GonnaBeFit

Well its been about 6 months since my surgery. I have not lost nearly as much as I was hoping, doing nearly as much as I wish I was ... but I'm losing. Thats all that I came into this whole thing for ... to start losing. I have hit goals ... which is awesome! The first one was to just start losing. With having PCOS it was impossible to lose, I had tried, trust me. And it just never happened. So losing anything feels great! The second goal was to get below 200 lbs. I am currently at 198.4!! Not that far below but I still met my goal That one feels awesome too! I have gotten a job so I dont really have time to come on here at all ... I just wanted to update everyone though Keep on truckin' ... it might take a while but its definitely worth it

I'm about 6 months out as well and have hit a plateau also. We can work it out though ... and I have to keep reminding myself that this is weight that I wasnt losing before .. but now I am at least losing! Good luck!

Well I'm back! After my 2.5 weeks in WI visiting my family for a get away from stress and life right now and for Christmas, me and my daughter got back to an empty and messy house. My husband moved out of the house the day we got home. Its an adjustment that's for sure and my daughter is missing her daddy and doesn't understand what is going on. He decided to move in with his girlfriend and I don't want her around that. Anyways its been very stressful and I'm breaking out, losing hair like crazy and still around the same weight. I have my third fill on the 19th and should be at about 5ml when I get it. Hoping its a good amount bc I might be losing my insurance in a short amount of tome due to the divorce. Please pray for me if you know the Lord and keep my daughter in them as well please!

I just got my second fill today and am very cautious about drinking my shake of a dinner LOL ... Everytime is a new experience! Hope it gets a bit better for you!

What a crappy week ... There I said it. I've had a terrible week, in regards to my "husband", our fights, being sick, then being sick of what is going on. But I'm determined to make this next week and the ones to come so much better than the one I just had. In church last night the Pastor was talking about a women that was sexually abused by her father when she was a little girl. Well when she grew up she had so many issues because she couldnt let go of the whole situation. She harbored so much emotion and hatred toward him and the situation. She finally learned to forgive him through the workings of the Holy Spirit and when she told him she forgave him for everything he had done to her, she also asked for his forgiveness for all the hatred and other feelings she had towards him. Then the pastor said something so profound it really touched me. He said "Even though she will never trust him alone with her daughters, she forgave him" ... He even repeated it again. That line has been ringing through my mind ever since. She can forgive him but she doesnt have to put herself in his path of destruction. Even though she can forgive him, doesnt mean she has to be a victim of him. It was like a wake up call I guess for what I'm going through in my marriage. I can forgive but not be a victim. I can forgive him but not be in his path of destruction. I can protect myself by keeping a check of my feelings and my heart ... guarding my heart from his actions. I have control over that. I have control over my feelings! Seeing that I have control over my feelings, then I guess I have control over SOMETHING right? So if I have control over something then I dont have to let everything go spiraling OUT of control. I can have control over my eats .. I can have control over what I put in my mouth and what I do with my body (exercise wise). So here is my new turn ... my new way of thinking. My new "resolve" if you will to not be a victim of anyone ... not even me. I feel like I need to have a plan of action. I am not entirely sure what this plan should look like or include ... probably my diet and exercise of course ... lol ... but besides that, I dont know. I just know that I'm done .... I'm done being a victim, I'm done being all flimsy with my feelings and letting someone else have control over my feelings and I'm done being this freakin heavy. I'm done being fat and I'm done feeling like I have no control over my body. This is my new turn ... a second, sixth, or fourteenth turn actually. But it is my new turn.

Those are awesome ideas! I am starting a job the beginning of the new year and seeing this thread totally helps!!! I will certainly be referring back to it!

I cant tell if thats where I am at right now .. either a slow go or a no go. I feel like I'm at a no go. I know I'm eating less, somewhat better quality of foods ... Just have not done a SparkPeople/Fitday calculations for my eats. I guess I'm too lazy for that ... probably not a good combo for having a LapBand. I just feel completely and utterly TIRED of everything that is going on. I know I am partly depressed because of whats happening in my personal life, exhausted of the go around and waiting and hostility and everything else associated with this crap. I just want it over with. You would think that with everything I am not in control of I would want some type of control over my foods and exercise ... its like its the opposite though. If I cant have control of one then forget having control of any of it. Like I'm giving completely up .. I know its not good. I know its not healthy, physically, mentally, or emotionally. The past three days have just been a living hell pretty much in my marriage (If you have read any of my other blogs you know what I'm talking about). we have just been constantly fighting and everything just seems to be spiraling down like crazy. Its hard right now to look up to God, I dont blame him. I dont hate him for what is going on. I know that God is in control, I just dont like the road. God never said we would be completely happy with what he gives us. I guess I'm in a funk .. I need out. I Just cant wait to get to my parents for Christmas and get away from the negativity here. It really is wearing me down, feels like its beating me down actually ... So I have my second fill on the 16th. I doubt she will be very liberal with it ... infact she will probably be very conservative, probably 1ml again. That will do nothing for me .. It did nothing last time. I'm able to eat whatever I want. I need restriction to help me ... I need peace, I need positivity.

That really funny because it tickled me too! I didnt get numbed in the area beforehand ... she just inserted the needle and I was laughing the whole time! Your not weird ... or maybe we both are just weird.

good luck with the exercises. there are lots of possibilities for exercise

I gained weight back as well .. I had lost 30 lbs then started eating real food again and i gained almost 10 back ... its very hard to get that weight off ... i've been hovering around the 20 lbs loss mark and its driving me insane. I wish i had some advice for me but I have nothing I feel like going back to the liquid so i can lose some weight!

Thank you all! I thought everyone should see things the way I did yesterday ... Maybe it will help some people feel better.

So of course I dont like my body. I got the lapband for a reason. As long as I can remember I've been semi-obsessed with losing weight and getting to be "skinny" and fit into skinny jeans etc. I want to look hot and feel hot and be hot. I was always, and still am to a point, jealous of all my skinny friends and all the cute clothes they could wear, and how all the boys liked them and not me. The result this mind set has on me is not really the best ... It makes me feel really discouraged, disappointed and even like I am a failure because I have been overweight since I hit puberty. I used to feel worthless and unlovable because of my size. I've recently come to the realization, even though I have had this head knowledge for a long time, that God loves me just the way I am. He created me in HIS image. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, no matter what this stupid PCOS or I have done to my body. Today during my devotions the ending question/reflection point was to ask God where you have discontentment in your life and for his help to overcome it, come through it, etc. So I was praying and all I could think about is my weight. The verse I read right before the question was talking about how fearfully and wonderfully made we are and we should know it full well. My weight and being fearfully and WONDERFULLY made doesnt really seem like it goes together but I realized it does. God made me fearfully and wonderfully made, no matter my hair color or how I cut my hair, no matter my weight or what clothes I wear. No matter what I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I need to know it full well. It is not about getting down to a certain weight on the scale, or a certain size ... God is not worried about trivial stuff like that. God is more concerned with my heart and of course if I am healthy enough to do His work. So my new take on everything is that I will not focus on the size I want to be. I will not focus on the scale. I will focus on my health, eating the proper food and in the proper portions. I will focus on being active and keeping my heart and lungs healthy. I will focus on making sure my muscles can do the jobs God has planned for me. I will focus on keeping my body in good condition so when God says go, I can go and not worry about my body not taking me there! How freeing it is to not be tied to the scale or those cute little jeans I saw at the store. How freeing it is to be tied to God We are ALL fearfully and wonderfully made and we should ALL know it full well!!!

You look so great in those pictures Beth!! Sounds like you had an amazing vacation!!!

Nancy, so sorry about your port flipping! Hopefully everything will be fine after this surgery and you will get the results you want! Good luck!

Hi KatieJane ... yes I just had my first fill the week before Thanksgiving. She only gave me 1ml though so it was basically nothing. I didnt feel any change in my appetite or restriction. My next one is the 16th of Dec and I'm hoping to get more than 1ml ...

Hi everyone. I was banded the 19th of Oct. Originally I lost 30 lbs in about three weeks but when i started eating real foods I gained about 10 back. Very discouraging for me and I'm having a rough time trying to lose again. I really need some kind of overhall but I dont know what to do. I could really use some accountability and support right now. Great job to everyone that is having success right now!

Wow ... I'm completely lost! I knew there was some trouble with the site around the 20th because it seemed like no one was posting. Then I wasnt getting any e-mails saying anyone submitted a blog (at least the ones that I'm subscribed to). This is definitely going to take getting used to. A lot has happened recently since my last post ... besides the reformat of the site, all of these things contribute to the "WOAH" title of this blog. To begin with, my first fill went really well .. it was VERY conservative, only 1 ml and I felt nothing at all. She didnt want to do a lot since it was the week before Thanksgiving (I hope everyone had a great one by the way). I still feel no restriction though and cant wait for my second one, but I'm assuming it will still be just 1 ml since it will be right before Christmas. I really want to feel restriction though ... I feel like I dont even have the band and I feel that if I dont feel like I have it, how is it working for me? I'm stuck at 210 and not moving ... I'm supposed to be moving ... thats the whole point in getting this 30,000+ dollar surgery that put me out of commission for 2+ weeks to include complications and a trip to the ER ... when am I going to see more benefits of it? when am I going to fall in love my band? (Wow he really needs a name lol) Number two Woah ... it was my 31 st birthday on the 23rd. I thought it was going to suck. Seriously ... my husband decided to go to see his family for thanksgiving without me and our daughter. Granted he wants nothing to do with me right now and I was told last week that he would be filing for divorce when he came back, praying he doesnt though! Anyways, I had no hopes for a nice birthday at all. but to my amazement it was one of the best birthdays i've ever had that i can remember! a friend took me out to lunch and then to get our nails done. again to my amazement she paid for me to get a full set of gel nails .. how freakin nice was that?! her daughter watched my daughter and when we got back to her house my daughter brought me a beaded bracelet she made me and a handmade, hand written by my 4 year old birthday card. it said happy birthday mommy i love you and she drew and colored a heart! my own heart just about melted! that was the first gift and card she has ever made me!! my mommy meter went through the roof!! well my daughter decided that i needed a cake because well .. it was my birthday. how could she sing happy birthday to me if there was no cake so we went to walmart and she picked out a cake (a single slice cake) and we shared it after we ate dominos pizza ( thin sliced and i ate chicken wings). after that we cuddled on the couch and watched movies... it was the most perfect day which i could not have imagined going that well at all ... OH and i've been searching for jobs like crazy and walmart and mcd's didnt even call for an interview but a college called for a secretarial position on my birthday! I was like YAY!!! such a great day! Unfortunately that great day was followed by thanksgiving ... it was really hard for me because i had no family to spend it with, no great close friends to spend it with. i felt all alone and like no one cared for me at all ... i dont feel like my husbands family cares for me .. i know they love me but it just doesnt seem like they do. it was really hard thinking that he was with his familyl having the grandest time and i was stuck at home with no one. like i was the one being punished for standing for my marriage. i know that just lies and i cant believe them ... but it was just really hard. well i went to two dinners that night ... ate very slow and mostly protein and veggies and the dinners were a few hours apart. the first dinner was .. eh, i didnt really know alot of people and i was just totally bumming from earlier in the day. the second dinner was with a friend and her family who moved a way 4 years ago and just recently moved back and we hadnt been able to connect until last night. it was really great to see her and talk to her again. we used to meet up for lunches all the time when she worked at the local hospital as a social worker in the behavioral health dept. i was really wanting to talk to her about everything going on with my hubs and get her intake on it. anyways, we talked and my daughter got to play with her daughter, and we just had a nice evening. thank God my second dinner was better than the first, and i went home in a much better mood i went there in. its just really nice to reconnect with people. i hope we can keep close. tomorrow we are going to a boat parade on the river together which should be fun. sorry this is so long, i really need to keep up with blogging. i am having some problems with the whole no restriction and feeling like i dont have the band. i'm trying to limit my portions, trying to eat better but some things just seem to make it past my lips and then i regret it later. if i could do this without the band i wouldnt have gotten it ... so why am doing it with the band but feel nothing?? is this what they call banders hell?? I never really knew what that referred to .. but if this is it ... then i'm in it!

Thank you SO much for posting this question and all the replies! My nutritionist at the Surgeons office told me to eat 4oz of lean protein with 2 oz of fruit OR veggies three times a day. The first time I measured out the 4 oz of chicken or steak I just about died ... it covers about half my plate! NEVER have I ever seen anywhere in nutrition books etc to eat half a plate full of meat! LOL Then a few days ago I saw that it said 1 cup of food when I measured the 4 oz and I just about died again! Its so much food and now I'm worried its going to be stretching my pouch. Does anyones surgeon say to eat this way??

Well for one, I dont think you are over reacting. You just had major surgery and have a foreign object in your stomach. I think we would all agree that some sort of caution and worry is warranted. The two week appt is normal ... so dont worry about that. Next time you call the office, see if you can speak with the nurse they have there or the PA ... Dont mention your problem until you talk with someone that might know something As far as the surgeon not really being on top of things, maybe next time you talk with you can express your concern and see if he can be a bit better in the future. I sure do hope you feel better though and get that cough taken care of!!

Good luck Erin! My parents and closest friends were very supportive as well because they have seen the struggle I've gone through, and seen how I can eat well and exercise and nothing happens. I'm glad you have a support system there for you! As for the people that dont approve, you have the right mind set. Just dont tell them. I told one person who said if I just work at it and try different things I would succeed at losing weight and that "God doesnt want us to mess with our bodies like that" .... now she is extremely over weight herself and has tattoos LOL So I dont get how she can say that. I prayed about it and finally got the lapband and felt like God really wantd me to get it and it was his will for this to happen. Needless to say I never told her I got it, never told her I was thinking more about it ... its your business and you can tell who ever you want or no one We are all here for you! Good luck with everything!!

I know exactly how you feel. My husband has been deployed three times and sometimes I just lose my cool. I'm frustrated with him being gone and I take it out on my daughter, for stupid things actually. At those times it just seems like everything is working against you. You are right though, you are more deserving of all that and you are the one that needs to make yourself happy. Way to go on realizing that too .. I think that is the first step!!

Dadkins .. thank you!! And your right, I need to continue to put myself first and cut myself some slack I think. This whole thing is such a process! Knoebel .. I think you need to start blogging. Its such a comfort to have people HERE that know what you are going through when no one in your personal life does. That really stinks about your husband but what does he know about what you are going through? When I get "depressed" about how I am handling things, my diet or exercise for example, I tend to withdraw and not come on here because its like I want to wallow in my own self pity. And if I come here people would uplift me and encourage me and point me in the right direction. I think right now we both need that! This morning as I was talking to myself in my head (LOL) I decided that I needed to come on here more. To blog more about what is going on in my life and how what I do is affecting my eating. I need the accountability that this board provides that no one else in my life does. Oh and I agree with the new set up .. it looks real pretty but its hard to get the hang of it. Have you figured out how to get to your blog yet? If not I can help you find it