My husband of 17 years is just really driving me CRAZY!!!! I've made a lengthy post about some health stuff I have going on right now (reflux, esophagitis, gastritis, esophageal spasms, and esophageal dysmotility which they think is caused by a hernia...waiting for appt for scope) and he's using it as an excuse to just stop working out, stop eating right, stop everything. None of what I have going on is from my surgery. I don't have any leaks, strictures, blockages, nothing. BUT, this started after I did an insanely intense workout, so everyone is thinking that's the cause. ANYWAY, he has a pattern of quitting stuff when he starts, as soon as it gets hard. College, 3 different side businesses, working out, keto, vegan, low/no fat, calorie counting, bariatric surgery (had 1 consult, set up the nutritionist appt and backed out. Did this 3x before they said he couldn't come back), etc etc etc. He's always been like this, but it's gotten worse over the last year or so. He literally follows through on NOTHING. Not one single thing. OH, unless it's involving wrestling or gaming. Oh THEN his follow-through is on point. Can't let his guild down!! Can't let his buddies down!! Can't miss wrestling (he literally watches Mon - Fri, and if there's pay per view on the weekend, he watches that, too).

I work full time and pay all the bills. The deal we have is I will work and he is to take care of the house, grocery shopping, etc (I have a much higher earning potential than he does, and I love what i do, and he doesn't like to work, and I hate household stuff, so in theory the deal works) but he's been slacking on that, too. I'm cleaning up behind him, doing chores, grocery shopping. He's sleeping or gaming or whatever. We've argued about it and I told him if I have to take care of the house AND work, then he needs to go get a job too. If I have to work full time, do the cooking and cleaning and shopping then what the heck is he even here for? He's not supportive anymore, we don't do anything together, we argue a lot, and he has NO FOLLOW THROUGH ON ANYTHING. He gets all excited "I'm gonna start a youtube channel" or "I'm gonna start streaming on Twitch" or "I'm going to design websites for a living" or "I'm gonna go to school and get my degree in Early Childhood Education and work as a teacher online" etc. And he ends up doing NOTHING. "I'm gonna work out and get healthy so we can lose weight and have better health together" and "I'm gonna eat right and make sure we have healthy food in the house so neither of us are tempted to cheat" and then he goes to Burger King and buys 2 double whoppers with fries and eats it all. I'm just so sick of it all. I hate even being around him sometimes. He's just so LAZY and has zero motivation for anything at all. It's infuriating!!!

Edited August 25, 20223 yr by SleeveDiva2022

Oh my. I feel this is my soul right now. I feel for you.

I have been married for 8 years (together for 18 years) cause I'm gay and we got married when it became legal.

Anyway, woman are frustrating too. haha

But I feel some of your points. We both work, great jobs make about the same money. I do most of the house work and ALL of the shopping. She helps with laundry, usually because she wants to wear something that is dirty. And, will help when I specifically ask her to do a task. Sometimes b*****s and whines about it but does it.

I feel like the connection is dwindling and I actually hate it.

I want a new life, a new start and she wants the same thing we have had for 18 years. We need to find a mutual / median zone before everything falls apart!

If you wanna talk or just share bitchy stuff, feel free to message me.

Just popping in to say that counseling is so, so helpful. My husband and I have gone off and on throughout the years and its been tremendously helpful at times. Don't sit on these feelings, they just fester and turn into resentment but it absolutely doesn't have to be that way. Best of luck to each of you!

1 hour ago, kcuster83 said:

Oh my. I feel this is my soul right now. I feel for you.

I have been married for 8 years (together for 18 years) cause I'm gay and we got married when it became legal.

Anyway, woman are frustrating too. haha

But I feel some of your points. We both work, great jobs make about the same money. I do most of the house work and ALL of the shopping. She helps with laundry, usually because she wants to wear something that is dirty. And, will help when I specifically ask her to do a task. Sometimes b*****s and whines about it but does it.

I feel like the connection is dwindling and I actually hate it.

I want a new life, a new start and she wants the same thing we have had for 18 years. We need to find a mutual / median zone before everything falls apart!

If you wanna talk or just share bitchy stuff, feel free to message me.

I'm bi, and my longest relationship with a woman was 6 years. And while we had issues similar to yours, it was NEVER as bad as it is with my husband!! I'm really and truly at my wits end.

4 minutes ago, Sleeve_Me_Alone said:

Just popping in to say that counseling is so, so helpful. My husband and I have gone off and on throughout the years and its been tremendously helpful at times. Don't sit on these feelings, they just fester and turn into resentment but it absolutely doesn't have to be that way. Best of luck to each of you!

I agree with you about counseling, but it's hard to do it when only 1 of you sees a problem. He's super happy with the way things are and thinks I'm just being a b*&ch when I complain about it or even try to talk about it.

1 hour ago, kcuster83 said:

I want a new life, a new start and she wants the same thing we have had for 18 years. We need to find a mutual / median zone before everything falls apart! If you wanna talk or just share bitchy stuff, feel
free to message me.

THIS THIS THIS!!!!! 100% exactly where I am. This is a new lease on life, you know? Let's embrace it, try new things, try old things that we couldn't really do before, let's just try THINGS!!! If I wanted everything to stay exactly the same I wouldn't have bothered with the surgery. And you can also message me anytime you want, too

Whenever our significant other takes us for granted, it is a very painful and frustrating time. I have been there. I'm so sorry you and others are going through that. I was once in a relationship like that. I gave him a deadline to get his act together and when he didn't meet it (of course), I just walked out.

Oh sweet pea, I'm so sorry - I think it's not 'men' who are so frustrating, I think it may be *the* man to whom you have currently hitched your wagon.

My partner has never. ever, ever been anything but totally supportive to me on my weight loss journey. He has given things up, restricted intake, upped his exercise, stopped eating carbs/sugar/whatever whenever that was what I needed at the time. I could not have done this without him.

You might want to look into couples counselling. If your partner is derailing this huge, massive, life-altering thing you have done, even inadvertently, then that needs picking apart by a professional xxx

I understand where you are coming from and see issues like that for me coming up…. Unfortunately he isn’t changing but I am.

I have been married for 22 years so it’s not a relationship i want to flush down the drain, but I have to start to prioritize myself over everyone else. He too likes the way things are and is trying hard to avoid change. it has been too much hard work to change myself for the better and loose the weight i have to go back to the destructive patterns of the last 21 years…..

I am giving him a little more time to adjust but also letting him know that I need emotional support and help around the house too and if he is not willing to change for me, I wish him well on his solitary path.

It’s hard when partners are out of sync; even worse when one refuses to adjust for the other …

I hope he can change for you.

Edited August 25, 20223 yr by KimA-GA

3 hours ago, SleeveDiva2022 said:

Men are so frustrating!!!!

I know, right!

Oh wait... Checks profile, hmm, maybe I'll stay out of this one... ?

Seriously though, sorry you're dealing with this. We're not all bad, I promise!

1 minute ago, SpartanMaker said:

I know, right!

Oh wait... Checks profile, hmm, maybe I'll stay out of this one... ?

Seriously though, sorry you're dealing with this. We're not all bad, I promise!

you guys have good… attributes

I know, right!
Oh wait... Checks profile, hmm, maybe I'll stay out of this one... [emoji1787]
Seriously though, sorry you're dealing with this. We're not all bad, I promise!

Agreed. My hubby now is my biggest cheerleader. He makes the money and helps occasionally with house chores if I'm getting behind and ask him. We rarely have a real argument and we always make up by bedtime. He has helped me be successful.

Sent from my SM-G973U1 using BariatricPal mobile app

6 hours ago, SleeveDiva2022 said:

My husband of 17 years is just really driving me CRAZY!!!! I've made a lengthy post about some health stuff I have going on right now (reflux, esophagitis, gastritis, esophageal spasms, and esophageal dysmotility which they think is caused by a hernia...waiting for appt for scope) and he's using it as an excuse to just stop working out, stop eating right, stop everything. None of what I have going on is from my surgery. I don't have any leaks, strictures, blockages, nothing. BUT, this started after I did an insanely intense workout, so everyone is thinking that's the cause. ANYWAY, he has a pattern of quitting stuff when he starts, as soon as it gets hard. College, 3 different side businesses, working out, Keto, vegan, low/no fat, calorie counting, bariatric surgery (had 1 consult, set up the nutritionist appt and backed out. Did this 3x before they said he couldn't come back), etc etc etc. He's always been like this, but it's gotten worse over the last year or so. He literally follows through on NOTHING. Not one single thing. OH, unless it's involving wrestling or gaming. Oh THEN his follow-through is on point. Can't let his guild down!! Can't let his buddies down!! Can't miss wrestling (he literally watches Mon - Fri, and if there's pay per view on the weekend, he watches that, too).

I work full time and pay all the bills. The deal we have is I will work and he is to take care of the house, grocery shopping, etc (I have a much higher earning potential than he does, and I love what i do, and he doesn't like to work, and I hate household stuff, so in theory the deal works) but he's been slacking on that, too. I'm cleaning up behind him, doing chores, grocery shopping. He's sleeping or gaming or whatever. We've argued about it and I told him if I have to take care of the house AND work, then he needs to go get a job too. If I have to work full time, do the cooking and cleaning and shopping then what the heck is he even here for? He's not supportive anymore, we don't do anything together, we argue a lot, and he has NO FOLLOW THROUGH ON ANYTHING. He gets all excited "I'm gonna start a youtube channel" or "I'm gonna start streaming on Twitch" or "I'm going to design websites for a living" or "I'm gonna go to school and get my degree in Early Childhood Education and work as a teacher online" etc. And he ends up doing NOTHING. "I'm gonna work out and get healthy so we can lose weight and have better health together" and "I'm gonna eat right and make sure we have healthy food in the house so neither of us are tempted to cheat" and then he goes to Burger King and buys 2 double whoppers with fries and eats it all. I'm just so sick of it all. I hate even being around him sometimes. He's just so LAZY and has zero motivation for anything at all. It's infuriating!!!

Girl, I feel your pain. I just made an appointment with a counselor because I'm about to lose my mind. My husband is an alcoholic. Every night is him bitching about everything wrong in the world. I try really hard to keep a positive attitude. I know things in the world are shitty but I don't focus on what I can't control. My work life is stressful as we are getting ready to go through a merger and realistically don't know if we will have jobs or if we do, what they will be. I just hit my 20 years with this company so I am feeling a little sad. Then I have to go home and listen to him until he goes to bed. I'm frustrated to say the least. Rant over.

7 hours ago, SleeveDiva2022 said:

My husband of 17 years is just really driving me CRAZY!!!! I've made a lengthy post about some health stuff I have going on right now (reflux, esophagitis, gastritis, esophageal spasms, and esophageal dysmotility which they think is caused by a hernia...waiting for appt for scope) and he's using it as an excuse to just stop working out, stop eating right, stop everything. None of what I have going on is from my surgery. I don't have any leaks, strictures, blockages, nothing. BUT, this started after I did an insanely intense workout, so everyone is thinking that's the cause. ANYWAY, he has a pattern of quitting stuff when he starts, as soon as it gets hard. College, 3 different side businesses, working out, Keto, vegan, low/no fat, calorie counting, bariatric surgery (had 1 consult, set up the nutritionist appt and backed out. Did this 3x before they said he couldn't come back), etc etc etc. He's always been like this, but it's gotten worse over the last year or so. He literally follows through on NOTHING. Not one single thing. OH, unless it's involving wrestling or gaming. Oh THEN his follow-through is on point. Can't let his guild down!! Can't let his buddies down!! Can't miss wrestling (he literally watches Mon - Fri, and if there's pay per view on the weekend, he watches that, too).

I work full time and pay all the bills. The deal we have is I will work and he is to take care of the house, grocery shopping, etc (I have a much higher earning potential than he does, and I love what i do, and he doesn't like to work, and I hate household stuff, so in theory the deal works) but he's been slacking on that, too. I'm cleaning up behind him, doing chores, grocery shopping. He's sleeping or gaming or whatever. We've argued about it and I told him if I have to take care of the house AND work, then he needs to go get a job too. If I have to work full time, do the cooking and cleaning and shopping then what the heck is he even here for? He's not supportive anymore, we don't do anything together, we argue a lot, and he has NO FOLLOW THROUGH ON ANYTHING. He gets all excited "I'm gonna start a youtube channel" or "I'm gonna start streaming on Twitch" or "I'm going to design websites for a living" or "I'm gonna go to school and get my degree in Early Childhood Education and work as a teacher online" etc. And he ends up doing NOTHING. "I'm gonna work out and get healthy so we can lose weight and have better health together" and "I'm gonna eat right and make sure we have healthy food in the house so neither of us are tempted to cheat" and then he goes to Burger King and buys 2 double whoppers with fries and eats it all. I'm just so sick of it all. I hate even being around him sometimes. He's just so LAZY and has zero motivation for anything at all. It's infuriating!!!

6 hours ago, kcuster83 said:

Oh my. I feel this is my soul right now. I feel for you.

I have been married for 8 years (together for 18 years) cause I'm gay and we got married when it became legal.

Anyway, woman are frustrating too. haha

But I feel some of your points. We both work, great jobs make about the same money. I do most of the house work and ALL of the shopping. She helps with laundry, usually because she wants to wear something that is dirty. And, will help when I specifically ask her to do a task. Sometimes b*****s and whines about it but does it.

I feel like the connection is dwindling and I actually hate it.

I want a new life, a new start and she wants the same thing we have had for 18 years. We need to find a mutual / median zone before everything falls apart!

If you wanna talk or just share bitchy stuff, feel free to message me.

Interesting times ahead.

Good luck,

Tek

OMG Sleeve , I had to check the ID on your post to check it wasn't me that hadn't written about it and forgot !!

I have also been married for 17 years ,I was the worker - he stayed home and was a house husband .Well the years have gone by and now he does absolutely nothing .I mean nothing ! He sits at his laptop gaming all day , only getting up to eat , smoke , and go to the toilet .That's it .He doesn't even walk the dog when I can't .He gets a 74 year old neighbour to do it .He is 55 and weighs 308 Ibs and he could really do with a sleeve .He eats junk food all day in between smoking .It has got to the point (and I only had my surgery on the 17th August ) where he doesn't care if the dog's water bowl isn't fresh , he still expects me to bend down and refill despite the hernia repair and sleeve op .In fact prob like you ,I have had to put the washing in and do all the jobs to keep the house going - if I ask him to do the tiniest thing he has a strop .

Ugh .I know exactly how you feel .We both want new starts but our husbands are almost making it far harder than it actually is .He is already saying "well I might have had one of those sleeves but look at what I'm eating now and you're going hungry ."

I am going to lose this weight ,despite his negativity ,then I'm going to have gather some self esteem and consider what on earth my future will be like .There has to be a better way forward than this - for both of us Sleeve X

Perhaps y'all can help me understand.

The complaints (they are complaints, right?) seem to indicate you are unhappy with the way things are. Yet, the complaints seem to have been going on this way for years. If all the complaining is serious and you are really this unhappy for this many years, what is the point of the continued complaining? After all, your spouses are ignoring your complaining. Yet, here you are.

Are you actually unhappy or is this complaining all in good fun? If all the complaining is all in good fun, but you are actually satisfied with the way things are, what is the perk? Why? Is this just a game you play?

Help me understand.

Of course, I don't intend offense. I'm not judging by any stretch.

Good luck,

Tek

Edited August 27, 20223 yr by The Greater Fool