ShellBear

Congrats, you look amazing! I will be a year post op on August 29th! "Go All Stars"! I am in maintenance mode now, teedering between 133 and 137. I tend to snack more than I should and I struggle sometimes to keep my head in the game. I will continue to fight though! I refuse to ever let myself slip back to the way I was, I intend to keep my new found health and energy (and rockin bod)! Keep up the good work and stay strong! GOD Bless!
((HUGS))
Shell

I love my husband, and he is my best friend of 20 years, he has loved me thru all my problems with weight. He has been my best support. I have to admit, I'm starting to look hot, and we went to the mall last night, and he reached out and took my hand. I just looked at him, and he gave me that young man look, that won my heart years ago. We only held hands for a few minutes, and went on our way, but it was nice. Thanks sleeve for letting me relive the good ol days.
top weight 260
sleeved 12/12/11
todays weight 195 - 65
goal weight 145

Ok guys and gals..........
I am sooooo happy to report for those who are pre-op and very newly post-op that my sex drive has returned. I used to blame my lack of sexual excitement on the fact that:
1. You don't have as much sex once your married( however this was one sided as my husband thought buying the cow meant more milk!)
2. The kids....always around, sleep in the bed with you blah blah blah
3. There is so much more I could productively be spending my time on such as laundry, cooking, cleaning...excuse excuse excuse
and then it hit me while watching BBC the show that comes on and takes all the food people are eating and lay it out on the table is gross. And the host told the couple that was on there that when they drew thier blood how food was ruining everything and this married couple was only being intimate three to four times a year. Anniversary, each birthday and maybe Valentine's day or Christmas. And I realized it was my weight.
Sooooooooooooo 5 1/2 weeks post op and 30 lbs lighter and I am frisky! I noticed more energy during intimacy. I enjoy it again, it's not another chore on my list, I have even tried on some of my old sexy night gowns. My husband even requested a particular one! This has been a major NSV for me as I am sure all of you ladies can relate. So am I close to goal.......nope, has my life already changed.....yep the second I woke up from surgery! If you are pre-op and needing reassurance just know it will be difficult but sooo worth it. Take back the years that have been given over to obesity, bad health and being unhappy with who you see in the mirror. And welcome that healthier you that has been locked away!
GO GET YOU!

This is a great NSV! I know exactly how you feel. I can't believe I can actually lift myself out of the bathtub now! Congrats to you and have an awesome day!
Shell

OK, I haven't posted many of my own forums but I am 3 pound from my goal and I wanted to share my journey with my VST family. I started my journey at 241 lbs and lost 45 before surgery weighing 196 when I had my sleeve surgery (August 29, 2011). I am at 133 now, once I hit 130 I will move in to maintenance mode as my husband has made it very clear that I don't need to lose anymore. LOL He has been so great through this crazy roller coaster ride! My emotions have been so wacky through this whole thing,there have been times that I thought I was going crazy, trying to figure out just what the hell I was crying about or will I ever stop feeling sorry for myself.
I am happy to say that the hormone/crazy emotions have settled down now and I am feeling almost normal again. I am thrilled with my weight loss and I have so much energy that I don't even look at my couch anymore (I just can't sit there and do nothing). I would rather crank up the music and get on my treadmill or clean the house (who would have ever imagined).
Any way, I just want everyone to stay strong and keep fighting for a healthier life. We all deserve the best!
Hugs to all and God Bless!
Love, Shell -----Of course, the pics are out of order cuz I couldn't figure this thing out! LOL

Thank you all for your kind words and constant support. I am truly at peace now and finally happy in my own body. Back and hip pain - GONE!
Thank God and thank Dr. Fisher at Kaiser Richmond!
Love you all!!!!
Big hugs,
Shell

OK, I haven't posted many of my own forums but I am 3 pound from my goal and I wanted to share my journey with my VST family. I started my journey at 241 lbs and lost 45 before surgery weighing 196 when I had my sleeve surgery (August 29, 2011). I am at 133 now, once I hit 130 I will move in to maintenance mode as my husband has made it very clear that I don't need to lose anymore. LOL He has been so great through this crazy roller coaster ride! My emotions have been so wacky through this whole thing,there have been times that I thought I was going crazy, trying to figure out just what the hell I was crying about or will I ever stop feeling sorry for myself.
I am happy to say that the hormone/crazy emotions have settled down now and I am feeling almost normal again. I am thrilled with my weight loss and I have so much energy that I don't even look at my couch anymore (I just can't sit there and do nothing). I would rather crank up the music and get on my treadmill or clean the house (who would have ever imagined).
Any way, I just want everyone to stay strong and keep fighting for a healthier life. We all deserve the best!
Hugs to all and God Bless!
Love, Shell -----Of course, the pics are out of order cuz I couldn't figure this thing out! LOL

OK, I haven't posted many of my own forums but I am 3 pound from my goal and I wanted to share my journey with my VST family. I started my journey at 241 lbs and lost 45 before surgery weighing 196 when I had my sleeve surgery (August 29, 2011). I am at 133 now, once I hit 130 I will move in to maintenance mode as my husband has made it very clear that I don't need to lose anymore. LOL He has been so great through this crazy roller coaster ride! My emotions have been so wacky through this whole thing,there have been times that I thought I was going crazy, trying to figure out just what the hell I was crying about or will I ever stop feeling sorry for myself.
I am happy to say that the hormone/crazy emotions have settled down now and I am feeling almost normal again. I am thrilled with my weight loss and I have so much energy that I don't even look at my couch anymore (I just can't sit there and do nothing). I would rather crank up the music and get on my treadmill or clean the house (who would have ever imagined).
Any way, I just want everyone to stay strong and keep fighting for a healthier life. We all deserve the best!
Hugs to all and God Bless!
Love, Shell -----Of course, the pics are out of order cuz I couldn't figure this thing out! LOL

OK, I haven't posted many of my own forums but I am 3 pound from my goal and I wanted to share my journey with my VST family. I started my journey at 241 lbs and lost 45 before surgery weighing 196 when I had my sleeve surgery (August 29, 2011). I am at 133 now, once I hit 130 I will move in to maintenance mode as my husband has made it very clear that I don't need to lose anymore. LOL He has been so great through this crazy roller coaster ride! My emotions have been so wacky through this whole thing,there have been times that I thought I was going crazy, trying to figure out just what the hell I was crying about or will I ever stop feeling sorry for myself.
I am happy to say that the hormone/crazy emotions have settled down now and I am feeling almost normal again. I am thrilled with my weight loss and I have so much energy that I don't even look at my couch anymore (I just can't sit there and do nothing). I would rather crank up the music and get on my treadmill or clean the house (who would have ever imagined).
Any way, I just want everyone to stay strong and keep fighting for a healthier life. We all deserve the best!
Hugs to all and God Bless!
Love, Shell -----Of course, the pics are out of order cuz I couldn't figure this thing out! LOL

OK, I haven't posted many of my own forums but I am 3 pound from my goal and I wanted to share my journey with my VST family. I started my journey at 241 lbs and lost 45 before surgery weighing 196 when I had my sleeve surgery (August 29, 2011). I am at 133 now, once I hit 130 I will move in to maintenance mode as my husband has made it very clear that I don't need to lose anymore. LOL He has been so great through this crazy roller coaster ride! My emotions have been so wacky through this whole thing,there have been times that I thought I was going crazy, trying to figure out just what the hell I was crying about or will I ever stop feeling sorry for myself.
I am happy to say that the hormone/crazy emotions have settled down now and I am feeling almost normal again. I am thrilled with my weight loss and I have so much energy that I don't even look at my couch anymore (I just can't sit there and do nothing). I would rather crank up the music and get on my treadmill or clean the house (who would have ever imagined).
Any way, I just want everyone to stay strong and keep fighting for a healthier life. We all deserve the best!
Hugs to all and God Bless!
Love, Shell -----Of course, the pics are out of order cuz I couldn't figure this thing out! LOL

Usually when I eat out, especially now, I get it to go. Today I went to Mimi's Cafe for lunch with a coworker. I was pretty good I think - I got the Soup and sandwich combo with french onion soup and a BLT sandwich. I ate the cheese off the soup and most of the broth, and then I had two slices of the bacon and a slice of tomato off the sandwich.
What bothered me most was when the server came over with the check she got this disturbed look on her face when she saw my plate and exclaimed rather loudly "You barely touched your food!" I started to explain why I picked, but instead I just left it at "I had surgery" and left it alone. She looked like she wanted to pry, and she tried, but I shut her down. Part of me thinks that a small part of the reason most of us are/were overweight is because when we try to control our portions it's almost as if it's frowned upon.
Anybody else feel like this?

Well I thought I would give an update on this. SOOOO...things are 10000000% better with my husband. It took a lot of counseling and a lot of tears with our Pastor and his wife but our marriage is in a place it has never been in the last 10 years. Amazing how God can work even the worst situations out for His glory. We have quite the testimony of what He has done for us now
SO that also means I am moving forward with the gut tuck!! We were able to get my insurance to cover it and surgery is next week. THank you all for the encouragement!

Hmm. My answer to this is in two parts:
A year ago I ran across an old friend of mine from high school/college. We had been really close and had lived together for awhile as roommates. After college, life moved us in different directions and we lost contact. Flash forward a few years and we meet up again rather unexpectedly. After the hugs, and the talk about the 'good old days' and where everybody was it got kinda quiet. I kept looking at her and thinking, "Isn't there more? We used to be best friends and now...what?" It was almost like a stranger wearing the face of a friend. After our meeting was over I felt an emotion that I had never felt before- bittersweet. We had been so much a part of each others lives, that it was strange now to realize that things had changed and that you cannot turn back the clock. That there is no magic button that you can hit and everything POOFS and is fixed. Thus, bittersweet; the yearning for things to be other than what they are, the 'what ifs', to have unfulfilled expectations, even though you are happy in your life.
I also think that during this journey our focus turns very inward. The striving to lose weight can become the gold at the end of the rainbow, we obsess over every pound and feel euphoria over every NSV. We experience such strong emotions all around the idea of our weight. Yet even when we reach our goals we still have to get up every morning and live the life that we are living. Becoming a size 6 doesn't mean that our lives are automatically exciting, or dashing, or filled with romance. We do not suddenly have amazing jobs that fill our souls with joy and bring a song to our hearts. The weight loss gives us the physical ability to be able to go find that exciting, romantic life but in the end that final step is up to us. I kind of equate it to the metaphor that we have all been prisoners for a very long time and are suddenly granted freedom. The cage doors are open, the wilderness beckons, yet we stand at the doorway looking out at the sun. We are not used to taking that step into a new life. To throw our self into the unknown with only faith to catch us. Changing the outside can be easier than changing the inside. The prison is gone, but the prisoner mentality is still there. Yet we can learn that all we need to do is take that first step.
I don't know if I got any of this right or if I totally misunderstood your post. I'm sorry that you are feeling down and I hope that maybe this helped a little bit. Even if it didn't, know that you do have people thinking of you and wishing you well.

About a year ago

Living my dreams

So, I've always had a very active social.. mainly because I'm a vocalist and run in the music/arts circles.. Anyway, friday night I went to a new karaoke spot to hang out for a bit...So, I sang a song and proceeded to go hang out around the bar area w/ the DJ and his wife... This guy walks up and introduces himself and kind just lingers... I had this look on my face like.. ahhhh... can I help you??... He keeps talking, finally sits down and an hour later.... were talking about what I like to do besides read and shop.. I had to sing another song, so he follows me back to the stage area and just stands there.. .When I'm done singing, he kind of grabs me and showers me w/ all these compliments from my smile to my clothes to my voice.. I'm like.. okay...stalker!! LOL... My friends were like laughing.... I'm in shock that this stranger just grabbed me.. LOL... Previously, I would have found a reason to excuse myself because I would be totally over analyzing things... but, now I feel that life is short, so I may as well have fun!!! Oh, my favorite karaoke DJ (who I have a little crush on), can't seem to keep his hands off of me... I was singing and he walked up behind me, put his head on my shoulder and wouldn't let me go!! LOL... I was like.. Lord have mercy!! GEEZ!!
Then on saturday, we had an event at church.. my ex was there.. He was turned around in his seat, staring at me... I didn't notice at first (well, I thought I was imagining things)... but my friend was like.... Stalker, 10 o'clock!! LOL.... afterwards, he walked up to me w/ his mouth open trying to think of something to say... LOL... I just spoke and walked away, as he stood gaping and wrapping his mind around the fact that he I'm over him!!
So, how do I keep myself out of too much trouble??!!! I've gotten numbers, 'interesting' offers and some fine brothers asking to take me out.... LOL...

Put on my calf-high boots today for the first time in FOREVER! I feel like a kid in a candy store - everything fits! On a more health related note, excercising feels a million times easier. I am actually back to enjoying running and sweating again! My attitude towards food has totally changed as well. I still like it, but I am quite indifferent as to my portions and what I can eat, where as before I wouldn't be able to top thinking about putting that last bite into my already full belly! This is how I always wanted to eat, and how was meant to be.
I am so excited for everyone scheduled for and considering this surgery! Best thing I have ever done.

No worries, take deep breath and try to relax! I lose this way as well. I will drop a few pounds then it comes back up for about a week and then it drops back down and is gone forever untill the next time. At first it freaked me out but then I discovered the pattern and have learned to just roll with it. Try to be patient and watch for your own losing pattern. We are all so very different and losing will come when our bodies decide it is ok to let go of the fat. I lived on low cal gatorade for the first couple of months and now I use Mio flavoring because I can't drink plain Water (makes my tummy hurt). You are doing great! Keep up the great work and stay healhy!
((Hugs)) Shell

I just had to share this one!
So, I was being bratty last night and teasing my hubby, pushing and poking him and daring him to do something about it. The next thing I know I am hanging upside down over his shoulder and he runs in to the front room and I'm laughing and yelling, "you just think your cool cuz you can throw your wife around now"!
My 23 y/o son who was visiting said, "that's what you get for being so skinny".
Me? Skinny? Really?
I am having so much fun with the new me and apparently hubby is enjoying the ride as well!
I just had to share with my VST family!
Love you all!
Shell

I think this is important to all of us. We need to feel those strong arms around us and feel safe and protected. It's hard to really feel feminine when you weigh more than your hubby. We all just want to melt into those arms.
: )

I need to get this out...
I came home today exhausted from work. Nothing really major happened, but it wasn’t a calm day either. My boss is interviewing candidates to backfill our open position. I was not asked to participate in the interview, however my Level 3 co-worker was. I am a level 4 and this new person will be my direct partner. I spent a lot of time today pretending like this doesn’t bother the f*** out of me. My level 3 co-worker is acting superior and that makes me want to punch her in the face…and eat! I was at my desk just searching for something to put in my mouth. I pulled out my vegi-sticks (little chip like things) and ate four really slowly. I know this is giving into the head hunger. I get it…but I wanted to chew. I could say in the past I would have gone to the vending machine and bought packs of M&Ms and Skittles and ate both packages. Four vegi-sticks is an improvement in calories, however…the reason I ate is the same.
I came home and immediately went to my room to lie down. My husband asked what’s wrong, and I really couldn’t come up with a convincing story of why I was so mentally drained. I just wanted to sleep. I took a long nap and was woken by 9 year old son who brought me a cup of coffee. He told me Dad was taking him to get a haircut and my first thought upon waking was “EAT!” My second thought was “Da** VSG”. I thought to myself “I am not hungry” but I was not willing to give up an opportunity to eat by myself. My heart started to race with the anticipation of eating alone.
A Binger has a sort of pre-binge check-list and mine was racing through my head. I headed to the bathroom and stripped naked. I weighed myself for reference tomorrow morning. I needed to know how much damage I was about to do to myself. My weight was 224.4. I would use that number tomorrow morning to beat myself up. I already know that if I weigh even 224.5 I will call myself disgusting and tell myself the VSG will never work for me. That one or two ounces will be my proof of what a failure I am, that I will be the one person on the planet this surgery will never, ever possibly work for. I change into to my binge pants or what I call my “comfy pants.”
I head upstairs; I already know what I am going to eat. 1 wedge of Laughing Cow cheese and two slices of lean deli-sliced turkey. I know this is not a Binge in the typical sense of the word, this is not a 3,000 calorie food fest. This is my dinner. The problem is I was not hungry. I was turning my dinner into a binge for the thrill and excitement…for the old feelings. I missed binging. I pulled out exactly two pieces of lunchmeat and laid them out on the plate. I pulled out a single wedge and found the little red string to open the cheese. My heart was racing…I was preparing my food. I took out my fancy cheese knife and I spread the cheese and rolled up the tiny little turkey slices. I threw all the evidence away- even hiding the tiny laughing cow wrapper like the old days. I took my little plate to the sofa- the end spot next to the fireplace- my favorite binge location. I took one tiny bite and chewed and chewed. I swallowed. It was delicious and I was back.
Then I stopped. I woke up. There was a pain in my stomach. I was not hungry- my stomach could not take any food. It was as if waking from a dream…”What the hell was I doing?” I gave the remaining roll-ups to the dog and just sat there in silence. I stared at my tiny little empty plate and celebrated this victory. This was the absolute first time in my life that I have ever stopped a binge in process. I will not beat myself up tomorrow, there will be no guilt. I will go to sleep proud tonight.
Again, the binge was not the quantity of food, it was my mental state. This is my first Non-scale Victory. Thank God for the VSG...and Thank God this will no longer be my life.

Hello VST,
When I first thought about having my surgery, it was about "health". First, in my mind I had to convince myself that I could do this. You know, change the diet -- stick to the plan..etc. I have gone down from 227lbs to 185 thus far. My goal...135-145lbs.
When I began this journey, and read all the stories about "Who did you tell..." I knew, that I would not tell many people. I'm a private person. But, I did tell 1 of my sisters. Her comment, "Well, I know a few people who did that and though they lost weight -- they didn't loose that much." How much are you thinking about loosing?
My response, it's not about the numbers, it's about my health! I had high blood pressure -- bordering on kidney failure, etc. I knew though I was althetic and have been for 20+ years, I still had to make a change. My diet was not right for the years that I was approaching. (Of course not! I was working out and still a size 16. No matter what I did -- the weight would not drop.)
Sooo, bringing us to the future -- I had my surger back in Sept '11. It is now 4 months later and I am down 40+lbs and several more to go. I have went down to a size 12 in bottom and M's in tops. I recently spoke to my sister (who has lost weight the regular way and struggling to hold onto her 12's); she asked me what size was I trying to be? I told her I will maintain between 4-8. Maybe a 6 would be good to me. We'll see since I've never been a size 6 before.
Her response -- you can't get that small! It's not in your family genes. I told her -- this surgery will allow me to do things I have never done before. It's not really about the clothes size, it's about the weight loss! I am RUNNING AWAY from my high blood pressure and issues with a fast vengence! Soooo whatever size I end up -- I will be.
I have all the confidence in the world that it will happen-- so I know that I will get\be smaller. I mean really - Its' only been 4 months for me. I go home in April of this year, and can't wait for her to see my changes! Yesterday, when I walked in my gym I had someone tell me "Don't lose too much weight -- you are starting to get skinny"...lol Talk about great feeling!
(Excuse the long letter..lol), but I must ask -- What has someone said\or did to you, where you've had to prove them wrong?

Only your friends can see your profile and they can only see your food diary if you change your settings to "friends" instead of "private" I hope that helps.
Shell

It is absolutely unacceptable for a man to speak to his wife in such a way. About ANYthing. You are his queen and you should be treated as such. He is to live with you in an understanding way. I would cry for a week if my husband even HINTED at the fact that I have an adverse effect on gravity! (of course we're not stupid, we know I'm huge, he's just respectful about my feelings.) Your husband shouldn't be dishing out anything but kindness and love to you! I'll say it....He needs Jesus! I do pray things get better for you and he has a change of heart.
Other than that...I'm with Shoelover!!!

PdxMan I bookmarked the pages with the band exercises , they look especially good
kathy
DOS 12/15/11

Honestly, the only excerise I have done is walking. I started with just a few laps around my building while at work and built up to walking around the entire complex during my breaks. Just getting up and moving has increased my physical, emotional, and mental health in so many ways. Just feeling the sun on your face and breathing the fresh air can make you feel so good. Just find what works for you and go with it. Try not to over think it because it will become too much of a chore.
Also, please don't worry about exercising right now, you are only 5 days post op and you shouldn't be doing too much right now (just walking). Wait until your Doc releases you before you start exercing more aggresively. Don't worry, your doing great!
((HUGS)) Shell