Are you a fat personality or not?

Not all fat people have fat personalities. I'm sorry I disrupted a mental health thread with this yesterday, I didnt realise and it was inappropriate. But I've got to get this off my chest.

I'm done with the whiny pathetic excuse making marshmallows populating this board. Get some backbone, and wake up to reality. This thing takes WORK.

We all fall off the wagon, we all make mistakes, what is it that makes some of us dust ourselves off and keep going and some of us refuse to admit the mistake, blaming everything and everyone but ourselves?

I've never really understood pre band psychological counselling, but now I do. Some people here should never ever have been banded. Not until they did some serious work on themselves first. Its very sad. But the tool is there when they're ready to use it. If they could EVER admit that they need to change things up a bit.

The band is so wonderful. You can lose weight slowly. You can even do it without exercise. You can get to a low BMI or not, you can stop where you please. You can feel in control of your food for the first time in your life. You can be super strict and lose weight at the speed of light and have cosmetic surgery and be the hottest thing on 2 legs. You can do low carb or not.

For some, sadly its just not the right tool. I have respect for people who decide that and go for something else or who choose another surgery int he first place. But for many, its so versatile. Sadly there's some people who still dont lose. They have medical and physical issues that need attention. They may have gotten so big that they really struggle to move around let alone exercise. They are in real trouble and need help and compassion.

But there's also a whole lot who are just, well, pathetic. They wanted to lose weight but they wanted someone else to do it for them, afterall its not their fault their fat right? So they get this band and WHAT? It doesnt do it all?

This thread is not compassionate. I dont hate fat people, heck, I *AM* a fat person. I dont believe I will be anything other than a fat person in remission. I feel compassion for the plight people find themselves in, I feel that for every single person. But when they refuse to help themselves, it evaporates.

Now, I'm the first person to admit I dont understand much about mental health issues like depression. I know its wrong, but I do sometimes fall into the "just snap out of it" camp. I realise there's stuff like that involved. But nine times out of ten, struggling with a band just comes down to being unwilling to pull your finger out and face your issues.

So when people post threads seeking help and then oh so politely come up with an excuse to every single helpful suggestion, look out, I just might BITE!

And nobody had better DARE so "if I could do that, I wouldnt have needed a lapband". That is quite honestly the stupidest thing that I have ever heard on this forum and unfortunately its been said many many times. If you seriously believe that, you are in more trouble than a lapband can get you out of!

Edited June 21, 200818 yr by Jachut

From what I know, Kat, there is a diagnosis of Substance-Induced Depression, which includes medications and legal/illegal drugs. It is also extremely common for people to "medicate" their depression with drugs. This is a red flag especially when looking into teen depression, which can symptomatically look different than how it presents in adults. When care providers are doing differential diagnosis for Major Depressive Disorder, one of the criteria is to refer a person to a physician to rule out medical conditions and drug use. This helps with separating mood disorders and substance-related mood disorders. But, they are still psychological diagnoses.

I'm sorry if that was confusing. Regarding your two friends, it's true that those with mood/anxiety disorders in the family put them more at risk, but it's not a surefire predictor. It's also true that you can have no history of mood disorders in the fam and still develop clinical symptoms.

Like Jachut is describing, I think the drama mamas will always be out there, seemingly thriving on misery and having unrealistic expectations. An interesting question to ask about some people is this: is this person recreating the drama he/she experienced in the past? There are plenty of people that have perfectly "average" childhoods that love emotional roller coasters, but there are also others that hop on that coaster willingly (perhaps unconsciously) because it is familiar. It's home. Anxiety, depression, abuse are thus produced again and again, through the generations, because it's his/her foundational model of relationships.

My personal experience has been discovering that of the children of alcoholics that do show codependent behaviors as adults, they often choose partners and behave in ways that emulate the dynamics of their original, unstable alcoholic homes. That is, unless they break the cycle with insight and therapeutic support!

There are also the more rare cases of actual, clinical personality disorders (e.g. Borderline, Histrionic, Narcisisstic, and many more). In the case of those with Borderline diagnoses, it can be very sad because medication will often often not impact the depression--it's a chronic emptiness of self.

The term depression is indeed bandied about pretty liberally! So there is a difference between depressed mood and full blown clinical depression, which is a constellation of symptoms.

Thanks so much!

Not to hijack your thread Jachut, but, I do have another question!

My kids (step kids to be exact) Mom is bi-polar. She "self medicates" and goes off the deep end, talking to God, and going off to take down the Espiscopal Church, starting with her parents! She has been hospitalized several times. It is my understanding that before the drugs, and the "help" she gives her meds now she was fairly stable. What kind of risk are my kids at???

I promise I will take it to PM rather than further disrupt the thread---sorry!

Kat

I pm'd you, Kat : ) I'm sorry if my post was tangential as well.

Hey kat, we can talk about anything *I* say we can, lol. This is my thread afterall. Oh, the power!

This is rather interesting, its all along the same lines. Libra, I think that "clinical depression" is a more articulate way to describe the distinction I was trying to make. That's really what I mean, there's people who are ill and people who just think they are. And everyone *is* hopping on the depression bandwagon these days.

I guess, when you really think about it, people who are not emotionally competent or strong, who are recreating familiar thought and behaviour patterns do deserve patience and sympathy too. I'm just not the person to give it, roflmao! Or rather, I can, but if you show a preference for continuing with the histrionics rather than pulling yourself together, stay away from me.

Why does it annoy me so much? What does it say about me that I just cant deal with people like that, I want to punch them? Do I not like having my own fairytale of the world being a good place shattered?

I never want to dwell on negatives and it angers me when people do.

Shit, I started this thread to reinstate my own (inherently correct, lol) point, now I think *I'm* the one who needs therapy!

Doctor... I have this weird feeling of happiness and optimism, lol.

I have Schizo-Friendia...I hear positive voices all the time telling me "you can do it!"

Won't be takin' that one to therapy, no way.

Hey, not to pull away from what you all are talking about, but I wanted to say that this thread has seriously had a weird effect on me. I was thinking about this thread as I was on my elliptical trainer earlier, and I guess it motivated me in the sense that BrandyII motivated Jachut while she was running. As much as it burns me to read the lack of compassion for the people that post on this support forum, I kept telling myself "no excuses, no excuses". You guys have drilled that into my head. I still will never take that approach in offering support, but somehow it has worked for me. I guess there's room for both compassion and "tuff love"

Isn't there a whole room for mental illness where these things can be discussed and more people would benefit from. I'm not a doctor or an expert just a sufferer.

I was diagnosed with a "borderline personality disorder" and when you first hear that you think they're insulting your personality, lol! I did not want to have depression or anxiety and it showed up during a good time in my life, when things were going well for me, prime of my life and I was thin, lol. It wasn't something that I could control. I have a sibling who also had it show up in his life also around the same age, early 20s and he has no weight problem and never did and I don't find mine to be weight related, it's a physical problem. Think of it like someone having a brain tumor, it's a brain disease.

It's not just a painful, I'm so sad, I'm depressed, I hate my ass, my boyfriend dumped me type of situation. It's much deeper than that and it's uncontrollable fear, panic, sadness and a loss of pleasure in life! No one would wish that on anyone. One day you're fine and living a very productive life and the next day you're actually afraid to leave your house. It can be very debilitating. There's also a snowball effect that can happen where one thing affects another then another and makes many things in your life not as efficient and pleasant as they once were.

It can take years of different types of therapy and experimenting with various drugs. The sad truth is that once you've been dealt "the card" I don't know that many people that are ever the same again. I've never gotten back there. It's very hard to explain unless you are living this but it can almost feel like part of your soul has died.

Now I've gone through years of various therapies (still do) and that was wonderful and helped to an extent and have been on medications for many years and they keep me from jumping off a bridge or taking an overdose.

Not once did I ever feel like I wanted people to surround me and feel sorry for me because of the stigma associated with mental illness I was too embarrassed to even talk about it so how could someone feel sorry for me because of my depression/anxiety when I wouldn't tell them?

I have found that medications have affected many things sex drive, weight gain, constipation, but what are the alternatives? Maybe one day they'll come up with the perfect pill that won't have those side effects. I've worked with professions for many years to get through this and survive. Coming to terms with my mental illness and being able to discuss it with others who share also has helped me. I don't know why I was so ashamed but I think like some other poster said we tend to be much harder on ourselves and be perfectionists and when there is some kind of flaw, albeit we can't control, we hide it and don't want others to think badly of us.

Anyway Kudos to tommaney for working on a mental health thread/social group as it will help us in two ways. One, it will help to educate people who don't know much about mental illness except for the various stereotypes out there and two, it will help the people who are actually dealing with mental illness come together for support they truly need! Thanks, Nanook.

Isn't there a whole room for mental illness where these things can be discussed and more people would benefit from.

yes there is

Mental Health and Lapband Life - Lap Band Surgery and Lap Band Discussion Forum

Yes, Nanook, please understand I'm not talking about serious mental illness in any way or even trying to pretend that depression doesnt exist or is a choice. That's definitely not R&R subject matter,there's a board for that.

I'm talking about pains in the asses who whinge a lot.

Yes, Nanook, please understand I'm not talking about serious mental illness in any way or even trying to pretend that depression doesnt exist or is a choice. That's definitely not R&R subject matter,there's a board for that.

I'm talking about pains in the asses who whinge a lot.

I know there is a social group here for mental illness issues, I've been there before and you have also. People do not necessarily have "I have mental illness" stamped on their heads or on their avatars. There maybe many "marshmallows" out there that also suffer from mental illness, just want you to be aware, thanks Nanook.

I am amazed at how harsh your comments are Jacqui. I think you need to back off a little on the mental health issues because you really don't know what's going on for people and not really up to you to be judgmental of them. You talk about tough love but this is nowhere close. You may find Brandy and others frustrating but that doesn't give you the right to come on here and talk about these people like they are some sort of low life. You may be a nice person in real life but you are definitely walking on the edge here. It's not about people not wanting slim people on here, it's more about wanting to talk to people who haven't forgotten what it's like to struggle through the different stages. I didn't really want to say anything on this thread because it is part of the R&R section but enough is enough. If people whinge or sound like victims then that's where they are at. We can try and help them but it's not for us to change them. This is a forum for everyone to use but rants like this seem to indicate otherwise.

If you've never walked in my shoes then don't proffess to know how I feel. Some people have had to go through a lot in their lives, way more than one person should have to and they are trying to survive the best they can and don't need to be shot down in flames because of it.

Look inside your heart and try and imagine what it feels like to lose siblings, parents, to be abused, to be abandoned,to be raped and the list goes on. If you can't then it's not for you to judge.

I think it has been clearly stated that none of these comments are directed at someone who is suffering from depression, trauma or any other catastrophic illness or event.

Rather, the discussion is about those who make themselves unhappy. The eternal pessimist if you will. Not depressed, not suffering from any condition, addiction or affliction. We have all known these people and they are hard to be around, they're draining and tiring because EVERYTHING in their world has gone, is going and will go wrong -simply because they have decided it will.

I'm tired, I have a headache, it's too hot, it's too cold, it hurts, it's too tight, it's too loose, I won't have enough time, I don't like it, I can't do it, I won't be able to do it, nobody understands, nobody will help me, I can't do it by myself, I'm not good enough, I'll never be able to......the list could go on for pages and pages.

I feel the need to Jachut's back on this too. You can see a few ah-ha moments and shifts in her thinking if you move from page to page. Not that she's apolgized, nor does she have to, but that she's actually read and processed and admitted that maybe there are other perspectives that she hadn't considered when making her intial post. All of which does not invalidate her inital post's point that sometimes one just needs to find their inner resources and get on with the work at hand...

There's room on this big ol fancy board for some very un-like folk to find what they need. If we all felt and thought the same about all situations it would be a boring world indeed.

And as a side note. I interacted with a person whom I barely know this morning. In passing I said a bright and chipper, "good morning" he shot back some shitty comment that I can't even remember. It was an overcast gray kind of comment, the kind that I certainly didn't want to hear as a retort.

I said, "I was taught the appropriate response is, 'good morning to you too'." as I walked away. He followed me down the hall to chat me up some more so I apparently didn't put him off. But it was clear I was.

So let people be stinking soul sucking pits of dispare, I've got no time to suffer their foolish behavior.

You may find Brandy and others frustrating but that doesn't give you the right to come on here and talk about these people like they are some sort of low life.

Well no one did that, so it's all good.

But if people put their situations out there for others to comment on ... as BrandyII did ... then people will comment on them. You can't invite people into your problems and your life and then complain when they don't say what you want them to. (Well, you can but it doesn't make you look good.)

This is a forum for everyone to use but rants like this seem to indicate otherwise.

And your post makes it seem like people who are frustrated aren't welcome either. If we can't put on the happy face and gather around the campfire to sing kumbaya, then we should shut up and/or go away.

Look inside your heart and try and imagine what it feels like to lose siblings, parents, to be abused, to be abandoned,to be raped and the list goes on. If you can't then it's not for you to judge.

Well I can. So I guess you've just given me permission to judge. :Angel_anim:

My childhood was crappy and disfunctional, the sort that tv movies are made from. I surived and MOVED ON because I refused to wallow in it and define myself as a victim. I was, and to this day, am a survivor and a happy person. That's how I define myself -- even when life it kicking me in the teeth, as it still sometimes does -- and it's a big difference between myself and the rest of my family and it's why I am a big success now with a family of my own and a good job and nice things and they are still struggling.

Now one of my sibs has been diagnosed with a mental illness and I recognize that "just be happy" isn't going to cut it for her. But at the same time, adjusting her attitude is an essential part of what she had to do to get better.

In that way, it's like being morbidly obese. Telling a morbidly obese person to "just eat less and move more" isn't very helpful and isn't going to cut it. That's why we get WLS. But once we have this tool, we have to eat less and move more or we aren't going to lose the weight. Having WLS gives us a fighting chance, but at some point we had to do the work.

Just as, at some point, my sister had to accept her diagnosis and start working with the program instead of fighting it in order to have a chance at a normal life.

One of the things I've done in order to be successful is to find role models -- people who are where I want to be. Jachut is a role model to me [and other people on here, too] because she turned her fat around without going to extremes (like puking over the kitchen sink after every meal). Not everything she's done is going to work for me, but when she tells me how she got to where she is, I listen because she was successful at doing something I want to do too.

To reject the advice of the successful is just mind-boggling to me. Yet people do it all the time. Instead of saying "here's a blueprint for how to get where I want to go", they do everything in their power to diminish the other person -- to make it seem like they had it easy or they are just stronger somehow or they otherwise are an alien whose advice is obviously worthless because it doesn't apply to mere humans.

You can do that if you want to, but it's not the way I roll.