Regain after reaching goal

[SpartanMaker 1,360]

We've had a number of veterans that have come back here recently after getting to goal (or mostly to goal), but then life got in the way and they had a significant amount of regain. I wanted to ask those that have gone through this, what thoughts you have for the rest of us on how to prevent the regain?

It's easy for someone like me that's not faced this to think "it's easy, if regain starts, just do xyz", but I know it's never that simple. Maybe said differently, in hindsight would you have done anything differently? I know some of you went through some really rough Patches mentally & emotionally and your health took a back seat. Maybe your options were limited and you might not have been able to do much about it. I still think it would be nice to hear what thoughts you have for the rest of us that maybe have not faced this (yet).

[Dub 10,027]

Anyone who has ever flown commercial has seen the safety briefing, right ?

"In the case of cabin pressure drop....an air mask will lower itself in front of each passenger.....put your own in place before helping those beside you"

Took me quite a while to realize that our own personal health condition is no different.

The WLS provided a wild ride for about three years. Surgery yield excellent weight loss results. Faster than I was ready for. I didn't make the best of decisions and never missed the opportunity to go have fun.

One day....I woke up from the hubris and took inventory. My marriage had somehow survived...as it had survived tough times well prior. I was a dad to an insanely gifted son. I had a good job surrounded by great people. Mostly, though....my wife was there at my side and patiently waiting for me to get my head extracted from my arse.

I did.

We then had what can only be described as the best years of our marriage....like we were dating again. I was blessed and the first to acknowledge such.

She had some health issues arise and we discovered it was worse than we were expecting. Diagnosis was cancer....treatment began right away but it was a terminal diagnosis. She fought hard...superhuman efforts. Her pain tolerance was Simply Beyond my compression. Cancer took her in April of 2021.

I maintained my promise to her to keep on with the sobriety.

I failed in most other ways. I had zero desire to cook as it was too painful. Anytime I'd try the sense of loss would be overpowering. We had so many fun times in and around the kitchen....I'd cook and she'd help me clean up my mess. Music always on....every day together was alike a date night.

I remain so very grateful to have been given those recent great years together....but I chickened out when it involved anything we'd once do together. No cooking of anything other than maybe a quick breakfast.....no music....no movies or shows we once enjoyed, no gym, no maintaining of friendships......just went to work each day and came home....existing off fast food and vending machine garbage at work.

Three and a half years went on like that.

As the fourth anniversary of her death loomed, I once again took inventory. What I acknowledged was ugly. The mirror sucked, the way most of my clothes fit sucked, my annual checkups with our primary care doc sucked....and I owned every single bit of it. I owned all that suck.

I also knew that she would kick my ass for letting myself give up like I had. I've never quit anything in my life....yet there I was....quitting on pretty much everything. I pissed myself off so badly.

I made the decision to crawl outa that hole and do what she would have me do if she was here to push & pull on me to get my shyt together. She fought so hard to live....and there I was... giving up...no fight, no attempt, just giving up like a punk.

So things began to improve greatly when I started jumping on what I could gain control of. My health was a perfect place to start.....

And so it has been going the last few months. Daily macros are improving more each day. Essentially Keto but am supplementing with fish oil, Fiber, turmeric, powdered greens, multi-vitamins.....trying to shore up every aspect of daily good stuff taken in. I flipped the collective bird to all the fast food restaurants and their drive thru windows. Screw 'em all.

Found the stereo again....whether in the truck or at the house. There is music.

Took over the yardwork....and there is a pile of it needed.

Joined a gym. Bought some new ear buds and gym clothes....and a heap more new music.

In short.....I acknowledged that throwing my own health away was what had been selfish......taking control of it was imperative.

The loss is still there....but my response to it is now different.

Now I am doing much more to honor her by living as she wanted me to. She wanted me to live....all aspects of living.

Health first, foremost and always.......and the other aspects of living are becoming more clear each day.

Life is a gift. Squandering that gift is a crime.

Longwinded answer.

[NeonRaven8919 587]

32 minutes ago, Dub said:

Anyone who has ever flown commercial has seen the safety briefing, right ?

"In the case of cabin pressure drop....an air mask will lower itself in front of each passenger.....put your own in place before helping those beside you"

Took me quite a while to realize that our own personal health condition is no different.

The WLS provided a wild ride for about three years. Surgery yield excellent weight loss results. Faster than I was ready for. I didn't make the best of decisions and never missed the opportunity to go have fun.

One day....I woke up from the hubris and took inventory. My marriage had somehow survived...as it had survived tough times well prior. I was a dad to an insanely gifted son. I had a good job surrounded by great people. Mostly, though....my wife was there at my side and patiently waiting for me to get my head extracted from my arse.

I did.

We then had what can only be described as the best years of our marriage....like we were dating again. I was blessed and the first to acknowledge such.

She had some health issues arise and we discovered it was worse than we were expecting. Diagnosis was cancer....treatment began right away but it was a terminal diagnosis. She fought hard...superhuman efforts. Her pain tolerance was Simply Beyond my compression. Cancer took her in April of 2021.

I maintained my promise to her to keep on with the sobriety.

I failed in most other ways. I had zero desire to cook as it was too painful. Anytime I'd try the sense of loss would be overpowering. We had so many fun times in and around the kitchen....I'd cook and she'd help me clean up my mess. Music always on....every day together was alike a date night.

I remain so very grateful to have been given those recent great years together....but I chickened out when it involved anything we'd once do together. No cooking of anything other than maybe a quick breakfast.....no music....no movies or shows we once enjoyed, no gym, no maintaining of friendships......just went to work each day and came home....existing off fast food and vending machine garbage at work.

Three and a half years went on like that.

As the fourth anniversary of her death loomed, I once again took inventory. What I acknowledged was ugly. The mirror sucked, the way most of my clothes fit sucked, my annual checkups with our primary care doc sucked....and I owned every single bit of it. I owned all that suck.

I also knew that she would kick my ass for letting myself give up like I had. I've never quit anything in my life....yet there I was....quitting on pretty much everything. I pissed myself off so badly.

I made the decision to crawl outa that hole and do what she would have me do if she was here to push & pull on me to get my shyt together. She fought so hard to live....and there I was... giving up...no fight, no attempt, just giving up like a punk.

So things began to improve greatly when I started jumping on what I could gain control of. My health was a perfect place to start.....

And so it has been going the last few months. Daily macros are improving more each day. Essentially Keto but am supplementing with fish oil, Fiber, turmeric, powdered greens, multi-vitamins.....trying to shore up every aspect of daily good stuff taken in. I flipped the collective bird to all the fast food restaurants and their drive thru windows. Screw 'em all.

Found the stereo again....whether in the truck or at the house. There is music.

Took over the yardwork....and there is a pile of it needed.

Joined a gym. Bought some new ear buds and gym clothes....and a heap more new music.

In short.....I acknowledged that throwing my own health away was what had been selfish......taking control of it was imperative.

The loss is still there....but my response to it is now different.

Now I am doing much more to honor her by living as she wanted me to. She wanted me to live....all aspects of living.

Health first, foremost and always.......and the other aspects of living are becoming more clear each day.

Life is a gift. Squandering that gift is a crime.

Longwinded answer.

That's a wonderful, but sad, story. It's also incredibly happy. You find your way through the darkness and that's incredible!

[Georgia 2,911]

Regain is easy, but it can be totally controlled with the right mindset. It’s been 15 years since I had gastric sleeve surgery done lost 100 pounds within eight months and stayed there for a good while I would go up and down 15 to 20 pounds every couple years the only thing that ever works for me is low-carb or Keto so that’s what I do. I jump back on the bandwagon. Make sure I Watched my snacking and sliders as everybody knows what those are and get it off this last year I did a GLP one and lost the final 30 pounds below my original goal. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m 71 years old going strong travel often enjoy life the best thing I’ve ever done Healthwise and just Let’s be honest good for your pride you can do it. It’s just a tool and we have to work it. Go team go.

[SpartanMaker 1,360]

3 hours ago, Georgia said:

Regain is easy, but it can be totally controlled with the right mindset. It’s been 15 years since I had gastric sleeve surgery done lost 100 pounds within eight months and stayed there for a good while I would go up and down 15 to 20 pounds every couple years the only thing that ever works for me is low-carb or Keto so that’s what I do. I jump back on the bandwagon. Make sure I Watched my snacking and sliders as everybody knows what those are and get it off this last year I did a GLP one and lost the final 30 pounds below my original goal. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m 71 years old going strong travel often enjoy life the best thing I’ve ever done Healthwise and just Let’s be honest good for your pride you can do it. It’s just a tool and we have to work it. Go team go.

Thanks for your post!

To be clear, I'm not fighting regain, I'm more trying to hone in on understanding what those that faced it would have done differently. I'm especially interested in those that regained a lot. A common theme for some of these folks has been significant life events and I'm curious if they feel they would have done anything differently given the chance?

Edited May 30 by SpartanMaker

[SpartanMaker 1,360]

@Dub My heart goes out to you.

I honestly suspect I wouldn't have handled it as well as you. I do worry sometimes that I could end up in the same situation since my wife does not exercise and is pretty heavy. Her health seems okay for now, but I doubt that will last considering her health risks.

I'm trying (gently), to encourage healthier behaviors, but it's slow going.

Anyway, I'm so glad you're back here and working to get your health back! Our health is a gift. It's one I didn't value for the longest time. Now, I recognize it's the most precious thing I have.

[learn2cook 628]

@Dub it takes great courage and dedication to admit mistakes and do the work. I don’t even know you and I’m so proud of you!

It looks like you needed to include one thing, music, and once that was reestablished, you could keep the ball rolling. I agree. I pick one thing when the major sh!t happens. First feel, then breathe, or drink Water, or sing. I have to let it re-habit, then I can add more good choices once it’s a habit. You’ve got this!

[WendyJane 62]

@Dub That was an incredibly moving story.

One thing I have learned is that therapy is important and community is therapy. To deal with being mindful and keeping the focus, I attend groups several times a week through BariNation. It has my people, like this forum does but with medical/psychological experts and meet ups with others. Just being and sharing helps keep from the regain as well. I spend less on food now, so I use that for my membership. My health has improved, I feel better mentally and emotionally, and feel useful again as I get treatment, and am helpful with my fellow Bari Friends at BariNation. I have yet to get what I get from BariNation anywhere else, and believe me I have searched and today I am calm and happy because as I said, community is therapy, and once you find your people, you know you are where you belong. This forum is good, but it isn't live. There is so many life lessons we will deal with as we live our lives and we need the capacity to handle those that come our way. Have some love for yourself and just try it. Be mindful and help to minimize stress through compassion and fun through BariNation.MN.CO

[BlondePatriotInCDA 593]

On 5/30/2025 at 11:20 AM, SpartanMaker said:

@Dub My heart goes out to you.

I honestly suspect I wouldn't have handled it as well as you. I do worry sometimes that I could end up in the same situation since my wife does not exercise and is pretty heavy. Her health seems okay for now, but I doubt that will last considering her health risks.

I'm trying (gently), to encourage healthier behaviors, but it's slow going.

Anyway, I'm so glad you're back here and working to get your health back! Our health is a gift. It's one I didn't value for the longest time. Now, I recognize it's the most precious thing I have.

I appreciate your post, its an opportunity to understand human nature and the constant struggles we have fighting the basic life requirement to eat. That being said, I would like to ask fellow forum members the following questions if they too have had/have their other half going down the same paths... seeing your wife having weight/health issues and what others do/say/handle that situation.

My husband eats like a 12 year old boy. He knows it, he told his doctor the same thing (his doctor laughed and said he eats the same way). His BMI (I know its not a great metric but its the easiest and most ppl understand it) is 29.98. I've explained obese is 30.00. He says he gets "plenty of exercise" because he walks 12 miles a day, which he does (mail carrier). I say that's moving NOT exercise since its nothing more than a long stroll, not getting his heart rate up.

So, my question like what Spartan says how do you help someone see the light? Yes, I realize its like everything else each person has to come to the realization on their own, but how can we help the process along, after all time doesn't stand still and no one is getting younger. I try to get him to eat the meals I prepare, but its not what he "likes": cereals, processed foods i.e. hot dogs, fast food, candy and soda.

He has tried dieting, it lasts less than a day or he only "eats a half bowl of sugary Cereal until I point out that a serving is 1/4 cup and his half a bowl is 4 servings...etc. What have you tried, done said etc., on your journey to bring your other half kicking and screaming into a healthier lifestyle that worked? I don't want anger or alienate my husband, but do you just stand back and continue to let someone you love keep pulling the trigger?

[SpartanMaker 1,360]

4 hours ago, BlondePatriotInCDA said:

What have you tried, done said etc., on your journey to bring your other half kicking and screaming into a healthier lifestyle that worked? I don't want anger or alienate my husband, but do you just stand back and continue to let someone you love keep pulling the trigger?

Oh man, this is tough!

I'd love to hear what others think, since if I was great at this, I wouldn't be in the same boat! That said, I will throw some ideas your way. 😁

Fundamentally, what we're talking about here is NOT forcing someone else to change, since that's impossible. Instead, what we have to do is help them realize that THEY need to make a change.

I think there are a couple of models that would be useful to understand. This first is called the "Health Belief Model". This states that it's underlying beliefs and emotions about health behaviours and health risks that influence a decision to make a change.

Beliefs about health risks are further influenced by the individual's perceived susceptibility and their understanding of the potential seriousness of the risk. For example, if you believe you are at high risk of a heart attack or stroke and you believe these are potentially life-threatening events, then you are much more likely to think that you need to make a change.

The other key factor is your beliefs about health behaviors. Let's say you want to do something about your heart attack risk. You'll evaluate various health behaviors and will consciously or subconsciously grade them based on your own beliefs about the potential benefits of a specific behavior, as well as your beliefs about any barriers you foresee. An example might be acknowledging that a better diet would help, all the while highlighting all the reasons you can't change your diet or why it's too late for you to change.

The takeaway for any of us trying to influence loved ones to change is that we can't actually force the change. What we can do is help them see the risks and benefits of changing, all the while also helping eliminate any barriers they see.

The second model that I think is worth thinking about is called the "Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change" (often abbreviated TTM). Some of you may have also heard of this one called the "Stages of Change Model". The basic idea is that there are several major stages we go through in changing behaviors. In order:

1. Precontemplation. At this stage, the person is either unaware, or under-aware of the problem (or believe it can't be solved). If the person is at this stage, about the best you can do is help them see the need to make changes. IMO, this works best if it's subtle. Maybe it's talking about the coworker that just had a heart attack. Maybe it's pointing out a news article you found interesting about a health topic. Maybe it's just modeling healthy behaviors so they have a reference point. Again, keep in mind that you can't force the change and telling them they need to change won't work either. It has to be their idea. You can only help them see the need to change and help them clear barriers.
2. Contemplation. If they are at this stage, the battle is almost won. Here they are aware of the problem and are thinking through the pros and cons of various changes. At this point, they really don't know what to do to address the issue yet, so they may be ready to seek out expert advice or support. One of the best things I personally think you can do at this stage is help them find this additional support. Keep in mind that even if you are an expert in diet, exercise, or whatever, help and opinions from an outsider are often valued much higher.
3. Preparation. This stage is when they actively start trying to make plans to change, but have not actually made any changes yet. My best advice here is to make sure they start small because a lot of people try to overhaul everything at once and it's just too much. Slow, sustainable changes are always going to work best.
4. Action. Here they've actually started to make changes. It's really easy for them to get derailed here, so they're going to need your support to stick with it.
5. Maintenance. At this point, the changes have become habit and are much more likely to become permanent. What they need from you at this point is encouragement.
6. Relapse. This isn't inevitable, but preparing for it is worthwhile. (And see, this even comes back to the original topic! ) Obviously if this does happen, being there to help them work through restarting is imperative. Even if they don't relapse, it can be useful to do some thinking ahead of time about what sort of things might derail their new health behavior and then making plans ahead of time to keep it from happening. For example, holidays, travel, or being sick or injured are common examples of things that can cause relapse even in someone that's been successful for a while.

Happy to explore more specific ideas, but this post feels overly long already!

Best of luck!

Edited June 4 by SpartanMaker
grammatical errors