Okay not that I want to admit this to the world,

But I was banded almost 2 years ago. I was 18 and the first few months were great.

I lost 20 kilos and had a few top ups. Down from 130kg to about 110kg

Then, things started happening in my life (I won't go into detail)

And I stopped thinking about my Lapband. I stopped seeing my doctors and I stopped eating right,

I just didn't want to think about any of it because I wanted to concentrate on my mental health at the time.

I put on weight and stayed around 120kg until a few months ago. I'm now back to almost 130kg but too scared to go see my doctors and get a fill.

I don't want them lecturing me, I know I screwed up. Everyone always talks like if you screw up then that's it, it's over.

Which is why I feel so guilty, but I feel like if this Lapband is in my body for the rest of my life. Why can't I keep trying until I get it right?

I can now eat normally like I never got banded. Just a bit more pain then there should be.

But after reading this forum again for the first time in 2 years I realised that I didn't have as many fills as I should have. I didn't get to the point that I wasn't hungry.

I can't even remember buti think I only had 2 fills.

So maybe if I can get the courage up to go and get more fills it will make me stop eating so much?

My point is, I always hear of people and their success stories,

And I also always hear of people who fail and then give up...

But is there ANYONE out there who failed and is motivated to try again?

And if so, where should I start? Because I only just decided 10minutes ago that I might give this another go.

Whoops typo in the heading. Failure*

never give up on anything you just keep trying till you get it

It's okay to admit that you failed yourself. I can guarentee you that you are not the first person to go back to your surgeon and say you need to start over. The fact that you realize that you want to try again is commendable!

I would say start with your surgeon. You'll need to have your band checked and filled. Also - think hard about the reasons why you stopped the bandster lifestyle. Is there a trigger emotion that leads you to food? If so, when you feel it, what other things can you do besides eat? Maybe see a counselor or psychologist if you feel like those feelings could still be a threat to your future success.

I was banded 3 years ago next month and when I get off track (often) I have to start again. I am on day 3 of staying on track so join me. Go get your fill whatever your Dr says is only words, get your fill and move on. It would be nice if your Dr was encouraging but if not just suck it up and go get it and start over. Words won't hurt you but not getting a fill and starting over will.

Cheri

You still have your band so put it to use by going back and getting the thing filled. You may be surprised that the lecture won't be bad at all. The visit back to the surgeon for a fill just may be the thing you need to get this thing going again and start feeling better about everything. Just do it! Make that appointment ASAP!

I stopped Using my Lapband because I have aniexty and panic disorder which seem to run my life. I had a lot of trouble leaving my house and couldn't be on my own at any time. So i had to concentrate on getting that sorted and couldn't deal with thinking about my weight as well. I also have a lot of issues with food, since I was a kid I've had a phobia of lots of food. I lived on toast growing up and it wasn't until I wanted the at age 17 that I was finally able to get someone to help me. I've always been told I would just grow out of it or that I was just being a fussy kid. I went to lots of counsellors and phsycologists to help me with both problems and found a lady that helped me heaps with my eating. She was able to prove I had a real phobia just by placing the food in front of me. I ended up crying and hyperventilating and shaking from things like chicken and fish and oranges. About 95% of food actually. But I have come very far from that. I love cooking now and trying new things. I still have trouble eating certain foods on their own, I usually have to mix foods together so I can't taste, smell or feel one certain food. And that way it stops my brain from realising it's something I'm scared of. I also have to drink a lot with my food because I'm so sensitive to taste because most foods are new to me, kinda like a small child, which is a problem with the Lapband because we have been told not to drink while eating.

Unfortunately both these things are going to be with me for life and even though I know they are going to be a huge problem I'm hoping with my weight I can just go two steps forward and one step back. Because I think giving up completely for 1-2 years is what got me back to square one. If I had gotten back on track sooner I would have only put back on 10kg not 20kg.

I'm lucky though because I've never used food as comfort or for emotional reasons. I'm also lucky because I'm so young, people on here are 60 and getting lapbands, so that gives me 40 years to try and get if right haha.

Thankyou Cheri for your story that made me feel like I'm not the only one

And thanks humming bird I will take your advice.

I will keep everyone up to date on what's going on.

I am going to have to learn to eat slowly, that was the hardest part for me. I kept eating normally because I don't like the way food tastes so I eat to get it over and done with. Even if that means being in a lot of pain. I wish I could just eat puréed food all the time, that was the only time I was super slow at eating. Haha.

At least you are not having emotional eating. I am an emotional eater even though I know it doesn't work. I also have clinical depression so when it it gets worse I have to fight the emotional eating.

At least you know what are your problems areas are now you can work through them slowly. Get your fill and just take it one day at a time. I can see it from the other side, your afraid of food and I tend to use it for comfort. Neither is good for us. Hang in there and like I said take it one day at a time. Plus being open and honest with yourself about it all is a big step in the right direction.

Cheri

Get back on the Wagon!!!

I was banded in 08 and had partial unfill july 09 because of moving cross country due to death of Mom and losing insurance. I didn't want to get stuck in a ER room with nobody knowing what to do with a band. Anyway I finally got another fill mid May and hopped right back on the wagon. Nobodys fault but my own, things happen... you live, you learn you experience life.

There are many of us out here, just forgive yourself see your doctor.

They did not give me a talking to, they understood, the important thing was I went back and

going to start it over.

You will probably have to go in for an Upper GI, and if you go elsewhere have your records transferred over or if you can see the same doctor then go to them.

Just do it.. you will be happy you did.

You're afraid your doctor will scold you? You don't seem to be that thin skinned. It's not like he's going to taze you or anything like that? It's just words and heaven knows you deserve it you bad patient you!!

Bad patient! Bad Bad!!

There! See, that wasn't so bad was it? If you can stand up to scolding as mean as that you can surely stand up to your doctor?

tmf

Hahahhahahaha thankyou TMF. I don't think it's really what he would say though its more the guilt and the judgement and then that I've put it off for over a year makes me feel pathetic.

Although before I got the operation I remember him saying at a meeting something about if we put the weight back on we only fail if we don't go back ever again. So I will have to keep that meeting in mind.

I guess I'm just ashamed to go back.

There have been many people on this forum who like you felt bad in going back to their doctor after some period of time and having put on weight .. like anything in life .. the fear of going is worse than the reality believe me, you wont be the first person your surgeon wont have seen for a while or put on weight and u wont be the last either.

It is essentail that you make this appointment and go see him, maybe get a friend to go with you if u need to. u had the courage to start this process once so be kind to yourself, find that courage again and make that appointment .

Remember u arent alone in this this .. we are all here holding a virtual hand with you ..

Yeah, what Cazzy said! You go girl!

tmf

I hope I can be as awesome as you if I ever fall of the wagon which is possible for anyone. You are just fabulous for starting again and I know you can do it because for you to not give up where other people might means you are very strong and when you make it to goal imagine the war story you are gonna have.

I've had my band for almost four years now, and there have been many times that I've fallen off the band wagon (that is, acted like I didn't even have the band); and many times I've pulled myself back on. I've had several partial unfills and even a complete unfill (now getting back to the green zone after two fills). My point is that the whole thing is a journey... as you point out, a lifelong one.... and none of us can expect to be without detours. Forgive yourself and give yourself permission to move on.... we are all with you!