FunTracy

I am currently 37, a Mom of 3.  I have 2 teenagers (a boy and a girl) and a newborn son.  My children are and have always been the center of my world.  I have always been a bit on the bigger side but could get away with looking "average" with the right outfit.  My stomach was flat when I needed it to be...   I've always been curvy where it counted however. When I weighed 200 pounds people would guess my weight to be 170 and sometimes less.  I have always carried my weight well.  My weight never kept me from doing anything or experiencing anything for many years. When I would go out with friends I always felt attractive and never had a problem attracting attention from men.

I would say this all started to changed in 2001 when I quit smoking.  I gained 50 pounds in what seems to be overnight.  Over the next 9 or so years I gained an additional 50 pounds making my grand weight gain of 100 pounds in a matter of 9 years.  I am married to the best man on earth.  My weight doesn't bother him.  In fact he tells me all of the time how beautiful and sexy I am.  He is always kissing me, whispering in my ear something sweet and copping a feel whenever he can.  I am very blessed.Over those 9 years I found myself hanging back from doing something fun, I now sit on the sidelines when I used to be part of the show.  I no longer go on rides at amusement parks, I dread taking my kids to water parks knowing I have to get into a swimming suit.  I just don't participate in life like I used to.  I know I have been passed up on jobs or promotions because of my weight.  I even keep my opinions to myself many times thinking that my perspective won't be considered because I can't be taken seriously as a fat person. I recently found out that my older kids have been teased about my size from some of the kids on the high school wrestling team my son is on. That broke my heart.  Though I can't take any of that back, I am hoping I am small enough next wrestling season to fly under the radar so they don't have to go through that anymore.  And when my 6 month old is in school I plan on being average size so he NEVER has to go through that humiliation because of me.  Image is so important but that wasn't the reason I have pursued following through with the Lap Band Surgery.  I was diagnosed with high blood pressure in 2002, gestational diabetes with my last pregnancy, high cholesterol and now sleep apnea.  I know diabetes is right around the corner!  My knees ach constantly, my hips and back hurt from all of the weight as well.  If I don't do something now, the weight will keep piling on as it has and it won't be long until I'm 400 or 500 pounds.  And who's to say a heart attack isn't on the menu for me??   I want to be able to play on the floor with my baby and in not too many years I could be a Grandma.  I want to be around for my children and grandchildren.  I want to be the best wife to my husband. Life is not easy as a large person.  Things you might not hear everyone admit....   getting my shoes tied is a chore!  I worry that someone will see me struggling to get my shoes on and tied.  Walking into a restaurant and praying you won't have to sit in a booth that you might not fit in!   Sitting on chairs is always a concern.  Some are just not built for 300 pound people!  Seeing myself in pictures... if I'm sitting it looks like I'm almost laying back.  If I sit back in a chair and rest my shoulders on back of the chair my tummy sticks out so far that I look like I'm laying back.. only other big people know what I'm talking about  here...  Anytime there is assigned seating is usually a cause for panic.....  Airplane seats, baseball games/stadium seats, theater seats, etc.  Going to the bathroom/showering... I won't go into details but early in the morning before your body has had time to stretch and relax, sometimes it's difficult to reach where you need to!  And when it comes to intimacy... though I know he loves me just as I am I find myself covering up and am certainly not willing to be as adventurous as I once was.  Physically I just can't do some of the things I used to do quite often. Though our sex life is satisfying it sure isn't as exciting as it once was.  I really miss that. I have wanted this surgery for probably 5 years but my insurance never covered the procedure until now.  It's a perfect time for me too because currently I'm not working.  I am in month 5 of 6 months of physician supervised weight loss.  Just another month to go before we can submit to insurance. Currently I am struggling with feeling as though I need to eat everything NOW that I can't eat in 2 months! My weight went up 7 lbs from my first appointment in January.  I am working on eating right but still fall off the wagon on the weekends.  I am going to the YMCA daily and getting 1 hour of exercise in.  I mostly just do 10 minutes on the elliptical and then lift weights for 50 minutes.  I know I need to get my cardio up but am struggling!  I'd love to have a buddy in the area (SE Wisconsin area) to get together with (my 1st instinct is to say "go out to lunch with") and support one another through this journey.  Though I have a great support system in my family (nobody but my husband, kids, mom and mothers-in-law know of my surgery plans - and I'm keeping it that way) I want a buddy who is struggling with the same issues as I am to count on.  Interested???I am SO ready to start eating to live and participate in life again.