Parent teacher conferance

Mita · March 11, 2005

As most of you know I had to put my son on Meds for his ADDHD well we met with his teachers last night and I am very Proud to say that he has exceded their expectations.

He is doing so well is right on track for second grade. Of course he has to fine tune his behavior but overall they are pretty impressed with the person they are seeing. He is very smart but you would never know it when he is playing the class clown..

Thanks to all LBT members for your help.

Ladie - We were at the book fair after the conferance he says " I just want you to be proud of me and show me more love it makes me happy" Not like I showed him anyless mind you but the extra hugs and the extra I love you's are working. He was very happy with himself. :Bunny

Iluvharleys · March 11, 2005

Wow, that is great news! Thanks for letting us know, I know you are proud of him.

Mita · March 11, 2005

Congrats Nana that is awesome. I know what you mean about being in the office all time.

Thanks Betty

donali · March 11, 2005

"I just want you to be proud of me and show me more love it makes me happy"

I'm no child psychologist, and I don't have children of my own, but this statement raises red flags for me. Even if YOU know that you don't love him any more/less, HE thinks you love him more when he is successful.

I personally would try to make sure it is VERY clear to him that you have always loved him the same, whether he does well or not - your love for him never changes. However, you are much more pleased when he is doing well.

I think this is a hard concept for most people to understand - the difference between "love" and "pleased". I know a lot of my own personal issues with standing up for myself revolve around the fear of not being loved...

And if he perceives that you hug him and tell him you love him MORE when he's doing well, he WILL equate that to the amount you actually love him, even if it is not true. And he may subconsciously learn that withholding signs of affection is an appropriate disciplinary-type action.

Of course, how a person can continue to show the same amounts of love when they're extremely displeased as opposed to when they're extremely pleased is something I'm not sure how to do. I've heard people say, "I love you very much, but I am very displeased/disappointed/angered by your behaviour..."

It is STILL difficult for me to believe that if I DON'T please someone that they will still love me just the same...

Just my 2 cents, for what it may or may not be worth...

Vera · March 11, 2005

First of all Congratulations, It’s a very hard decision to put children on drugs. I believe I had or even still have some form of ADD. I know I could have done better in school if I possibly had been treated.

I also have a 2nd grader, Roxanne and even thou she’s an excellent student, as parents were noticing some dyslexia with numbers, it’s very minor, but were aware.

Donali, I appreciate your views of Love and Pleasing. I try to show equal unconditional love to both my children. Even with a 3 year old boy who is very loving. We, (SO) and I try to promote a strong emotional foundation “big boys can cry”. It creates an open relationship.

My SO is one of the most open, emotional people I know. He has deep feelings that I’ve never seen in any man before.

Having children has taught me alot, I think back how I was raised, and there's no comparision.

Mita · March 11, 2005

You are right Donali,

We are on going in that area. It is not frequent that he will express him self that way.

I now have more time with him in the mornings because I take him to school and pick him up so we are talking more so hopefully I can needle in on how he really feels and Why and make sure that he feels more secure.

donali · March 11, 2005

Thanks for not being offended over my concern.

The funny thing is, I FEEL like my parents did everything right - they never withheld affection, were always participatory in my life, and yet... I still ended up with a low self-image/self-esteem in some areas of my life, and some other emotional baggage I honestly cannot blame on them.

And then I meet people whose home lifes were a nightmare, who seem to have no emotional baggage whatsoever...

Your son is a very lucky little guy, and I'm glad he's able to experience the rewards of success so early in his life, and that he's really picking up on that positive reinforcement.