling me I am a skinny, anorexic, a show off, that I should go away, that I am a liar and I am not at goal weight, I got told on the board that I am anorexic looking, skinny, ugly, unattractive. And that's just the stuff that I can think of off the top of my head.

What I did get upset about was when the article I was featured in last year came out, the amount of harassing phone calls I got. I did actually call the police when I was threatened. That is when I get upset. This? I close up my Mac and go about my day.

Jasmine, I have no idea who you are, or what your problem is. Honest. So itch away.

Chickie that's what I was wondering about because I got that exact same impression from Jachut, because I personally have never read anything like that so I was wondering if people had done stuff like that to you and her by PMing. That's why Jachut probably doesn't want to take a problem to the pm place because she finds it abusive and it's better out in the open but that when everyone takes sides and everyone gangs up on each other.

I can understand it hurting but I never said any derogatory remarks about being thin to her or how she looked in her avatar in fact I do believe I told her she looked good once. And I know what it's like to be told you're too thin and should start eating. I know hard to believe and it was 28 years or so ago but I've experience it too. It was more confusing than hurtful to me though because it made me question what weight I should be because I had never been thin before, weird times.

But that's not what's important I just really kind of wanted to understand why you and Jachut, who you can't speak for naturally, but why you felt so attacked when I don't think I've ever attacked anyone for being thin or called them derogatory remarks. Jachut and I were conversing about exercise one time and I told her my older brothers were very athletic still are and are in their 50s and one still marathons and one still bike races and I told her that I didn't like running and it wasn't a passion for me like it was for my brother and I assumed because she said she loved to run that it was a passion for her also.

I think she took something the wrong way but I wasn't saying exercising was bad or not something I would do but I can't run because I'm top heavy so I walk on the treadmill instead and I've always found running to be too painful even when thin. So there have been some misconstrued things.

I know I have a different philosophy in life, now, when it comes to diet and exercise because I've screwed it up I'm trying to be happy in my own skin and eat healthy and not concentrate in "dieting" because I always end up sabotaging myself in the end. So I'm doing things much differently than she has so she disagrees with me and I don't disagree with her I just think everyone has to find their own way of getting things to work for them as we're all different. But I know for some reason I set her off!

I don't know why I spewed all this out to you like this but I couldn't help it. I guess I'm trying to explain the wheres and whys things sort of got out of hand and I am emotional and I am protective of myself and others so it was probably a natural reflex for me to get a bit crazy in my posts and after some other posters were attacked.

I think that there is room for people who are at goal just as there is room for people like me who may never get there.

Peace and love to all and I hope you don't have anymore bad experiences with crazy a@@ people on the internet again, that can be scary and Jasmine is a really nice person if you get a chance to know her! brandyII-n:thumbup:

You would be surprised at what is lurking inside some people. This one woman told me (she screeched it down the phone when I picked up the phone) that I deserved to be fat and childless, that it was Gods way of preventing my line going on (clearly she can't read, because I have a son, who is mentioned in the article! My genes will go on!)

As for your comment " I'm sure that you don't mean to say unkind things to anyone who is having issues trying to lose weight because if anyone knows how bad it feels to be criticized, you certainly do." I haven't actually ever said anything unkind to anyone with regards to losing weight. At all. If people are doing things that are flat out unhealthy, I do say something, but for the most part, I say nothing at all.

Some people got an idea in their little heads that "I think" that my way is the only way. I have never actually said that. Not once. I am actually pretty open to other ways of going about things.

But when people talk about being so tight that they only eat a teaspoon of food at a time, then drink soda to stay alive, and claim that it is a fantastic way of going about things, I do say something.

Then these people who claim that I think my way is the only way jump up and down and start with their crap.

I don't offer a lot of advice. Mostly because I know that every journey is different. And what worked for me likely won't work for someone else (I can only think of a handful of posters who eat and exercise as much as I do) I know that goals are individual to every single person, and there is no one size fits all solution.

So this "I know what you are thinking", "You seem upset" and "I don't think about YOU" garbage gets very old very quickly.

Brandy, I am not ignoring you, I just have to leave right now... I have lots of thoughts to put together, and not enough time to type it out. When I get home I will reply!

Chickie I just read the article too and just assume they were crazy people who were emailing you because I don't know why else someone would be so abusive to you. You should be proud of your accomplishment and I understand why you would be a bit resentful to people but really we're not all like that here and I don't know one person here that is and if they do it by Pming you then lock it up,

I don't get emails postings now! brandyII-n

Okay I have to go to bed, I don't know what the time difference is in Australia, is it 12 hours, I suppose I could look it up on the internet but I'm too tired watch too many "jazz hands" today at a dance recital!!!

Edited June 28, 200818 yr by Nanook