I've got something to say and clearly I can't say it "out there".

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I am scared for some of these newbies and the lurkers who are reading. This fear is probably a huge part of why I don't just log off permanently.

Is it just me or does the trend seem to be "I'll eat what I want when I want no matter what my surgeon says" with other people actually coddling/recommending/applauding/defending that viewpoint?

When I joined this site, I had my @ss handed to me several times (THANK GOD!!) because I wondered why (out loud) my diet was so restrictive. I wanted permission to break some rules because it was damn hard to follow them. I never did test those waters (with the exception of a Hershey's Kiss one week post op -- it tasted like I imagine licking an ashtray would) because the experienced people scared the **** out of me with talks of leaks, tears, vomiting, and the worst? BEING A FAILURE AT WLS.

Maybe because I had my surgery in my 40s -- after decades of being fat and ready for a change -- I didn't take those words as "ganging up", "bullies", or "mean girls". Maybe it was because I knew in my head that I was being a dumbass every time I whined about wanted something salty instead of sweet. Maybe because I had the self realization that "listening to my body" put me in a place where I needed WLS, so clearly listening to me was a horrible idea...

I will never forget my first WLS seminar. There was a young girl a few rows in front of me who was scheduled for surgery the next week. When we were going over the dietary stages post op, she raised her hand and told the NUT she has a bachelorette party a week after her surgery. She TOLD this woman that she WOULD be eating wings and drinking, no matter what. It was, after all, her body and her right. I would love to know what happened to her. Ideally, they took her off the surgery schedule. Most likely, she had surgery and is still obese 3 years later.

I wish great success to anyone and everyone who has WLS. The quality of life this procedure has given back to me is worth all the coookies (sic) and crackers and french fries in the world. (Even McD's -- fresh out of the fryer!!) I hope everyone gets to experience everything they want to experience in a thinner, healthier body. I would love to hear less and less stories of people who never lost or gained it all back but I fear that those stories are just going to multiply with this new mindset.

It's a shame. It's a great big DAMN shame.

[Uniqbtrfly 27]

I am scared for some of these newbies and the lurkers who are reading. This fear is probably a huge part of why I don't just log off permanently.

Is it just me or does the trend seem to be "I'll eat what I want when I want no matter what my surgeon says" with other people actually coddling/recommending/applauding/defending that viewpoint?

When I joined this site, I had my @ss handed to me several times (THANK GOD!!) because I wondered why (out loud) my diet was so restrictive. I wanted permission to break some rules because it was damn hard to follow them. I never did test those waters (with the exception of a Hershey's Kiss one week post op -- it tasted like I imagine licking an ashtray would) because the experienced people scared the **** out of me with talks of leaks, tears, vomiting, and the worst? BEING A FAILURE AT WLS.

Maybe because I had my surgery in my 40s -- after decades of being fat and ready for a change -- I didn't take those words as "ganging up", "bullies", or "mean girls". Maybe it was because I knew in my head that I was being a dumbass every time I whined about wanted something salty instead of sweet. Maybe because I had the self realization that "listening to my body" put me in a place where I needed WLS, so clearly listening to me was a horrible idea...

I will never forget my first WLS seminar. There was a young girl a few rows in front of me who was scheduled for surgery the next week. When we were going over the dietary stages post op, she raised her hand and told the NUT she has a bachelorette party a week after her surgery. She TOLD this woman that she WOULD be eating wings and drinking, no matter what. It was, after all, her body and her right. I would love to know what happened to her. Ideally, they took her off the surgery schedule. Most likely, she had surgery and is still obese 3 years later.

I wish great success to anyone and everyone who has WLS. The quality of life this procedure has given back to me is worth all the Cookies and crackers and french fries in the world. (Even McD's -- fresh out of the fryer!!) I hope everyone gets to experience everything they want to experience in a thinner, healthier body. I would love to hear less and less stories of people who never lost or gained it all back but I fear that those stories are just going to multiply with this new mindset.

It's a shame. It's a great big DAMN shame.

This is a support forum...regardless. I do understand too. I see less newbie negativity on this forum than any other....that is why I joined. Being 4 yrs out and have gained some of mine back....I really like the WLS Veterans section. I may reply to other post but most that really doesn't concern me...I just pass by. You have a lot of wisdom to share....and believe me....talking in forums can be so misunderstood. Because of my bipolar my communication skills are affected...in real life too. So I am learning to choose my words so I don't hurt someones feelings unpurposely....not that I am not expressing my true feeling or thoughts...just teaching myself a different way to communicate. BTW... repetative questions from newbies get on my last nerve.

Sent from my SM-G920V using the BariatricPal App

Edited August 12, 2016 by Uniqbtrfly

[MeltsIntoWonder 125]

Newbie/lurker here.

I've read many of the posts that you're referring to, and, if it makes you feel any better, feel just as incredulous. I'm still on the fence about having the surgery (I'm almost there - and sure that my upcoming trip to Tokyo, filled with stares at the fat American gajin huffing and puffing her way around the city, will push me off the fence entirely), but if/when I do go through with it, I can't imagine going back to the "I do what I want" eating habits that got me here in the first place.

Please feel free to hand my @ss to me when I start complaining.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

@@LipstickLady when I was new to this site, I was terrified to post. I had alot of shame, fear of failure and I was emotionally very vulnerable - especially preop. I suspect reading a few others getting their ass handed to them helped me too. At nearly 5 years out, I am much less "compliant" than I was the first 3 years, but still hanging in there at a healthy weight and a happy life. I had to really really change to find this success after my failure with the lapband. I still thank all the IRL people (NUT, surgeon and others) who supported me with the truth as well as my imaginerary friends on this forum. Sometimes we don't like what we need to hear.

[*Lexie* 1,486]

I think there's a spectrum of compliance after surgery. From those that follow every rule to those that are determined to eat wings and drink beer at one week post op (that would have killed me for sure). I think where the person falls on the spectrum determines what results they will get. This would explain why there are a few out there that don't lose any weight or very little after surgery.

For me, changing a lifetime of bad behaviors has proven to be challenging, particularly eliminating snacking. Every time I fail, I get up, brush myself off and try again. I'll get there and coming here helps motivate me to keep trying. If coming here and reading posts encourages a new person to change a few of their behaviors, then that is a positive thing. Sadly, some people are too deep in denial to change. Those people will say the surgery didn't work for them.

[Djmohr 6,965]

@@LipstickLady,

Excellent post and right on point. I do my best to try to help those that don't have all the information (or that is what I will assume), but it is happening more and more every single day. You can't keep up and to your point they don't want to listen.

Yet, here I am everyday trying to answer questions, provide my experiences or offer places for them to go to get the info in an effort to help them understand what they are getting in to.

In the beginning I had my a$$ handed to me and I am grateful for it. It has kept me mostly on plan since day one.

And to your point, I am healthier and happier because of it.

I just want to say THANK YOU for all of your activity over the years I have been on here. I love your sense of humor and your quick wit when it comes to your posts.

Don't stop, if you can reach a few folks, you become successful and from what I read, you have helped a lot more than you know.

The ones that don't get it or want to listen will be back in a year looking for advice to get back on track. They are just not ready to be helped yet.

[borg/assimilated 576]

Boy have I learned a lot on this forum. Since I don't attend a support group ( too inconvenient location) this is the place where I go to stay on task. Where would I be if people didn't post honest/ whether you like it or not opinions and facts here? I always knew when reading things from you, Babs, VSGAnn, Kindle, Elode and so many others that I could trust the information contained in the post. I am so disappointed when people who are willing to give good advice whether pleasant or not are pilloried by those who only want to hear what they want to hear.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Thank you all for your kind words. I didn't start this post looking for praise or validation (but you are welcome to tell me how beautiful I am all you want!!), I started it because I am truly worried for the future of some of our newer WLS folks.

I remember how hard it was, I truly do. I remember how hormonal and nervous and uncomfortable I was with all the changes. While I never regretted surgery, I remember the misery of sliming and foaming and vomiting after almost every attempt at a meal. I remember Water thunking when it hit bottom, I remember my stomach rejecting foods one day that it loved the day before. I still have a stricture and I still suffer with Water poo some days, so, while this is my new normal, I realize that MY normal will never be everyone else's normal and that's ok.

My thought was that in order to gain maximum results, I'd best listen to those who were doing it, who had DONE it and those who had struggled with it as long as they were self aware and honest enough to know why they were struggling.

What really gets me? Newer folks who have just had or not yet had surgery encouraging others to stray from their meeal (sic) plan, to take chances, to experiment "just a little". Seriously? That's typically when it turns into a "vets vs newbie" situation, names get called, and fingers start pointing.

Again. It's a DAMN shame.

[borg/assimilated 576]

@@LipstickLady,

Agreed.

[Healthy_life2 8,319]

@@LipstickLady

It's still important to me to see the veterans here. I see less and less of them.

I can't take responsibility for peoples short or long term success. All I can do is offer my experience, suggestions and give referrals to the experts (medical professionals)

I pick and choose what I read and respond to. Its disturbing to see people wanting any excuse to not follow their surgeons plan. I hate to see (newbie or Veteran) enabling poor decisions. I won't validate anyone's poor choices. I seem just to skip over many threads because I cant say the same thing over and over.

I understand people asking for help and being honest about choices. I want to see people succeed. When they slip I want to see them get back on the horse. I will cheer them on.

It comes down to this....It's all on them to do the work. No one can do it for them.

[B-52 7,113]

I am a veteran and very reluctant to post because the majority of people here are newbies, and what they may hear me say can sometimes be things they should NOT be hearing.

You have to learn to stand, then take baby steps, before you can run.

Life at 6 years out is entirely different than those first year or two, just starting out, developing that new lifestyle, and learning how to "Listen" to my band.

With the exception of 2-3 people perhaps, everyone (and there many) who were here when I first came, are now all gone...I still remember some of their screen names, and many of them were people I paid close attention to.

In my opinion, there is not much here for veterans and it can be tough.

[barbarahadz1 84]

One of the things my doctor said before the surgery was "I am operating on your stomach not your brain"

The sleeve is a tool to help us eat less but after the first 6 months the auto pilot goes off and the brain takes over.

That's when we work really hard to finding ways around the sleeve (grazing, sliders etc.) We have to face all our issues and that is more difficult for some than others. We want to be healthy and thin, that's why we have the surgery, but fighting our demons that got us to where we are is a major struggle that may never end. But hopefully we will win more often than we lose. I wish everyone strength and peace.

[SanDiegoGirl 7]

I'll be 6 years out in November. I will say, with the exception of the first 3 months or so I have continued to drink carbonated beverages (sparkling Water and diet soda) despite all the warnings I received.

[Dairymary 533]

I'm pretty new to the online forum world, but I'm coming out of 5+ years of fairly regular support group attendance. I can't begin to express my astonishment at the ignorance, non compliance and stubborn attitudes of so many newbies on here. A surprising number of them choose to disregard advice from a successful veteran because someone 1 month out is enabling their bad behavior. I'm starting to understand why the success rate for WLS is not higher. So many people are clearly not taking it seriously and don't seem to appreciate the kind of commitment postop life requires. Kudos to those of you who do....you will do well.

But I will just keep trying to help....no matter how many newbies I piss off with my "tough love". Just ask my kids

[bellabloom 2,467]

My experience: at 2.5 years I had lost a tremendous amount of weight and still found myself as depressed and unhappy as before surgery. food obsession, calorie counting, restriction and weight obsession ruled my life. My worth was totally wrapped around my weight. I decided I didn't want to live that way and I decided to stop dieting for good. Instead I embraced mindful eating. My weight is now stable and at a perfect weight for my body. I no longer obsess about food and yes I do eat whatever I crave, even junk foods at times. I decided to base my worth on things other than food and hence food became less important to me and I ate better naturally. I don't binge and I don't diet. I follow my body.