Think yourselves to be 100 lbs heavier? I am now 184, and have been in one-derland for a while, but when I think about my weight, the brain clicks to 284...can't seem to reset the counter, even the clothes are obviously much smaller.

For so many years I don't think I saw myself as heavy as I was/am and now I just don't see myself as anything, I know that sounds nuts. I don't look in the mirror much, hate to have my pic taken. I have no idea what people see when they see me. This is all such a weird thing. I hope when I lose a LOT of weight that I will see a difference or that I will see SOMEBODY. Cause right now I just see a nobody in a big body with a very double chin, that I usually don't even want to put make up on. There are so many things that would change for me to lose the weight and to be healthy. I want to CARE about my appearance. I want to WANT to look in the mirror, I want to PROUDLY have pics taken with my beautiful grandchildren.

Vicki You will!! You will want to look at yourself in the mirror in awe of who you see there. You will want to take pictures with your grandkids! You will want to look your best and emphasize the new great features of the new you because you worked so hard to get there and earn the right to show it off. I was just like you! I wore make up only when I had to, I wore my clothes big and baggy. I never exercised. I hated myself, rarely had me in any pictures. I felt like a nonentity that no one but my family cared about. The list of things goes one, but today things are better. It has been 4 1/2 months and at 77 pounds down with 39 to go to goal of 145 to go, I see things changing for the positive. Do I still think of myself as beautiful? No, but I see that I am not ugly and disgusting as I did before. I now ask my husband to take pictures of me, he finds that amusing but does it anyway. Do I love my body? No but I don't hate and I am more forgiving of my imperfections than I was before. I exercise often and do it for me, not for anyone else. I try to wear clothes that fit, which is hard obviously, but I try because it helps me to feel better about me and others notice the positive changes as well so I get positive feedback from others which helps my self-esteem. I am still very insecure and worried about still be the ugly lonely one when this is all over and still wont have friends and that honestly they did not like me because of my personality not my weight and the connected baggage I carried with that. I was not a secure strong positive person while I was fat, I felt less-than and allowed others to treat me the same. Now I mostly feel positive, but there are days I still feel fat and that I will never meet my goals and I will just look saggy so who cares, but those days are getting less and less as I drop down. I am afraid of regaining the weight because I don't want to go back to that person, I want to be who I knew I was before.

Right before getting on the scale I will say come on 284 umm no I mean 184 for example. my mind just does not want to drop that 2 and change it to a 1. HAHA I have been in the 200s for 24 plus years so of course it does not want to accept I have changed, but it will.

I am now almost down to my high school weight when I weighed 182, and the lowest I ever was was after high school when I got married at 145, so I can not wait to get there again and maybe one pound less.

But I am trying really hard to be happy in the moment with who I am and not expect the weight loss to make me happy, even though it is certainly happening and partly because it is giving me the confidence to be me and not feel so judged and found wanting by those around me.

Thank you Ellie that really meant a lot and made a lot of sense. I can so identify with everything you said..

I hear you guys loud and clear...i relate to a lot of what you have said

Vicki You will!! You will want to look at yourself in the mirror in awe of who you see there. You will want to take pictures with your grandkids! You will want to look your best and emphasize the new great features of the new you because you worked so hard to get there and earn the right to show it off. I was just like you! I wore make up only when I had to' date=' I wore my clothes big and baggy. I never exercised. I hated myself, rarely had me in any pictures. I felt like a nonentity that no one but my family cared about. The list of things goes one, but today things are better. It has been 4 1/2 months and at 77 pounds down with 39 to go to goal of 145 to go, I see things changing for the positive. Do I still think of myself as beautiful? No, but I see that I am not ugly and disgusting as I did before. I now ask my husband to take pictures of me, he finds that amusing but does it anyway. Do I love my body? No but I don't hate and I am more forgiving of my imperfections than I was before. I exercise often and do it for me, not for anyone else. I try to wear clothes that fit, which is hard obviously, but I try because it helps me to feel better about me and others notice the positive changes as well so I get positive feedback from others which helps my self-esteem. I am still very insecure and worried about still be the ugly lonely one when this is all over and still wont have friends and that honestly they did not like me because of my personality not my weight and the connected baggage I carried with that. I was not a secure strong positive person while I was fat, I felt less-than and allowed others to treat me the same. Now I mostly feel positive, but there are days I still feel fat and that I will never meet my goals and I will just look saggy so who cares, but those days are getting less and less as I drop down. I am afraid of regaining the weight because I don't want to go back to that person, I want to be who I knew I was before.

Right before getting on the scale I will say come on 284 umm no I mean 184 for example. my mind just does not want to drop that 2 and change it to a 1. HAHA I have been in the 200s for 24 plus years so of course it does not want to accept I have changed, but it will.

I am now almost down to my high school weight when I weighed 182, and the lowest I ever was was after high school when I got married at 145, so I can not wait to get there again and maybe one pound less.

But I am trying really hard to be happy in the moment with who I am and not expect the weight loss to make me happy, even though it is certainly happening and partly because it is giving me the confidence to be me and not feel so judged and found wanting by those around me.[/quote']

I love your positive ways of thinking & I feel the same. I'm having issues with acne & several dry skin that it's noticeable on my face. Make up can't cover it since it's in chunk lits like having dandruff on your face instead of your hair. I use a lot of lotion. Sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn't. That's why I haven't updated my photo.