So I had surgery last wed and really did not tell anyone but my brother(babysitter? And my fiancé. My mother is an OR nurse and although it would have been great to have her there to advocate for me, I didn't feel I could handle the negativity she would for sure be throwing my way. So I made the choice not to tell her. To put it in perspective, when I had my twins at 28 she verbally and emotionally abused me so badly while I was in the hospital recovering from my emergency c-section and my premature babies were fighting for their lives in the Nicu, that I was forced to cut off all ties with her. Slowly in the past year we have begun to rebuild our relationship and although I forgive her, I most def have not forgotten. So... I told her abt surgery last Friday and she now refuses to speak to me. I feel guilty for not telling her but do I really have to? I made this choice for me and I didn't feel I had to include everyone in on my personal medical decisions. I'm feeling very hurt by her. I've asked her to check my incisions and she refuses. If I were a stranger on the street she would not hesitate to help, but as her daughter I'm treated like dirt. Advice? Anyone?

Right now, you are healing. You do not need drama on top of that. Just try to think of yourself and heal and handle momma later.

Your surgeon will take care of any problem you might have. You don't need your mom as a nurse.

A saying I use if someone gets mad at me

" they'll have to get happy in the same pants they got mad in". I don't let it bother me. THEY need to decide if THEY want to get over themselves.

Good luck and take care!

Maddy is right. Now is the time for you. Don't let your mom get to you, she'll get over it (or she won't) it's her choice.

Focus on yourself, if she wants to be a paet of your journey (& you want her a part) great. Just don't let her get in your way.

We are here for support if you need it!

Take care of yourself, you are worth this!

Hi Chelsey,

I felt so sad reading your post, especially being that you and your Mom was reconciling once again. Like Maddy said, this time is for you to heal and your surgeon will make sure that you will do that perfectly.

We are here for you and won't turn you away.....

((hugs))

I agree. Let this time be about you and not about the Momma drama. Easier said than done, believe me...I KNOW!! You are doing what's best for you and she doesn't have to like it or love it. Take this time to heal and reflect on your life's choices. She can choose to be apart of it or not. For your health mentally and physically....just let her go for now. She is your mother, she will be back. Hope this helps!

You did absolutely nothing wrong, and to be honest, your mother should be ashamed for for treating you so badly when you were going through major life moments and recovery not once but twice.

I know this may sound harsh, but I'd be thankful she's not speaking to you right now. You need to focus on you and healing. You don't need the stress and anxiety of dealing with her.

A hard lesson I learned- just because someone is family doesn't make them an asset or even a necessity in your life. Toxic people are going to pollute your life regardless of whether they're blood relatives or not.

You don't need toxic people in your life. Your mother has proven herself to be a toxic person repeatedly. Just something to think about.

Best wishes to you ((hugs))

I hve a Mom just like that didnt even come to my 16 yr old son funeral so I know. i kept tring to make her like me but she likes herself more and loves to be right and hate others cause it makes her feel like a big person. I took me 60 yrs to get the point her doesnt want me in her life and I have finally excepted that. i hope it take you less time. You are ovr weight because of her get to where you want to be for you.

your on your way and you have a new family now, US we are here from you do not say a thing to hear, dont answere the phone and if you do get off b4 she can hurt you.

hugs,line dancer

You did absolutely nothing wrong, and to be honest, your mother should be ashamed for for treating you so badly when you were going through major life moments and recovery not once but twice.

I know this may sound harsh, but I'd be thankful she's not speaking to you right now. You need to focus on you and healing. You don't need the stress and anxiety of dealing with her.

A hard lesson I learned- just because someone is family doesn't make them an asset or even a necessity in your life. Toxic people are going to pollute your life regardless of whether they're blood relatives or not.

You don't need toxic people in your life. Your mother has proven herself to be a toxic person repeatedly. Just something to think about.

Best wishes to you ((hugs))

You couldn't of said that any better...

I agree- let it go for now. You don't need your mom's drama as you are recovering and starting your new lifestyle. This time is about you! I am lucky to have a supportive, loving mom (and dad) and can't imagine otherwise. Like said already, just because someone is family, doesn't mean you need them in your life. I would take a time out from mom for now. Maybe in a few months, once things are settled you can initiate some kind of reconciliation with her. Just a thought. Good luck and congrats on your surgery!

Let sleeping dogs lie. U are # 1 right NOW. xo

I hve a Mom just like that didnt even come to my 16 yr old son funeral so I know. i kept tring to make her like me but she likes herself more and loves to be right and hate others cause it makes her feel like a big person. I took me 60 yrs to get the point her doesnt want me in her life and I have finally excepted that. i hope it take you less time. You are ovr weight because of her get to where you want to be for you.

your on your way and you have a new family now' date=' US we are here from you do not say a thing to hear, dont answere the phone and if you do get off b4 she can hurt you.

hugs,line dancer[/quote']

((((((line dancer)))))))

Thanks for the advice all...you are all right.logically I know i need to focus on my recovery, but emotionally I want my mommy. I guess no matter how grown we are we still crave that safe place. My mother is for the most part a good person but she is also a very selfish self absorbed and self serving woman. I guess I've just hit an emotional low. I trust my surgeon and his abilities, i guess it would just be nice to know she cares. I have spent my entire life trying to please both of my parents only to be abused and abandoned by both of them. I finally gave up on my father last year, I guess I might be doing the same with dear old mom.

I wish you peace because it will help you heal. You don't need emotional knots in your stomach.

Thanks for the advice all...you are all right.logically I know i need to focus on my recovery' date=' but emotionally I want my mommy. I guess no matter how grown we are we still crave that safe place. My mother is for the most part a good person but she is also a very selfish self absorbed and self serving woman. I guess I've just hit an emotional low. I trust my surgeon and his abilities, i guess it would just be nice to know she cares. I have spent my entire life trying to please both of my parents only to be abused and abandoned by both of them. I finally gave up on my father last year, I guess I might be doing the same with dear old mom.[/quote']

I wish you luck on whatever path you choose.

Thanks for the advice all...you are all right.logically I know i need to focus on my recovery' date=' but emotionally I want my mommy. I guess no matter how grown we are we still crave that safe place. My mother is for the most part a good person but she is also a very selfish self absorbed and self serving woman. I guess I've just hit an emotional low. I trust my surgeon and his abilities, i guess it would just be nice to know she cares. I have spent my entire life trying to please both of my parents only to be abused and abandoned by both of them. I finally gave up on my father last year, I guess I might be doing the same with dear old mom.[/quote']

You don't have to give up on mom. Just recover first and gather strength so there is an equal battle ground.

After your healing you can sit down with her and tell her how much you love her and how it hurts you not having her support.

You could even write her a letter. That way she can't interrupt you and you can say whats on your heart.

T&P with you dear!

Maddy is right. You dont have to give up. Heal, focus on your new journey and when you are ready address tge situation with your mom, face to face, a letter, what ever works. You'll know what you need to do.

Just know that we are all here supporting you. Take care of number one. (((((hugs)))))