hey all. i'm getting banded in early march and this is something i've been thinking about and am worried about. i have a friend who had lapband done over a year ago and our relationship has changed since she had it done. it's not like it's bad or anything now but just different. we can't shop together anymore since she's regular sized and i'm plus sized. her attitudes towards larger people have changed, too. it's just kinda wierd. so now i'm concerned about the relationships i have with my sister (she is plus sized) and some friends (who are also plus sized) and how it will change things with us. i'm also worried and wondering how it's affected people's marriages. my husband is supportive but he's worried i'm going to leave him after i lose the weight. i kinda take offense to that statement because to me it's almost like saying i'm not attractive enough to get anyone else right now as a big girl but once i'm thinner i will be. does that make sense to ya'll? can anyone share about thier experience and if it's changed their marriage, friendships, or other relationships?

I agree that relationships will change. My husband has totally flipped out. It started with the "Are you going to get skinny and leave me? question. And now it is like a full blown mid life crisis. He doesn't want to work (we just started a new company), he picks fights just so he can feel better about what he wants to do (he picked a fight last night so he could go stay at his moms house because she lives a few minutes from his favorite fishing lake), he hates that I read and post things here, he checks my phone, he is pissed because I started a facebook page for our business and put my maiden name on it as well. He is killing me (obviously not literally). He is trying to sabotage my eating, he told me to buy chips and dip at the grocery store because they would be "easy" for me to eat. I am beginning to think he doesn't want to be married to me if I lose weight. He must only like chubby girls. I guess he will have to find him a new one... :thumbup:

My friends, also obese, have joked that if I am successful with my loss, I will not be invited to the pool parties anymore. As if I am interested in their husbands....

I also told them and others that I will NOT date someone who knew me before and couldn't be bothered once I am thinner. They think that is awful. I feel it would be like winning LOTTO and then suddenly being asked out. My one friend said "maybe they couldn't see past the fat' My response was, "Exactly. Who wants someone so limited?".....So I told them that if they knew someone with a secret crush on me, they better move fast or it will be too late. LOL

my boyfriend supports me 100% along with my fam & friends...But my boyfriend is sooooo jealous! Im 21 & he's 20 we've been 2gether for 8 months. He wants to get married soon like maybe 2 years but I'm just taking things slow. He always thought I was going 2 leave him. N now since I got the lap band, he's insecure cuz if he sees im losing inches, he'll get happy but then throw in "ohh look at u now, things r going good in ur hands...u prob talkin 2 another man, its ok if u did jus tell me" or "u go clubbing every damn day!" when meanwhile I might go clubbing once a MONTH!....b4 I met him I use 2 b a party head..use 2 party every week!...I have a lot of confidence as a big girl! I get alot of guys that try 2 talk 2 me bc even tho my body is big, my face is beautiful and I dress to impress so u cant even see the big problem....so thats why hes insecure to begin with...and me losing weight will jus make his life a living hell bc guys will be checkin me out 24/7 n hes gonna hate it...but dat da same time, hes gonna love it bc he's suchh a big show off...he shows me off 2 the world all da time...so when i lose weight, he's gonna feel like he's the man cuz he got wut everybody else wants...so when ur man gets jealous, just know its bc he loves u n cannot live without u...dont take it the wrong way...jus work it out 2gether

hi i see u only had to lose 61 lbs. i'm there 2 i've lost 20 since 1/5/10 how r things going 4 u? is it harded because we don't have that much to lose? any thoughts would be appreciated. thanks Toni

I'm kinda happy I got married before I lost all of my weight. Honestly, that was one of the reasons I proposed to him when I did. I didn't want to get cocky or get some crazy urge to date around when I had the best man in the world! I got really lucky and he was really supportive. I think it shows that he is secure. He has said a few times to remember how nice he was to me when I get thin. HAHA:tongue:

I agree that relationships will change. My husband has totally flipped out. It started with the "Are you going to get skinny and leave me? question. And now it is like a full blown mid life crisis. He doesn't want to work (we just started a new company), he picks fights just so he can feel better about what he wants to do (he picked a fight last night so he could go stay at his moms house because she lives a few minutes from his favorite fishing lake), he hates that I read and post things here, he checks my phone, he is pissed because I started a facebook page for our business and put my maiden name on it as well. He is killing me (obviously not literally). He is trying to sabotage my eating, he told me to buy chips and dip at the grocery store because they would be "easy" for me to eat. I am beginning to think he doesn't want to be married to me if I lose weight. He must only like chubby girls. I guess he will have to find him a new one...

I'm so sorry about his crappy attitude. My husband is supportive but makes comments such as the ones above, all in jest, but still makes them. He has always been possessive and it doesn't really bother me. But he'll walk by the computer and say, "who you talkin' to?" However, he doesn't sabotage my eating, which is good. Most of the things he says are joking around by he still says them. From the beginning he has said, "I know you're going to leave me once you are skinny." I chalk it up to his own insecurities. I hope things get better for you! Best wishes!!!

Just remember that the most important relationship is w/yourself and you can't be much of a friend, sister, wife, etc. if you are sick from obesity. Take care of yourself first and the rest will follow.

Well said! A very valuable lesson to learn. Taking care of ourselves, loving ourselves and being our best all around (but especially through better health) is so important. Learning this is what drew me to decide to take control of this endless weight loss cycle. I think most of us can say we have a similar outlook...

Keep in mind, change isn't always bad...it can be very healthy. I'm only down 30 pounds but can already see some changes taking place...so far all for the better..I do have a few friends who also have weight problems and I'm curious to see how they feel about me in 100 pounds. My place in the group has always been the "biggest" and it's a title I'm gladly giving up...I'm just not sure anyone else is going to be happy taking that spot.