Messed up

Hi Folks

Well I don't feel comfortable tellign anyone this, butthis is the only place I can come for help. I was banded on Aug 10th and did okay,,,bt I am hungry. I am on the second week of the full Fluid diet post op and just "lost it" and ate. I mean i ate two hamburger patties with cheese, then went to a movie where i ate popcorn and chocolate. I don't know why I did it. I was starving, sick of eating or rather drinking and i lost control, story of my life i guess. I do not have the coverage for the surgery and it will take me ages to pay it off and I feel addicted to food I guess and if I can't do it now, then I guess i have messed up with this too. I don't know what to do, and if that now means my band is messed up and stretched or whatever can happen. I only felt liek I had something stuck kind for a sec when I ate the hamburger patty but then I ate it and chewed it up better. how the heck am I going to get through this when i am have a fill and crave everything in sight? I am sorry to moan and I know I am my worst enemy but I read of the people here who never mess up and are sooooo determined ,and I am not a kid anymore and I am almost 300 lbs. I started out at 320.

So I dunno, I am afraid that i will fail at this since I have done so so early in the game.

K

Edie, thanks for your message. I don't think I am trying to hurt myself. Why do I eat or anyone here who go to this place? I dunno, But all I know is that I have eaten for celebrations, grief, just about everything and even numbness and continued well after i wasn't hungry. I am seeing a shrink right now as I know I needed help with the eating thing and it was she who suggested the lapband, I didn't know anything about it before. AS far as why I eat....I still do not know or how I got here. I have taken wellbutrin and as you know many antidepressants have side effects that are worse than what they are for and the one big one is weight gain, so I had little alternative.

Thankyou for your concern. This has been hard for me...I have stumbled and fell a few times and this is the only place I feel safe and accepted to discuss my fears and hopefully success. I am inspired by the many folks here who are there for each other and me too, so I tell all, and do not worry about judgement and that alone is very freeing. I must say I had a non weight victory today if that is what they call it. This was the first day I actually did some excercise and was able to do half an hour on my tread mill. I may not have been able to get with it in the aug challenge that Cloe started but hopefully I can get with it for Sept.

I thank you for your care and concern.:hug:

Kim

Kimmason, I am 3 different drugs for depression at the moment, it used to be 4, and yep, they really help with weight gain!!!!

woo three different meds for depression..holy crow. what are they? I have worked in psych, and thats alot. Do you have adual diagnosis maybe?

I knwo things liek Zyprexa ( Olanzapine) but etc have huge correlations with weight gain and even diabetes. Chances are you are not taking that med. But I am concerned and I do not want the weight gain and therefore am on wellbutrin.

I am on a cocktail of meds for major depression as well. It's actually a very common approach to treating depression. I take effexor, remeron and seroquel. It played a huge part in my weight gain.

Kimmason - what area of psych do you work in? I have an MA in counselling psychology, but unfortunately with my depression am unable to work and have been on disability for a few years.

Hey Laila

wow you are quite educated with psychology. I f I had to do it all over again, I think I would have gone that same route, but nope, I took nursing, working in emerg/ cardiovascular O.R for a while then labour and delivery for 12 years and now psych for the last 6 years. Whole new world that is for sure.

I am thinking of taking an Imago therapy course this Sept, and hoping that it'll come in handy for marital /individual councilling. What do you think of Imago?

Are you in Toronto? I know of some good shrinks , and as you know they are not all the same and some I would not send my dog too.

woo three different meds for depression..holy crow. what are they? I have worked in psych, and thats alot. Do you have adual diagnosis maybe?

I knwo things liek Zyprexa ( Olanzapine) but etc have huge correlations with weight gain and even diabetes. Chances are you are not taking that med. But I am concerned and I do not want the weight gain and therefore am on wellbutrin.

I am on Wellbutrin, Celexa, and Risperidone at the moment. Oh, and Topamax. Risperidone is fattening, very fattening, but it helped me out of a very bad place. My shrink recently tried to take me off it and things did not go well. It could be worse. I could be on Zyprexa! I was on a super high dose of Effexor and hated it. I have been on antidepressants of one type or another since I was in my 30s. Depression is a big hereditary in our family, eh.

I am on a cocktail of meds for major depression as well. It's actually a very common approach to treating depression. I take effexor, remeron and seroquel. It played a huge part in my weight gain.

Kimmason - what area of psych do you work in? I have an MA in counselling psychology, but unfortunately with my depression am unable to work and have been on disability for a few years.

I tried Remeron. It's a very fattening drug, and it didn't work for me. It allowed me to get too much in touch with my inner rage!:rolleyes When I was on Effexor I couldn't poop. Sometimes I thought I was gonna need a Caesarian! :help:

I've been off work on disability for 3 and half years because of depression. I was out once before for five months.

how the heck am I going to get through this when i am have a fill and crave everything in sight?

You may be suprised. Once I was at a good fill level, I had zero cravings, hunger was not in the forefront of my mind any longer, it was the strangest thing. I too had the same concerns, but the band does help with this to a degree. Do not beat yourself up about this, one thing I always said to mysel;f when I had a bad day with my band, " there is always tomorrow" and with the band in place and with your fills, even when you think you had a bad day and ate too much, it is far less then what you would of eaten pre banding..hang in there, you have no fill yet, once you get your fill things will most likely change for you...Good Luck

well i am here after eating 2 baked pototoes and two lamb chops , now eating some sort of baked chip thing. Geeze this is my pureed portion of the program..YEAH RIGHT! God I hope when I get restrixction that i don't want to eat like I did, will it ever stop????

As for the meds, hmm effexor, I had the weirdest most vivid dreams ever , then she weaned me off and started the effexor. Tried topamax and man within a week I couldn't se the signs on the highway telling me where I was seriously ..so I developed boom, CATARACTS and needed surgery immediately. Sems that in a certain percentage who might get cataracts later in life , the topamax pushes it earlier,, that was not fun as I wasn't allowed to drive then , pretty scary when my life changed in that moment at the doctors office. So off topamax imed, then I told docs I work with who took off their pts. If topamax works for someone at least it doesn't make you hungry.

meds are so subjective aren't they? what works for one, does nothing or gives adverse effects to another.

green, wow, how do you keep the medicaton all straight. I have been taking efexor for about a year now, I dont like to be on medication, but I was so tired and exhausted trying to fight the depression. Now, the way I see it is, thank god we live in a time where we have medications to help us. One day I'll be brave and try to wean myself, but I don't think I'm ready yet.

Keeping the meds straight is pretty easy. Most of 'em I take right before bed so they are on my bedside table. The morning meds I keep by the computer. I am just glad that I have a drug plan.

Green Have you tried to switch from risperdal to geodon? it works basically the same without the weight gain. My son gained 120 lbs in less then 1 yr on risperdal we took him off of that and put him on geodon and topomax and the weight came off and he had wonderful control. Have seen terrific control with other patients as well. Just a suggestion for you and that may help you to get rid of more weight and keep your psych issues under control.

I have just made a note of it. The next time I see my shrink I will ask him. Thanx for the info. Boy, did I ever put on the pounds after I started with risperdol, and yet I do need it. He had me on half rations with the intent of taking me off, and this threw me back in the dumps again. Like I was saying, my family has major problems with depression even though we have absolutely nothing to be depressed about!!

Green I hear you about the history of depression and yet have little to feel depressed about. Interesting times we live in huh? i mean so many popel on depression meds. What is going on? Cloe do not wean yourself from Effexor it can be hell, do it as your doc tells you so you don't have a hard time of it okay? I don't know is it our weight that contibutes to or is thecause of our depression or a side effect of being depressed is the weight gain?

I mean look at me now, banded, liek I am taking care of this busness and still stuffing my face, although I can't get in half of what i used to, even before the restriction, but I have messed up already so many times. I am now on pureed but sick of that so I am eating normally sort of. Anyway correlation definetly between the wirght and depression although i like the depression with the losing weight issues others have. I could've used that for a year or two.

Anyway I am stil goign to try and get to the gym today bt I ahve to take my Newf sophie to the vet and I have a feeling it might be time to put her down.

My advice to you, Cloe, would be slightly different. While you may need to be on antidepressants it is possible that Effexor is the wrong one for you. I found it very difficult to be on. I used to be on Prozac and for many years this worked out really well. Then I crashed big time. Now I am on Celexa and Wellbutrin and a coupla other things, and I am in much better shape. Effexor may simply be the wrong antidepressant for you. You should talk to your doc about this and be prepared to be insistant that you be allowed to try different meds. Drugs that are close relatives of each other chemically speaking can have surprisingly different effects on the human brain chemistry. The human brain is such a finely tuned item. I have tried out many different meds over this past 3 and a half year period, and I have been assessed by many specialists down here in Toronto. I have been told more than once that finding the right drugs is a hit and miss thing and that I will have to be patient. Oh, how this has been true! For sure you must run with your own feelings and hunches and not with what those who stand outside are telling you what you should be feeling. I refer to it as taking my mental temperature.