I know that the standard line around here is "you must work with the band, make healthy choices... blah blah blah", but that makes me turn cold every time I hear it, because I know that if thats true I have no hope. I am not trying to be negative or give newbies a bad impression, but who are we fooling... Have you guys really gone from out of control MO people to moderate and healthy people just because of the band!!??

The thing that gets me is - if I could think about this healthily, eat healthily and make more healthy choices then I wouldn't need the band in the first place! Having a little bit of silicone wrapped about my guts doesn't and hasn't changed my psychological hang-ups.

I have spent the last 10 years in therapy trying to work through my psychological hang-ups, all the while getting bigger and bigger, so really - the only reason I ain't stuffing myself stooopid is because it makes my tummy hurt (my band). And I really am counting on my band to do a great portion of the work for me because if I am relying on will power I'm without hope.

I understand that people can make (what Dr Phil likes to call) 'life decisions' to the effect of "I will not eat myself to death anymore" but surely that could have been done without the band? Have you really all suddenly become full of will power and dedication just because of the band - 'cause I know I haven't. If you can tell me how to flip that switch in my brain please do because I am at a loss.

Life decisions?? made 'em every day baby, and ignored 'em again by dinner time.

Baggage? Are you kidding? I have a moving van that follows me around...

food addiction? Puuulease!! I have taken food out of the garbage to eat.

Binge eating? My favourite sport, watch me go!!!

Psychological hang-ups?? There aren't enough pegs in the universe.

So if anyone else tells someone to 'work with the band' I think I might vomit, on them (watch your shoes ladies!!).

Look, I know this has come across sounding bitter and sarcastic and thats because... well because I am bitter and sarcastic. But really I am just a bit tired of this pollyanna attitude. I didn't have major surgery to 'jump-start' a new diet or healthy eating regime, I had it because I had no other earthly choice; I was killing myself.

So if what you are saying is true and you can 'eat around the band' or 'not really want to change' then I might as well give-up now, because then it can't help me. I am full of shame and disgust at myself here, but I am just trying to be honest.

Morning everyone!

You've got me thinking Lou.....I'll give you the reason I think I overeat......there are a lot of issue that revolve around that....lots of past crap that just kept piling on...I'm sure you and lots of other here if not most have the same thing....BUT, somewhere, when I was a child having what I wanted to eat was my independance...my own little life taht I could control...I could sneak or take the food when I was upset and go sit in my closet and create my own little world and console myself. I think I still do that...I have 4 kids, a overweight husband, cook big meals and Desserts...that's just the ways it's always been. BUT, when I binge...I do that alone...it's my place and it's always and emotional eat....I don't even care what it is that I'm eating so it isn't the food believe me...it's something else and I haven't quite gotten to that part yet with my therapist. I am bi-polar and taking medication for it...it helps keeps me even but when I fall into a depression again I eat....so we added a 3rd medication to even me out. I mentioned to her that I was researching the band and she thought it might be a good idea.....I feel it's my last resort...I can't continue to live like this....I just plain don't want to but I am too weak to do it on my own...I think that's what pisses me off the most...I'm too weak and then I punish myself with eating because I"m so angry with myself for letting myself get out of control. I think you may have some of the same feelings.....

So there, I laid it out!....ok, lets deal with it now right.

Thankyou Deb Thankyou.

This is a language I understand, to me, this is honest. This is looking under all the crap and finding what food means to us. For me it means - independence, acceptance and soothing. And until I can change this set up in my brain I will have to fight every step of the way to lose weight - because ultimately I am fighting myself. I need to redefine what food means to me. I was talking to my psychologist today and saying how I eat or cut myself when I am trying to say "HEAR ME!!!" What I need to do is start saying the things I need to say rather than swallowing them. She encouraged me to think of food and razor blades as similar items - items I use to squash myself, quiet myself and ultimately hurt myself. I need freedom from those around me - controlling parents and hubby - but also from within myself. As much as they squash me I also squash myself when I choose to reach for that second helping or the razor blade instead of speaking my mind.

So I want to say thankyou to you all for listening because this thread has been very healing for me - I have said some things I normally wouldn't say. I always wanted to be "the nice girl", "the kind girl" and to do that I have had to eat and swallow all that is in me that is not nice or kind. So thankyou all for giving me room to be not-so-nice and allowing me to feel the power of saying what I need to say instead of eating my words (literally).

Loulou

Loulou

You will get there because you know there is a problem and your talking about it. I'm sorry that you read my post as if I was getting at you personally but beleive me I wasn't. May be how you read it helped you a bit get it all out. It is bad enough trying to explain to someone when your face to face and and it's sometimes near on impossible trying to sound how you want it to sound via this way. You are not a bad person just because you find it hard to cope at times, we all have that problem but show it in different ways. You must think of your self first as you are the one that needs the help and support. I think may be you are trying to please everyone else first and forgetting about your self. I wish you all the luck in the world but I don't think you will need it.

Lou, your posts today have made me smile. Often times, the hardest step to take is the first one and it sure seems like you have done that now. I'll be praying for your continued healing and freedom!

*big hugs*

Oh, by the way - it's the people who let us down, not Jesus. *winks*

Loulou -

I do understand what you are saying. I attended a 6 month one-on-one program that addressed my underlying emotional reasons for needing/wanting/being driven to eat in excess.

I honestly believe that for me, more than 50% of my problem is a genuine saitey issue - I'm just hungrier than the average Joe. BUT - I was/am definitely using food as a depressant drug to help turn off fears, anger, and uncertainty.

Here's a post that I made outlining one simple thing my counselor had me do to help with the emotional side of my eating:

http://lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=434

Another exercise my counselor had me do was to try and examine my fears, and take them to furthest extreme to help minimize the affect they had on me. So, for example, if I was afraid of losing my job, what would be the worst thing that could happen? I outlined how I would feel, how I might not be able to find another job, how I would lose everything I worked for, etc., etc., but finally had to come to the conclusion that eventually I would most likely find another job, and life would continue on.

I have lots of fears, and taken to the extreme it always seems as though somehow I would keep going on.

(((hugs)))

Don't hesitate to PM me if you think I could be of further help.

xxoo