Post Op Reflections

I think that this is the first time that I've really paused to reflect back on my surgical experience and I am feeling very humbled. It was therapeutic for me to spend the time to read so many stories and experiences and to feel like I am among people who understand what I am going through and how I am feeling. So much of my focus has just been on getting through the day to day of ensuring I meet my water and protein goals that I haven't really fully absorbed that this is my life now. Honestly, this was the best decision that I ever made for myself, and I wish that I had done it years ago. I had been mulling it over for several years, but was too afraid at the time to really commit to it. It took my doctor sitting me down and bluntly telling me that I can either accept that I will be obese for the rest of my life, or I can give surgery a chance. For me, in that moment, the decision felt so clear. I am looking forward to moving forward!

Although the reality was that it was a long process to get to surgery day, it feels as though it went by in a blur. Just moments of that whole hospital experience stand out like still-frames in my mind: Slowly pulling on the surgical gown, smoothing the cap over my hair, being wheeled through the hospital, the surgeon greeting me outside the surgical suite and the feel of her hand patting mine, asking the OR nurse about the lights on the ceiling, waking up and being told to breathe, the feeling like my mouth was full of cotton and the sweet relief of the ice chips in the PACU, bleeding through my dressings every time I got up, choking down the crushed pills in watery cherry jello, my sister holding my hand. It was all over so fast. I will say this, it consistently gets better the further out I get.