I just told my boyrfried that we need to be on a break. After posting a thread with my thoughts of my childhood, I realized i have a lot of work to do on myself. I also found myself wondering if I was just with this guy because he loved me before I had the surgery or am i clinging to him because I thought he'd be the only guy who'd ever love me. He also, is like my child. Sometimes i feel like a single parent; more often than not. I pay all the bills and make sure he is doing everything he should be. I can only take care of his stuff to an extent. I am not his mother nor his wife, so certain things i can't do. It always seemed funny to me that those things I couldn't do, never got done. There were just always certain obsitcles that I thought, when they were finished I'd be happy. I have come to realize, that no matter what gets accomplished, i am not happy. i don't know if it him or if its me. I mean, when he's gone, i miss him. i don't if its because i don't want to be alone or if it is him. We have a lot of the same views on life and have a good time with each other just sitting back and debating things. I don't know. i'm so confused. i am only 18 years old and i feel like i'm thirty. Because of the surgery, I had to do an at home program to graduate high school. So since September, I've been working full time. I will be starting college soon and i don't think i can take it. I have money anxiety that comes from my dad and I am so frequently so occupied with worrying about how things are going to be paid for. I need help. i mean he makes money, but he doens't worry about the bills or about the responsibilities that i take on that I shouldn't have to.
I just want to scream, I AM ONLY 18!