Long post ahead. Putting it out there in hopes of being able to let go of it all.

I am feeling blue this week. I know it is a combination of things, some related to being post-op and some not. It all has me feeling very vulnerable.

Last Sunday I dropped a 25 pound weight on my foot at the gym. Thankfully I didn’t break anything, but the bruising has caused me pain all week and I haven’t been able to work out much. Oh endorphins, how I miss you. ? Now it seems I have a flare of Achilles tendinitis on the other leg, and can’t take nsaids. Icing it now. I know I should rest both the tendon and the foot, but I feel like I desperately need the endorphin fix as I have been so tearful and down.

I am also missing the feeling of meaningful connections with friends right now too. We all live such busy lives it is really hard to find time to connect. I end up spending most of my free time with my husband, and he is awesome, but I think I am just needing to spend some time with female friends.

Related to being post-op, I am struggling with not having anything to wear that fits me. I feel dumpy in anything I pull from my closet, and at the same time feel bad for feeling that way, as I know in my head how much better I look 65-ish pounds lighter. I definitely need to buy a few new items of clothing at this point, but don’t want waste money on stuff I can only wear for a month or two. I don’t do used clothing. It gives me the creeps for some stupid reason ??‍♀️??‍♀️

To top it all off, yesterday my boss asked me to go back to working at home starting next week. I worked at home April-August doing a particularly unpleasant task on phone and computer. I got very good at doing it. In August I asked to come back to working in the clinic and my at home task was divided up amongst me and the other nurses I work with. Things have not gone nearly as smoothly with the task split up and the clinic where I work needs me to go back into my previous role. I know it is the best thing for the clinic where I work, but I am burned out on working in that role. My boss has promised me more support in my role and I really hope it happens. As of next Monday, I am back to working at home, Monday -Thursday for 10 hours days. I literally cried when I left the clinic yesterday knowing it would be a few months before I would be back.

Dang...I am all teary-eyed again just writing all this down. Now inhale, exhale, let go.

I'm so sorry that you are going through so much all at once.

Since you like to exercise and you need some new clothes, how about treating yourself to some compression workout leggings and new sports bra? Get them in a size smaller than you are right now, b/c you will be able to squeeze into a smaller size now, and then they will last you longer as you continue to lose weight. Since you'll be back to working from home, look at the bright side that you don't need work clothes right now. I also work from home during Covid, and just live in workout gear which is not only comfy, but b/c it's so form fitting, it makes me feel good about myself.

As for friends, maybe you could organize a GNO via Zoom??? Or if you are comfortable to meet in person, you set the date and the place and send out a group text inviting everyone to dinner, etc, and see how many can make it. Try to make it a monthly thing, whether in person or on Zoom.

Hang in there!! HUGS!!!

@WishMeSmaller, I get it.

The need for "girl time": Check.

The need for endorphins: Check.

The need to wear some cute clothes and feel awesome: Check.

If any of these are lacking in my life, there is a noticeable difference in my day-to-day demeanour and over all mood. And my poor fam often pays for it (sorry, fam!).

You are right, in that sometimes it helps to just get it off one's chest. Feel free to wallow, you are entitled to it, we can't be happy-happy-go-go all the time...that is just not realistic, nor sustainable. Sleep some, try to move about as best you can when you are awake (i know that it will be limited due to your injury), but mostly, try to be kind to yourself and know that this is just one of many lows points that we all have to go through in life. I read something many moons ago about treating yourself the exact same way you would treat a loved on when they are feeling blue...words to live by.

In the meantime, maybe, for girl time (if you can't hang out with your girlfriends), you can lean on the copious amounts of estrogen on here.. , I personally have found this forum to be a significant source of comfort and entertainment, like minded individuals, and all.

As for the lack of fitted clothes and the accompanying feeling of awesomeness when you rock an outfit, I found that leggings and tank tops never fail to make me feel "all that". Or just doing my hair and makeup, even on days I have no intention of leaving the house (eff you covid).

Whatever you choose to do, know that you are not alone in this constant over-your-head feeling of crapiness and the mad desire to eliminate it. ❤️

2 hours ago, ChubRub said:

maybe you could organize a GNO via Zoom?

Holy Crap. My girlfriends and I have a 5+ year old WhatsApp group called GNO...and here I thought all this time I made up the term, LOLOOLzzzz. Soooooooooo funny to see those letters outside of our group!!!

Edited October 16, 20205 yr by ms.sss

Thank you @ChubRub and @ms.sss! Your kind words and suggestions were balm to my blue mood.

I ended up having a pretty great day. I got my hair cut and colored this morning, followed by lunch and a bit of shopping with Mom. Mom is one of my BFF’s, so we had fun together. I did get a few new clothing items so I don’t have to hate going into my closet and I might even feel attractive next time I leave the house.

Confession: I went to the gym. My bruised foot felt pretty good, but the inflammation on my tendon is very unpleasant. Hubby wrapped it with an ice pack for me after the gym.

With all of that said, if someone looked at me funny, I would still probably burst into tears. I must be a bit hormonal right now ??‍♀️

Thanks again for being here and giving me some much appreciated connection with people who understand! ❤️

@WishMeSmaller: thought i’d add another endorphin-producer suggestion: SWIMMING!

I had my first lesson of a swim class I enrolled in this morning (aside: i already know how to swim, I just want to swim PROPERLY and basically look as smooth and effortless as Mr. & the Kid...i am currently a very ugly, inefficient and “splashy” swimmer so I joined to learn proper form, lol...but I digress...)

Anyhoo, one of the drills we did was laps with a pull buoy, which basically nullifies the use of your legs and forces you to rely on your upper body and core...and man, what a workout! Cardio and arms and back! I didn’t feel it in the core as much as i thought i would, but i think its because I wasn’t doing it properly.

May be an option for you while u wait ur injury out? Your foot can get a break from gravity and excessive use, while still getting some exercise in...

Edited October 17, 20205 yr by ms.sss

@ms.sss I ❤️❤️❤️ Swimming! Unfortunately, my gym does not have a pool and I don’t think there are any public pools left in my community. I’ll have to check. I like the idea of trying to learn to swim “properly.” I am basically terrible at all the strokes, but still manage to make good progress in the water. Someday, I would love to put a swim spa in my backyard!

My Achilles’ tendon and all the way up my calf really hurts, but I NEED to go to the gym, so I did. For two hours??‍♀️??‍♀️ And then I came home and iced while I sat at the computer and worked, also for two hours (on call this weekend). Good news is my bruised foot doesn’t hurt. ??

Edited October 18, 20205 yr by WishMeSmaller