So I'm 2 wks post op today and have been engaged for over a yr now and I had to walk away tonight and stay with my parents. I feel as if my fiance wants me to baby him like his mom does since he is an only child. Since surgery our relationship is a disaster we argue every day and almost every time he brings up if I would of just kept my mouth shut for the past few yrs I never would of needed WLS. That hurts so bad. Its not like any of us wanted to be like this. I just don't know what to do. ugh oh and to top it off I go back to work tomorrow and when I packed some things and left our house he didn't even call or text me he didn't even get out of bed when I walked out the door. fml

So I'm 2 wks post op today and have been engaged for over a yr now and I had to walk away tonight and stay with my parents. I feel as if my fiance wants me to baby him like his mom does since he is an only child. Since surgery our relationship is a disaster we argue every day and almost every time he brings up if I would of just kept my mouth shut for the past few yrs I never would of needed WLS. That hurts so bad. Its not like any of us wanted to be like this. I just don't know what to do. ugh oh and to top it off I go back to work tomorrow and when I packed some things and left our house he didn't even call or text me he didn't even get out of bed when I walked out the door. fml

I am very sorry you are going through this. I believe that when we choose to better ourselves it intimidates others. Also when we better ourselves it makes us stronger. Maybe things will get better between you two or maybe it is time to call it quits. But at this point you have to take care of yourself. You have made a huge decision to make yourself a healthier you. With the stress you are explaining, sounds like it isn't a good enviroment to better yourself.

I have been married for 21 years and I told my husband things are going to change. I am going to be more selfish and you are with me or not. Luckily he is. But I knew I had to stand up and say it is time for me.

Please hang in there and take care of yourself. The rest will fall into place how it is meant too.

Oh honey, I am so sorry to hear that! It is frustrating when people don't understand where you are coming from - and goodness knows I have heard the "if you just would push away from the table" type mentality comments from people...even friends. They don't understand that a diet doesn't work for everyone - and we need this extra tool to help us combat this condition. PLease don't let what he or anyone else says deter you ---- instead use it to fuel your fire, to be sucessful and become a healthy, vibrant person who loves yourself! You can do it - you will have to draw on your inner strength and get through this....losing a relationship this early in your lapband journey really sucks, but as long as you don't let it hinder you, I think you will be fine. It does sound to me like he was jealous - and possibly worried about what will happen to you as you lose weight....folks think that we change, and we do in some ways, but the reality of it is that if they love us for who we are, they will love us as we change too.

Be sure to take care of yourself - this is the toughest part...the first 6 weeks after surgery you HAVE to take care of yourself and let your body heal....stress is not good for you. Be sure to get enough Protein so your body can heal itself and don't worry about weight loss yet. And remember that even after your first fill and even the second, you may not have found your sweet spot and it is really tough, which is why we call it bandster hell. But I promise you, if you can get through that, and stay faithful to going back to the doctor and getting your fills - you WILL find this band can change your life....and you will come out of this experience stronger, healthier, and happier than you have ever been. If that has to be without your fiancee, then so be it. I believe everything happens for a reason - maybe there is a reason you are finding out this about him now...and not in five years?

Hang in there - we are here for you! Feel free to message me if you wanna chat, vent, etc!

Kim

Is your fiance expecting you to actually care for him (do his laundry, cook, clean) while you recovering from surgery? If he wants a slave tell him to go home to Momma! Seriously is this behavior going to happen in another circumstances? What if you have a C section and are out of commission? Who's going to do all that stuff while your hurting. From the sounds of it. YOU. And that's not taking into consideration the verbal abuse. Sorry, but I think you need to cut your losses.

Is your fiance expecting you to actually care for him (do his laundry, cook, clean) while you recovering from surgery? If he wants a slave tell him to go home to Momma! Seriously is this behavior going to happen in another circumstances? What if you have a C section and are out of commission? Who's going to do all that stuff while your hurting. From the sounds of it. YOU. And that's not taking into consideration the verbal abuse. Sorry, but I think you need to cut your losses.

I don't like the sounds of this at all. I hate to say it, but you need to take care of yourself and not be intimidated by your fiance. This sounds like a disaster! Cut your losses and lose the weight for yourself and find a better man. You don't need this in your life.

I'm sorry you were treated that way. You mentioned that the relationship has been a difficult since you decided to have the surgery. Not that it's an excuse for him, but is it possible he's feeling threatened by the "new" you that you are going to find? That he might get left behind? Men are just as hard to figure out sometimes as us women because we all know how well they share their feelings...LOL. Maybe he's just really insecure about where you are headed & this is his knee-gut reaction...again, not that its right to treat you in such way; but maybe he's scared too. A good relationship has to have communication. If he was a great guy & everything was good before this, then you owe it to yourself to talk to him, find out what's going on & why he's changing all of a sudden. If nothing else other than to say you tried to figure it out before walking away for good. You don't want to look back in a few years & say you just gave up, but that you tried. It's a change for both of you and you have to talk about what's going on.

Best of luck! Take care of yourself.

Just know that the way he treats you now will be the same way he treats you if you get married...

So If you want to be treated this way then stay if not like the others have said cut your loses...

So I'm 2 wks post op today and have been engaged for over a yr now and I had to walk away tonight and stay with my parents. I feel as if my fiance wants me to baby him like his mom does since he is an only child. Since surgery our relationship is a disaster we argue every day and almost every time he brings up if I would of just kept my mouth shut for the past few yrs I never would of needed WLS. That hurts so bad. Its not like any of us wanted to be like this. I just don't know what to do. ugh oh and to top it off I go back to work tomorrow and when I packed some things and left our house he didn't even call or text me he didn't even get out of bed when I walked out the door. fml

Since you put this out there - here is my opinion: This guy does not sound like someone anyone would want to be married to. He tells you that you just needed to keep your mouth shut and you wouldn't need WLS? Why would you want to stay with someone who says something like that? I don't believe this has anything to do with your having surgery or losing weight. It has to do with who he is as a person. And he sounds like a jerk. If he can't support you with your WLS - when could you ever count on his support?

In addition, he doesn't even care that you left. Ask yourself that Dear Abbey famous question: Would you be better off with or without him? I clearly think you'd be better off without him. His attitude is just a preview of coming attractions. He's not going to change. So you need to dump him and move on. You deserve better.

Just know that the way he treats you now will be the same way he treats you if you get married...

So If you want to be treated this way then stay if not like the others have said cut your loses...

Ditto...except I'd say if this is how he treats you before marriage, it will only get worse.

Everything you've written about this 'fiancee' has red flags flying all over it. Is this really how you would define 'love'? If so, then carry on. If not, walk away.

.

From a guys prospective - I say you are asking for a lifetime of misery to stay with this man. There are better choices than to tie yourself to someone who thinks so little of your pain and feelings. It's so sad but he won't miss you when you'er gone and will never think he could possibly have been the problem. I wouldn't want my daughters in that situation and wouldn't wish for a marraige where both of you are in love with the same person, namely Him. It's horrible for any person male or female. My mom married three guys in a row like that and I watched her live a life of anguish. These guys are oh so charming to get what they want and know how to butter you up but they don't deliver on what we all need, love and respect, that they reserve for themselves. I feel that it's better to live alone than to empower an emotional leech.

Good luck with the surgery and I hope your weight loss goes as planned and further I wish you joy and happiness in your life.

Good luck with the surgery and I hope your weight loss goes as planned and further I wish you joy and happiness in your life.